You’re either really in a zoo, in prison or possibly married. Being “behind bars,” whether literally or figuratively is never an easy thing. There are two types of prisons, those we impose on ourselves and those imposed on us by others. Naturally, the latter of the two is the most difficult to deal with, since it was not your own life choice.
If you are in prison or married, then you probably chose the lifestyle that led you to enter into one of these institutions. If you are in a zoo, then you probably were not given a choice. Either way, your attitude needs to change.
Let’s begin with societal institutions. These are constraints you have chosen for yourself. Man chooses to constrain himself to separate himself from animals. If you wish to be free from constraints, then you must realize that you may be shunned from society; but you may find your happiness. If you still wish to live within the bounds of society, then you need to buck-up, and accept the decisions that you have made and get involved with your life once again.
Now, if you really are a monkey in a zoo, then let’s look at the positive side – although the food is terrible, you are indeed fed everyday, whereas this might not be the case if you were out in the wild. You also have less disease and health risks. However, it sounds like you might be happier if they weren’t feeding you everyday, since you have reasoned that you rather not live than live the way you currently are.
Solving your problems yourself, might actually occupy some of your time, and solve more than just your boredom. First, focus on why your inmates aren’t talking to you. Have you done something to them? Or are you simply a monkey that they do not wish to associated themselves with, for you may bring them down as much as yourself? As I stated before, beings wish to surround themselves with those that they want to emulate. Ask yourself if you are a monkey others would wish to be like.
Your wish to die is your natural aggression turned on yourself, for you have no other outlet for it. You need to find ways to occupy your time that would satisfy this wish in other ways – love and play are two possible ways of satisfying this need. I’m not sure whether your inmates are male or female, but either way – love or play – you will find an outlet here if you open yourself up to them.
The second problem you must solve is the people jeering and leering at you. Perhaps rather than letting the people jeer at you until you react, try reacting before they have the chance to jeer. Entertain them, and you may see that you entertain yourself as well. You may become that monkey that the others wish to be like. Also, if you are absorbed in love or play, then you may find that your focus on those leering fades into the background.
If you really do not want the leering, then you may just have to hide until the zoo closes. But that doesn’t seem to be a solution to any of your problems.
Yours until the Reckoning,