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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Bottom of Page    Message Board > Roleplaying Guilds > The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.   << [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] >>
*A short fellow slowly begins to wake up from a very long nap. His head is aching and it feel's like he's been asleep for days. He suddenly realizes that its do to a lack of Malt Beer in his system. He looks above his head and sees a strange sort of wood beam there. he then notices several pairs of feet dangling hear him. With great effort he slowly starts to rise, not going to fast so that his lack of hang over doesnt get the best of him..*

BARTENDER! GET ME A BEER.. WHO OWNS THIS PLACE ANYWAYS.

*after much laughter from the patrons of the establishment, Halo walks over and hands gimli a tankard filled to the brim.*

uh... you do...

oh..
At that moment the door of the taverns opens and a Elf enters. He looks very fair and he introduces himself as Gildor Inglorion. Gimli taps on the sign that all newcomers have to sing a song first. The Elf takes a deep breath, graps a harp and starts to sing:

And everybody sing a song duda, duda!!! And everybody sing a song all tha dudda dee, all tha dudda dee, all tha dudda dee, and everybnody sing a song all the dudda dee!!!!!!!!

"You liked the song?" asked Gildor with a sarcastic grin. Disturbed Smilie
"Nope!" Tommie said cheerily. "But it doesn't matter. It was a nice try."

Someone get me a beer, please, I'm jolly thirsty. Animated Wink Smilie
Star looked up from her drink, and seeing her old friend , waved before taking the stage with a song,

Dartha o nas a thar emyn
Men 'wain egor annon thurin
Ah ae anann erphennin hain
Na vedui cenithon aur wain
I badathon raid yriel
Amrun n'Anor, Annun n'Ithil.

Still round a corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

smiling and waving, she walked to the door and departed for her own Grey Haven.

Those left in the pub, heard a roar of a motorcycle starting up and the deep throb of its engine as she rode away.

Cool Smilie Tigger Smilie

~ V. Shattered hopes ~
by the Lady of Moria

No longer shines the star of hope amidst the shades of grey,
no longer does the sunlight rise to bless the dawning day
as darkness spreads it blackened cloak upon the silent land
and voiceless mourns the weeping sky the day all dreams must end.

All thoughts must fade and turn to dust while loneliness remains,
we can but watch the shadow's hand paint death onto the plains,
I tremble as it's closing in, my very heart grows cold,
destruction's crown upon the brow of glorious Kings of old.

I close my eyes and try to find those visions in my head
but cannot see beyond the grave where hope lies shattered, dead,
a dream is lost, gone with the light from darkened, broken eyes,
a promise fled, lips torn apart in desperate silent cries.

You've passed the point of no return in Mandos' silent halls,
faint echoes in a dying world, no answer to my calls,
I fail to reach your fading heart now death has barred the gate
and dark and lonely leads my path towards an unknown fate.
"Give me beer" and several fried toenails as well
"You wants them toenails deep fried as chips or breaded first? Here's your beer."
"Choices choices choices it is alot to ponder my friend" Darous pondered as he drank his beer
"I think I willl have half and half and what dips do you have?
Well, I think there's still some of that MidgeWater Cream Cheese Surprise ® left from last week and we just received a shipment of fresh oliphaunt toe jam which goes well with the chips.
Okay, in case those dips turned you off food, we just got in a shipment of fresh beef steaks and have a good supply of baked potatoes and corn-on-the-cob. If that doesn't turn you on, for those who want comfort food, there's a nice pot of macaroni and cheese with the cheese slightly browned around the edges for that extra flavor.
His eyes lit up....."give me the steak me friend I am starving and pile on the tatties me friend fry em mash em and a bottle of whiskey please.
"Gimlie! You're back, thank the Gods!" Halo glomps Gimlie, pausing only to smack a random customer around the head with an empty wine bottle! "Its been really crazy and outta control here while you were gone! The back walls still made outta jelly, a dragons moved into the privey and refused to leave and we've run outta hobbit cuttlets! Grondys doing a peachy job behind the bar though, just lookit him go!" She pauses again to beat the same hapless random customer unconsious with an empty wine skin. "Ya don't mind me playing barmaid do ya?"
Darous sat eatin the staek when suddenlt a werewolve and some orc grunts came crashing in......"time for Lineage 2 Darous"
"Grondy keep me steak" shoyed Dar as he grabbed his gear "I'll be back in abit" as he ran out the door being chased.
"Well," says Grondy moving the plate with the half-eaten steak to the warming oven, "are any of you ladies going to assist him?" and he gave a big wink. "Or are you going to let him have all the fun?" he concluded with a big grin.
"We will let him have all the fun." Elk Grinning Smilie

"I'll have his steak though, Master Grond, if you could warm it up for me. Jolly hungry now. And I can't go to the little room either, because the dragons are apparently still in there. Anyone going to do anything about that?"
"Dragons in a inn?" Gildor asked, "well, lets see what l can do about that!"
Gildor grapped his Elvensword and Bow and ran to the toilets....
Well Gildor inglorion , you can get rid of the dragon living in the privie, because we know it is not my Smaug. He would never attempt to inhabit such a smelly room, now the kitchen would be a different story, and he would make an excellent chef, and we would never run out of Hobbit cutlets. (Me guesses I ought to hide, now that I mentioned that) Animated Wink Smilie
I was about to say, we were having a problem with our waste disposal system and Gimli hired the Dragons to burn out the carbon. But I think the Dragons can handle themselves, and if not, then Gimli won't have to pay them. I hope they finish the job.
"I hope so too!" piped up a girl dwarf in the corner. "A beer please, Grond!"
"Oh the dragons were hired?" asked Gildor, "well if that is true l don't see why l should attack them then!"

Gildor walked back to his seat and yelled: "Would you bring me an ale Grondy?!"
The door opened and a gust of wind swept into the Inn. A figure in a long black cloak walked in, shadows dancing around it. "Smirnoff Ice please, barman. In the bottle." She spoke in husky tones, breathless and urgent.
Grondy took a long look at the dark cloaked figure and not recognizing the face pointed to Gimli's sign hanging over the bar Deal Smilie (and posted in the first post of this thread) and smiling said, 'After you sing your song, recite your poem, tell a story, or dance your dance Ms. tall, dark, and winsome, In Love Smilie will you be a wanting that bottle of Smirnoff Ice at room temperature or chilled in a bucket of ice? Same price either way, excepting of course, if the company digs your performance, like if you bring the house down, why then you may find there's no charge for it. But either way you've got to do your bit at entertaining the rest of us.'
"A song? A Poem? " exclaimed the Lady Vianne, "Performing like a common minstrel? Ah well, if that is what it takes to get a Smirnoff Ice, then so be it." And with that she leapt upon the nearest table, narrowly missing someone's tankard of ale, and hitching up her long skirts to show a gorgeous pair of legs she let rip with

"A mother was washing her baby one night,
A poor little thing and a terrible sight.
The mother was poor and the baby was thin -
Twas nought but a skeleton all covered in skin.
The mother turned round for the soap on the rack;
She was only a moment but when she turned back....
Her baby was gone and in anguish she cried
"Oh where has my baby gone?" and the angels repliiiiiiiiiiied...
"OOOOOOhhhh your baby has gone down the plughole,
Your baby has gone down the plug.
The poor little thing was so skinny and thin
It should have been washed in a jug (in a jug)
Your baby is perfectly happy, he won't need a bath anymore.
He's a messing about with the angels above...
Not lost, but gone before!"


Ithankyouverymuch!

Ignoring calls for encores and keepsakes, she jumped gracefully down, fell over a dwarf and landed at the feet of...........

"Ouch" screamed Gildor when Lady Vianne landed on his foot, "you better watch wha your doing there lady! And Grondy, what's keeping my ale so long?!"

And so an angered Gildor just sat there an he felt very ignored and like a doorstep.
A young looking elf mage enters the room . He smiles at the site of a lott of pretty elf maidens . He comes to the bar, leans his staff closer and says"Hello master dwarf ! Is ther any chance of getting a drink without having to actually sing ?" Elf Winking Smilie
Unfortunatly. You may have to pay though. Get a free ail if you sing us a tail.
"Sing you a tale eh?" Gildor said, "ok but let me think for a while."

And so Gildor sat there for several minutes, and when stood up from his chair he wolked to the stage, grapped the mic and his harp and he started to sing:

"Gil-Galad was an Elvenking,
Of whom the harpers sadly sing,
The last whose Realm was fair and free,
Between the Mountains and the Sea.

His Sword was long, his Lance was keen,
His shining Helm afar was seen,
The countless Stars on Heaven's field,
Were mirrowed in his Shield.

But long ago he rode away,
And where he dwelt, none can say,
For into Darkness fell his star,
In Mordor, where the Shadows are."

Gildor walked back to his seat when the song was over and said: "Do l deserve my free ale now?"
Well...
"Once upon a time her wher three little pigies...... .......and they all wound up being gobled up or joining a multi-millionare corporation"
Good enough? (Im just not good at songs an the like)
Hokay, That's the Diced Shmearnoff fer Lady V, and a tankard of ale each fer Gildor inglorion and Etharion.

And give them a hand folks.

(by the way, I think those piggies were gobbled up by a multi-national corporation, which just means it has become so huge a hog at the trough, that it need no longer take heed of any one nation's rules or even pay one whit of attention to the desires of its stockholders.) Oops, that is bordering on politics, so if this true statement disappears it is because big bidness even controls this media. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
Quote:
And give them a hand folks.



Lady Vianne takes the hand and bites it.

MMMmmm..., beats pork scratchings" she says.

Thank you ! *gulps his ale* Well this is some good stuff . Alcoholic Smilie Where do zou get it from Grondy?
"Thank you for you ale Grondy" Gildor said and he took a sip Alcoholic Smilie, "by the way, did you guys like my song?"
Yeah it was very poetic.
I've a whale of a tail to tell ye lads
a whale of a tail or two
'bout a flapping fish and the girls I've loved
and a night like this with the moon above
a whale of a tail and it's all true
I swear by my tatoo.

There was mermaid Mini
met her down in Madagascar
She would kiss me
any time that I would ask her
then one day the flaim it did go out
pick me up and blow me doen
she swapped me for a trout!

I've a whale of a tail to tell ye lads
a whale of a tail or two
'bout a flapping fish and the girls I've loved
and a night like this with the moon above
a whale of a tail and it's all true
I swear by my tatoo.

There was Typhone Tessa
Met her off the coast of Java
when we kissed I
bubbled up like molten lave
Then one day I got the scare of my young life
pick me up and blow me down,
she was the captain's wife

I've a whale of a tail to tell ye lads
a whale of a tail or two
'bout a flapping fish and the girls I've loved
and a night like this with the moon above
a whale of a tail and it's all true
I swear by my tatoo!!!!
Gimli gets his ale from a alemaster in Bree, whose ale has ever been so sweet since an old wizard blessed it back in, let me see now, yes it was back at the end of the third age, in about the year thirty-nineteen or twenty.

That there song of Crystal-Caves brings back memories, why I remembers Kirk Douglas, him being the father of those Sheen boys and that there West Wing president fellar, anyway, I remembers the first time I hears that song, Kirk was singing it during a movie about an atomic submarine and a certain Captain Nemo who was dead set against war-mongers and kept crashing his sumarine into their wooden sailing vessels, what was carring aged bird droppings and sinking them. Seem to remember it was a Disney live action movie from a book by Jules Verne called something similar to '200,000 Furlongs Beneath the Briney', or some such thing.

Heres some more pickeled orc knuckles and some french-fried troll tails. Anyone need refill?
Yes, my dear dwarf - another Smirnoff if you would be so good. I have partaken of The Westest Winged. tis a good jaunty play. Excellent entertainment.

Is there any entertainment here apart from the singing?
"Ofcourse there is!", Gildor replied, "when people get too drunk and making a fool out themself! But since that won't happen for a while l guess maybe it is time that we sing a song again..... And yes Grondy l would like some pickeled orc knuckles. But l would like some ketchup with them."
"Well im bored ! I tkink im going to make a snowman." The elf starts mutering something and a second later a huge pile of snow is on the middle of the room . "Anybody got a carot ?"
"l got a carrot......," Gildor said, "but first you need to order me another ale. On your costs ofcourse!"
"Grondy beer and well more beer mate i have a deadly thrist on me" shouted dar as he came through the door.
"All their pubs were shut.....bl*ody outrageous."
Of course Gildor !! Grondy , another ale for this guy here.
I pick up a snowball and throw it in a random direction hoping to start a snowball fight. Elf Sticking Tounge Out Smilie
'All right! all right! What's all this,' says Grondy, pointing to the pile of snow? 'Oh, I knows!' and he grabs the creame de menthe and the contreau bottles from behind the bar. 'Sno cones on the house, folks'

'Etharion: If you want to start a snowball fight, take it over to grumble mumble gergle Hi in the Prancing Pony Tavern, because Gimli don't allow any friendly fighting in here.'

'And here's your drinks folks.' he added, sliding them down the bar.
cheers laddie always good ta come back home...as he sat and supped his pint
"Thanks Grondy," Gildor replied, "and could l have a nice plain snowcone too? l love snow!"
OK no fighting. Just wait a second, il make the snow strawberry flavor. Whooosh...the snow is more red now
"That there song of Crystal-Caves brings back memories, why I remembers Kirk Douglas, him being the father of those Sheen boys and that there West Wing president fellar, anyway, I remembers the first time I hears that song, Kirk was singing it during a movie about an atomic submarine and a certain Captain Nemo who was dead set against war-mongers and kept crashing his sumarine into their wooden sailing vessels, what was carring aged bird droppings and sinking them. Seem to remember it was a Disney live action movie from a book by Jules Verne called something similar to '200,000 Furlongs Beneath the Briney', or some such thing."

Good call, honey, but the movie was 20,000 Leauges Beneath the Sea. My little sister got it on vidio, and I memorized it, 'cause I thought it was silly. Silly things are good.(big gulp) By the way, watch out for smurfs.
Quote:
By the way, watch out for smurfs.
Also after you leave the premises, watch out for Zebra Crossings, like be sure to look both ways so as not to get run over by onje of them; they pack a larger wallop than your common smurf and thus are more deadly.

Quote:
Note To Our Patrons:

If you feel you have inbibed too much, ask for a free ride home on one of Gimli's pink oliphaunts. If we think you would be a danger to yourself or the public, we may even put you up in our third floor dormatory. If you suddenly wake up there with a lump upon your head, you may have been the recipiant of this policy.

Thank you for your custom,
The Management
Pink oliphaunts? Where do you get them from ?
"Pink oliphaunts? Mmm, they sound tasty. Can I have one?" said the weird little demented dwarf called Loni in the corner.
Oooo!!! I want one too !!! (by the way Loni,do you want a avatar?)
Well, if you want the ones you can eat, I can russle-up some for you, they're fluffy pink and sugar coated, like those yellow chicks called peeps. I think we still have some that were left in a basket last month by this itinerant bunny.
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