Top 25 Things that would Insult Sauron:
1. Say to him conversationally, "so, you, the "Dark Lord," was really a tough guy who wanted to rule the world? Well, how come all it took to stop you was cutting off a few of your fingers?"
2. Tease him with a hot poker saying, "Do it, and I'll use this!"
3. Tell him that doing "evil things" is kind of girly.
4. Ask him if he has a prescription for Visine, then when he says "no," suggest he visits the local eye doctor.
5. Try to persudae him into playing "Ring around the rosie" with you.
6. Ask him to recite the "One Ring" phrases in the, Black Speech, five times fast.
7. Sing this song gayly, to the tune of "London Bridge is Falling Down" :
"Barad-Dur is falling down, falling down, falling down!
Barad-Dur if falling down, and it almost poked it's Eye out!"
8. Try to get him to join in with you singing, to the tune of "the Ants go Marching One by One" :
"The Uruks go marching one by one, hoorah! Hoorah! The Uruks go marching one by one, hoorah! Hoorah! The Uruks go marching one by one, the captain stops to suck his thumb, and they all go marching down, in the ground. To get away, from you reign."
9. Ask him, "So, why is it that you never had a girlfirned, again?"
10. Ask him curiously, "Why would you want the One Ring when you don't even have any fingers?"
11. Suggest to him that he meet Lord Voldemort. They could do girly "evil things" together."
12. Ask him curiously, "When you get tires, how do you sleep? Your only Eye is lidless!"
13. Try to persuade him to play jacks with you, then, after ten minutes of pleading, say, "Oops! I forgot... you don't have any hands!"
14. Try to get him to play "Hide and Seek" with you, but don't give him a chance to hide. Instead, just run aroung hiding behind random things, yelling, "Can you find me now? How 'bout now? And now?"
15. Sign him up and audition for a Verizon commercial. "Can you see me now? Good!"
16. Blame everything on "The Precious."
17. Attempt a knock-knock joke: "Knock-knock." "Who's there?" "What? Where?" (look behind you confusedly)
18. Point out that his "evil is showing."
19. Ask himto tell you a bedtime story at lunch time.
20. Tell him that the only evil people who really succeed are the ones with college educations.
21. Ask him to help you tye your shoelaces. Then start throwing a childish fit when he says, "no."
22. Ask him if he wants to thumb wrestle, then realize, quite loudly, that he doesn't have any thumbs.
23. Buy him chocolate on Valentin's Day. Write on the card: "Eye Love You, my Precious. From, the One."
24.Tell him "fire engine red" lipstick would bring out his Eye.
25. Persuade him to play, "Eye Spy" with you. and insist that he has to say every time, "I spy, with my one, humungous, red, fiery, burning eyeball...."