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Bottom of Page    Message Board > The Ivy Bush > World's Worst   << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] >>
One who is supporting a blind and legless swedish football-team!



Worlds Worst Comedian
One who has trouble remembering the punch-line and when he finally does, has to go back and edit the joke's set-up in order to fit the punch-line.

World's Worst Displayer of Holiday Fireworks
"Hmmm, it rained last night while the fireworks were being set out, but I'm sure it'll be fine..." *fisssssssssssst...put put putt..* "Wow, did you see that kids - no? Ok, not good enough for you, I can fix that - why don't y'all come a little closer while I go get the gasoline..."

World's worst doggy grooming person. Wolf Smilie
One who is allergic to fur Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

World's Worst Contract Killer???
RUNAWAY BRIDE! hehe....

ww judge!


Worlds Worse Judge must be every mom finding their brat the most loveable person on her planet!

Worlds worst buddy
friend:why shoud i help you? i wanna watch tv...

worlds worst dentist!!
"Sure, I can fix your cavity; hold still while I get my hammer and chisel."

Worlds Worst Jumprope Turner
"so, how many knots am I suppose to tie in this rope?"

Worlds Worst hypnotist
Hypnotist: Now... you are getting sleepy ... you are getting very zzzzzzzzzz

World's Worst TV Presenter
"And now let us break away from our sponsor for another thirty seconds of our program."

World's Worst Pancake Flipper/Pizza Tosser?
That would actually be me..
World worst spoiler
I saw the premier performance of this movie last night; let me tell you about it. It ended with the hero dying and the bad guy getting the princess, all the loot, and both halves of the kingdom. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

World's Worst Hot Weather Drink"
one that evaporates before you even drink it as the weather is too hot!!!

World's Worst Painter???
Jacquamo Steinmetz who painted great rolling landscapes on the sides of warehouses, but due to his frugality, he used cheap watercolors instead of oils or acrylics, and his masterpieces always washed away in the very next first rainfall.

World's Worst Sausage Recipe?
Now take the intestine, and stuff with raw eggs...

"World's Worst Mailman"
"Now, if I take a left at Gilmore Street, I should end up on Penn Avenue...or is that Glennwood Cirle...Right, so... Hm... Does this address say East Fifth, or Weast Fifth?"

World's Worst 911 Operator
"Welcome to Nine-One-One,
For your protection this conversation may be recorded.
To speak English, Press 1
To order tickets to the Policemen's/Firemen's Ball, Press 2
To report a Kitten in a tree, Press 3
To report a carjacking Press 4
To report a burglery Press 5
To report a mugging Press 6
To report a murder Press 7
To report a domestic violence, Press 8
To report a fire, Press 9
To repeat this menu, Press 0"

World's Worst Teenager?
"Hi mom. Can't talk long. I'm going out. I'm not telling you who I'll be with, where I'll be, when I'll be back, what I'll be doing, or why I'll be doing it..... Oh. And my laundry needs done...."


World's Worst Music Teacher
"I have always believed that Simon Cowel is a horrible judge of talent...ah! Here comes my star pupil, William Hung!"



World's worst horse back rider.
(Gives horse nudge with his boot) "Go! No? Alright, no biggie...in fact, why don't you ride me, old fella? Yeah, get on, I can handle it!" (Back cracks loudly as horse mounts man) "Maybe not. Looks like we're not getting to deliver the mail today, old boy." (Man crawls away and as he does, a huge "Pony Express" emblem on the back of his shirt can be seen)

World's worst funeral attendant
Man stands with others as they watch the coffin slowly being lowered down into the grave.... turns to a grieving family member, "sniff sniff, Such a good lady, had such alot going for her, and such energry, was tough when she became you know.... a eunuch (well that's what everyone thought, but she was actually a man underneath all the makeup) but the truth has to come out some time....." In shock, the whole family looked over to the Hearse that had "Grandpa" in flowers on it, and the man looked also, he adjusted his collar, and said "Ummm.....Wrong Funeral........."

World's Worst Makeup Artist???
"Now where did my blindfold go...can't do my Marlyin Manson makeup without it!!!!"


World's Worst Author
"Hmmm let's see....maybe I should begin like this:"

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, it was a dark and stormy night, and in a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit, who was called Ishmael.

"That's it, it's PERFECT!"

World's Worst Chef
thats an easy one, my brother, he wrecked three consecutive breakfasts this morning, I had to eat leftovers



worst School teacher ever
You know, I hate kids. You should all go out, run amuck, shooting each other and whatever...I have a hangover, I'll see you sometime around next Thursday...

World's Worst Actor

Ooooh..should be interesting...Big Smile Smilie
"All quiet on the set, ready, set, ACTION!"

"Where was I supposed to stand again and what was I supposed say? This ape suit is too warm."

"CUT! Arrrggggh! Your Fired!"

World's Worst Billiards Player
"Oh I like to get the pretty black one first." rrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIP! "Oops, sorry about the table!"

World's worst babysitter?
Now for my babysitting(rubs hands) Mahahahahahahahaa! Now for the Fun. Slap!Waaaaaaahkick!Waaaaaaaaahhh! And now for the stab.Waaaaa..Stab! "We've come home because we forgot our suitcase!" Oh,what have you done to my baby, I'm calling the Police" Weeaww weeeaww ect.

World's Worst War Freak.
Just picture some hippy wearing beads and meditating.

Worlds Worst snowman? (That's right, I hit you with a inanimate thing. I can't even spell that word! How are you gonna respond to a word that can't even be spelled?)
A snowman made on the beach.

World's Worst Milkman
'Sorry about the curdled milk Mam, but the refrigeration unit on my delivery truck would choose this week to break down and it's a sweltering hot 100° F in the shade out there.'

World's Worst Manicurist
"Oops!! Sorry about that. Well you didn't really need that finger anyway, you have nine other ones."

World's Worst Veterinarian
Two words: Meat Grinder.

World's worst transvestite. ( I really should stop using words I can't spell, and stop using parentheses to voice my thougts when they're unneccessary.)
'Hey man, how do you like my new charcoal, pinstriped, double-breasted suit? Cost me an arm and a leg.'
(I don't think we need to define the meaning of that word which may or may not be correctly spelled Meneldur: for this, if you remember is a family friendly site where eight year olds have been known to congregate.)

World's Worst Acrobat?
Wrong guy Grondy -- my word was "veterinarian", which is definitely family-friendly. I think your comment was meant for Ar-edain...

The world's worst acrobats...
"AND NOW!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, if you will please direct your attention to the very very top of the tent, you will see the Four Famous Flying Cannoli Brothers..." (*SPLAT*) "Uh I mean THREE Famous Flying..." (*SPLAT*) "Okay, the Cannoli TWINS. Watch as they jump, cavort, and twirl from one trapeze to another. Watch as they..." (*SPLAT*) "Er, watch as HE flips end-over-end, flying through the air..." (*SPLAT*)

(long pause...)

"Oooooooooookay then. Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to Leopold the Lion Tamer in the center ring..."

World's Worst Gardener
My apology Meneldur. I wish our input box was like those on other forums where you can read what was written before as you type your comments. If I use additional windows or tabs, I still often forget and back-arrow and lose what I had already written. I have to be especially careful not to lose my wording if I google in the middle of it from the wrong tab.

Let me see how my morning glory, canadian thistle, goatweed, and cudzu are growing. Hmm, maybe the need a tad bit more fertilizer and water.

World's Worst Ice Cream Flavor Designer
LOL, I like your answer for the gardener. You forgot about dandelions! Elf Winking Smilie

Well it's very important for kids to get their nutrition. We can help them out with our new "Veggie" line of ice cream: pickle-flavored, garlic-flavored, liver-flavored, and let's not forget my personal favorite while growing up: chunky brussel sprout ice cream!

World's worst newspaper publisher?
Hello! I'm some incarnation or representative of nearly every, if not all, existing newspaper publishers. I'm so concerned with appearing to be unbiased sometimes that I give almost no sensible information at all, so I just have the columns and articles packed with background information and descriptions of customs or traditions. Other times I corrupt my information with as much of my opinion as possible and make myself appear to be right by skewing and distorting facts, modifying images, and using tricky wording that could mean something entirely different to someone who has or has not witnessed whatever is being reported. If you want more adulterated facts and unclear statistics, just watch a cable news channel. That way I won't even make a profit off of my tip-toeing past your intelligence.

Have you ever had nightmares about the Sandman becoming overzealous and burying you alive in your sleep?
Can't say as I have. Morpheus and I have had a pretty good relationship; I don't remember having a nightmare since I was a preschooler when I had multiple dreams of being in a fire. Of course there were those days at work when I forgot my trousers and everything I tried to do that day turned to sh...ugar, but those type dreams are just frustrating at the time and funny in retrospect.

However this is the 'World's Worst' thread.

World's Worst Place to Go On a Date
"Uh, you don't mind coming with me while I identify the body do you?"

World's worst architect.
Rube Goldberg

World's Worst Diamond Cutter
Woops....er....does it have to be symmetrical!

World's worst Hobbit
Hands down Smeagol/Gollum

Worlds Worst Blues Guitar Picker?
Spends time with the fiddle
Worlds Worst Bodybuilder
Caspar Milquetoast

World's Worst Diva
my moms cousin twice removed from her dads side from his dads side... we dont talk about her much... but we think she used to be a 'he' in the past... once... but moving on Ha Ha Ha Smilie

Worlds Worst Fashion Designer
Og the Caveman, because all his creations were made of fur.

World's Worst Comic Book Hero
Frightened Fred - stays in-doors, just is case!

World's worst slipper
Ralph the Banana-peeler out of Peoria Illinois: 3 broken hips, 8 broken collarbones, 5 concussions, and one strained little pinky. Orc Grinning Smilie

World's Wort Liar
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