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Thread: Comments on "Prologue of Wyvern's Eye"

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I thought it was very good. Well-written is the least I can say... And it's extremely good as a prologue, I guess. You know, in the beginning you don't know who it is about and what it is about, but little by little you get to know it, and that makes it exciting to read. It's one hell of a prologue, that's for sure! Big Smile Smilie
At first I wanted to send you this with e-mail, but I changed my mind and decided to post it here. Maybe we can get some kind of discussion going on.

I read your story yesterday. I liked it a lot. You really like dropping the reader in the middle of something. The text made me really curious and made me want to read more. But somehow I am left with a feeling that all is already over. The Eye is gone (but I do wonder what ‘the Eye’ really is) and Dunstan is dead. Is this the end of the story and will the rest of the story be flashbacks? Or does it move on from this point? Maybe you could add something to make this somewhat more clear. So the reader is even more curious about what is to follow or what comes next. Just a little hint without revealing too much.
I don’t think I would like this prologue being the end of the story, telling the previous events in flashbacks. Because if this is the case, you already know the Eye is dropped into the sea and Dunstan dies. In this case, I think I would like the prologue to end when Dunstan gets to the edge. In case this is indeed only the beginning of the story and things move on from this point, I wouldn’t change the prologue but maybe add a little something of what is about to follow.

Btw, how are things going with your Gull-story?
Thanks Gnampie. The Gull story is comming soon! Smile Smilie


The prologue is set "in the past" of the main narrative as if the prologue is a piece of history for this world. The Eye is not lost; it turns up again in an unlikely place! The study of a mediocre wizard in charge of a Magic Academy of sorts.

The prologue is explained later in the novel. The idea is to get the reader to ask the very questions that Gnampie has asked, so I suppose that I succeeded there. The point of the prologue was to catch the readers interest, which hopefully it does. I just feel that it is missing something....


I read your prologue, and really enjoyed it, Allyssa. You made Dunstan's wounds feel very realistic, and gave a real feel to him being hunted. As for being fleshed out, I don't think that it needs to be. A prologue should grip the reader and make them want to delve further into the book. Yours does this by leaving several questions unanswered. I, as a reader, now want to read more to find out what happens. I was particularly intrigued by the comment made by the Serephrim. They appear to have been part of the same order as Dunstan....... Intigued. I want more!
Congratulations Allyssa!
Your writing really has that Tolkienish "something" which reminds some of the best parts of the Silmarillion and of Unfinished Tales.
I am really very curious about the whole story now!
Would you like me to tell you about it or read some more? I could send out a few more samples, but the novel is a ways off finished. I really must knuckle down! Smile Smilie
Both I think!!!!
"The Eye is not lost; it turns up again in an unlikely place" - Where have I heard something simliar like that before? hm............. *runs away very quickly*...................... Smile Smilie Love you Allyssa xx Smile Smilie
I didn't get a copy... Sad Smilie
Quote:
"The Eye is not lost; it turns up again in an unlikely place" - Where have I heard something simliar like that before?


Where Taz? I will tell you if my story differs substantially.

It was not found by a slimy little creature with homosidal tendancies nor does it end up in the possession of a well-to-do, exceptionally short person with hairy feet.

But others who have read the overview of my novel have (on the surface) critisized it for lacking in originality. They could be right! But I think I will continue with the project anyway and see how it turns out. Smile Smilie It is, after all, my first novel.
Never throw away your first novel until after your first great hit has been published, and even then some publisher's editor may want more of your work and agree to help you smooth out its kinks. Smile Smilie
Quote:

But others who have read the overview of my novel have (on the surface) critisized it for lacking in originality. They could be right! But I think I will continue with the project anyway and see how it turns out. Smile Smilie It is, after all, my first novel.


Why? Because of 'the Eye'? Maybe those people should better wait to judge your novel untill they read the whole story. Of course you should continue! And I would very much like to read it.
I really will get round to reading it sometime this week, I've got way too much on at the moment, sorry, hopefully I'll have half an hour or so at the weekend...
Okay, you guys asked for it! Ha Ha Ha Smilie Here is a brief description of the novel:

It is a story of the ordinary and the lowly who, thinking themselves destined for a fairly mundane life, suddenly find themselves doing things that are way beyond and above what they ever thought they were capable of. (that part does sound a little cliche doesn't it?) My purpose of writing the novel is to give others a sense of possibility and hope for their own lives, particularly young people.

The heroine, Allyssa, is drawn into a quest that she innocently thinks will be little more than a "stroll in the park". The quest is to recover the Wyvern's Eye, although no one at the time is aware that of what the artifact is, or its importance. There are a number of villans, including a spy, his boss a mage with a thirst for immortality to expand his power into eternity, and a corrupted seraph with a terminally ill mother whom he is trying to save. There are actually three special visionary globes, The Wyvern's Eye, The Unicorn's Eye and The Gryphon's Eye. All of them together can theoretically give a person immortality.

I dont want to give too much away in the forum, but I will soon be writing a proper synopsis of this novel, and I have a chapter outline that I could email to anyone interested

Thanks people!

Sorry for being late Smile Smilie
I read the prologue and I really don't think it needs much more work! I mean I got into mood after two lines of reading and it kept me in the whole way... If I had a hat, I'd take it of for you! Big Smile Smilie
Allyssa,
I, too, enjoyed your prologue and look forward to more. Given that the prologue is the end of the beginning, I don't think anything is really missing. I'm sure your 1st chapter will indicate that the rest of the story takes place prior to the prologue. One little spelling error that spellcheck wouldn't pick up is "here", it should be "hear".
I wouldn't worry about originality, most fantasy novels have the same elements including a talisman of some sort, good vs evil and the desire for immortality. That is what fans look for in a fantasy novel.
Good luck with the rest of it. I would like to read more as you go along with it.
Rednell
Finally read it (sorry for taking so long) as usual the only thing I have, is that I want it to be longer, more fleshed out and more detailed. But other than that, it's really good.