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My parents haven't paid for their crimes!! I'm paying for it!!! They are always "so happy" and have "money for the first time" Meanwhile I'm raising their teenage sons and bearing all the costs. When I need help, you'd think I'd have two separate bank accounts to call on, but my mom is the only one who responds... My dad just says "checks in the mail"... boy, my mailman must have my same name and be up to his neck with the checks my dad has sent, because I haven't seen a dime. But it's okay because he's "happy". So what if his sons and I are miserable and I have to go to the doctor for anti depressants... he's happy

Do I sound bitter? Of course I do.. I should be able to enjoy my own little brood instead of constantly caring for my brothers and sisters because my parents decided to live as far as possible from each other (and consequently me...).
and u know the thing that really pisses me off? They both married someone exactly like the person they divorced. What's up with that?
My Mum still refuses to accept that I'm an adult, even though I'm nearly 25 now! Apparently I should start acting like one first! Smile Smilie
I'm an adult when I've done something wrong that I should have known better about...I'm a little kid whenever I want to do anything, go anywhere, whatever. If I take responsibility and do something without first checking with my parents, I'm acting like I'm grown up and know what I'm doing when in fact I'm still a kid. If I don't take responsibility and ask before doing anything, I'm relying too much on them, and I need to grow up. AAAAARRRGGGHHHH.
I'm sorry, but I can discuss anything with my parents, maybe its because i don't consider me as an adult (i think i never will) and they don't either
that's really cool, Boring...you're lucky
My parents have always talked to me like I was a friend since I was about 12. I think it may be becasue I'm the oldest. Now that they are divorced and living in seperate places, they ask my advice all the time. I call them to ask them about this and that, because even faye forget what ingredients you need to make a really good Gator Gumbo, but I don't hardly "tell" them my problems anymore because they just use it as fodder with their ex ("She told me she needed this...I know it's all your fault, if you hadn't asked for a divorce.....") and I feel like I'm being tested instead of listened to. I am going to pass a law when I become Queen of the World, that you can not get divorced for any reason. Anyone who wants a divorce will be forced to go on very long vacations in places reminescent of "Castaway" and "Afghanistan". We'll see how selfish you are after that....
Man that's a bad idea for a law. Just have to make sure I never get married.......
*gasps of terror* .. ... he.. he... said the "M" word...

When are you to become Queen of the world? can we help? can I have Mururoa?
Dear Swapfaye

Quote:
I don't hardly "tell" them my problems anymore because they just use it as fodder with their ex ("She told me she needed this...I know it's all your fault, if you hadn't asked for a divorce.....") and I feel like I'm being tested instead of listened to. I am going to pass a law when I become Queen of the World, that you can not get divorced for any reason. Anyone who wants a divorce will be forced to go on very long vacations in places reminescent of "Castaway" and "Afghanistan". We'll see how selfish you are after that....


Really sorry to hear about your parent's divorce, but forcing people to stay together is not the solution I'm afraid. Your parents seem to have fallen into the common trap that makes them forget about the real issues since they are both hurting so much. Yes, they are being a little selfish, but they probably don't realise they are. Maybe you should tell them how you feel? It might wake them up!

I don't think forcing them to stay together would help either, since they would both be miserable and would make everyone else in the family miserable too.

Don't be too hard on divorcees. It's not always as simple as telling peole to work it out or else. I'm a divorcee myself. I loved my ex-husband dearly, right up until the day he told me he didn't love me any more and was leaving me. Tell me, what else could I have done? I later found out that he had met someone else (he is living with her now). He also takes my very young children away from me by force, for periods of up to a week. When you become a mother you will understand how that feels, like having your heart squeezed out. I normally come to PT to try to forget my pain. My children's welfare is my obsession and there is nothing I would not do for them, but nothing can mend a marriage broken like mine. I must have shed bucket loads of tears over it all.

So, maybe you could try to be a little more compassionate. Nothing is more painful than marriage break-up, believe me, your parents have paid for their crime in tears and blood. I, and probably they, would do anything to turn back the clock and change it all to spare my children the pain...[Edited on 8/1/2002 by Allyssa]
Sorry to hear about everyone's problems with their parents. I had no problems with mine. My mother has always been my best friend, and my dad will always be my hero. They're very supportive, loving, loyal & are fun people to hang out with, and my friends always end up pouring their hearts out to them. I love them to pieces.

Allyssa & swampfaye, hope things get better. At least you have your kids, and hopefully they'll end up being as proud of you as I am of my own parents - if not more. Smile Smilie
[Edited on 8/1/2002 by Ungoliant]
Swampfaye

I wasn't trying to have a go at you - honest! I was just saying that its not always that simple. Your case sounds unusually bad. Aren't there any social welfare groups that can help? In Aus. your kind of problems are unheard of, because there is so much assisstance - Gov't and private charity.

I for one am glad that there is such a thing as divorce. In my case there was no real option and I am trying very hard not to be selfish with my children. I would never expect them to take on responsibilities that should be mine.

I had no idea your parents were that bad. They sound like increadibly selfish people. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be their daughter. They should be punished severely!!! You are right to be angry and bitter. I don't blame you one bit.

As for re-marrying someone who is just like their ex...a lot of people do that. God knows why. My personal theory is that they have not grown up themselves. Maybe you should need a licence to have children, to prove that you are sufficiently mature. I think that would be a better law than banning divorce.

Hope things work out for you! God bless you![Edited on 8/1/2002 by Allyssa]
Ungloiant,

Don't worry about me. I'm okay now. I've been separated about 2 years now. I am finally getting a life of my own, something my ex would never let me do. He was (and still tries to be) a control freak.

My own parents are great. They helped me heaps when I suddenly found myself discarded and homeless. My children also love them dearly. It's not all doom and gloom.

I suppose my postBody is that things don't stay bad forever, they always look up. Hope they will look up for swampfaye soon.
My parents *were* great. My dad was my role model and my mom was a saint (mostly for putting up with dad...). No one saw it coming, and when my dad said "I want a divorce" everyone thought he'd got a brain tumor or something.

I really miss being able to "go home". I just wish people would think ... really think, the divorce thing through. You can't say it won't affect your children (if they are all adults), becaus it will.

As for my reign over the world: For divorce my rule of thumb is the three A's. Adultery, Addiction or Abuse.
Without one of those a's you'd have to work it through....
Nothing against my Parents, love them dearly, but my ex, now there's another story.. No kids luckily, but Rambo (the dog) suffered a little. He's mine though, so it's fine. And as to your three As Faye, I get a triple A rating! Hoorah! I get to stay single! (Nothing to be proud of I know)
Hm well I am lucky so to speak. althogh only 18 (almost 19 febuary 2nd!) I live in my own flat and work fulltime. I may not eat due to having no money for food but hey! I have my independence I suppose....
I give my approval to your 3 As Swampfaye. Marriage just cant survive some things.

Still, I wonder if some people would lie about Adultery, Addiction or Abuse just so they could get a divorce?

It would be so hard to police your law, but is still a good one in spirit!!! Smile Smilie
Quote:
I'm sorry, but I can discuss anything with my parents, maybe its because i don't consider me as an adult (i think i never will) and they don't either

*stupid
I'm unable to discuss anything seriously with my parents. I just can't communicate with them. I have more interesting conversations with my niece. And she's 10 months old.

I was wondering who would be replying to this topic, but it seems to be sth that interest us all! (maybe cos we all have parents)
Big Smile Smilie
I'd love to be able to talk to my parents because I miss them both, having lost them five and fifteen years ago. I could always talk with my mom, but not with my dad, until one day as a late teenager I barked back at him, and then we got along fabulously. My ex, after she left me twenty years ago, married a drunk who she also divorced, and now is purported living with some woman, having gone off men entirely. Smile Smilie Me, I've stayed single, can talk to my daughter, but not to my son who's thirty-one now. Sad Smilie

Life is can be like a hand of poker: You can be dealt a great hand and blow it, or you can be dealt a crumy hand and bluff your way through it to a satisfactoy concusion. Except real life is made up of many hands of cards and you have to deal with each, as it comes to you. The main thing is to try your hardest to change what you can and ignore what you can't. And just because s**t happens, doesn't mean you have to like it; just try to bend it for your improvement. Cool Smilie

Sometimes parents don't know how to talk to their children because their parents didn't know how to talk to theirs either. Very few are lucky enough to have June and Ward Cleaver for parents. Smile Smilie
Quote:


Life is can be like a hand of poker: You can be dealt a great hand and blow it, or you can be dealt a crumy hand and bluff your way through it to a satisfactoy concusion. Except real life is made up of many hands of cards and you have to deal with each, as it comes to you. The main thing is to try your hardest to change what you can and ignore what you can't. And just because s**t happens, doesn't mean you have to like it; just try to bend it for your improvement. Cool Smilie



Brilliant philosophy GrondMaster. Like very much. Youngsters take heed!!!
Big Smile Smilie Big Smile Smilie Big Smile Smilie Big Smile Smilie
You should give yourself a pseudo-silmaril.
Indeed Gronmaster, it warmed my cockles reading that, thank you.

[Edited on 19/10/2002 by Taz]
Big fat lard-a**ed b****ds, are those the ones? Not too fast on their feet but very mean if and when they catch you. Then they just kinda hunker down on you, point their stinger at you, and say, "Make my day!". Big Smile Smilie

About the above philosophy, I doubt if it is original, probably a paraphrased amalgum of things I've read somewhere. But it tends to get one through life with most of your marbles. Smile Smilie
Cuddly badgers was soo cool. Let's keep them, and have an army of ninja badgers as well. With their leader: the darth squirrel! the one! Smile Smilie
*wanders back in from the shops with armfuls of Cuddly Badgers*
Okay then, we'll keep them. Unfortunately the Ninja Badger Army was sat on by an unlikely Grendel. Who knew he was real? So i'm going to have to find some new bodyguards.
You could try cuddly Kevin Costners as bodyguard
Or I could get them to direct their own movies, and then I could topple Belgium while they sleep Smile Smilie
You can do that in broad daylight as well. Don't think anyone will notice. Big Smile Smilie
Quote:
Life is can be like a hand of poker: You can be dealt a great hand and blow it, or you can be dealt a crumy hand and bluff your way through it to a satisfactoy concusion. Except real life is made up of many hands of cards and you have to deal with each, as it comes to you. The main thing is to try your hardest to change what you can and ignore what you can't. And just because s**t happens, doesn't mean you have to like it; just try to bend it for your improvement.

This is one of the wisest and best written things I've read in my whole life!!!!!!
Yes it is impossible to control all in our life.
I used to have repeatedly a dream about entering a lift which was supposed to go up. And then to my dismay I discovered that the lift does not go up, but somehow turns sideways and goes sideways on a sort of a rail, like a miniature train... and takes me away, from the building, from the city, far, far away into some unknown fields... And I can do absolutely nothing to help it, I must just stay and watch being transported to some place where I do not want to go!
Well now I am not afraid anymore of lifts
going sideways. It's still me and even if
I am not in the place where I wanted to be...
so be it!
Well said, Eryan. Thou art a wise (wo)man. :o
Well I am really learning a lot about myself today!
First of all Grondy said that my psyche is bent - and now I learn that I am a (wo)man!!!
I must still learn to live on with all that new konwledge about myself but already I feel I am a different (wo)man! Wink Smilie
Sorry, but I don't know if you're male or female so I decided to put it that way so as not to harm anyone. :smoke
I know, I know, I was jesting!
I also did not know whether you were male or female - do you remember? (I took you for a boy!)
Actually, to stop any further speculations, I am a woman!
Wo man, that's really heavy... :wink
Well Eryan, you fooled me. But that's not saying much. :paranoid
What do you mean by "fooled"?????? (I cannot put here that new smilies!)
In other words he wouldn't of guessed your were female.
Yes I guessed that I only meant that I didn't try to "fool" anyone!
So what is so particularly masculine about me Grondy??? I am frankly curious!
no offense intended, but I thought you were a boy too...don't think there's anything particularly masculine about you, though...when I read your name, I just thought it was a guy's name.
Just your name; however, your sensibility leaned toward female, but in this day and age that no longer indicates anything. Wary Smilie I'm glad I was mistaken. Smile Smilie




[Edited on 16/4/2002 by Grondmaster]
Yeah, sorry, but here's another vote for "assumed Eryan was a guy". It's a good thing gender isn't decided democratically. You'd be voted right into the XY box!
I guessed she was a chick. Does that make me really good or what?
Or what.

Probably just means you are still young enough that your hormones are still fine tuned for finding members of the opposite sex. Very Big Grin Smilie
You're probably right then...Paranoid Smilie
Well, so it was mainly my name after all! I'm relieved!
It's strange, though. Rian mother of Tuor has a very similar name...
See I thought it was quite a girly name anyhow, though it is a little like Aryan....Shocked Smilie
I really don't know why I choose it escept that it is the name of one of the women heroes of a novel I'm writing... Maybe because it starts from an "E" like my real given name...
Esmerelda? Animated Wink Smilie
Well Eryan, you can make Plastic really curious! Big Smile Smilie
(also see 'Code of conduct' at 'Writers Guild')
Esmerelda sounds OK, I will keep it as my new given name!
Thanks Plastic!
Never knew an Esmerelda personally, but that was Granny Weatherwax's first name (the oldest looking of the three weird sisters whom Terry P. and William S. wrote about in their famous books and play). Esmerelda was also the name of Gertrude's live doll on JP Patch's Clubhouse our local, daily, kid's TV program back in ancient times (when black and white TV was king) Gertrude had a heavy case of five-o'clock shadow, which wasn't surprising since she was played by a man. We never saw Esmerelda move, she looked just like a large, limp rag doll who only talked in squeals and a non-coherent high-pitched voice.

But if the shoe fits ... Personally, I think I like "Eryan" better. Smile Smilie

Good going Tommy, you found one I didn't know about. And also you spelled Esmeralda with a second "a" instead of the third "e". I thought your way to be the correct way, as that's how Victor Hugo spelled it, but I went along with the crowd here. I always pronounced the "a" rather than the "e". Funny things, words. Are they two different names or just two different spellings, dependent on place of origin? Cool Smilie
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