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Thread: Lightfoot's foel(a poem read an coment please)

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I have some suggestions for you, Nessa. Here they are, mostly in brackets so that they stand out. Big Smile Smilie
Quote:

Lightfoot's Foal

The night was clear,
All they (They all?) stood together,
When the black foal was born,
known as a stalwart stallion later.

The (His?) herd run (ran) free in Eotheod,
No stable shall (did) they need.
Their breed of grace and lineage,
A strain (race?) of mighty (many?) years. (strain sounds a little like they were annoying)

Still young the horse know (knew) his rider,
Never having fellt the whip.
Like a home the court near Snowbourne lies,
And ever free in mearce (? not sure of this word) he graze(s).

The white horse lead the Eohre (Eored?),
and bore his master with no (without?) fear.
But terror brought the Ulaire,
not only with (With more than) horrorful (horrible?) black darts to him.

A victory with tears is ward (not sure what you mean here, ward as in 'guarded'?),
and still a stone on this place speaks:
"Faithful servant yet masters bane,
Lightfoot's foal, swift Snowmane"


Hope this helps, but it is so hard to criticise poetry because by its very nature, there are no 'rules' as such. Keep at it Neesa!
I have a minor question "black foal" vs. "white horse": can a horse change its spots? I assume Snowmane's mane was white, that makes sense, but then the rest of its body wouldn't have been white, else why remark on the color of its mane?

I'm not being critical of the poet here, just pointing out the anomaly, for which I don't know the correct color; I couldn't readily find it.

Can anyone find the description of Théoden's horse?

Oh, "felt" only has one L, but might be better replaced with "known".

With Allyssa's suggestions it will make a nice poem. Happy Elf Smilie
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lightfoot's Foal

The night was clear,
They all stood together,
When the black foal was born,
known as a stalwart stallion later.

The herd ran free in Eotheod,
No stable shall did they need.
Their breed of grace and lineage,
A race of many years.

Still young the horse knew his rider,
Never having felt the whip.
Like a home the court near Snowbourne lies,
And ever free in mearce he grazes.

The white horse lead the Eohre,
and bore his master without fear.
But terror brought the Ulaire,
With more than horrible black darts to him.

A victory with tears it is,
and still a stone on this place speaks:
"Faithful servant yet masters bane,
Lightfoot's foal, swift Snowmane"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OKay thanks for your quick help!

Okay and I will answer your *questions*:

At first Allyssa,
the word mearce is another word for mark ( I think it is a translation into Sindar, but I look at home again Okay?)

Eohre is the full asemble of all Riders of Rohan, a Eored is only a few Riders with a Marshall.

Okay Grondmaster you ask for "black foal" vs. "white horse" . Yeah Snowmane was a white horse. And I was thinking in this point at oure evolution. Normaly in oure World, White- Horse must be borne black or very dark, over the years it get grey and with a age of 10 years (or later ) it get realy white. You never have a full- white foal borne. In this way I lokk at the horse in oure World and transformt this into the Tolkien World ;-)


Okay I hope you understand me?



[Editiert am 23/3/2003 von Nessa]
Thanks Nessa, not being a horse person I was confused.

I also wonder, at the source of the Sindar word mearce (instead of Mark or Riddermark) in a Rohirrim poem. Or is this a translation of the poem originally written in the elvish rather than the language of the Eorlingas? Or is this just a case of your poetic license fitting your inner ear? Either way is fine by me as I know nothing about writing poetry. Happy Elf Smilie
Hey Grondmaster,
Quote:
I know nothing about writing poetry
>>>you know something. Everybody knows and your questions is very good!

Quote:
I also wonder, at the source of the Sindar word mearce (instead of Mark or Riddermark) in a Rohirrim poem

Okay I was looking at home in my book and read what I found ;-)
'Mark of the Riders' a translation of the word "Riddena-mearc", also Riddermark ( Gondorname) the name given to the country of Rohan (Gondorname) by the Riders who dwelt there. they called themselves the Eorlings 'Sons-of-Eorl'

'Rochand(e) is the Sindari of Rohan

And then I found a mistake in my poem, then the word Eohere needs some of this thing '
E'ohe're" normaly it must be over the vocal but I don't know how to do this.

Okay bey

Glad to help and I learned something. Happy Elf Smilie