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valedhelgwath
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Post#301 » Thu Jul 08, 2004 3:37 pm

Sorry to hear that Elfstone. I hope you find a way to get over for the funeral, although don't cut yourself up too much if you can't.

It seems to be a month for funerals here too. Last month one of my uncles died unexpectedly, today I went to the funeral of the ex-Boston Fishery Officer who also died unexpectedly, and now another uncle is on life-support at the hospital in a coma. Tragically for my uncle's family, the hospital told them last week that there was nothing else they can do, his kidneys have failed due to a massive infection, he's had a heart attack, and is tecnically brain dead, but his body is hanging in still. I haven't seen my Aunt, or my three cousins (one of whom has just moved the States to get married, and is now not allowed back out again for six months), but they are understandably distraught. I think knowing there is no hope, but not being able to say, "goodbye" is the worse part. I really feel terrible for them.

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Elfstone
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Post#302 » Thu Jul 08, 2004 4:48 pm

I’m sorry to hear about your loss as well Val. It’s just that most unpleasant part of life that all of us have to deal with eventually, and as I said before, all we can do is to keep living, and to do our best!

The older I get though, the more and more I seem to get bummed out. Don’t get me wrong, I love life, and I love living, and no matter how bad things might be in anyone of our lives at a given time, you should never give up, because life is always worth living, and should be celebrated.

Each day we have here is a true blessing, and you never know what tomorrow may bring. We can never give up our hopes and dreams! But sometimes, the more and more I look down the road all I see is pain.

Dealing with my Grandmother’s death back around 1991 was hard enough, and I’ve lost another Grandparent since then. Now this thing with my great Uncle, and I know my great Aunt probably won’t be too far behind. My Grandfather on my Mom’s side is still alive and in good health, but he’s aged quite a bit in the last few years, and father time is really starting to catch up with him. I know that he doesn’t have much time left either.

Then it’s going to be my cat that my wife and I absolutely adore, because he’s close to nine now, and probably only has another ten years. Then it will be my parents, and then the wife’s parents (my father in law is already not in good shape due to various health problems, and I think he will be the first to go out of our parents).

I don’t mean to be a downer, but like I said, sometimes when I look down the road at my life, and what the future holds, all I see is pain, pain, and more pain, and an endless circle of death, sorrow, and loss. It’s hard to think about, and tough to face, but it’s also the cold, hard reality of life.

Btw, I now know I won’t be able to make it to the funeral this weekend for my great Uncle. I was holding out hope that this check that I’m expecting would be here today, but it didn’t show up. The worst thing is I know for certain that I have about $3000 coming in anytime between tomorrow, and next Friday. If the funeral was next weekend, I would be able to make it, and that’s already ripping me up inside.

I’m going to feel so terrible on Saturday sitting out here in glorious Santa Barbara when my great Uncle’s funeral is happening, and I’m not there. The pain of missing this, and not being able to be there is something I fear will eat at me for the rest of my life.

With the way life’s bitter ironies seem to play out, my check will probably show up in the mail on Saturday when it’s too late.
:verysad:
"I would have the Ring-bearer bring the crown to me, and let Mithrandir set it upon my head, if he will; for he has been the mover of all that has been accomplished, and this is his victory." Elessar

crystle caves
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Post#303 » Thu Jul 08, 2004 8:26 pm

So glad I could log in here! I have missed you all so dreadfully and it is wonders to see a fermilliar face!

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grondmaster
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Post#304 » Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:23 pm

Note: Rambo was a dog. :elfwink:

I went to the service that was held in western Washington on this side of the mountains for my mother, but had to skip her internment in eastern Washington, as I don't travel well—can't stand sitting in a car, plane, or train for more than an hour at a time.

Missing a funeral of a loved one can be hard. Still, you could spend that particular hour celebrating their life, though you will miss all the food at the gathering of friends and relatives that takes place afterwards. That gathering is the best part of funerals.
'Share and enjoy'

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valedhelgwath
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Post#305 » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:45 pm

You've got it bad, Elfie, if you are already anticipating the deaths of everyone around you. It comes to us all, mate, and there's nothing we can do about it. I'm not religious, but I do feel as though there's a circle of life. Even if we do not rejoin the circle ourselves, we live on in our children and the memories of those we leave behind. I'm not particularly worried about my own death, as long as it's not too painful, but I worry about those I'll be leaving behind. I've worried too, for the past thirty years about my parents dying. I think I will find that particularly painful to bear, but they are in their 70's now. Each time they get ill I fear the worse. I worry, too, about my son having an accident. Twelve years ago one of my cousins lost her 8 year old son when he rode his bike under a car. You should never have to see your children die.

I think it's the finality of death which gets me the most. Knowing you are never going to see that person ever again. Everyone I know who has died has left a hole in my life, like a part of me is missing. The older I get, the more it happens too.

It is a part of life, though, and life is for living. I try to keep death at arm's length and not think about it too much when it's not around. Make the most of my own time here, and appreciate everyone else around me. We don't know how long we have left, or what may be awaiting us around the corner, so I try to enjoy every moment I have. Traffic jams particularly annoy me, because I feel they are robbing me of life.

Like Grondy suggested, spend that hour thinking about your Great Uncle. He is unlikely to know you were not there, and if he does, he's also likely to know that you wanted to be. If you feel the need, you can always visit your Great Aunt later. She'd probably appreciate it more anyway if you went later. Funerals can be overwhelming, while later, once everyone has gone, she may want the company.

My Uncle finally died this afternoon. In the end I think it was a relief for his family because they have been in Limbo for a week. I am dreading seeing them though. You kind of feel so useless because there are no words you can say to them that do anything to help.

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Elfstone
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Post#306 » Tue Jul 13, 2004 2:01 pm

My Uncle finally died this afternoon. In the end I think it was a relief for his family because they have been in Limbo for a week. I am dreading seeing them though. You kind of feel so useless because there are no words you can say to them that do anything to help.


I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle Val. My sincere condolences to you and your family! I also want to thank you and Grondy for your support and understanding regarding the difficult issues I was dealing with last week.
:elf:
"I would have the Ring-bearer bring the crown to me, and let Mithrandir set it upon my head, if he will; for he has been the mover of all that has been accomplished, and this is his victory." Elessar

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valedhelgwath
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Post#307 » Tue Jul 13, 2004 4:36 pm

I've a similar dilemna to you now, Elfstone. Because there had to be an inquest into my Uncle's death, the funeral will not be held until Monday. Unfortunately I'm due to go away to sea on Saturday evening for the start of this years cockle season. This is traditionally our most busy period at work, in which the staff and vessels are stretched to their limits for about a month. It is an unwritten rule that none of us book holidays during this period, and I even worked my girlfriend moving in around it. We cannot afford not to have the patrol boat at sea during this period, and me attending the funeral will necessitate the boat tying up for a day. If I said I needed to have the day off, that is what would happen, and nobody would blame me, but it would start the ball rolling with other people wanting time off during this period too. I am also going to be conducting some important research work over this period. The work can only be conducted in conjunction with the fishery, so if I lose this window, I will have to wait until next year to conduct the experiments.

I feel bad putting work before my family. I should be there for them. At the end of the day it is just a job, but to me it really is a whole lot more. It's not an easy choice though.

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nessa_narmolanya
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Post#308 » Tue Jul 13, 2004 7:31 pm

Gosh! Compared to you all, my problems seem minute! My latest problem is really long, so just skip over this.
I've always been sorta anti-boyfriend (from the age of 8 until now, 13) but recently, in my club newspaper, I was posted as being in love with a certain boy around here. And I just found out I do really like him. THEN, I found out he KISSED another girl yesterday! I was depressed all day, and cried myself to sleep. No mean comments please, it's a LONG story I don't have the heart to type out.
Yes im 13. Yes iv read it 20 times. Yes, im obsessed.

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Amarië
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Post#309 » Tue Jul 13, 2004 11:54 pm

I am sorry for your loss Elfy and Val.
My dad is a "sparky" on an oil platform in the North Sea. He is out two weeks home for four weeks (used to be three). This causes him to have missed several Christmases and birthdays and holidays with us. And funerals. Not long ago 4 of his aunts and uncles died quite closly one after the other and he only got to go in one funeral. They all lived nearby and I felt really sad that he couldn't be there..

I do not pray a lot, but I have sent a few prayer for Mils mom. I wish there was something more I could do.
:(
"Don't complain under the stars
about the lack of bright spots in you life."
Henrik Wergeland, Norwegian writer

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valedhelgwath
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Post#310 » Wed Jul 14, 2004 1:20 pm

Nessa, this is something that most people your age go through. It is heartbreaking when it happens, and you just want the ground to swallow you up. It won't help you to know either, that what you are feeling is likely to happen again sometime, and possibly many times.

Does this lad you like actually like the girl he kissed? Are they actually seeing each other? If he doesn't, or they aren't, maybe there is still hope for you. If they are going out with each other, take solace in the fact that most teenage romances don't last for more than a month or so. You may get another opportunity to catch his eye.

Does he know you like him? If he doesn't, maybe you should let him know. That piece of knowledge often sets the seed of desire.

If all else fails, just remember for every single girl out there, there's a single boy. You are bound to eventually find a few that you like. Personally, though, I think you had the best idea when you were younger. Not liking boys at your age isn't such a bad thing. We're made of slugs 'n' snails and puppy dog tails (not really, but we might as well be). You're actually better off without us for a while.

Hope things work out for you though.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


With regards my own problem about not being able to attend my Uncle's funeral.... When the lads at work found out, they took matters into their own hands and came up with a solution. To fit windows in the tides and around our work routine, they are going to shoot me up the river in the RIB at 4.30am Monday morning and pick me up again around the same time in the afternoon. They will cover my boardings during the day, and hopefully collect my samples from the experiment I am conducting too. Funerals are obviously not places to look forward to going to, but I feel a lot better now knowing I can at least make it.

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