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Thread: Song Help!

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Alright, I have a band and we are working on our first 'real' album and we are having some difficulties on some of the song lyrics we are writing. We have two songs, one of which we used Mellon's A Soft Place to Fall, and the other one, I wrote. We like each one seperate, but the company that we do recording from says that they like them combined better. The combined lyrics are as follows, tell me what you think:

"Daylight has found me here again.
Ask me anything, but where I've been.
Things that used to matter seem so small
When you're looking for a soft place to fall.

Forgive me, Mother;
I'm sorry, Dad.
I've been such a bother;
Forget what I said.
Tears have been falling;
I've caused so much pain.
But it's your name I'm calling,
Still the same.

Don't misunderstand me, please...
I don't mean to bring back memories.
Looking for a place to hide,
A warm bed on a cold night.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.

Forgive me, Mother;
I'm sorry, Dad.
I've been such a bother;
Forget what I said.
Though wounds still adorn your
Broken, shattered soul,
Sins, when accounted for
Can make it whole.

Forgive me...
Can't you see?
I'm sorry...

Looking out your window at the dawn.
When you wake up, I'll be gone.
You're the one who taught me, after all,
How to find a soft place to fall."
I like it like that, what style do you guys play it?
We mostly play Alternative/Rock, but on our first unofficial album we had two songs that were quite soft. When we first wrote music for "Soft Place to Fall", it was almost lullaby, and the same for Forgiveness. However, if we combine them, it will still be soft but with some heavier instrumentals would be combined in at times. If we ever get recorded, I'll post a link or something. We are having problems with our studio friends.

More input -whether about the lyrics or ideas for how to play it- is welcome!
I play in a sort of disfunctional hard rock band too, anyways, sort of like you said, maybe something with soft verse and intro, but a heavier part for the chorus?
Looking at most of today's popular music, you really don't need good lyrics or know how to play any instruments. You don't even need to sing.

You just need some complete makeovers and some scantilly clad callipygian damsels, and you're bound to reach the top!

The amount of time you'll spend at the top, due to the limited attention spans of modern day striplings, won't surpass 15 femtoseconds, though.

If we ever get recorded, I'll post a link or something. We are having problems with our studio friends.

Do you have a spot on Myspace, peradventure?
Myspace? Heavens no. That place is a raping ground. I wouldn't even dare go there let alone hang around the people that visit often. We are currently trying to get a band up on purevolume, but we have no music that has been recorded at any decent level because of the trouble with our studio. We'd rather wait and be good than rush in and screw our only chance.

The intro for this song is very soft, very quiet. As the chorus starts for the first time, we hit the bass guitar pretty good. It isn't the 'mindless, driving beat' that a lot of popular music seems to have these days. We want our lyrics to be good, not just the music. We believe that the quality of the lyrics determines whether a band is good vs great. So if anyone has any ideas/comments, feel free to give them. I'll post if we get some music up.
Heya D-Rob Smile Smilie I think the words makes a good balance and the chorus is also nice Smile Smiliethe comination are very well done Smile Smilie (feel a little proud ,since you guys use some of my words as well)
Why don't you try you tube to give yourself a chance ? What's the name of your band ?
Hey, sorry I took sooo long to respond; I've been working hard in school and I'm on the basketball team. Yeah, thank you mellon for the words, they're awesome.

We've decided to use the combined version, but now I have another song I'm working on. I want your input on the words and what type of music to accompany the song. The words can be found here. Also, I need a title for it.

As for our band name.... that's part of the problem with the studio. The one we would like, the studio won't endorse because they think... well I don't know what they think but they won't endorse. It was October Sunset, but we're now looking for a new name. If we can't decide on one we like we'll just find a new studio but this one is giving us a great deal if only they would accept 'October Sunset'. I wish they'd just let us record the music without a name, but they won't. I'm unsure why.
Why don't you change "October Sunset" to "November Rain"?

Oh wait...
I thought up a bunch of band names, but upon googling them found most were already used as the name of a band or an actress. Still here is one that might work: Pounding Reign, especially if you have a good strong base. "Pounding Rain" may also be unused per Google, but I don't like it as well.

Of course someone may have come up with these and just hasn't used them much; there is probably is someplace where you can register names and that would be the place to keep from running a foul the law by using someones copyright of trademarked name.
November Rain.... I have to laugh. However, where I'm from, it's snow in November.

I kind of like 'Pounding Reign', I'll see what the guys think about it. Another name I thought of is 'Reflective Hour', but it doesn't quite fit our band I don't think.

Any other comments? I really want to know what people think of the lyrics because I beat the rhyming scheme to death. Also, I tweaked the lyrics to flow better and fixed typos because I was writing it as I was thinking it which translates into poor spelling.
Looking,at the lyrics, it seems like it would be very difficult to turn that into a song, like different verse lengths etc. but my talent as a songwriter is very limited... I'm in an amateur band, and our singer/songwriter tried to do something similar, merging two songs, but he had to change a lot of the lyrics, verse lengths etc. and a lot of the rhymes and such in the original versions were lost.