Battle Mage

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Posts: 1657

Battle Mage

Post#1 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Great start, roc777. And Welcome to PT btw. ;)

The only difficulty I have with it is some of the names of the characters. Good character names are important, and very difficult to create; I know. It is just that 'Holdan' sounds a bit like Holden and 'Josie' sounds a little effeminite for a war captain. You may want to rethink those.

Otherwise, I think it would make for a great opening to a story. I hope there will be more? :D
"May the Angels Guide"

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Posts: 4233

Battle Mage

Post#2 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Hi Roc777. Welcome to Planet Tolkien. :)

Your story had me interested right from the start, and it holds the promise of excitement to come. You maybe need to run through it and check the punctuation a little, but apart from that, it was very enjoyable. I look forward to reading more of it.

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Battle Mage

Post#3 » Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am

Hi all,
Thanks for the comments I appreciate them. I wasn't sure how large a post I could make so this is only a small part of the short story. The full version and others can be found at my site If you get a chance swing by, I would love to here any thoughts you might have on my work.


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