Coarl, a child in Rohan.

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Coarl, a child in Rohan.

Post#1 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

That was great Nessa! I can't wait to find out what happens next. More please. :D
A mind full of fire and a fistful of steel.

Posts: 64

Coarl, a child in Rohan.

Post#2 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Oh, but it doesn't look very good for the boy at all.

I'd like to see this continue. It's a great idea: taking that boy mentioned so briefly in the novel and showing the battle through his eyes. What next? He is injured, at the least, so he can't go to Gondor. Perhaps a story about what it was like for those in Rohan who stayed behind?

Your English is rough in places, of course, but it's easy enough to read. I hate to give any advice at all, because if I tried to write a story in another language, I couldn't do it! But my one suggestion, if you want any, is to watch verb tenses. Sometimes you use present where past would be a little better, or vice versa.

Even so, this is good, Nessa, and I am impressed!

Posts: 86

Coarl, a child in Rohan.

Post#3 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Even so, this is good, Nessa, and I am impressed!

Thanks ;-)

What next? He is injured, at the least, so he can't go to Gondor. Perhaps a story about what it was like for those in Rohan who stayed behind?

You are too far away in the story *g* at first they rescue him!

Oh please, when you finde time, give me advise!!
But my one suggestion, if you want any, is to watch verb tenses. Sometimes you use present where past would be a little better, or vice versa.

Mhm yeah a problem at all, I think I make the same mistake in the next part.

But I go home and work it over okay??
Bey then

Posts: 86

Coarl, a child in Rohan.

Post#4 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Coarl tryed to move and looked around himself. What’s happened? He heard the sound of the great horn of the Hornburg. I am sleeping? I am dreaming? What’s going on? He trembling and tried to remember. Black from the Deep there came the echoes, blast upon blast. And the echoes seemed not to die.
Coarl raised his upper body and he saw the black arrow shaft in his left shoulder and then he heard the riders shouting: “Helm; Helm is arisen and comes to war! Helm for Theoden King!” And all his memories came back to him; the war; Eomer; the orc’s. Coarl looked around but he found himself alone between rocks and dead bodies. He saw that the great gate was broken and tried to stand up, but the pain in his left shoulder was great, he could not move the left arm, and he could not move his legs. He screamed in fear and tried to push the dead body away from him. It was one of the Westfoldmen, Hountor, he knew him, but he was heavy and big, and he head only one arm left, and his head………….Coarl closed his eyes. There was no head at all. He could see the face, which had a terrifying look, the eyes where wide open, and stared on him, the mouth still screamed in fear. But there was no back of the head. Poor Hountor.
Where is grandfather? Coarl screamed: “Grandfather, Grandfather help me!!” There was no answer. Tears dropped from his eyes and he felled lonely and wished himself in the caves to his mother and grandmother.
Coarl then listened, he heard horses, and the night began to depart. There was a big hole in the papered and he could see down on the causeway. “Forth Eorlingas” >>Coarl could not believe his eyes, there rode the King, on his white horse, his golden shield and the long spear glitter in the sun. “The King, the King” he shouted in wonder and joy. There was still hope for victory and forgot for a moment the dead body on his legs. Coarl saw only the causeway but he could hear the battle. The orc’s cried in fear and Coarl ask himself why? He only could remember their angry and powerful screams. Then he saw a light and it seemed that everybody was quite for a moment. Coarl tried again to move the dead body and overcome his fears, pushing with all his strangest in the right arm. But he failed and screamed then the left arm bornd like fire and his body felt cold as well, black spots danced in front of his eyes.
Then he heard “Erkenbrand, Erkenbrand, he came to help!!” Was this now the fully victory?
But still he sad unnoticed from anyone between the rocks and other fallen men. The time past slow and Coarl sad silent, trying not to move then his shoulder and left arm where only fire at all. He past over and over out, only for a short moment, but he did. The air around him was stale and stunk of decomposition and they’re where many flees around him. Coarl began in his loneliness to cry and whimper, at first more quietly, but then loud and full of fear.
After a while he heard the King, who was walking back to the Hornburg, and a men in a white robe, the Lord Eomer, the Lord Aragorn and the Elf and dwarf where with him. And then he saw the Lord Erkenbrand. He knew hi well, then his own father was a rider in his household, but he could not see him or his grandfather. Don’t let them be dead he thought, no no.
He didn’t know what else to do, so he began to scream and shout down from where he law: “ Erkenbrand, Lord Erkenbrand, please help me, don’t let me lay here!” At first the men seemed not to hear him and walked on, so he screamed even louder “Erkenbrand, Lord Erkenbrand, please help me!!”. The host stopped and they looked around, then Erkenbrand suddenly remembered the voice and shouted “Coarl where are you, what’s wrong?!!” Coarl told them where he was and soon after Erkenbrand and two other men found him “Alas, boy, how long have you been laying here??” And they trembled as well as say saw the dead body. They picked him up and Erkenbrand brought him in the Burg to Gandalf. Still Coarl looked at him in wonder and he could not move. “Erkenbrand, what news of my father?” Erkenbrand looked at him and his eyes told Coarl that there where no good news for him “ No No don’t tell me,” He tried to stand up. “Lay still boy” He heard the commanding voice of Gandalf “ I will have a look at your wound!” But Coarl began to cry, “Why Why, and what is with my grandfather, what is with the Old Gamling??!”
In this moment a deep voice from the other end of the room answered. “When he is your grandfather, I can tell you he is well and alive!” Coarl looked up in astonishment “Oh master dwarf, that are better news, Oh and you safed Eomers life!!” he shouted at him and Eomer who stand as well, unnoticed in the room, sayed “Not only my life, Alas he safed many life’s with his axe as well as other safed with a bow or a sword” What Coarl didn’t know that the Lord Aragorn and Master Legolas where as well in the room. Then suddenly he head a “NOW” from Gandalf and Erkenbrand hold him down with his strong arms. “AhA” he screamed again>>>and past out.

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