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Thread: How random can you be?

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Bottom of Page    Message Board > The Ivy Bush > How random can you be?   << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] >>
It is called a mouse because it is small and has a long tail. Were it a tad bit bigger it could be called a rat, especially as its tail is extra long. Were it even larger, it could be called a Wiretailed Harrier (Wirehaired Terrier). Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Who's you momma?
Not you!! Animated Wink Smilie Big Smile Smilie

Where are you?
Over here.

"Hey, hey, Uncle Fudd
It's a treat to beat your feet
on the Mississippi Mud."
But remember to wash your feet,
Theyd better look nice and neat,
Or momma will give you a beat. Wink Smilie

Why does Grondy hate me sooo much ??
It is only because of that Santa suit you are wearing. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Where do the dust bunnies go when they're chased out from under our bed? .
Up on the bed.

What causes colourblindness?
You see, if your subconcious doen't like a certain colour or colours, you eyes simply choose not to see it - it's like people who dream in black and white.

Quote:
Where do all the missing sox congregate when they disappear from the laundry room.

We actually have a really funny TV ad over here about where missing socks go - this little sock goes on a whole journey, hitchhiking with a trucker, sheltering with a homeless guy in a box, which gets lifted onto a huge ship, when the ship is out to see he jumps overboard and paddles himself in a small crate to a nearby island, when he gets there he finds a huge sock beach party with a sock DJ and everything - it's hilarious and very well done!

Did Newton really discover gravity because an apple fell on his head, how did it really happen?
No, what really happened is this: Newton, pondering how to make himself famous, sat down by the tree, right beneath an apple. Well, the apple didn't want to fall and hit Newton on the head, so it tried to get his attention, to tell him to move. Well, it got Newton's attention, by falling right on his head. So, once Newton recovered from the fall(it was a big apple), the apple explained to him about the fact that objects fall down, and that all the other apples called it gravity. It also said that only a complete idiot would sit right under an apple tree loaded with apples, in the Fall. Well, that got Newton thinking, and he realised that no one else seemed to know that gravity is what makes things fall, and so he thought he had found a way to become famous. 'Hmm,' he thought,'if I were to say that I had discovered a new force, and were to prove it, then I'd soon be known all over the world.' That's what he was thinking, and so no one could say differently, that it wasn't him who discovered gravity, he ate the apple, and made all the other apples on the tree into applesauce.
That's what really happened, though you never hear anything like that nowadays, because all the other apples in the world have learned better than to tell people stuff.
That was a bit long.

What country do you live in?
Argabuthon !! I

Have you ever been to Argabuthon ??
I don't even know where it is Dunce Smilie , much less ever been there!

Where in the world is Argabuthon?
A more relevant question would be where in the universe is argabuthon ?? its beyond the limitless light fields of Listragine beyond the Grey binding fiefdoms of Saxiquine. You should visit me sometime !! Smile Smilie

Now that you know youve established contact with an alien .. how do you feel ??
Not any different than before; I always thought you were a little outlandish. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Why are cue balls round?
the guy who designed them must have had a fetish for round objects !!

When did man discover the wheel ??
While out hiking in the mountains, he was about half way up a trail with a 1000 foot cliff on one side and a 1000 foot precipice on the other and when he next looked up he saw a six foot diameter log steam-rolling down towards and over him. This was man's first discovery of the wheel. Many generations later, via sympathetic genetic engineering, one of his descendants invented some useful purposes for it, those being the rolling pin, the lawn roller, the pizza cutter, and the corn-on-the-cob pins which allow it to rotate as one eats the buttered kernels from the cob.

If a plane crashed on the border between Norway and Sweden, where would they bury the survivors?
Now, I don't know the laws or customs over there, but over here in America we bury people with their deceased family, usually.

And now for that age old question, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Neither of them you see !! I have it on good authority from a source i cannot name that it was neither the chicken nor the egg. It was in fact the cock which came first. You see, the whole family had to travel to come here, but the curious chicken wanted to cross the road and got rolled over by a steam roller. No one could carry the egg, so it was left to its fate there .. and eventually it was only the cock that came first !!

Which brings me to my question .. Why did that stupid chicken cross the road ??
To get to the other side.

And I know of no country where it is the policy to bury survivors. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

When a carton reads "This end up!', how can that be if the carton is laying on its side?

Oh dang! I fell for that! Shaking Head Smilie

When that happens, you're probably standing on the wall and don't realize it.

If a chicken is a chicken and a hawk is a hawk, then what's a chickenhawk?
"A person who now advocates war but who once took special measures to avoid military service."

Or better yet:

Henrey Hawk the pint sized adversary of Foghorn Leghorn.

Why don't they make cartoon characters like they once did back in the good old days? Chicken Smilie
because maybe those days weren't so good after all Wink Smilie

Why do they call them the good ol' days?
Because we block out, so we don't have to remember, the bad old days!

I notice the Man in the Moon has no beard; what brand of razor does he use; is it an electric, safety, or cut-throat?
to be so old, the man in the moon must be an elf, therefore he has no beard

being an elf, what sort of hairspray would the man in the moon use
The same kind Haldir uses. I'm referring to a story thread.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, but if life gives you limes...?
Pah, see? no one knows just what to do with limes in the first place. However, if it were Life that handed you said limes, they must be sumthin special- either magical, in which case you sell them on Ebay, or thier some sort of cruel joke/curse (a kobayashi-maru sort of dealy...wow, had to look that one up...), in which case you lob them as hard and as fast as you can at the messenger and anyone else who happens to be nearby that you don't particularly like...not at Life, though. There's worse than limes...

How do they train the bees to take only clover nectar for the honey??
RE: Limes They are necessary to garnish jynnan tonnyx, gee-N-N-T'N-ix, jinond-o-nicks, chianto/mnigs, tzjin-anthony-ka, and gin and tonics; though some people have been known to use lemons when limes weren't to be found on their planet. Alcoholic Smilie

RE: Bees They wire each bee and if it goes to a non-colver blossom, they throw a switch and zap it with nine volts. After a while they learn not to get zapped.

Where do all the socks go when they're eaten by the washing machine or dryer?
well, you see, evey washing machine has a little monkey inside that spinns the barrel, ads soap, drains the water etc. and every so often, as monkeys do, they get hungry and eat one or two of your socks

why does a small amout of water (like a glass) look clear, but a whole lake of it is blue
You know, I learned the scientific reason for that, but I've forgotten it now. Oh well, it's because Bigfoot is always putting blue dye into the lakes, and no one has ever caught him doing it.

Who seriously think sasquatch is real, flesh and blood?
Me does, but only because I live in his backyard, or is that his frontyard?

Do you think the Yeti is just a Sasquatch of a different color?
yeti is sasquatches cousin, but he was born albino and people made fun of him so he went to live in antarctica
if poeple descended from monkeys, why dont we have tails ?
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
She cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Three tailless monkeys,
Three tail-less monkeys

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
Half-full, I think.
Quote:

yeti is sasquatches cousin, but he was born albino and people made fun of him so he went to live in antarctica


Um, the yeti is in the Himalayas, not antarctica.

Do you know of someone who has heard the Banshee?
Not any more, they all died of fright. Super Scared Smilie

When you get to Rome, will you do as the Martians do?
I don't know, what do they do? I will pay my respects to the Pope and two thousand years of history.

My late grandpa heard the Banshee once, but it wasn't calling for him, he died about twenty years later.

What are you going to do today?
Well this morning I ordered groceries after breakfast, and answered a few emails. This afternoon I played Dungeon Siege for a couple hours and then I came here. When I finish here I'll get my dinner, maybe do a little more work on Mozart's Clarinet Quintet in A Major, K.581, which I'm entering using my PC, VICE 1.6 x128, and Craig Chaimberlain's Side Editor 128. Then I'll watch a little TV and play the original Pool of Radience on my Commodore 128 in Commodore 64 mode. I'll shut down at 11 PM listening to CBC's As It Happens and WAMU's Diane Rehm Show while trying to read a bit more of Eco's The Name of the Rose, before dropping off to sleep. Anyway, that is my current unalterable plan. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Oh my, Grandmother! What big teeth you have; are they for real?
Oh, yes dear, all the better to eat you with, I mean, eat with you.

My, you've got your day all planned out, don't you?

Do you like to play computer games?
My game-playing activities lie mainly within my addiction to a gaming system popularly know as a PS2. Although, occassionally, I sit down to the PC for a nice relaxing game of solitaire.

Speaking of solitaire... why are you holding that axe!?!?
"All the better to chop-off some limbs my dear," said the Big Mad Woodsman to little Red Riding Hood. Very Evil Smilie

'Now then! Now then! What's all this?'
Uhhhhh........I can explain!!!




"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme..."
Photons as old as the starlight from a galaxy far-far away.
What?

What is the most logical and probable reason for the constant turmoil in society in this day and age?
Greed!!!!!

Now is the time that what must be done, must be done, if we are ever going to get it accomplished. So what is it?
You've got me stumped!

If Space is 3D, why do scientists and astronauts only talk about going out into space on a horizontal plane, instead of going out on a vertical plane for once?
Because over 99% of everything in our solar system lies near a plane called the ecliptic. The solar system is like a disk with the Sun at its center. If we were to think about going much above or below the ecliptic, we couldn't visit the planets, most of the asteroids and comets, not to mention all the snowballs beyond the Neptune/Pluto orbits.

How deep is the ocean; how high is the sky; if bluebirds can fly, oh why, oh why can't I?
Your bones are too dense, you don't have feathers, and you're not quite aero dynamic...


River Dance just recently toured in my area, and I didn't get to go because I didn't have $50 to spare... did I just pass up the opportunity of a lifetime ! ? !
Not if you live in my neighborhood. I have two public television stations that show Riverdance about six times a year each and I'm burned out watching them.

If Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third; can you guess the name of the shortstop?
(See Abbott and Costello if you don't know what I'm talking about. Theirs is probably the most famous baseball comedy act to ever take place.) Orc Grinning Smilie
Shoot...I forget...was it first base?


Explain how important clothes pins are when talking on the phone.
As important as watching tv.

Why do guys like soccer so much and girls hate it so mcuh.
Guys like soccer because it gives them a kick every time they play/see it. And girls hate soccer because guys like it so much.

Why is a screensaver called a screensaver?
I don't know. It is not heroic in any way. What false advertising.

What countries border Lichtenstein?
Switzerland to west and south; and Austria to north and east

How far can a turkey fly?

Screensavers were developed to keep a static image from burning into the phosphorus coatings in the old cathode ray tube PC monitors. By having the image move around on the screen, the screensaver doesn't allow the bright part of an image to stay in place long enough to be there permanently. I had a white square burned into my first Commodore 64 monitor from the first playing the 'Bard's Tale' game, because I left the game run while I was doing something else for hours and that computer didn't come with a screensaver..
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