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Yo Darous, don't look like he's awnsering you. Never mind, *pats Darous on the back* you'll get him sooner or later. Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie
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What the *add appropriate under-world here* is a Stigian dog? Orc Going Huh Smilie
Halo my friend you wish to know what a Stigian dog is well let me tell you. Stigians are snake people who are really evil and sneaky. And they have to be killed alot. They can morph between men and a human snake form.
Ah, yes. Really evil and sneaky snake people definatly deserve to get killed lots. Preferably with a long sword or chainsaw...unless their nice evil and sneaky snake people, in which case they should be invited home tor tea and cookies!
I'm walking through the land I don't know. I have no Idea where am I suposed to be. All He told me, was: "Find Asteroth. Join him, for he is on our side. I never thought the time would come when I will be sending a woman to battle." Hmm... My father... he is the one that tought me my skill's with the sword. My mother did not agree with this, but I loved it anyway. So, here I am... lost in the middle of nowhere. I hope I'll find someone who can give me some dirrection. But it doesn't look like anyone would be walking round here. I hear a voice. Not one. A cupple. I step a little faster. And I find myself surrounded by three... men? they cerinly are male. I ask them, if they know Asteroth.
I know of Asteroth he is a friend of mine. We have travelled many paths and fought many battles together.
He asked me if I would wander this path lookimg for someone who is looking for him and here I find you. So my fair lady how may and and my companions serve you?
Hail! I am MadWannabe and I am wandering in search of....aww awright, I am lost. Tongue Smilie Well, anyways seems like you fellas need someone like me to help, therefore in my endless kindness, I volunteer myself! Wink Smilie Big Laugh Smilie
Darous swaggered down the road yelling at trees which looked at him funny and repeatly telling Madwannabe he was his best friend."And then I said to him...."Darous collaspsed on the ground." Where that tree come from"
asked Darous.
"What tree,whh said what about me...you wanna start something mate" slurred Mad.
"Get me up will ya" Mad reached out his arm to lift up Darous...but he just fell to the ground.
"Were drunk you know" stated Mad
"yes we our"laughed Darous
Asteroth then appeared from behind a tree and walked over to the two laughing "Look at you two can you not...."then Asteroth went tumbling forward after tripping over a root.
"HAHAHA" laughed Darous and Mad.
Then suddenely they saw a stream of smoke coming at them."what the crud" yelled Darous. The smoke bellowed forth and a figure appeared within it."It is the dark lord himself RUNAWAY." shouted Mad.
Darous stood up "nope its only Rhodry comimg with my
fags."
Darous lit one up "ahhhhhhh"
"Right then were all here so this is the quest. We must find the mystical and magical 'hic' ale of power. Now the only way to do this is a pub crawl of 'hic' middle earth."
Darous went ot lean on a tree but fell to the ground.
"who moved that tree..was it you"
Rho picked him up "right Dar where to first then?"
"Ah.... well where our we?" "I don't know myself"
"Well neither do I" said Rho
"Same here and here" said Mad And Aster.
"Right then wheres the map?"
"Here" said Rho
"Where?" replied Darous
"Don't start that again" and Rho flattened out the map.
"right we our here where it says you our here and and to the north is 'the dog and bone'.
"Forward to the dog and bone....show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, I had a big drink about an hour ago...."
And so the four brave warriors began their quest to find the Ale of power, and go to Sauron's pad and wreck it.
Would they suceed, will they find peanuts and where is that smell coming from.
From the corner a figure watched the the 4 friends.
"Who is that watching us" Darous said.
"I'll ask at the bar cried Rho as he dashed off"
"Bar man" asked Rho
"Yes and call me Davey"
"Gimme 4 of them 30l Kegs make one Bass...and throw in a bottle of whiskey as well." Rho smiled.
"Also of is that bloke in the corner..he keeps lookin at us. He ain't ye know one of them is he?"
"No no no no...that is Aravon the local drunk he might ask you for a pint or a shot ...but he is harmless"
So the ale arrived and the friends drunk trying to see if they had found the ale of power yet.
"Hey Dar is this the ale of power then???" roared Mad
"Keep it down will ya" Darous waved his finger round his mouth.
"It supposed to be a secert"
Then the patrons of the bar started to look at the four. Giving wee looks and winks and gestures.
"You want some to ya" roared Rho
"Come an have ago if you think....." but then Dar fell of his stool.
"You make much comotion for 4 friends out for a nights drink." said a figure bent over Dar.
"You our being followed"
"Hey man brush your teeth sometime and have a wash as well..." as Dar pushed him away.
"You do not realise the danger you our in"
"Yes he does..the danger of you not buckering off till we buy you a drink."said Rho
"But only a little one" said Aravon.


[Edited on 11/4/2003 by Darous]
"Rho do you know who this guy is" asked Dar
"retch...."
Mad started puking all over Dar's fancy clothing and Dar in his disgust pushed Mad the clueless away....
"poo-whee....you stink Dar, and Mad, GET AWAY FROM ME!" Rho exclaimed.
Mad, drunken as he is just collapsed on the floor....
"Well, here is what you get from picking up strays...tsk..." Asteroth sighed.
LadyBlue stepps forward. The little menace was hiding in the shadows, folowing your moves. She wasn't quite shure, she's welcome here. "Are you Asteroth?" She turns to Darous... She finaly got the guts to make her presence known.
"What?"
Darous roared while wiping puke off his clothes.
"Why you little...I oughta Humna humna humna.
"No I am not Asteroth..thankfully. He's the guy talking to that pot over there!!!"
Darous points to Aster.
"Davey get me some spicy peanuts" roard Darous
Meanwhile....
"Bring me the nine" roared Sausage.
And then came forth nine figures who swept fear all over middle earth...The Ale Wraithes.
" What de ye wan now ye big jessie" said the 1st while taking a swift drink of buckfast.
"Be quiet you!!! or you will no longer have the Lurgan champagne" The nine became quiet.
I sense once again the...ALE OF POWER and I want it..I'm starting to get a bit of a hangover which I don't want at all. So go forth and find it.
"Can we take a taxi and get an chinise before we go"
"WHAT" roared Sauron
"Only if you get a number 55 with extra chips"
"So it shall be done...uhmm any of you's guys know a taxi number???"
"Uhmm 55488"
"No Seans off tonight"
"Oh yeah"
Well that freephone one then I only have coppers"

[Edited on 12/4/2003 by Darous]
"Exuse me! I realy need to talk to you!" Darous isn't very enthusiastic about that: "WHAT?!"
"Emmm...hello." 'I don't realy feel like talking' I thought to myself.
"Hello!? What do you want?! Speak or get out of my sight!"
LadyBlue rolls her eyes... she can't belive someone could be so inpatient...: "I don't know what I want, all..." she's being roughly interupted by Darous:"You don't know what you want?! Beat it you little weasel!"
LadyBlue continues:"...all I know is, that my father sent me to join you. I don't know why, I don't know anything else. So, do you know why he sent me? Did you know my father? I'd go ask Aseroth, but he doesn't seem like he's able to talk. Atleast not to someone who can talk back..."

[Edited on 11/4/2003 by LadyBlueAutomnSky]
"Ah you father..I know him well. He stills owes 2.50 for that pint!!!" said Darous
"So he sent you to join us in our quest..excellent we have a lady in the gang a last." rorared Darous
"Hoorah" roared the lads.
"It's always nice to feel welcome." LadyBlue smiles.
Delidia walks in.
" Hello.............Hm, is something wrong?" Delidia looks from LadyBlue to Darous to Asteroth to MadWannabe to Rhodry the Ugly. She looks back to Darous.
"I have heard a lot about you, Darous. I am Delidia. How may I be of service? How can i help?"
"Well my dear" said Darous as he stood..
"Can you wash puke out of my clothes...for this is the only clothes I have"...then Rho shouted "What about this some poor antelope has left some yellow wellington boots and a pink ballet dress."
Darous looked for some clue of who they belonged to.
"Well with these curry stains and beer stains..oh heres a note...'to whoever finds these good luck you must be really as drunk as I was. From Lister'..well when in Rome" and Darous changed into the outfit.
He turned to Delidia..."I am darous and this is Rho, Mad, Aster and LadyB. We search for the......Rho what we looking for again hic"
"Ah Ale" shouted Rho as he fell of his stool.
"Yes the ale of power and once we have it Sausage the darklord will beanteloped. So join us in our quest."
"But decide now for the ale is not here and so we must move on to are next tavern. Aster wheres the map?"

[Edited on 12/4/2003 by Darous]

Moderator SmilieLanguage please Darous, might not be that bad a word in some places, but it is in most, sorry- PlasticModerator Smilie

[Edited on 14/4/2003 by PlasticSquirrel]
"Maybe I can help" LadyBlue speaks... "There is a tevrn in wich I stayed for a couple of days. It is famous for it's fine ale. And the feeling it gives. One feels like he is flying. Like he can do anything in the world and can't be stopped by a thing. He gets the strenght of mind and body to defeat anyone. Not that I know of experience. Ladies don't drink ale.It was used dough as a stimulate at arm wrestling." Everyone is lookin pretty wierd at LadyBlue.
Very Mad Smilie
Mad, after recovering for his puking fit, looked boggled-eyed at LadyBlue...not understanding what she just said...( Because of his warped logic.)
"sorry about that Dar, Tongue Smilie " Mad grinned sheepishly...
Delidia, noticing Mad for the first time looked disgusted and backed away from Mad and said "so that stench was coming from you....ewww..."
"Then onward my friends" roared Darous wearing his fetching wellies.
"Now we have 2 ladies.. thats means less work for us lads"
So The companies left the tavern and set forth to there next destination.
"So where our we going again" asked Darous
"I don't really know" replied Rho
"jus follow the women I suppose"
LadyBlue turns at Delidia and winks: "Now aren't they nice?" Than she goes and sits on a tree hump nex to the stream, picks up her coat from the backpack and starts washing it in the cold, bright water. The moon gives her all the light she needs and it's beautiful. The rest of the lads are laughing and drinking ale. They'll be drunk by morning. It'll take a while to get to the tavern if they'll be like that. But than... who doesn't enjoy a nice long walk?
"hey rho?"
"what" mumbled rho.
"Have no fear my friend..they may have sent us to get wood but" and Dar reached into to his cloak and produced a hip flask.
"I never leave home without it." smiled Dar as he took a swig.
"Here ya go mate"
"Cheers." Alcoholic Smilie Alcoholic Smilie Alcoholic Smilie Alcoholic Smilie
"So the two staggered through the green told each other the best ditry jokes they knew..when all of a sudden.
"Do you smell that????" sniffed Dar
"No what man!!!" answered rho
"Are you ready for this.....I smell moonshine and its close"
Rhos eyes lit up...."Moonshine really."
"Oh yeaaaaa"
"What way man?"
"This way" and the two staggered off in whatever direction Dar had pointed to.
As Dar and Rho stumble through the woods, they hear a noise...a heavy panting.
Dar brings forth a cabbage to smite down whoever it is when...."Master Darous"
"Yes" before the two stands a young imp.
"What news do you bring" asks Dar.
"Well I come to tell you this 2-2."
And then the young fellow vanished.
"2-2" roared Dar " alright and he grabbed Rho.
"Ha Ha my friend it is truley a sign...now fortune follows our path."And he take another swig of his hip flask.
"It has become vey quiet here" said Dar
"Rho you listening BOY" uhmm that didn't even get his reply.
Mad, after getting lost in the woods appeared behind and said to Darous: " where's everybody?"
Darous prodded Rho to wake him up from his drunken stupor and replied, "Dun know, never seen them in a while."
"oh well, I guess we better look for them then, eh?
but then dar listened in the air...
"do you hear that!!!"
"what replied Mad."
"Listen in the distance"
"darous of the land of gandor..he smight the dragon and the mighty hen"
Dar looked to Mad.."What is that???"
Even Rho was awoken...."More booze and cut out that racket da*n cows"
Sar looks round..."you don't drink ale."Dar faints
Rho gets up and throws a cold beer over Dar
"Get up man.."
"What no not the wellies again!!!!!"
Rho looks puzzled
dar wakes "Asteroth don't drink"..."well no prob lad" he reaches into to his cloak "here you go Aster heres a tab."
"Cheers"
"Now I smelt moonshine and I think it came from over there so lets go.."
Dar looks to Rho...."whose he calling old..you looking to start something." smailed Dar. "Right then lads and lass's I here that moonshine is a potent substance and could lead us to our goal so peanuts and snacks at the ready."
Slowly the group approached the clearing when they heard something.." where iss myyy precioussss,weee wants itsss.
"What the smeg" shouted Rho.
Then the strange creature turned to them..."mayyyyyy neyyyyyyyyyy ya dirtyyy fanacha bahhh. wheres my ale I want my ale my precious." it then scutters off to a barrel and drinks from it.
"thats what were looking..i want it first" shouted Dar
"No its mine" shouted rho
"hey stop yor pushing." as the two ran over each other to get to it.
"hey don't forget about me" shouted Mad "I want some to" as he leaped on the two
"Here we go again" sighed Asteroth.."Lady I think we need to get more coffee..
"When them three are finished were gonna need more than coffee" sighed Lady
Lady sighed and got up to get some more cofee. Arround this lot she definitly won't forget how to get someone sober. She sits on a tree log and bows her head of tiredness. She goes right to sleep at the sight of a bunch of men fighting over ale. How pretty. . .
"Hey Rho there's a big lady for ya....."
"where is she I'll find her the big scrumtous lady"
"Over there Rho..." Dar points in the direction of a boulder
"Hooray" as rho stumbled over
"hey Dar" shouted Mad
"what"
"where this ale then"
"What ale"
"You might even find it..." LadyBlue speaks up: "If you'd be able to stand on ye feet atleast for a while."
"Who do you think your talkin *hic* to" mumbled Dar as he staggered over to LadyB.
"I am the leader of this little group and *hic* and if I want to have a kebab I will *thump*" as Dar fell to the ground.

"Why oh why did I sign up "thought LadyB.
"Cause were good lookin" shouted Rho as he chatted up the rock.
Darous then stood before the company....
"My friends I have grave news..." the others stopped and turned round execpt Rhodry for he was not there and his input was gone also.
"I wish us to stand here now and remember Rhodry a good mate and drinkin buddy who has been tooken by a dark thought..He may return and when he does it shall be joyous occansion but now let us drink a brewski in his memory..."
"Now that is done we must turn our attention to the deed in hand" said Dar as he tumbled over a rock.."the ale awaits us and we must travel on forth to the place where it goes.....wheres the peanuts? who took my peanuts i'll kill the bafrtjkhu....
"wait my friends I hear a rumbling...I hear dear god is it I think it is he has returned maybe my patrner in crime...could it be.."
out of the misty gloom, and figger stumbled, in one hand he seemed to be holding a bag of salted roasted peanuts, in the other a half full jug of ale.
"where did u bu**ers go to?, i went in to the pub to buy some more peanuts and when i got back, you'd gone!!!"

[Edited on 23/5/2003 by Rhodry*of*Aberwyn]
"hasar excelisor my friend the man may try to keep us down but they cant do it." Dar walked over to Rho "give me some peanuts,,,,hahahahahhaha good to have ya back now lets get blocked."
And so a big" god I can't even say P*ss up" right then a knees up and a great time was had by all. Dar told the story about the time he was on a Planet run by apes...Rho spoke once again off the cow incident Wink Smilie Lady B bought the pancakes mad asked what was going on and asteroth asked when the Take-away arrived
"Bees holy moly guys" shoyred dar as a horde of angry bees appeared....
"What we suppose to do now Bruce"
shouted rho as he drank from a fosters.
"Bees ahhhhh..Darn you Smithers. shouted Dar as he ran around a tree.
"The pond runnnn" shouted Dar as he ran.
Rho sat amazed and watched the fellowship sprint toward the pond, he would have, but all those fosters seemed to have made him a bit wobbly. No sooner had the fellowship ploped into the water when mad screamed out*THE WATCHER* and hundreds of tenticles burst from the water, retreived all the beer and peanuts and then deposited them in an unpostThreadIDy heap on the side of the pond.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" roared Dar.
"The peanuts for the love of god the peanuts and my beer nooooooooooooo....da*n you Watcher."
And Dar unsheathed his claws 'snikt' 'snikt' and
"Rho gimme a Fastball special????"
"What"
"A Fastball special at the Watcher"
"What"
"Ahhh crud....."
Dar forgot about the Fastball special and just jumped into the pond to save the beer.
Dars head dissipeared from veiw, the minutes past and then suddenly loud heavy music began the issue from the pond*whats that* asked rho*Dunno replied Aster*sounds like metalica*he cocked his head*Don't tread on me if my ears don't deceive me* suddenly a huge gout of water exploded from the poud with Dar at the top of it, he landed heavily on the ground beside the fellowship, in his hands he held the beer and peanuts, but he also held a vast colection of cds, and a cd player, *crikey*yelled Dar, lets get out of here quick!*, i just nicked the watchers cd collection, and he ain't happy*
So the band 'hahahaha' of unlikely travellers ran down the road...."Why r we running" shouted Dar
"The Watcher" shouted Rho back.
"But that happened 5 hours ago"
"Oh yeah" repplied Rho
So they stoped and checked there supplies....
"Right were down to our last keg of beer but we have 1000's poppadums so were ok there...."
LadyBlue came walking through the bushes..."Ah men..." Sighed Blue... "What exactly were you running from? And where were you?! If you decided to take a walk in the woods I wouldn't mind being told."
"There were bees and the watcher in the lake and..." Rhodry began. "You're drunk." Blue said to herself. "Allright and how did you get back here than?"
"Back here?!" Darous asked...
"Well I didn't move anywhere and if you were running that was one hell of a circle you lads made..."
"So thats whay them chickens lookes familar" pondered Dar
"Whenever I saw them the 100th time I was getting a wee bit puzzled
The chicken turnes his head, a wee bit offended