What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

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celebriannenharma
Posts: 182

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#1 » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:33 am

Top 25 Things that would Insult Sauron:

1. Say to him conversationally, "so, you, the "Dark Lord," was really a tough guy who wanted to rule the world? Well, how come all it took to stop you was cutting off a few of your fingers?"
2. Tease him with a hot poker saying, "Do it, and I'll use this!"
3. Tell him that doing "evil things" is kind of girly.
4. Ask him if he has a prescription for Visine, then when he says "no," suggest he visits the local eye doctor.
5. Try to persudae him into playing "Ring around the rosie" with you.
6. Ask him to recite the "One Ring" phrases in the, Black Speech, five times fast.
7. Sing this song gayly, to the tune of "London Bridge is Falling Down" :
"Barad-Dur is falling down, falling down, falling down!
Barad-Dur if falling down, and it almost poked it's Eye out!"
8. Try to get him to join in with you singing, to the tune of "the Ants go Marching One by One" :
"The Uruks go marching one by one, hoorah! Hoorah! The Uruks go marching one by one, hoorah! Hoorah! The Uruks go marching one by one, the captain stops to suck his thumb, and they all go marching down, in the ground. To get away, from you reign."
9. Ask him, "So, why is it that you never had a girlfirned, again?"
10. Ask him curiously, "Why would you want the One Ring when you don't even have any fingers?"
11. Suggest to him that he meet Lord Voldemort. They could do girly "evil things" together."
12. Ask him curiously, "When you get tires, how do you sleep? Your only Eye is lidless!"
13. Try to persuade him to play jacks with you, then, after ten minutes of pleading, say, "Oops! I forgot... you don't have any hands!"
14. Try to get him to play "Hide and Seek" with you, but don't give him a chance to hide. Instead, just run aroung hiding behind random things, yelling, "Can you find me now? How 'bout now? And now?"
15. Sign him up and audition for a Verizon commercial. "Can you see me now? Good!"
16. Blame everything on "The Precious."
17. Attempt a knock-knock joke: "Knock-knock." "Who's there?" "What? Where?" (look behind you confusedly)
18. Point out that his "evil is showing."
19. Ask himto tell you a bedtime story at lunch time.
20. Tell him that the only evil people who really succeed are the ones with college educations.
21. Ask him to help you tye your shoelaces. Then start throwing a childish fit when he says, "no."
22. Ask him if he wants to thumb wrestle, then realize, quite loudly, that he doesn't have any thumbs.
23. Buy him chocolate on Valentin's Day. Write on the card: "Eye Love You, my Precious. From, the One."
24.Tell him "fire engine red" lipstick would bring out his Eye.
25. Persuade him to play, "Eye Spy" with you. and insist that he has to say every time, "I spy, with my one, humungous, red, fiery, burning eyeball...."

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celebriannenharma
Posts: 182

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#2 » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:41 am

The Top 10 Reasons the LOTR Characters Should Have Been Girls:

1. Isildur wouldn't have been stupid enough to kee the Ring in the first place. He would have cast it into the fiery chasm from whence it came.
2. Gollum would have seen the Ring as a fine piece of jewelry, not called it "My Precious," but "My snoogie-woogie-kins," and he would never have lost it.
3. Pippin wouln't be called a "Fool" of a Took, but a "Fabulous" of a Took.
4. Sam would have went on Tony Little's exercise program before trying to climb Mt. Doom. It would have been easier for him.
5. Sauron's Eye would have, big, long eyelashes to keep out the ash in the air in Mordor. That way, his Eye wouldn't be burning all the time.
6. Elrond would have better fashion sense in his eyebrows.
7. Celeborn would be able to talk better and not be so, well...creepy?
8. Gimli wouldn't be so grumpy all the time. (with the exception of PMS)
9. Denethor would be, well, better.
10. Boromir wouldn't be tempted to take the Ring. Instead, he would spread terrible gossip about Frodo to the rest of the Fellowship. Much more fun, I think. :)

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celebriannenharma
Posts: 182

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#3 » Wed Aug 03, 2005 12:10 pm

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You About Middle Earth was started by Celebriannenharma on August 3rd, 2005.

This thread should contain humorous " Top ## " Lists regarding the people(s) of Middle Earth. I have made two already, just for example. I'm sure you all can come up with some more good ones! Have Fun! :elfwink:

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celebriannenharma
Posts: 182

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#4 » Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:03 am

I was hoping to get more interest than this... you guys are really missing out! Anyway, since I think think humorous list-making is fun, here's another one...

This is a helpful list of what never to say to an Uruk-hai:

1. Dread locks just aren't cool anymore.
2. I think your sandals are cute. Where'd you get them?
3. That stuff you drink isn't exactly delightful.
4. Face painting was fun when we were six, but your faces being painted is just plain weird. Yes, kind of creepy.
5. Tic-tacs anyone?
6. That pony tail makes brings out your cute side.
7. Dental higene is very important. Ever heard of mouth wash? Dental Floss? Toothpaste!? Anything!?


Well, that's all I got! If anyone would like to post one, feel free! :)

Rivendellelf1977
Posts: 846

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#5 » Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:13 pm

Celebriannenharma this is a really cool thread but im not very good @ thinking of funny things so if i wuz better i would definately join in. and i really think that your lists r very funny! :funnylaugh: :grin:

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#6 » Thu Aug 04, 2005 5:51 pm

:withstupid: And that isn't meant to be detrimental to either of us. I'm not a funny list maker; it is hard enough for me to come up with one funny at a time.
'Share and enjoy'

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celebriannenharma
Posts: 182

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#7 » Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:19 pm

Well, instead of lists, maybe we could turn this into just one thing at a time. You know what I mean? Like maybe a thing like this: someone could post a topic, and a few people could come up with something humorous about that topic. Then, someone else could come up with a new topic. If anyone would be interested in that, just post!

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#8 » Fri Aug 05, 2005 6:08 pm

What Tolkien didn't tell us about keeping our shoe laces ties so we didn't trip over them:

1) All hobbit feet with hair longer than one inch shall wear it in braids.
'Share and enjoy'

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miruvor
Posts: 849

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#9 » Fri Aug 05, 2005 6:11 pm

Tolkien didn't tell us the year Lady Éowyn died, although he mentions the year Faramir dies : IV 82.

Tolkien also didn't tell us Legolas's birth year.

Tis i find a bit frustrating. Am i the only one who loses sleep because of this ? (:-P

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grondmaster
Posts: 25451

What Tolkien Didn't Tell You..

Post#10 » Sat Aug 06, 2005 6:39 pm

Tolkien didn't tell us that all those Elven warriors, including Haldir, gave up their lives at the Fortress of Helm's Deep, in order that the Rohirrim inside it could hold out until the forces of Gandalf and Éomer rode out of the sunrise relieve them.
'Share and enjoy'

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