A minute later, Gandalf shouted, "I've got it!" and stood up quickly from the moss-encrusted boulder he had been resting upon. His blue hat fell off in all the commotion, and he made a mad grab for it in vain; the hat came to rest on Sam's head, completely dwarfing him and covering him in shadow.
"You've got what?" asked Samwise, struggling to be freed from his ... prison. "A bruise on your noggin?"
"No, Fool of a Gamgee!" replied the wizard. "An answer to why this plotline has become so screwed up. It must me a film by Ralph Bakshi, since he was so hopelessly naive to details that he couldnt even get Celeborn's name right!"
"It doesn't feel like we're in a movie," Frodo said cautiously.
"How would you know?" Gandalf spake. "Have you ever had a dream so real that you were unable to tell the dream-world from the real world? What if you were unable to wake up? How would you know where you were? Consider this movie-world to be a dream-world."
Pippin shut his ears, saying "I'd rather be in a book."
Frodo says, "Hold on! Now this sounds like a Wachowski brothers movie! We've got Gonedaft as Morpheus...And I'm Neo (his smaller version). Look, there's Agent Smi-, oh, sorry, its just you, Elrond."
"Well, it's hard to tell them apart, since they're both played by Hugo Weaving in the movies." Gandalf said.
"Anyway," Gandalf said, "I remembered that those eagles are the fifteen Chieftains of the Eagle-lords, and they're good. So how can they be evil-acting? We must be in a movie." He calls for Legolamb to come back, and not to follow the script. The Elf sheepishly returns.
"But if that is true, Mithrandir" says Leggy, "whose movie are we in? It sounds like a movie by both Bakshi and the Wachowskis."
"I know!" said Merry, who had been following them for a while without saying a word. "It sounds exactly like a Peter Jackson movie! The low-budget, philosophy-enriched style, complete with a lack of attention for details sounds like our Kiwi friend!"
"Ah!" said Gandalf. "You have solved the riddle! Now let us enter the Mines of Moria."
The Fellowship looked at each other in disbelief, each silently saying to himself, what's he talking about??
"Oh! Sorry, wrong movie." amended Gandalf hastily. "Well, now that we know we're in a movie, let us be off! We must go to the TRUE Dark Tower, the place where the scripts and cameras are, stealthily recording our every action. To Wellington!"
The Company agreed, and went on the march to New Zealand (which happens to not exist yet in ME, but PJ doesnt concern himself with such details :) ), singing a song, deep and low:
To Wellington! Though Wellington be ringed and barred with doors of stone;
Though Wellington be strong and hard, as cold as stone and bare as bone,
We go, we go, we go to war, to hew the stone and break the door;
For bole and bough are burning now, the furnace roars - we go to war!
To land of gloom with tramp of doom, with roll of drum, we come, we come;
To Wellington with doom we come!
With doom we come, with doom we come!