I had an idea that it might be useful for folks around here to confess something that they have done that they regret, without being too shocking, political, "adult", or religious, so that 1.,They can see that they are not alone in being flawed, 2. They do not have to carry the burden around anymore. Anyone can comment on such confessions, if they are tactful, careful of one another's feelings, honest and helpful in some way. It can be in their daily life, their childhood, something that they haven't done yet, and something that either involves others or just themselves. It can be something simple, like regretting not having read the Silmarillion all the way through(though I doubt there's anyone), or something as complex as breaking someone's heart purposefully(not me). Just remember that this is a family site and that some people are more impressionable than others. You can also write down as many as you like and use this thread as a sort of catharsis. Okay, go!
I'll start: I deeply regret never graduating High School. I dropped out when I was 17, six months away from graduation. My parents were flaky and I was actually homeless at the time and I found it unbearable to go to school with dirty clothes, no money and no hope. I am embarrassed to death about this fact and I know some of you will probably look down on me for being so irresponsible and ignorant, but if I'd had whatever wisdom then that I do now, I would have done the right thing. I intend to try to get my diploma equivalent someday in the near future, when my kids get a tad bit older, but if there are any young adults out there in PT land that are considering dropping out-DON'T DO IT!!!! You'll regret it forever-trust me. So that's only one of my regrets. Anyone want to be brave and go next?
I was raised by two people not my parents who were into very dark and scarey things and I was dreadfully abused. They had one child of their own whom I love very much. They abused me so much I spent much of my time in hospital but because of their affluence and prestige in the community and other things everyone looked the other way.
Once on holiday the woman smashed my head with a cast iron frying pan and I went into seizures and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital. While I was being worked on, for the first time in my life I decided to tell what had really happened instead of my usual coverup lies. I wanted me and my brother to be rescued and after I was given a needle to sedate me I tried telling but they could not understand me. I was flown by helicopter to see a noted nuerosurgeon and he told me to my face he knew what happened and that if I told I would never have to go out that door to them again. But I knew my little brother would not be with me and being only twelve I was well stupid. I kept quiet and he with tears in his eyes had to let me go. Needless to say it went much worse for me after until years later when she took her life and we were free. I regret that.I was foolish.
But I did then devote and still am , a great deal of my life working with battered and at risk children finding a way for them to not be in that situation any longer. So something good came out of my mistake.
Laurelindher, many of my friends did not finish their high school until their little ones were older. I am so excited for you and when you do we shall th row a cyber party! ..hugs.
I am embarrassed to death about this fact and I know some of you will probably look down on me for being so irresponsible and ignorant,
Oh no , you should not be .I will never judge you for it .Those who do are ignorant to the fact that you succeeded in the end.
I'm proud just knowing you and even prouder to be your friend in fellowship
And Leelee ..reading your story makes me so sad but at the same time I'm also proud of what you became later in life An intelligent and wonderful woman whom I'm sure will share all of your knowledge with the kids you work with
I'm proud to call you my friend
As for myself I don't have any regrets in life so far.I had a wonderful childhood and youth ,married my sweetheart whom I still love dearly Proud mother of 4 wonderful kids..Enough said ..
Mellon, bless you for having such a positive outlook on life-if only we all could learn to never look back!
Thank you both for sharing.
As for regrets ... I don't know where to start. I have so many from 17 years of living that I couldn't possibly write all of them down and almost anything can trigger a memory of one of them. I'd have to pick a theme to try and remember all the ones that fit into that category.
One such regret is that one day (not so long ago, maybe a month) my cat was being really friendly, purring and rubbing against me and following me around all day, trying to sit in my lap, etc. This was out of character for her she was certainly a friendly kitty, but not usually to me. So I ignored her that day, spending the day typing on forums and reading fanfiction until at supper-time. At that moment, I was typing a post on a LotR forum, when she suddenly made this really loud noise and just died. It was totally unexpected: she was only 6 or 7, and our previous cats had all lived to at least 18 (or even 22). So I was really upset after that, since she had spent the last day of her life trying to get my attention, but I kept ignoring her, thinking I had higher priorities. We don't know what killed her but it was so sudden. I sometimes think that maybe she would still be alive if I had only paid attention to her that day, that maybe she died of a broken heart because shortly after she realized I wasn't going to pay attention to her, she laid down and died.
So that's one of my less controversial regrets.
I am so sorry, Leelee...
That, actually, is my biggest regret. I have moved a lot, and I have been in and seen a lot of different situations, that I know for a fact that I could have made a difference. I could have done so much for so many people if only I had let go of the luxury of my shyness, the timidity that I at times fostered and encouraged in myself. I chose to hide, when I could/should/would have been such an influence for good in other people's lives...I let myself be shy to the point that stepping out the door every day became physically painful. As an elementary student, I would leave the lunch room after no more than five minutes, ready to throw up from the stress of being around so many people. I attended about four elementary schools in three states, and never once found it in myself to step out of my comfort zone to help another in need. I never had many friends, and so I knew what it was like to be lonely, and how much it hurt, and yet I could never find it in myself to reach out to someone else I knew was hurting like I was. If they reached out to me first, well then great, I was a friend loyal to the point of annoyance, but I regret and remember almost every face I chose not to help, that I chose to not reach out to when all they needed was a simple friend.
I regret being weak, and in the light of what others face on a daily basis, I feel ashamed even acknowledging that as my regret. I have always had things so eary in comparison, and yet I still find reasons not to do all I can to aid those I know are in need.
All of you so far are so amazingly honest in your posts! Seriously, that takes a huge amount of guts and you deserve a hug and a pat on the back!
Having worked with hundreds of children and youth let me encourage you in something. Neither of you is responsible for your phobias and your shyness and such. I have studied that deeply and have found that infant trauma, even being born, not having quite enough oxygen at birth, being frightened by a stranger when one's parents did not even know, lack of proper nutrients etc cause all the symptoms you mention. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of, nothing.
We live in a society and time where many live a seemingly carefree life and jetset here and ther and party and achieve also seemingly great things,well many such would tell me privately of the hell they were living in, the drugs and alcohol they took secretly to get them through. Others use excercise , you name it to get t hrough.
My studies also showed me if children do not come from generations , at least three or four, of happily married parents with extended relatives to love and nurture them, they tend to develop fears of abandonment , fears of gettting close to anyone, all sorts of fears.And the fact is, that until just a couple of generations ago families tended to stay put in one place, so a shy person would not have been really noticed and they would not have to feel any embarrasment, they were safe and in a familiar place.
I really council the children or youth to NEVER let anyone make them feel small, to NEVER let another judge them, to stay in their comfort zones while seeing to their dreams and hopes. If though one cannot go down the street or to market, then a good counsellor is enormously helpful, someone who can be trusted to help the person conquer tiny bit by tiny bit the worst bit of the fears so they can function.And there are many others in this world who share the same feelings. Emily Dickenson , the great poet lived in her house for the most part. that was her choice.
Agoraphobia also may come from an illness where the body is so exhausted that everything is frightening, it may come from a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be adjusted. It may come from hormonal problems. But it is not and never will be a sign of weakeness or inadequacy on the part of the person. Sometimes just lonliness or not being understood , or a violent neighborhood can bring these feelings. Lack of sleep is definitely a contributor.
So be your own doctor and if needed go to a specialist and get the help YOU want, not something that someone else tries to force upon you.
If you are between the ages of fifteen and thirty, often the problems will spontaneously recover. it is a mystery how and why but it is common.
I remember once being at an historic site with my tiny daughter, who by the way has suffered sever agrophobia and after applying good nutrition and excercise is now able to travel thousands of miles alone. And she nearly gave up on her life.Well we were visiting this place with her school class and came into the main house, a beautiful three story. The teacher had told all the children to follow her up and away went my daughter too. But then I looked over and saw a small boy , sweat upon his face,and knew instantly he had a terror of steps and heights. I told him I was afraid of many things too and did he want me to take his h and? He took mine and we went as high as he could and t hen came back down. He was ecstatic, he had never ever climbed one step before. But I did not encourage him to go higher. He was so happy and squeezed my hand. It was our little secret.
I believe that often times the few really strong and secure people in th is world, unlike dear Mellon who astounds me at h er understanding, well many of the rest think it is their right to decide what is the way and manner that the rest of us should live, from kindergarten to the job force. And really who are they to decide? So if we are n ot careful, the rest of us go about feeling depressed, inadequate, like something is wrong with us. That is not for another to decide for the most part. If we harm none and do our best in life, we have already done more than many and should be treated properly. So take heart. You can still help others in the way best for you, writing, painting, talking one to one , baking cookies for a poor person or a sick neighbor. You will find your own way.
And it was hard for m e to write about my life. I ask no pity, for out of my grief came something good. I only thought that it might encourage others, for for years I had no one. I was eventually thrown out right after I graduated at sixteen, in to a city of millions and I was terrified. I did not do well, but I survived. And strangely enough I was able to write articles to help others in poverty and fear, so that they could live lives of dignity and eat well and live well on a small amount of income. Go figure!
Thankyou all for your kind words. I shall hold them and you in my heart forever.
I can't pass by this thread without saying that it is hard for me to read. I've come to care about you all here and to hear you express regrets and sadnesses makes me sad, too. I have to offer cyber-hugs and comfort .. Of course I have many regrets of my own, too many to number and I'm too embarassed to talk much about them but will mention one.
When I was in High school (I don't know what part of school this compares to in the UK) I had to take the horrible yellow school bus home. One day a younger girl sat next to me. She was a poor thing who was tormented by other kids and I had a lot of sympathy for her as I had been in the same position a couple years before. I didn't know her well and we didn't talk but I asked her - and I feel terrible even now, forty years later - when she was getting off. I was thinking that, if we changed places while the bus was already at a stop, I wouldn't have to crawl over her if my turn to get off came first but of course it didn't sound like that to her. She stiffened and didn't respond and I froze, realizing too late that she thought I couldn't wait to be rid of her. Some time later I had an oppourtunity to apologise but was too embarassed and couldn't think how to phrase it so its a double regret.
I like to think that someday when in the Undying lands there will be time to make amends.
Anyway, you're not being negative or something, you're just being a human.