Love or Obsession?

User avatar
PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Love or Obsession?

Post#1 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Could be either Taz. I personally don't like the thought of any girly I've ever been with ever being with anyone else, but then I have an ego roughly the size of Jupiter so I feel they should spend the rest of their lives pining for me. Love is whatever it is for you, it is different for everyone, and a very difficult thing to find in this world.
Speaking as one who is sure (just for once) that he has found it this time, I'm going to look smug now. I always used to have these dilemmas myself, love, or just good old fashioned lust? Frankly, I have both now. Which I think is a good thing, it's true what they say, when it turns up, you just know.
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

User avatar
MelliotSandybanks
Posts: 1517

Love or Obsession?

Post#2 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Taz,
since you have to ask this question, I would say that it is not love. The two most important factors in love or, in any relationship for that matter, are trust and commuincation. If you can't talk to the perosn or trust him/her there is no relationship. How you define those terms is up to you and the other person. Lust is a great aspect in a relationship, and if you are lucky enough to find both love and lust in one, never let it go.

Plastic is right love is different for every person, but when you find it, you will know with out having to ask a question like that. Something else you need to remember is that you need to be able to accept a person for whom they are, and not try to change them. People do grow and change over time, but if you try to change someone it always back fires. Also, be willing to accept the natural changes a person goes through in life. A relationship will work if both people change together. If they don't and they change in different directions it can cause a lot of problems.

A little jealousy is ok, but you can't let it control you. Getting jealous because s/he is chatting with someone else in a bar is not a good thing. Who cares? That person is leaving with you. Not someone they picked up. Chatting in a pub or some place else is one thing, but it is who you leave with that is important.

There is no real way to define love, but you will know when you find it. Btw, Plastic, I am glad you have found the love of your life. I have too. It is a great feeling, isn't it?

Taz, you are only 19. I am very confident that you will also find the love of your life some day. Between 19 and when I found Matthew, I had been engaged 3 times. But I never married those guys because there was just something missing. I could not put my finger on it. So I just kept waiting. The break ups were very difficult, but because of them I did find my true love.

Just take your time, and enjoy life. When you least expect it Love always finds you.

User avatar
rednell
Posts: 1798

Love or Obsession?

Post#3 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

That is a tough one, Taz, and hard to put into words. It is sometimes easy for someone on the outside looking in to see the difference but very difficult when you are head over heels.
But here is my take on it, whether words of wisdom or lack thereof, I am not sure.
Love does not know jealousy. When you are in love, you love the whole person; you see the inner beauty and care little about the outer shell. When someone is flirting with your true love, neither of you will notice the flirtation as anything more than just socializing, because you both know and trust your love is true. When you love someone you do not try to change them, you accept that neither you nor he/she is perfect.
Obsession lends itself to jealousy really well. Think of it as owning an object that is very beautiful and so precious to you that you will not share it, however, you want people to know you own it. When obsessed, you want control. You want it all. There is no trust in obsession, only suspicion.
I agree with Squirrel that when it turns up, you just know it. You do not have to ask if it is true love; the person you want to spend the rest of you life with, you just know it is. True love must be reciprocated. It should not be seeing your lover chatting it up with admirers that hurts, it should be the empty feeling in your heart that hurts when you are apart.
True love knows hurt but it does not know anger. Obsession allows hurt to evolve into anger.
True love is not easy to find but it is amazing when you do.
nn[Edited on 14/10/2002 by Rednell]

User avatar
valedhelgwath
Posts: 4233

Love or Obsession?

Post#4 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Plastic, Mellie, Rednell congratulations on having experienced true love. I'm afraid, being cold heartless Val, I never have and to be honest I don't want to. It actually sounds horrible. I much prefer to be my own person and not have to worry about the "what ifs" that go hand in hand with love.

As for seeing ex-girlfriends with other men, it doesn't bother me at all. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If I move on from a relationship, I cannot expect them not to as well.

My suggestion to you, Taz, and others might rip me down for it, is to get out and find someone else you are attracted to. Don't worry about whether you have anything in common, or what things will be like six months down the line... just get in there, be honest with her about what you want, have a bit of fun, and if things aren't perfect after a few days find another one. I've just read what I've wrote and it sounds horrible, but I found it worked pretty good for me. The thing is, you have to be honest with them, otherwise you start leaving a trail of broken hearts behind you. (sorry to you ladies out there for refering to you as "thems")

The thing is, to heal you need to move on yourself. There will be things about your last girlfriend that you may never find in anyone else. That is because we are all unique. Rather than search for those traits in your next girlfriend, however, concentrate on the unique things she has to offer you instead. Even if you don't find true love straight away, you can have a lot of fun looking, and if you don't treat them badly, you might find some of them remain good friends even after you have split up.

Sorry if this post offends anyone. It is just my view based on my own experiences, and I fully accept (indeed expect) that everyone has views that differ from my own.

User avatar
rednell
Posts: 1798

Love or Obsession?

Post#5 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

I did not find your post offensive at all, Val. That is the whole dating game in a nutshell. I am sure you are not the only one to experience this whole routine and to prefer to keep it this way. In fact, we all have at some point, I am sure. There is not one thing wrong with your attitude towards love, if, as you say, you are honest and treat the person right. Actually true love usually hits you when you are not looking for it anyway.
I'm afraid, being cold heartless Val

You are anything but cold and heartless, Val.

The thing is, to heal you need to move on yourself. There will be things about your last girlfriend that you may never find in anyone else. That is because we are all unique. Rather than search for those traits in your next girlfriend, however, concentrate on the unique things she has to offer you instead. Even if you don't find true love straight away, you can have a lot of fun looking, and if you don't treat them badly, you might find some of them remain good friends even after you have split

Actually this is good, practical advice.
:smoke:

User avatar
Snape
Posts: 1294

Love or Obsession?

Post#6 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Plastic, Mellie, Rednell congratulations on having experienced true love. I'm afraid, being cold heartless Val, I never have and to be honest I don't want to. It actually sounds horrible
Well from my own experience keep well away, there is no such thing as love only hurt. It's all bull***t mate!
You are anything but cold and heartless, Val.
Good 'old Val, PT's own resident playboy :elfbiggrin:

User avatar
Allyssa
Posts: 1657

Love or Obsession?

Post#7 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Just thought I would throw in my two cents worth:

Love is caring for someone else more than you care for yourself. You love someone when you would willingly, and without hesitation, take a bullet to protect them.

True love for me? For my children, and once - a very long time ago - for a man.
"May the Angels Guide"

User avatar
PlasticSquirrel
Posts: 3577

Love or Obsession?

Post#8 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Wow, I have to agree with pretty much everything that's been said, especially by Val, though personally I never gave a **** whether ot not I hurt anyone's feelings at the time I was doing such things (the story of my old "Lucky 7" is priceless, but not for these pages I fear). And if you remember nearly every post I made here in the past couple of years Taz, I thought just like you for a real long time. And like Melly, between the ages of 16 and 24 I got engaged 3 times. However this time I've learned my lesson, why bother complicating things with all that? I have no need for a new toaster just yet.
And Melly, you're right it is great!
http://www.plasticsquirrel.co.uk for all your bizarre music and musings needs

User avatar
valedhelgwath
Posts: 4233

Love or Obsession?

Post#9 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Good 'old Val, PT's own resident playboy
Hardly that, Taz ;)

My girlfriend had better not see this thread... she'd kill me (actually, she'd be very hurt, in fact wounded. I've been seeing her now for over two years. Does the fact that I'd hate to do that to her mean that I love her?)

Taz, old mate, why do you keep stirring up all these questions within me? Do I? Don't I? Do I actually care whether I do or don't? In a way I wish I did, because she loves me to bits. So did my wife until she sussed I didn't really love her the same.... AHHHH its all so complicated. Love's for girls, and that's that. Why can't they accept we prefer computers, boats and football? :)

User avatar
rednell
Posts: 1798

Love or Obsession?

Post#10 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Ahhhhh... the world of the Martians :makeout: and Venusians :iloveyou:.

Return to “The Green Dragon”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron