Thread: The brooding club
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To be honest it seems she is losing more here than you are. If she is not careful she might finish up a lonely old lady. Once your son is older he might bite back if she continues to bad-mouth you to him.
It's a sad situation though, and if it does not end soon, you and your mother might find you have wasted many valuable years together that can never be regained. Sometimes it is worth swallowing your pride, even if it is a bitter pill to swallow. You might find your mother feels the same way, but she is too proud or stubborn to do so either.
I think what you have to ask yourself is, do you need/want your family enough to swallow you own pride and principles to make this happen. If the situation doesn't improve after that, you can at least step back and say to everyone that you had at least tried and now they can just go and get along without you.
[Edited on 12/9/2002 by MelliotSandybanks]
OH.. right... um... nevermind.....
Well you'll have to cope with me if you want to be a member...
Ok the sense of this thing here, is to get rid of everything that's on your mind, have a clear head and be relieved of the things you're brooding on. So tell us what's on your mind!
Things that are on my mind: the divorce of my brother whose wife has left him cos she claims he doesn't understand her. They got along perfectly fine for almost 6 years but all of a sudden she thinks they can't talk anymore, so she leaves. The worst of it all is that they have three children: a boy of six, one of four and a little girl that's going to be two in March. Now these kids came back from a holiday with their father, they move into a new house, they have to go to a new school the next day, find out they'll have to stay in the after-school care, cos their mother can't pick them up cos she has to work, and when they come home daddy's still not there. Of course they are at a loss. They still are quite unhappy with everything, which I can understand very well, but there's nothing to do about it really. I found out once more that the only real victims that come from a divorce like this one, are the children. They'll get over it in the end, I'm sure, but now it's heart-breaking if you see them. When they're with their mother, they miss daddy, and when they're with daddy, they miss mummy.
Part from the family things, I'm pretty upset with what is happening in this world. And there are quite some things which I just cannot understand. These are some of the questions that keep popping up in my mind: Why does Tony Blair support Bush in everything he does? Why did every tv station I watched on 11-09 broadcast images of the attacks on the WTC? In the end I was so sick I couldn't watch it anymore. I saw it once before and I was horrified, I really didn't need to see it again. Those images will be stuck in my mind forever anyway. Why does Bush want to attack Irak just now? What has changed in Irak over the past five or ten years that made Hussein and his country a sudden threat to the world? What will happen when Hussein is no longer in control of Irak? Who will follow him? etc etc
Ok that was all I wanted to say, you don't even have to try to answer even some of my questions, that's not my intention here, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks!
there.. that sorta turned into my brood didn't it!
comments welcome.... I'm not meaning to sound like the obnoxious american here, so if i come off that way i apologize....
[Edited on 15/9/2002 by gimli_axe_wielder]
What we have found post 9/11, is that there are people who have brainwashed their followers into doing uncivilized things in the name of religion. And considering that those followers usually live in countries with repressive governments and have no hope in bettering their futures, are thus susceptible to this brainwashing. 9/11 may have just been the early start of WWIII and Armageddon. And remember, the calendars are wrong, Christ was born in 0004 AD, the actual millennium is yet to come. Now that is, indeed scary.
What I also find sad is that there is some sort of double standard when it comes to human rights. Now I come from a conservative, but somewhat modern & tolerant society by Asian standards. We have our problems with the fundies, but we either:
1) Stand the risk of being accused harbouring militants if we don't clamp down on them
2) Or get slapped by the same western nations for repressing our populations when we do, and get a long lecture about the values of western style human rights when we throw the fundy loonies in the slammer & chuck away the key.
What's a developing country to do?
To tell you the truth, I'd rather have my country follow China's lead in most matters. Historically, they're the only big or powerful country that's never tried to conquer or impose their values on us. In fact, we used to pay them tribute to get them to protect us...it worked for several centuries too, until the Portugese, then the Dutch, the Spanish, the French, and then the Brits (and now the Americans) came along. After all that we've been through in the past, I'd rather trust (if it comes down to that) an Asian face than a Western one when it comes to my country's best interests.
That said, there's always somebody that the US President will want to blow up, it's been Hussein for the last decade, before that there was Gaddafi and Polpot etc. some things will never change really.
That said, the thing that's really on my mind right now is whether to get Milk chocolate digestive biscuits, or plain chocolate digestive biscuits... (I love being this shallow sometimes)
See! It works! It works!
Now this is not the depressive topic, is it? Anyone has good news too?
No, don't mind me and get off you mind what's in it.
There Tommy, that a little less depressing?
Source: TheSUNlink.com 18 September 2002
To the Editor:
An open letter to Congress:
As a public school teacher of 14 years, I have dedicated my life to the cause of participatory democratic citizenship, and thus am horrified to say that my belief in the democratic ideals on which this greatest of all experiments was created have been shaken, as of late, to their very core.
I cannot accept the notion that the current state of this grand republic is in any way what noble minds like Jefferson and Paine had intended.
Since I have no more answers, I ask my students, and you, take the following question to task: Are our democratic ideals inherently true if they only exist in Plato's perfect world of ideas, or is truth determined by the extent to which these ideals manifest themselves in those passing shadows we call reality?
I cannot accept the notion that the current state of this grand republic is in any way what these most noble minds had intended.
A president whose executive power has exceeded that of its fellow branches? A judicial body, which allows for secret tribunals, closed-door appellate courts, and unlawful detention and arrest? And a Congress that seems content to merely grumble at being side-lined in respect to both domestic and foreign policy? I am beginning to fear we deserve the sympathies of the Romans as they entered the last days of their republic.
We find ourselves at the edge of great precipice, my friends, and whether we succeed or fail after this juncture in our journey will be determined by whether we choose to consciously jump or blindly fall.
Who of you in our peoples' Congress will rise to this task? Who among you is willing to sacrifice the comfort of the status quo to be rewarded by only postponed power?
We are vigilant, we are ready, we will follow; but one of you will have to jump. If not, we shall be forced to rekindle the spirit of the Declaration. Ideals alone will not sustain us.
Shan R. Oglesby - Poulsbo
I have opened mine eyes and have experiencied the deja vu of 1984 all over again.
[Edited on 19/9/2002 by Grondmaster]
But seriously, is America a republic or a democracy, and does it make any difference either way? (serious question, btw).
A friend of mine (a 'liberal' Yank) sent me this interesting link. Creepy quotes from the past. I think you'd enjoy this:
"Naturally the common people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
Hermann Goering, prior to being sentenced to death at the Nuremberg trials
"Today Americans would be outraged if U.N. troops entered Los Angeles to restore order; tomorrow they will be grateful. This is especially true if they were told there was an outside threat from beyond, whether real or promulgated, that threatened our very existence. It is then that all peoples of the world will plead with world leaders to deliver them from this evil. The one thing every man fears is the unknown. When presented with this scenario, individual rights will be willingly relinquished for the guarantee of their well being granted to them by their world government."
Former Sec'y of State Henry Kissinger speaking at Evian, France, May 21, 1992 Bilderburgers meeting. Unbeknownst to Kissinger, his speech was taped by a Swiss delegate to the meeting.
"Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar."
I've realised that there's nothing that a non-American can do to influence the future, so I'm not going to worry about anything anymore. If the Shrub decides to blows up the whole world, then my only hope is that he kills us all quickly and painlessly.
I think I will go bake some chocolate chip cookies, and forget about the cares of the world.
[Edited on 19/9/2002 by Grondmaster]
My brood: How can it be right for children to be heartlessly ripped away from their mother? Ever? Especially when they are crying and holding out their hands as they are driven away.
A father has a right to acess? I DONT CARE!!!! I want my babies. I am totally irrational and inconsolable in this. Dont even try to convince me it is right that they spend time with a person who is not capable of truely loving them.
whew!! well, that's got that off my chest...but sadly, I don't really feel any better.
This is all just the icing on the cake.. there numerous other instances i could go into as well where the police have been involved.. I have lost track of the restraing orders against all of them, and the amount of times they have been arrested... embezzlement comes to mind once!
and last but not least, after all this, the kids were just given back to them again last week by a wonderful judge who even went against the suggestions of Child Protective Services...
because as we all know, It is always best if children are raised by their mothers....
God I love our Justice System...... If you ask me, the The judge is the one who should be put on trial for child neglect and endangerment..
its sad to say, but in the end, it is only going to be when one of the children dies that something will happen.. and sadly, im quite sure it will happen...
and to allyssa.. This was not a shot at you, so please dont take it that way...
s like wicked
remiond me to tell you the story of my sister and her 5 kids one day
I agree that a child should not be taken away from a parent that takes care of his or her children. If the child is given love, care, food shelter, clothing, and all the things that a child needs to grow up to he healthy, and relatively happy. However, Gimli does have a point. There are so many that are abused and neglected and deprived. People that abuse the welfare system that is meant to help people get back on their feet. As a matter of fact, yesterday and today on the news, there was a woman caught on tape beating her daughter in a car in the parking lot. That woman does not deserve to have a child.
I was going to go into a brood about my sister, but I may already done that somewhere and it is just to much work to go in to. I have done what I could to help her, but she won't take any responsibility for her self, and blames every one else for her problems. She even blames me for marrying her ex-husband, because he is just like all of my ex-boyfriends. She never stopped to think that there was a reason that they were ex boyfriends, and I did not marry them.
Well enough of this. I actually to feel a bit better getting this off my chest.
My point was not that children should necessarily be with their mother. I was talking about access visits. I certainly have never been involved in any of the things you mentioned about your Aunt.
One of my broods is the cruelty access visits impose on (good) mothers. I know, I know, we should have thought of that before we went and got divorced, right? Well, what do you do if your darling hubby runs off with the office girl? Not much you can do, is there? except try to give your children the very best you can.
We live in a world where the law - in its infinite wisdom - puts children into situations where they are at risk. Why??? Because they think it is important that children be with both their biological parents. Now, I worship my children. ( In fact I probably spoil them a bit) Their well being is everything to me. Their father is sadly incapable of true depth of feeling. I am not just being nasty, it is true. This is why they are returned to me hungry, dirty and often infested with head lice. They cry and tell me that yet another of their father's relavtives has been cruel to them in some way. Their father seems indifferent to this, as there is nothing I can do about it legally. He is only interested in how things look to the outside world. Not how things are. As long as I dont have a legal leg to stand on, he doesnt give a damn. Just as long as the world sees him as a "good bloke", and "a great dad", and gives him a pat on the back. Never mind the long term emotional damage inflicted on the most vulnerable of people.
The law insists that this kind of treatment is good for children. Just like that juge for Gimli's cousins seems to think that those children are best off with their mother.
Biology be dammned. Children should only be with those who are fit to be parents - ie:People who are emotionally capable of caring for (ie loving) them and are willing to protect them.
Okay. That's over with. I have said quite enough.
you are quite right. It is a sad world we live in when awful things like that happen. I am sorry to hear about how you ex treats your children. I wish there was something I could do to help you out. Well, hopefully you will be able to find a legal leg to stand on very soon. I wish you the best of luck, and will keep you in my prayers.
My broodings at this moment:
Well, I'll tell you what happened to me last week. Last week was my introduction week for university. We had some sort of classes and introductions to the several courses. I didn't have access to my room yet, so I had to stay somewhere else. Therefore we moved our boat to the city centre (there's water there, don't worry ) and I lived on the boat for one week. During this week I had the time to discover the city of Ghent a bit, and getting to know some people and stuff.
It was quite fun in the beginning to stroll around on your own and feel free. But after a while you get bored and you need company. Well, I did. On the second night that I slept on the boat, some nutheads ( ) managed to cut the ropes with which the boat was mored, so that I woke up to find myself drifted off the moring place for about a meter. Scary, I assure you. Luckily there were some other boats there too, and the neighbour had woke up too, so he helped me to put the boat back to its old spot again. But I never slept in peace again during that week. It's scary to be on your own on a boat. Especially if you're just a little frightened 18-year-old girl in a big city you don't know. I'm overreacting now, but it did feel like that.
But then I got to know some people, went into the city with them, and everything was fine in the end. Though I still haven't found Internet access near my new room. Must sort that out next week. So again, if you don't hear from me again for a week, I'll be looking for a computer with Internet close to my room, but I'll be home every weekend anyway, so I'll catch up with you guys again then.
Pray for me cos I'm still pretty excited and scared to go and live on my own.
Tom, do be careful wont you? Being out of home for the first time is exciting, but do watch out for yourself wont you? There ARE orcs out there in this world, they are just a bit harder to spot than they used to be.
Oh, and one more thing: HAVE FUN!!
Sounds like you had quite and adventure tommy. glad you came back to see us this weekend. Wish I had been around more when you were here. Talk to you next week or weekend.
(actually I have plenty to brood about, but I'm keeping it to myself for now)
Anyone got any suggestions? or know any cat shrinks?
Shoot them with a water bottle or water gun
You guys are cruel.
I hope you guys dont own any cats!
Ok first week of school's over. It has been a long week without Internet, but overall it's been quite nice. Met some new people, made some new friends, and the course is all right too. Russian's really hard, but I'm working on it.
Grondy: yes, I'll keep them in mind!
Here it goes:
I`ve always been a little bit different than others..I never go with the crowd and I have my own opinions and my own sense of humor. Ppl often don`t understand my jokes and up until junior high I was mostly alone in this world...
But then I met a wonderful person ( let`s call her Niniel) that understood me and we connected immediatly. We quickly became best friends.
Unfortunatelly she had a few problems. She didn`t like talking to others and became silent when there were others around. She was often depressed and didn`t know why...
She developed an eating disorder cause her mother told her that she was fat, wich she wasn`t, and all trace of self esteem vanished...
Her mother was always harassing her..she demanded good grades..anything besides an A was not good..she had ENORMOUS pressure from her mother to do everythig right. She wasn`t allowed to go out in the weekends, she had to stay home and eat pizza every saturday with the family. When she slept over at our house, she had to get up at 10 and leave, she wasn`t allowed to eat breakfast there or even dinner...I know her mother didn`t like me cause she meant i had a bad influence on her daughter ( I didn`t get A all the time= bad influence)
She didn`t stand up for herself and I was the only one who saw how her mother treated her...they had 5 other kids, and none of them was harassed like Niniel was...Her parents are of the old fashioned type. Her father is 70 and her mother is...60 something.
Anyway..She has had a rough time all her life and she is only 20 years young!
For several years I`ve witnessed this and I`m the only one that have the guts to stand up to her mother! Even the father doesn`t dare to say anything!!
I`ll get to the point: A month ago I got a telephone from the hospital..my best friend has gone crazy...she barely knows me and she doesn`t know who she is..all she talks about is math-rules and a boy she fell in love with...I went to see her and she looked awful! Her teeth were blue by the medisine and her eyes were empty and groundless
She can`t sit still and she talks no sense...I didn`t understand a word she was saying..and now I`m not allowed to visit her anymore, cause she gets too exited when ppl come to see her and that is not good for her...her birtday is in 12 days and I can`t even give her a birthday hug...
My best friend has totally lost it, she`s loco and she might stay that way the rest of her life!! It`s not fair...I`ve lost my soulmate...
Sadly enough there is only one side of this story..The mother has her family under full control. Niniels older brother has been seeing a girl for about one year now, but the family hasn`t even met her..he doesn`t want his mother to know he`s dating... and he`s 35!! I know for a fact that the children doesn`t like their mother, they have told me this...
The father is afraid to say what he means in front of her, but when she leaves the room he becomes another person..Niniel told me that the happiest time of her life is when her mother is at work or visiting cousins somewhere..she can`t stand her..
Her mother is crying all the time after this happened, and she keeps on saying she don`t know what caused this...maybe I`m cruel, but I think some of it is her fault...If you met her you would wonder if it is possible for a mother to be like that...Niniel always loved my mother cause she was so kind to her...she wanted to switch with me..
Yes this is difficult for all of us, but the sad part is I kinda ecpected it, cause I knew she had difficulties....but I NEVER imagined it could end up like this...never..I tried to help her in every possible way, but it wasn`t enough...but I don`t feel like I should blame myself..I did everything in my power..if you only knew