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Taz, you have to do whatever you feel is the right thing to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.
Good luck Taz.

Oh, and Alyssa, good luck to you too! Wink Smilie
I know what you mean about finding things when you are not looking for them, Grampie. When I've gone out with the intention of finding someone, I never seem to. It's like you women can smell a single man from a mile away, and immediately do a runner. When I go out with my mates, however, with the sole intention of getting blathered and watching a band, more often than not, someone seems to attach herself to me. What is it with you women?

Two years ago, during a fishing trip in Wales with some workmates, I looked across the sea and realised I was enjoying myself so much that I had to admit I was much happier being single than I ever was in a relationship. For the first time in my life I actually realised that I wanted to be single; free to do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it, without having to answer to anyone (and, God, haven't I put up with some nagging in my time.)

Anyway, I went home that weekend, actually very content. I was my own person, and happily so. Definetly no more women for me. I'd only been in the pub half an hour when someone shoved me in the back so hard my mate finished my beer for me. Thinking I was in a fight, I spun round to punch whoever was having a go at me, and there she was.... this beautiful woman, just standing there smiling at me. For the first time since I was a teenager my legs just turned to jelly and I was instantly smitten.
Anyway, two years on, we're still together; and I still think she's beautiful. She loves me to bits and I still think love's just a pain in the a--.

Actually, I missed out the middle bit of that story. The night I met her, her husband had just left her for another woman. Then he came back, then he left her again etc etc for six months. Once she finally decided she wanted to be with the person who's shoulder she had been crying on for six months, my ex-wife (more accurately wife because we never bothered getting divorced) started trying to split us up. And to make matters worse I'd moved town a week after we first met.
So, the moral is, they ain't always easy, but I guess sometimes relationships do work out ok. (This one will eventually dump me because with me working at sea, and living in a different town, she only gets to see me one day a week)
Valedhelgwath you said she loves you to bits, but what about you? Do you love her?

It's not always easy choosing for a relationship after being single for some time. You've got your life together again, made other plans, free to do whatever you want and go wherever you like. Suddenly there is this other person with his own life and his own plans. So both have to give in a little. When this happens after you've been hurt very bad, it's also not so easy to open up, to trust and to care for this other person. Afraid to be hurt again.

It isn't easy having a relationship with somebody who isn't home much, I guess. Like the wifes of soldiers, must be hard too. But maybe she's strong enough for this. Maybe your love is strong enough. Anyway, I do hope things work out fine for you! Good luck!
Cheers for the good luck, Grampie.
As for the "Do I love her?" bit...... ????? I really don't know to be honest. I'd never willingly hurt her, and I think I'd be upset if we split up. I regularly tell her that I love her, because that's what she wants to hear, but deep down I don't know. To be honest, I'm not even sure what love is. Without wanting to sound negative, because I'm actually a really happy person, to me love is just an emotion that causes you to worry about someone, miss them, and occasionally feel jealous. That's why I say it's just a pain in the a--.
Put it this way, I don't feel the same to her as I do to my son or my parents. Maybe I'm just a callous b.....d, and she'd be better off finding someone else. There's definetly a single person in me trying to get out. Case of the grass is always greener....
Are you surprised you don't feel the same love for your girlfriend as for your son and parents?
I don't believe in one kind of love. I think there are different kinds of love. The love for your parents and for your children is something special for me, unconditional love. I think love for brothers and sisters is a different kind of love (I don't really know that because I don't have any, which I regret). The love you feel for a woman or a man to be your partner is different. I mean, you don't kiss your parents, children, brother or sister the same way you kiss your girlfriend or boyfriend (not even to think about the other ways to show your affection). So yes, I believe it is a different kind of love. And there is an other kind of love: the love you feel for friends. It seems to me many people don't like to admit friendship is also love. I have a few good friends and yes I love them. But not the same way I love my husband or my parents. Well, this is the way I see things. I am not saying this is how it is, but it is how I see it.

Oh, and it's Gnampie (well, actually it was supposed to be Gnampy in English, but I was thinking in Dutch when I registered) not Grampie. Grampie reminds me of Grumpy and I'm not like that. Smile Smilie
btw, Gnampie, I have been trying that "Dont try to find someone, and then you will find them" but it hasn't worked yetSad Smilie Wink Smilie.

There is a nice looking guy in one of my classes, who not only likes to write, but appreciates Tolkien almost as much as I do, but I cant work out if he is shy or maybe Gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). How do you tell these things?
You just go up to him and say, "Would you like to go out some time?". If he replies with "No" then just assume he is gay and that way you will feel better about yourself and also have killed two birds with one stone.

(I would of made such a good women).
Oh Alyssa, how long have your tried? Two days? Smile Smilie
Just try to enjoy what you are doing, meet new people, make new friends. Just don't focus on the thought 'this may be the one'. Just be yourself. I know it's easy for me to say.

I agree with Taz. If you like that guy just walk up to him and start talking. Do you know where he lives, what kind of work he does, what other writers he likes, does he like movies, what kind of music. And if after talking to him, you are still interested, ask him out.
okay, maybe I will try that. If I ever get up enough guts that is. I am such a coward! Trouble is, if I end up looking the fool, I have got to face this guy once a week for the rest of the year. Kind of off-putting dont you think?

Maybe I will just stick with the "trying not to meet anyone" thing. Ha Ha Ha Smilie When it comes to my own love life - I am the biggest chicken on the planet.

Thanks for the advice guys.
Ooops haven't been around for a while, sorry 'bout your probs Taz. Have you sorted it out yet?

I'd like to say that to anyone who's just left/lost a partner recently & is feeling like sh*t....the best thing right now is to continue to mope/cry/feel miserable/etc for a while. Then, when you can think straight, figure out whether you still want that person back. If he/she is still alive & interested, try to work it out. Try, try & keep on trying until you either succeed or you finally decide that it's not worth your time & tears anymore, and move on.

Easier said than done, I know, but I've gone through it before. Dunno how many times I've fallen in love - it get better each time though. There's no such thing as the 'perfect one' - I believe there are many right ones out there for anyone.

And Allyssa - Taz's advice is good. You'll never find out untl you ask. Good luck mate.
I have talked to this guy a few times, and he seems interested in what I have to say. It could be just intellectual interest though, since we have mostly talked about writing. I even mentioned this site, very specifically, but he doesn't seem to have made an appearance.

Or has he? You out there ? If you are, did you know there is a private postBody function, if you look up the Member Directory at the left there? And if you are gay, otherwise attatched, not interested in slightly plump bottle blondes, too busy or whatever, let me know? And say something so that I know it is really you.
(*sigh* how obvious does a girl have to be?)

[Edited on 16/5/2002 by Allyssa]
Good Luck Allyssa!
If he does come on here I guess he will get the postBody! But only if he goes through the Taverns.....Maybe he is just shy too.
Hope everything is looking better for everyone else too.
Allyssa - why don't you ask Elrond if he'd like to continue your intellectual discussions over a cup of coffee or something? And if he agrees, make you you limit the conversation to just books & writing. That way he'll feel comfortable & you can start off by being friends, and you won't feel too embarrassed about asking him out for coffee next time.

Over the next few rounds of conversations/coffee, you can slowly dig out some personal info - whether he has a girfriend/is gay etc...and come back here & gossip with us. Wink Smilie We'll see how the situation develops, eh?

[Edited on 22/5/2002 by DangerMouse]
LOL Ha Ha Ha Smilie Ha Ha Ha Smilie You gossip mongers you! Wink Smilie Not that I mind! I love a bit of goss as much as anyone. Okay, if he does not reveal himself at PT, I will let you know. I wont be seeing him for two weeks though. Sad Smilie

[Edited on 16/5/2002 by Allyssa]
Yup! We'll be here. Why two weeks though?
Not having another class till then Sad Smilie
I have been thinking about starting the old Agony Column for the use of the Tolkien characters, but this thread is a lot more--I don't know, maybe--like fun? Big Smile Smilie Not the pain, Very Sad Smilie that's never fun, but the different styles of advice to the love lorn and all.
Ha Ha Ha Smilie I am also rather enjoying this! Dont be offended people if I do not appear to be taking it too seriously. I am quite grown up after all! At least chronologically.Wink Smilie

An agony thread for the charactes of Tolkien? Cool! Please do Grondy! I know there will be the obvious Aragorn vs Arwen thing, but what about Elrond, Galadriel vs Celeborn Rolling Eyes Smilie, Eowyn, Faramir, Boromir angst? That has got to be fun! Oh, please let me do Elladan and Elrohir!Ha Ha Ha Smilie
Just had another thought, when Ungoliant gets back (?) imagine her delight at finding so many replies to her thread, only to read it and discover...Ha Ha Ha Smilie
But that was the stupidest idea we ever had! It got really dull really quick and died a death.
BTW Alyssa, DM's right, do the friendly chatting thing then get him drunk and jump him, never fails. Animated Wink Smilie
I don't think I ever met anybody I had stuff in common with, according to the singer in my band that's cos I'm slightly uncommon in my tastes....
Okay. *mental note to self: wear basket ball shoes to next class. Animated Wink Smilie
Quote:
BTW Alyssa, DM's right, do the friendly chatting thing then get him drunk and jump him, never fails.

Spot on, Penfold..I mean Plastic! Chat him up Allyssa, but as a friend. Never get tired of reading his stuff, and listen to him when he talks...blablablah...then, when he's all feeling all easy & comfy, get him drunk and the rest is up to you.

And Plastic is right, it has never failed. Wink Smilie

However, you may have a problem if his alcohol tolerance level is higher than yours. If that's the case, then it's time for Plan B.
Ha Ha Ha Smilie DangerMouse
Quote:
I am the biggest chicken on the planet.

haha Allyssa I know exactly what you mean...I'm the same way...

hey, you said you wouldn't be seeing him for a bit because you're not having a class for a while...is this like a student of yours?

and if things don't work out, just remember - boys are dumb anyhow. (no offense meant to all the guys around here Wink Smilie)

What's this agony thing, by the way? Is it a game?
Man, this thread has really gone off in a tangent but it has been interesting (and at times amusing!). Allyssa, keep your cool and just let nature take its course. Have any of you thought of starting an advice column? Maybe that could be another topic we could start. Oh wait a minute, it has started.
I do hope everyone in Planet-Tolkien finds the significant other of their dreams and lives happily ever after.
By the way, my best vacation was spent in Ireland. Not only is the landscape beautifully green, they know how to party!
Rednell Pary Smilie

(Grondy fixed the :pary's missing lower tract. Wink Smilie )


[Edited on 17/5/2002 by Grondmaster]
It always works on me, but I am basically shallow and never pass up anything free. Animated Wink Smilie I have yet to meet anyone with a higher alcohol tolerance than me though. What's Plan B DM?
So us Blokes a re dumb are we Chika? This is not true, we just neglect to think with the right part of our bodies after a few pints....
I always wanted to get to Ireland Rednell, I just never got round to it.
I stood on the Shannon Airport tarmac for about twenty minutes, while in transit to Frankfurt (for lunch) and eventually Rota, Spain in 1972; however, that hardly counted as being in Ireland. Animated Wink Smilie
Anyone been to Ben Nevis in Scotland?
If you follow the River Nevis upstream around the mountain, after a few miles through a bit of a mountain pass you eventually find yourself in a secluded valley at a place called Steall. It's surrounded by mountains, got a waterfall at one end and a fast flowing stream cutting through the lush green grass. It's beautiful in an eerie kind of way.
The first time I ever went there was before I had discovered Tolkien and I imagined dinosaurs inhabiting the place. The next time was post-Tolkien, however, and immediately Rivendell came to mind. If any of you are ever in that area, give it a look.

Oh, and sorry Gnampie. Didn't mean to call you Grampie, and I'm sure you're not Grumpy.
That's ok Valedhelgwath. Big Smile Smilie

I haven't been to the UK a lot.
I have spend a week in Devon. I liked Dartmoor National Park very much! So peaceful! And I have spend an other week in Pembrokeshire. We've been bird watching on Skomer Island. Both trips were ecological field trips with the universitiy.
I would very much like to spend an other vacation in the UK, but my husband doesn't like the possibility of spending our only vacation of the year in the rain.
Never been to Ben Nevis Valedhelgwath, although I've been to Edinburgh, Aberdeen & Bathgate. Very chilly, rocky, windy, hilly (compared to England) and beautiful.

Ireland - been to Dublin but spent most of my time in Cork since I have family there. Was very young so I don't remember much, except that again, it was beautiful, and my uncles drank a lot. Smile Smilie

Plan B Plastic? Well, don't order any more drinks & make the current one last, but at the same time pretend to be drunk and tell him how attractive he is. You can always pretend not to remember anything if he turns you down. Not too sure about this one.
Yeah, Plan B would work on me as well, Vanity is a terrible thing!
Glad to hear you like Devon Gnamps, we like it here too.
I think that if a drunken person would keep telling me that I am attrractive i would die of laughter and that would be the end of it!
Ahh! But you're a girl, so of course you would. I used to react in pretty much the same manner when a drunken man or woman come up to me in bars. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away.

But a drunken woman coming on to a sober man? Predictable outcome, most of the time, especially if he's single & she does it properly. Animated Wink Smilie

[Edited on 23/5/2002 by DangerMouse]
They have to be drunk for me to get anywhere! Wink Smilie
Quote:
Allyssa - why don't you ask Elrond if he'd like to ...[Edited on 22/5/2002 by DangerMouse]


Ha Ha Ha Smilie Danger.
I'd have to be sober! Never work, not in a million years, she'd have to be really damn pretty. But then I never do anything sober unless I have to...
And what is it with you and Elrond anyway Alyssa?
Sorry people, the Elrond thing is kind of a joke. You guys know that I am really after his sons! Animated Wink Smilie - Younger, single, arguably cuter.

It is actually supposed to protect the identity of a certain person.

He does not look unlike Elrond though - and cerainly speaks/sounds like him....hmmm a decendent of Arwen maybe?

Ha Ha Ha Smilie God I hope he never saw any of this! Will have to have plastic surgery and change my identity if he did!
Well how about sober-er then Plastic? Obviously if you're sitting in a pub with a girl, you're not going to be drinking milk while she's drinking beer, are you? Would 'slighty tipsy' do you in then? Plastered would be no good for either party. Animated Wink Smilie

Ah, don't worry Allyssa, if you're as nice in real life as you are here, it'll be his loss if he never got to know you better.
For sure! Smile Smilie
Very true Ungoliant! Go Allyssa! Big Smile Smilie
thanks guys! *blushes*

I am nice in real life, but a lot more shy than I am around here.
Throw off the Shackles of Shyness and liberate thyself! Nobody ever got anywhere by being reserved and modest, trust me. And if he gets to know the Alyssa we all know and love, you'll have no problems sweetheart. Smile Smilie
And Plastered has never been a problem for me ever Golly, if you get my meaning Animated Wink Smilie
Plastic's right again!

And no problems, eh? Wooo hooo! Big Smile Smilie Tongue Smilie Animated Wink Smilie Exploding Head Smilie
Yeah, erm... nuff said I think! Animated Wink Smilie
okay, I am not going to say anything.
Quote:
Follow the Nile, Deep to much deeper
The Pyramids sound lonely tonight
The sands run red, in Lands of the Pharoahs
Their symmetry gets right inside of me
I drift with Dunes
I whisper of the tombs
They offer me Egyptian Delights
I cannot stop to comfort them
I'm busy chasing up my demon
Oh I'm in love with Egypt
- Kate Bush

Smile Smilie Woohoo! Had just a great time last time so I'm off again tomorrow. Will be back next week-ish, so I'll catch up with you guys then.
Not fair, I can only just afford to go and see my sister for a weekend in Southampton next month (and that's with my Granny lending me the train fare) I wanna go to Egypt!! (Would have loved to have gone to see the Dead there back before Jerry dies)
You poor Squirrel! Very Sad Smilie
Even I've been to Egypt once before. Very Big Grin Smilie
Have fun Golly and greet the camels for me! Big Smile Smilie

[Edited on 19/6/2002 by TomBombadillo]
Quote:
Have fun Golly and great the camels for me! Big Smile Smilie
Aw, the wonderful language of the English. Deal Smilie Ungy, I think Greet (pronounced as in the nickname of Hansel's sister) means you to greet the camels. Smile Smilie Because "great" is an adjective, which can't be done. Shaking Head Smilie And grate would be too time consuming as well as messy and probably life threatening. Very Evil Smilie

And yes Ungy, do have fun. Cool Smilie
I haven't been to Eqypt, either, Squirrel. I did, however, ride a camel in Florida last winter. Does that count for anything?
By the way, congrats, Squirrel on reaching the milepost of 2000 postings.
Rednell
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