Thread: Merry Making at Rivendel (story board)
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"Oh, he'll be back in under two weeks." promised Elrohir, "He's so old and desiccated already, that Ungoliant will throw him back as a lost cause. There is no way she can suck blood out of that turnip!"
Arwen looked at her brothers with disgust. "You guys never appreciated Daddy," she said, "you're just jealous 'cause he loved me the mostest."
The real Elrond steps out of the corner in which he was hiding....
"Well, I am glad that wasn't me.... Now where are the wine barrels, I'm set to get plastered tonight..."
Elrond staggered over to where a voluptuous
elf-maiden was pouring some alcoholic murivor into a large tankard marked with the elf rune E.
Elladan and Elrohir look disapointed and Arwen looks confused.
"Hey there pretty lady, you ever met a real elf before? You know it's true what they say about us don't you? Things only improve with age"
At this point, one of the decorations fell off the wall laughing it's a*se off at the cheap lines, it was plastic and rodent-esque, and was very happy to land in the punch.
"Who let that little dastard in here!" stormed Elrond, who was very unhappy to have the moment ruined like that.
"Help!" Elrond's muffled cry could be heard in the gloom.
The cloud lifted, and everyone looked around. There was no sign of Elrond! In his place stood a pile of leaves and a chewed bubblegum.
"Relics from the Two Trees of Valinor!" cried an Elf. "This can only mean one thing - that evil Ungoliant Gloomweaver has Elfnapped Elrond!"
"Oh no!" cried Arwen. "Poor daddy - what do we do?"
"Where is Merry?" piped a small voice.
"Why, it's Pippin!" exclaimed Arwen "Why do you think that Merry will be here, my dear hobbit?"
"Well" stammered Pippin and blushed "Somebody told me that the title of this story is "Merry making in Rivendell", so I naturally thought..."
"And you were right!" shouted the Plastic Squirrel and tore away his ears, teeth and large fluffy tail made of a particularly bright orange plastic "It's me! We Tooks and Brandybucks will never miss such an occasion to drink the best miruvor in the Middle Earth!"
At that moment, all the lights went out, and there were some startled screams. When the lights came back on, the Elrond Impersonator was standing where he had been before he was kidnapped, looking exhauseted and rather dazed. His long hair was standing on end and his elaborate circlet hung over one eye.
"You wont believ what just happened to me..." he puffed
"Because I am talkative" answered Elrond
"Please don't" came the cry of the boys in the backroom.
And Elrond began, "The Night was dark and stormy..."
[Edited on 16/3/2002 by Allyssa]
"Imposter!" he cried, "I am the real Elrond"
The three children look confused, staring at first one and then the other.
"Which is Daddy?" Arwen asked her brethren.
They both shook their heads in unison.
"I am daughter!" Exclaimed the other looking around, trying to see who spoke.
A tall, dark haired elven woman entered, easing across the floor with cat-like grace.
"I am called Eryan." she smiled
Behind her entered someone dressed in a strange looking squirrel outfit, a Swamp-elf, Huan the hound, a half-hobbit, a gnympie ant, TomBombadillo, a rather boring looking fellow, a chikakat (whatever that is), and a large numeral 42. Allyssa handed them all a drink of murivor.
"Hmmm," said Elladan to his brother, "This lot looks like fun, I wonder will they say anything?"
Elrohir didn't reply as twins don't need to answer each other.
[10 days and counting]
Elrond began to suspect something.
"Someone put something into my miruvor!" he exclaimed "But who and why?"
And then suddenly he conceived a dreadful suspection.
"Allyssa! It was YOU! You evidently like to be the only one to write this story!"
"No it's not me!" protested Allyssa with a feeble voice and then fell asleep, too.
"It's not she" muttered Elrond "So WHO in the Middle-Earth could try to spoil my Merry Making?"
Tom proceeds to make up a rhyme and lays about the midges with:
"Midgey, midgey in the air.
Find another house; go there.
If you won't, then beware,
My vacuum cleaner becomes a snare."
The midges getting the idea, head on over toward Beorn's house with visions of heavenly honey dancing in their tiny heads, once again leaving Elrond's place unprotected from uninvited party animals.
"Oh, Tommy your so smart," says Goldie, "again you have proved that Mother was wrong. Now we can go to the party."
"Hells..." frowned Tom as they halted before him, their features hidden within their cowls. "Here goes the neighbourhood. Why Elrond diverted that stream to form a water feature beats me?"
The lead rider swung out of his saddle and stood tall before Tom, a cruel dagger tucked into his belt.
"The Shire's that'away," spoke Tom coldly, pointing west. He did not like the way the figure appeared to be sniffing the air around Goldberry. Goldberry clung to his arm protectively.
"Hobbits.." Tom added thoughtfully. "They always throw a good party. Just ask for the Bagginses."
The figure before him raised its head and shrieked loudly, a hideous caterwaul sufficient to wake the dead. Behind him Tom could hear the sound of breaking glass, the scream shattering the windows and Elrond's favourite punch bowl.
"Let me past, dwarf," the figure eventually hissed with icy breath. He rummaged within the folds of his cloak and pulled out a hastily sketched map. "Valedhelgwath invited us."
Elrond paled. Allyssa shrieked and hid under a table in a corner, with Elladan and Elrohir.
"Who invited you! Fell spawn of mankind's lust for power!" Elrond warbled.
"I did," said a deep commanding voice, and into the room strode...
[Edited on 30/4/2002 by Allyssa]
(It was so easy to guess!!!!).
"And who invited YOU?"
Valedhelgwath laughed coldly. His breath was like ice.
"I do not need an invitation" he said and then laughed again "I am at home everywhere in the Middle Earth! Even here, in this funny mouse-hole of Imladris!"
At that very moment Allyssa woke up from her sleep with her heart beating frantically...
"So what do you want? Your not going to hurt Elrond are you?"
Val laughed so coldly, everyone wondered if he had inhaled dry ice or something.
"I am the all powerful elf of shadow, " he boomed, so that the rafters quivered, "And I would like..."
"Shall be be seated?" he hissed, his voice cold but polite. "What shall we say, boy....girl....boy....girl?"
"Me baggsy next to Arwen," one of his companions shrieked excitedly, slipping past his leader to grab his favoured seat.
Arwen slipped behind Glorfindel (not the first time she had stabbed him in the back), the Lord of the Nazgul shrieked his deafening caterwaul, and not for the first time that day, Elrond frowned as his favourite glassware (this time a wedding gift from Galadrial) shattered.
"Does this have to happen every time I invite you to a party?" Valedhelgwath demanded of the witchking, his face reddening with embarrassment. He glanced around at the two dozen freshly drawn swords of bright elven steel. "See what you've started now.... Just like that concert at Pelennor Fields."
"Me.... Us?" the witchking hissed in surprise." He pointed a gauntlet clad finger accussingly in Valedhelgwath's direction. "That was not us who started that.... His sons," he pointed his finger at Elrond, "started slaughtering my caterers."
"And what of my first party?" whispered Elrond beneath his breath.
"Gondolin?" demanded the witchking. "Here we go again. You just cannot let it rest, can you."
"We were not at Gondolin!" chorused the other eight.
"And I guess, to be fair, I had invited a couple of Balrogs," Valedhelgwath muttered defensively. "How was I to know?"
The room again fell into silence as both sides glowered at each other. Then.....
Elladan and Elrohir politely step forward and show off their identicalness.
"What?" asked Val, " You mean there are two of them! And I thought the orcs were just exagerating!"
Elrond puffed out his chest, finding himself proud of his sons. It was something that didn't happen very often.
Just then, there was a brilliant and dazzling flash of light outside, as a glass ship landed in Elrond's rose garden. In came a surprisingly shortish man with blond hair and blue eyes.
"Did I hear someone say that Half-elves look alike?" he asked in a clear melodious voice.
"Ah, me boys," said the new newcomer giving each a hug in turn. (And no, history doesn't tell us which of the twins he hugged first.) "I finally got me a little spot of shore leave. Who's the comely lass talking to that tall drink of water what's wearing the ragged ranger outfit," he said asked lustily?
"Oh her, she's a no-never-mind, just our sister Arwen," said Elrohir.
"Yeah and the ranger is our buddy Strider, the many-great grandson of Elendil the Dunedain," added Elladan. "He used to be fun to go out drinking with, but now he can't keep his eyes off Arwen, so he ain't much fun to be around any more."
"I knows what you mean," says the new comer, "Yer Pa was just like that after he met yer old lady, how's that old hellion doin', anyway? Don't see her around here anywhere," he asked innocently.
Suddenly reaching forward like a coiled snake, he grabbed a startled Arwen by the wrist and pressed his insubstantual face close against hers. She twitched in terror and repulsion. If he had a tongue it was tickling her tonsils.
"Why don't you lose that loser?" he hissed in her ear, his breath icy and fepostThreadID. "There's a seat on my mount... Ride for a ride. Y'know what I mean."
As a dozen elves nervously advanced on their position, Arwen looked from the grizzled wraith to Aragorn, and then back again. Quickly making a decision, she answered.....
Aragorn and a rather drunken collection of elves finally came to her rescue. Arwen hawked and spat, then vigorously wiped her mouth on Aragorn's collar, which although filthy, held a preferable flavour to the mouth of the witch king. Aragorn endured this indiginity with all the proud stoicism of his race.
Elladan, Elrohir and Elrond wondered if they aught to be doing something.
"Why dont we..."
Inside, Elrond surveyed the carnage and wept. Elves and elf-friends gathered around him, offering him the support he had offered them in the past. With one exception....
"And why are you looking so smug, Valedhelgwath?" Arwen demanded angrily, her close encounter with the witchking still a little too fresh to be forgotten.
"Me?" grinned Valedhelgwath broadly, looking up from filing his nails. "I have just hit a hundred posts after all...."
This being the last straw, Elrond commanded, "Turn on the firehose Glorfindal, lets flush these rats back down their holes."
Allyssa, feeling motherly to all male elves, handed her hankie to Glorfindal who now looked like a drowned rat. "Poor baby" she said.
Glorfindal, ever the gentle-elf, accepted the proffered dainty piece of handiwork, wiped has eyes, blew his nose, and handed the now equally soggy rag back to Allyssa with a flourish, a smile, and a "Thank you mum."
While visions of short sheets, scorpions, and rattlesnakes danced in his head. He turned, smiled at Elrond, and said, "Now how did that happen?" and silently dreaming of revenge thought to himself: "The old slop-filled bucket at the door top. Yeah, that should do the trick, even if I have to wait a hundred years."
[Edited on 31/5/2002 by Grondmaster]
"I've got them all fooled!" she whispered as an aside, rubbing her hands together feverishly, "Now all I have to do is wait for the head honchos to be looking the other way, and I can take over the whole valley. Today Rivendel, Tomorrow Middle Earth!!! I shall rule the world! All shall love me and dispair!"
She then set off to short-sheet Elrond's and Glorfindel's beds, knowing that each would blame the other, and she could sit back and enjoy the chaos.
"Why, oh why will I never learn?" he silently mouthed, in a thunderous voice that made his temples throb.
Just then Pippin cracked the door open and tip-toed into the room carrying...
All of his past memories (and there were quite a few) flashed before his eyes in a sudden nightmarish vision. Clutching his staff, fearing he once again faced the balrog in Khazad-dum, he chanted little used words; Elium...Farum...Blizum.
Barely diving to the floor in time, a ball of flame shot across Pippin's back, the explosion destroying the far wall and wrecking two delicately carved pillars in the corridor beyond. Its supports gone, the floor of the room above began to tilt slowly downwards, the beams and floorboards creaking and cracking noisily.
"You're for it now, Gandalf !" Pippin squealed as he rolled beneath the collapsing ceiling. "Elrond won't be happy."
"Elrond will never know," Gandalf snorted angrily. Rolling over, he buried his head beneath his pillow.
"Oh yes he will !" came a reply from the corridor beyond the ruined wall. "I was sleeping in the room above until I found my bed sliding towards the garden." Peering through the wreckage, his white nightcap half covering his face, he pointed an angry finger at the wizard. "YOU'RE BANNED!" he shouted.
"Oh quit moaning and come back to bed," a sweet voice whispered from beneath the covers of Elrond's bed.
Noticing a large crowd beginning to gather, Elrond turned round in alarm and pulled the covers back. "Who are you?" he exclaimed.
Gandalf's subsequent outburst was caused by Pippin's substitution of the "three herrings" for the prescribed "five sardines" of the cure's secret recipe, due to a dearth of sardines in Rivendel that year. That Gandalf was allergic to herring, would be self-evident were one to view the fiery red spots that appeared at the inner surfaces of all his joints.
Let us now return to that later hour, where Elrond trying to determine the identity of his bedmate exclaims, "Who are you?"
Elrond reached in and dragged the owner of the sweet voice out of the covers by one leg.
Dangling from Elrond's outstretched arm was a diminutive person with big blue eyes and curly brown hair.
"Frodo!" exclaimed Gandalf.
At the moment, Allyssa, having heard the commontion, strolled past to investigate.
"Whew!" she said "For a moment there, I was very worried that would turn out to be me in there!"
At that point Samwise Gamgee poked his head from beneath the covers too and asked.....
Pippin replied, "In your dreams Sam. The bath-water's gone cold and you've already missed breakfast. So you may as well get up, grab your hoe, and start to work on the weeds in the tater patch." Pausing to wink at Merry, he continued, "If you want lunch today, you're going to have to earn it."
It was then, however, that they noticed peeking out of the covers between Sam and Frodo was a symbol remarkably similar to a previous courtesy from a local don strongly suggesting that a washed-up teen age idol had better receive a specific role in a certain upcoming movie*.
"What is the meaning of this?" cried Elrond in dismay.
* View The Godfather for the gory details and From Here to Eternity for a hint to whom in reality, the idol was rumored to be. What this has to do with Glorfindal's horse or our heroes may or may not be forthcoming.
Note: This post edited in response to the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) and MAUG (Mothers Against Unnecessary Gore).
[Edited on 8/6/2002 by Grondmaster]