Jokes!

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PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Jokes!

Post#1 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Okay, my sense of humour has returned (vaguely) so here's one...

Bloke gets an old lamp off of his ex-wife, he rubs it and a genie comes out. Unsurprisingly, the genie offers him 3 wishes, but on the condition that anything he gets, his ex-wife gets double. The bloke agrees and asks for £5m, so he gets his £5m and his ex gets £10m. After this he asks for a BMW, so his ex gets 2 BMWs. Then the Genie says, "This is your last wish, what do you wish for?"
And the bloke replies "Could you kick me half to death please?" :D
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

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PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Jokes!

Post#2 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Couple of golf course jokes for you. Made me laugh....

Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!" The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 20 years of marriage..."

Two other blokes on a golf course, one knocks his ball way off onto the next hole by mistake. He goes off to get it, but two seconds later he comes running back. "how come you didn't get it?" his mate asks, "There's 2 women over there" he replies. "and? what's the problem?" says the other. "Well, one's my wife, the other one's my girlfriend!" He explains, "Could you get it for me instead?"
So the other geezer goes off to get the ball, and also comes running back. "What's your problem then?" says the other fellow. "Small world ain't it?" he replies, sheepishly:D
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

Ungoliant
Posts: 993

Jokes!

Post#3 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Good one there! :D

I'm no good at jokes so I'll just lurk around...

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

Jokes!

Post#4 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

I figured Ungloiant as more of a dangling participant. ;)
'Share and enjoy'

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PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Jokes!

Post#5 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Here's one for today, I apologise to all blondes in advance for this, but it is funny.

This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox. With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside. Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox. Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house. Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox. After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious. When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She says, "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail."
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

Jokes!

Post#6 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

It is indeed funny. And if you don't want to put it into the "dumb blonde" stereotype, you can turn it into a 'Burns and Allen' joke.

George Burns was the straight man and his wife Gracie Allen had the dumb part, even though she was one of the smartest people in show biz; she rode dumbness all the way to the bank, almost as well as Lucy did later. :D
'Share and enjoy'

Ungoliant
Posts: 993

Jokes!

Post#7 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

*delurks*

rotflmao!

*lurks/dangles again*

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

Jokes!

Post#8 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

I decided to crawl out from under my rock and censer the above non-family oriented joke. I should have removed it yesterday but didn't have the heart as it was so funny. :D
'Share and enjoy'

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PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Jokes!

Post#9 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Didn't think I'd get away with that one :D
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

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TomBombadillo
Posts: 2746

Jokes!

Post#10 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Rofl! Good one! So good. Heard it once before but it wasn't so funny then. :D
Did you get the joke I sent you, P, btw? :)
Denial is not a river in Africa.

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