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I know this is a bit late, but I'm new and I thought people might want to read this. It is about the ROTK and the eleven oscars it was nominated for:

Jan. 27, 2004 MINAS TIRITH (AP) The city of Minas Tirith has been abuzz today over the news that 'The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King,' while receiving 11 nominations including Best Picture and Best Director, did not receive any nominations for acting.

"Eleven nominations?" said Pippin Took, of the Shire. "Well, that's good news."

His friend Meriadoc Brandybuck responded by swatting him over the head with the newspaper and protesting, "But the cast is a part of this movie! Aren't they?"

Their kinsman Frodo Baggins shared Brandybuck's dismay. Upon reading the list of nominations, Baggins commented with an ironic chuckle, "They've left out one of the chief characters: the cast. I want to hear more about them." Waxing solemn and soulful, he added, "The movie wouldn't have got far without the cast."

"You almost don't want to watch the awards ceremony," contributed Baggins' gardener and loyal valet, Samwise Gamgee, "because how can it be happy? How can the awards go right when so much bad has been nominated? Folks in that Academy had lots of chances of voting for these actors, only they didn't."

Legolas Greenleaf, of the Mirkwood realm, commented somewhat cryptically on the Academy's choices, "A red sun rises. Lame decisions have been made this night." When asked to clarify his opinion, he told reporters that he had not the heart, for the grief was still too near, and retired for a walk in the forest.

His companion, Gimli son of Gloin, had sharper remarks to make upon the chosen nominees. "Mystic River? What madness drew them there? You'll find more cheer in a graveyard!"

But wizard Gandalf the White urged a more optimistic approach. "Do not be too eager to deal out Oscars in judgement," he advised. "That is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the Oscars we are given."

Meanwhile, his colleague Saruman the formerly-White was in favor of retaliation against the Academy: "Too long have those peasants stood against us," Saruman said, referring to the Academy's failure to give any fantasy film the Best Picture Oscar yet. "Leave none alive! To war! There will be no dawn for film critics!"

Treebeard, of the Ents, told reporters after much deliberation and exchanging of long names, that he was in agreement with this proposed course of action. "There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery," he declared. "My business is with Beverly Hills tonight. With heads made of cotton candy and rock."

"I do not doubt their hearts," Eomer of Rohan conceded. "Only the size of their brains." He then returned to the task of loading up forty of his men and horses with toilet paper and Maps to the Stars' Homes, for a "secret midnight mission" that he regretted he could not give details about.

At least one individual, calling himself Smeagol, claimed to be making plans to steal the Oscar statuettes. "Oscar is sooo pretty, sooo golden," said Smeagol. "We will take the statuesss once the Hollywood snobses are dead! Ye-esss, precious!" He then quickly added, groveling at the feet of reporters, "No! No! We were only joking! Smeagol wouldn't hurt a fly! Nice movie industry." He crawled away before he could be questioned further.

Still others appeared not to care about the snub. Lady Eowyn of Rohan said with a shrug, "The women of this country learned long ago that those without Oscar nominations may still get dates to awards ceremonies. I fear neither critics nor fans." Lord Boromir, a native of Minas Tirith, dismissed the concerns, claiming, "Gondor has no actors. Gondor needs no actors."
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"Leave none alive! To war! There will be no dawn for film critics!"



Haha! Oh that made me laugh on a Tuesday morning.......

Come on - more!!! What about Bilbo and Elrond or Sauron? What did they say?

Shall we all join in?

When asked for his comment, Elrond Lord of Rivendell said "Well, Mr Anderrrrrrrson...." before being led away by men in dark suits and sunglasses. He was later reported as having accused the critics of being a virus.

(OK, that wasn't as good as yours!)

Do a few more, go on.
Actually that was all I have. Anyone's welcome to make up their own though.
Actually, I think both Sam and Gollum should have received nominations for Best Supporting Male Actor. While Frodo should have received a 'Time-Out' Award for over-mugging the hardships of carrying the Ring on its journey. Elf Sticking Tounge Out Smilie
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"I do not doubt their hearts," Eomer of Rohan conceded. "Only the size of their brains." He then returned to the task of loading up forty of his men and horses with toilet paper and Maps to the Stars' Homes, for a "secret midnight mission" that he regretted he could not give details about.


haha that one was my favorite... the one about legolas was great too. And Gandalf's! Oh, they were all good...

thanx very much! Ha Ha Ha Smilie
11 nominations eh? i think thats how much Titanic got. whats happening in this world
crappy movies getting lots of Oscar's....

(although concerning Titanic, that was actually a good movie!
Absolutely hysterical. My fav is the one about Treebeard.

Thank you for the laugh. Ha Ha Ha Smilie
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Come on - more!!! What about Bilbo and Elrond or Sauron?

Shall I try, Goddess?

The reporters found Bilbo dozing away in a corner with a book in his hand. On being woken up he asked of a Dunadan saying he needed his help to finish his poetry. On being aware of the reporters waiting expectantly around him, he asked them if he could have a peek at the statuette. On seeing a flash of it inside a reporters tunic, his face was transformed and he jumped at the reporter frightening him and the others around. But then Bilbo instantly shrank away and apologised saying, "I'm sorry you had to see me like this." The reporters had by that time fled away.

Tom Bombadillo on being asked to give his views actually ung them. The verses were as follows:
Hey dillo! Ho dillo! Tom Bombadillo!
Tonight I'll go and sleep on my pillow.
I brought for Peter Jackson a few water-lily,
Hey dilly! Ho dilly! Tra la la tilly!
11 Oscars won by the movie-o.
Hey dillo! Ho dillo! Tom Bombadillo!


Sauron was not present but could be contacted only through a palantir. He is reported to have said, "I have had my Eye on the Oscars for too long. It was time the movies were given what they deserved."

So how do you feel about this? A favourable response might make me churn my head again for a few more such reports!
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"I have had my Eye on the Oscars for too long


Yay! Love it!

Taking Vee's "Yay!" as a positive response, I dish out a few more and will wait again for more responses.

Galadriel had a message for Peter Jackson. It read, "This statuette was appointed to you. And if you do not win; no one will."

Apparantly, the statuette was reported to be engraved with the following verse:
One movie to woo them all,
One movie to hold them.
One movie to bring them all,
And in the theatres bind them.


Ghan-Buri-Ghan was contacted through the drums which his people use to communicate. He said, "I count the stars, I count the blades of grass, I counted the Oscars, there were eleven of them!" Gimli as always butted in with his remark, "But that still counts as one!"
LOL! Ha Ha Ha Smilie

Ah, you are a clever-boots. Well done!
Waytogo LA! Liking them.....
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LOL! Ah, you are a clever-boots. Well done!

Waytogo LA! Liking them.....

Thanks for the love. Thou hast made me happy. Thou shalt have more. But at a later time. I promise!
LA, you're a comic genuis! Your material is genuine and classic! I enjoy reading your bits! I liked the poem engraved on the statuette! Very well done Big Smile Smilie
you're all so good at it. I don't think I could make up anything like that.
Okay now this is turning out to be a "LA86 is a comic genius" thread. (Thank you! I know I'm a comic genius! That's why I write such stuff! And I also think that modesty is not a virtue.) I feel the need to bring back the discussion to its original topic. So here we (or I) go:

But the Uruk-Hai were not happy with film sice they said it showed them in a bad light. They held a demonstration chanting, "We are the fighting Uruk-Hai! Bring out Peter Jackson! We will kill him for we are the fighting Uruk-Hai!"

But the death of Lord Denethor had cast a grim shadow over the ceremony. Trusted sources say that Denethor had said before he died, "Do you think the eyes of the White Tower are blind? Long I've foreseen the defeat of the movie at the oscars. It is doomed. It will never win. Go and die by what means suit you."

On being contacted, Faramir told the reporters, "My last conversation with my father went like this:
"Father, don't you wish now that it was Boromir and not I who would have gone to collect the statuette from the stage. Well, I am going now and will try my best to do what I can. Think better of me father, when I return."

"That will depend on the manner of your return - with the statuette or without it." "

When Aragorn stood up to take the award of the best overactor, "The crowd broke out in unison singing,
From the ashes a talent shall be woken,
An actor from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the skills that were broken,
And Aragorn again shall be the acting king


When the reporters surrounded Grima to ask for his views, Grima responded by hissing at them but then opened his mouth to say, "Late is the hour when this statuette chooses to appear." and then he walked away to follow Saruman.


Well, friends. I guess this concludes my contribution to the Oscar reports. I'm out of characters and out of their sayings to turn them into stuff suitable for the thread. I hope you liked these ones. Keep smiling. But then, if somehow, i get a brainwave, I'll write here again. Though such a brainwave is unlikely. but then, my humour is unpredictable! Enjoy!
After reading LA's posts, i think this thread should be renamed to "Raspberries".
After the ceremony was over, Gandalf jumped on to the stage and began shouting, "I am Gandalf, wielder of the secret flame of the Oscars. Go back to your homes." But then, the security tackled him down and brought him back from the stage whence he pleaded to the people watching the scene, "Fly, you fools!"
This was the funniest thing I ever read Big Smile Smilie
After accepting the award of the best overactor that he had won, Aragorn stood on the podium clutching the statuette, took a deep breath and said, "Hold your breath...hold your breath. The academy judges and the viewers... my brothers! I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me... A day may come when we forsake our awards and break all bonds of the movie rules; a day may come when we'll create movies which actually follow the books truely, but it is not this day. An hour of lost hopes and shattered egos, when the age of movies comes crashing down... But it is not this day....This day we WIN! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand.. men of the west and the east and the south and the north, I bid you stand!"
Another hilarious post, Lor_Aragorn86. Thank you!
I agree with it being really funny and another good one. It was the bright part of my day at school.
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Another hilarious post, Lor_Aragorn86. Thank you!

Lor? Getting a bit Irish, are we Vee? And you don't have to thank me for it.

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I agree with it being really funny and another good one. It was the bright part of my day at school.

Glad to be of some service.
At the backstage, Frodo was showing everyone the award he got for the Most Pathetic Display of Acting Skills. Then suddenly, Boromir came up to him tried to snatch away the Oscar. The following dialogue is reported to have ensued between the two:

Boromir: Give me the statuette!

Frodo: No! (steps back)

Boromir: I ask only for the award to defend my hurt ego. I need it to show the people! (stamps his foot on the ground) If you would but lend me the statuette...

Frodo: No. (steps back)

Boromir: Why do you recoil? I am no thief.

Frodo: You are not yourself.

Boromir: What chance do you think you have? They will find you! They will know that you had bribed the judges by giving them the Ring! They will take the statuette back from you and you will beg for it before the end! (Frodo begins to run from Boromir)

Boromir: Fool! (Boromir gives chase)

Boromir: It is not yours save by unhappy chance. It could have been mine! (tackles Frodo) It should be mine! Give it to me! (struggle ensues)

Boromir: Give it to me!

Frodo: No!

Boromir: Give me... Give me the statuette!

Frodo: Nurgh...ugh! (Frodo slips the Ring on and disappears. He kicks Boromir and runs away)

Boromir: (looks around desperately) I see your mind. You will keep the statuette for yourself! You will betray us! You go to your own glory and the shame of us all! Curse you! Curse you! And all the halflings!

(Boromir slips and falls to the ground. The madness of the statuette leaves him and he comes to his senses)

Boromir: Frodo?...Frodo?...what have I done?...please...Frodo!

But Frodo had long disappeared from the scene! (pun intended)
And i guess after that the security guards enter and give Boromir a few extra airholes ?
May I help please!!!!! please please please!!!! I think Boromir needs a better ventilation system.
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And i guess after that the security guards enter and give Boromir a few extra airholes ?

Of course! Lurtz (in the movies, Ugluk in the book) was the chief Security Guard.
Police Smilie "That's Captain Lurtz, Head of Security to you, you slimy viewer." Police Smilie
How CAN you talk like that, being a dwarf, Grondy? I can, for I am an Orc. For the week. On Monday I think I'll be a... hobbit.
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How CAN you talk like that, being a dwarf, Grondy?

I think you are forgetting the Right to Free Speech and Self-expression given to all the free people of the world. And what use is a mouth for if you can't talk?
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And what use is a mouth for if you can't talk?

To eat and drink. And of course, to kiss.

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I think you are forgetting the Right to Free Speech and Self-expression given to all the free people of the world.

Pity most ppl use freedom of speech to compensate for freedom of thought.
I think we should overthrow lurtz and take over the job of security. There are bound to be some people that we can kill. Plus we might have a shot at the oscars. PLEASE!!!!!!!!
Well, Robbin. First of all, I did not get the point of your post. What exactly were you trying to convey with it? And then, this isn't any sort of a RPG if you are thinking it to be so. And then, Lurtz isn't so bad as a Security Guard. He did succeed in ventilating Boromir in all the right places (or have you forgotten the movie?)
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Lurtz isn't so bad as a Security Guard. He did succeed in ventilating Boromir in all the right places (or have you forgotten the movie?)
And if it hadn't been for Lurtz, Boromir couldn't have been such a ham as he was trying to win an oscar. That scene was his best bit of acting though and it returned the character's status back to hero from blackguard.
Boromir's death was just survival of the fittest : there can be only one actor with a major accent in the movies.
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Boromir's death was just survival of the fittest : there can be only one actor with a major accent in the movies.

Felt more like the survival of the fattest to me.

And would anyone else want to take up the job of cooking up the Oscar reports while I go and sip some drinks?
What? No one wants to help me write some Oscar reports? Whatever, I guess its time for another one. Its not a report but just a conversation concerning Oscars. Have fun! Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie

Faramir: What news?

Scout: Our scouts informed me that the "Return of the King" has won Oscars. Other movie producers have fled to Hollywood's Deep. But we must look to our own movies. Faramir, fans are on the move. Peter Jackson is marshaling an army. Many people are passing through the Theatre Gate.

Faramir: How many?

Scout: Eleven Oscars. More might come.

Faramir: Who's covering the ceremony?

Scout: We've pulled few men out of Hollywood but if the theatre is full we won't see it.

Scout: Mystic River attacks from Best Pictures. Star Wars from Best Visual Effects. The fight will come to men on both fronts. The movie is weak. Others will strike it soon, and will strike hard. They knows now we do not have the strength to repel them.
LOL
No offence Lord Aragorn, but I still think the best is the very first.
No offense taken mate. Personally, I agree with you. Mine are what you call "trying to stretch something deliberately". I should have quit with it long ago.But I didn't and don't plan to. Anyways, keep having fun.
And now for the stirring speech made by Galadriel to her son-in-law Elrond:

"The power of the Academy is growing. The Academy will use their puppet judges to destroy the hopes of us winning an Oscar. Hollywood has been unleashed. The Eye of Academy now turns on "Return of the King", the last greatest movie of men. The Academy's war on the movie will come swiftly. They senses the movie is close to winning an Oscar. The strength of the Oscar bearer is failing. In thier hearts, the judges begin to understand. You have foreseen it. It is the risk we all took. In the gathering dark, the will of the Academy grows strong. It works hard now to find a way to stop the movie winning any Oscars. It looks to the judges, men who are so easily seduced by its power. The Academy has but to extend his hand, take the Oscar for its own, and the movie will fall. It is close now. So close to achieving its goal. For the Academy will have dominion over all movies on this earth even unto the ending of the world. The time of peace is over. Do we leave the movie to its fate? Do we let it stand alone?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And again, I am just laughing at myself. I was really an active, little fella back then. Unfortunately, academics have taken their toll on me. But nothing to worry about, *puts on an Austrian accent* I'll be back!
I've read them and giggled. Still making me smile. Keep 'em coming.
I know its been written a long time ago , but it sure made me smile and laugh
VERY VERY FUNNY and GOOOOOD TEXT !!! Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie