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Thread: LOTW & Diaries

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Hey guys

I was hoping that my fellow creators of all things fiction would pass on some constructive critism with regards to my journal entries, Im sure some of you have read them and I would love to have some feedback to see whether or not any of it is making you laugh


Wiggle Smilie
I've read a few spoofs on LotR and various humourous stuff so I like it when something new comes along - not the Legolas and his hair stuff again........ The Sarauman and his Internet linked Palintir is funny! I'd love to see that carried on... chatrooms with @Lord_of_Dark....

Have updated diaries and have LOTW part 4 is now up, hope u enjoy reading it!
Sevrinn, it might be helpful if you post some of your work in these forums. That way we know exactly what you are talking about, even when it has dissappeared from the front page of the journal section. It also allows us to be more specific with out comments.
rofl, I love your new one, Sevrinn! It's a little gross but different from the other Lord of The Ring related stories I've read and quite funny Smile Smilie I'd be happy to read more in the future! =))
Alyssa, I may transfer some of the Diaries here nad maybe the next chapter of the Lord of the Whinge, as long as people are enjoying it and I do welcome the constructive criticism, thanks Smile Smilie
Diaries put here, this I want to be an interactive thread so please feel free to add to it if you want to!!


So, the old guy left me a ring, nice one too probably worth something to someone....I noticed the flowers in my garden are looking a little wilted, Sam has obviously been lacking of late, too busy ogling that woman, whatsherface...Rosie.....everyone knows he only does it to check out her top half. I'll have to have a word with him over the garden.....

I cant believe it, yesterday full of merriment today shoved out the door and told to take the Ring with me, did you notice the capital R, Gandalf spotted me writing in my journal and started having a go at my punctuation skills before bellowing something about evil doings and stuff like that. Either way, Im now fleeing the Shire with Sam in tow and heading for the Prancing Pony. We bumped into Merry and Pippin trying to steal from Old Farmer Giles, of course we ended up taking an uncomfortable ride down the side of a hill and then to polish off an extraordinary day I find Ringwraiths now want to stab me nine times over and nick the Ring for themselves, can you believe that?


A journal, I dont write journals...we dont write journals, we drink....we smoke pipeweed......we ogle at Rosie's.....

Shouldve stayed in the Shire instead of tagging along with Frodo and Sam, impossible now seeing as these big guys on horses are after us and not to mention the whole Ring thing, whatever thats about, suffice to say, we are well and truly in it up to our necks.

Pints!!!!!.........They have Pints, did you see how big it was? I could be well and truly plastered after drinking a whole one of them down, this Prancing Pony is alright, couldve been better if Frodo didnt pull one of his disappearing acts, but no, temptation got the better of him.....did you see how big that pint was? Glorious......

Was your fault, you said Baggins....


King Aragorn......we live to serve.......Yes Sire........ah the words Im still longing to hear and yet no-one has bothered to say......

Still not King!


Pints I tell you, big honking jugs of ale, Men Ale too, couldve had Hobbit Lager but thought we try the hard stuff and phew, hangover was immense cause we couldve sworn that we saw big guys on black horses trying to top us but we could be wrong, maybe just the 100 proof alcohol level

......I fell like a kebab.......


I was uncertain about joining this gang of people, I was told that this was the great one Ring, the Ring of power and for a moment I thought someone was pulling my leg like the last time this happened and then of course it was just a joke that some of the other Elves had tried....had me running all over Middle Earth frantically searching for this thing while all the while Bilbo Baggins had it stuffed in his pocket.

I seem to have a Dwarf permenantly attatched to my hips, it does get annoying whne his helmet clashes with my elbows every time he runs close at my side, I did of course wonder whether this was just pure accidental so tried running off to one side only to find the Dwarf had followed me, its becoming annoying


......still not King.......

Took on a couple of Ringwraiths today, did quite well, think I scared them off.....I am superior....keep wanting to drop kick Gimli although holding myself back, Orc count up to five, I love my job


I hate Aragorn, walks with this I am superior attitude and you are just lowly peasants, starting to annoy. I seemed to have found myself agreeing to this mission although I cant remember volunteering, mustve been distracted by Aragorn's superiority complex. Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant son of......I wonder how he would feel with the Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...........

Stupid Hobbits........
Stupid Ring........
Stupid Aragorn.......


Mister Frodo was stabbed by the Balrog today, Merry and Pippin cried, I tried to hold it together, told them to be brave, everything was going to be alright but I was scared too but we were lucky, Mister Frodo was wearing a vest of Mithril, oh how I was relieved to see he was alright, I reassured the other Hobbits that Mister Frodo was fine, nothing can hurt him....he's far too hot to die.....did I say that out aloud?


Bored.....nothing to do, we dont even get Sky Digital here in Isengard, how stupid is that? May have a play with the Palantir later on

....have met a nice guy on Palantir, a new friend, we chat about all things, world domination, enslavement of races and
the destruction of all Men, wonderful stuff, feeling quite happy..... disenchanted woth Palantir friend, refuses to show me what he looks like, all I get is this huge fiery eye staring back at me which is slightly disconcerting


I have observed the Hobbits for quite some time, hardly what I would call warriors but if the Elves want him to carry the ring then so be it. I have often find myself catching the Hobbits playing around and they always seem to be the presence of a very large carrot which concerns me some.

Caradhras very cold, grrr, although I am Gimli, Son of Gloin, nothing fazes me......cause Im hard


By heck its cold, am not looking forward to this Mines of Moria lark, the others suspect me now since my earlier disgruntled complaints about being afraid of the dark might stop them from proceeding this way, they outvoted me and we now continue on. Am not looking forward coming face to face with Balrog again, ow him money from Second Age after dodgy dealings and bets made on the annual Hobbit Roll Race. Ah the good times, roll your chosen Hobbit down a steep hill and see how far he goes before he starts to complain or crashes at the bottom, Balrog has a nasty streak in him, doesnt like to lose.....

Bored with the Elf, constant preening with hair is annoying, found his pack earlier, almost tripped over it, went to move it aside and found it rather heavy and so looked inside only to find a whole range of hair products, hairspray, conditioner, shine formula......its not right I tell you.


Quite concerned with the power of the Ring, caugh the two men arguing over who gets to carry me up the mountain, was not amused by the fact that Aragorn won only because he began to question the size of Boromir's shield, gave the man of Gondor a bit of a complex about it. Finally found our way to the Mones of Moria, Gandalf having problem opening the doorway, I think he's not the wizard he's cracked up to be, although he showed me a really good trick with the point of his hat.


Very dark here in the Mines, watched Gimli blub over some dead Dwarf, caught Legolas admiring himself in a shard of broken mirror that lay on the floor, good day for combat killed many Orcs and one cave troll, laughed quite loudly when cave troll threw Boromir clear across the room in one swoop

Am disturbed to see great big Balrog still roaming the place

Still not King


Was disgusted with self for letting guard down with regards to cave troll, have noticed Aragorn's strange attraction to Frodo, must like Hobbits, killed a few Orcs....

Gandalf kicked the bucket too


Balrog not forget about money I owed him, fell into shadow, think I may have lost my pointy hat.....


Have become disgruntled with the lag using Palantir, have found myself being booted on numerous occassions after receiving many crypted messages from Palantir friend, did want to keep him for myself but found myself in Palantir chatroom and was persuaded to form a buddylist......

He likes to call himself the all seeing Eye, wont hand over his real name or what the rest of him looks like, could possibly end up talking to cave troll for all I know, which isnt too bad a thing I suppose.....glad that Gandalf escaped, was fed up of running up and down all those blasted stairs to see him......


Was a little disgusted with one's self with the defeat from last great war and the fact I had been reduced in size to a fiery red eyeball, most disappointing and to add to the depression, have lost the Ring.....

Finally got IDSL and have found a kindred spirit to chat away the hours to........

FINALLY the ring has been located after all this time, Ive been informed some Hobbit has it so Ive sent the lads out to retrieve it for me.

My palantir friend is an older gent, a male version of Galadriel without the pointy ears, finally some one who sees past the eyeball, it makes for a refreshing change.......was going to ask him round for dinner but chickened out at the last minute and asked him to build me an army instead


Got carried away with home chemistry set and created some crossbreed with bad breath, although my eyeball friend seems very pleased with the outcome, I suppose they are fetching in some evil kind of way, got rid of a few trees too many were blocking out the sun, was going to use the wood as decking but decided against it.....guy with the eye wasnt impressed with my Groundforce suggestion....back to the drawing board.

Having disastrous time trying to keep white robes whiter than white, washing machine broke, have left laundry to chief Orc who insists on using Daz all the time when he knows Im a Bold man, Spring Fresh hmmmm, I suppose it would be too much to ask him to use a fabric conditioner


....washing machine, whats one of them anyway?......


Have finally got my own Palantir address, SARUMAN@PALANTIR.COM, have also found out that you require a nickname for use in chatroom, have only been using my own name, have not come up with a decent one as yet although several have been running though my mind. Wacky White Wizard, no that wont do, Palatir Pal, thats not a bad one I think but not quite sure, Sauron came up with a rather annoying one which I dont like one bit, Idiot_Of_Isengard. will have to think of one over dinner, Grima is cooking tonight and my only thought is not wanting to get a baad case of food poisoning since everything he cooks tastes like chicken


Have noted that Saruman has got Broadband the sneaky wizard, still lagging on my dial up but will change soon. Have started to get a terrible itch on my eyeball, considered getting drops for it until realised didnt have hands to put the actual drops in let alone a body, very annoying. My only problem is that its Hayfever season, which could be a problem for me, all very well having the tissue and the eye drops but with no other relating parts of the body could be difficult to soothe the itcy eyeball

On a side note, spent day terrorising young Hobbit who has the one Ring, God I love being Evil!!!!


I feel like Chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!!!


We had fish today, well I assumed it was fish of course tasted nothing like it, I think that its high time Grima took a few lessons in cooking from either the Hobbits of the Shire or at a push actually read that book I got him a few years back by some fool of a man, whats his name now?....ah Gordon least his fish actually looks like fish in the book, I expect it tases like the real thing too and not like barbequed chicken.....which smells like burnt Orc when Grima does it.


When will Saruman learn that I cant read his blasted book let alone cook something from it, Ive been 'winging' it for the last couple of weeks, he wanted fish so I gave him roasted Orc meat.....he wanted a bacon buttie so I gave him roasted Orc on two slices of bread.....he wanted a nice double chocolate fudge sundae....well, we wont go there shall we.


Still not king

......killed a few Orc though, not a bad day hunting.....
I think your LOTW stories are great!!! Lots of funy stuf and the constant conflicts...Keep on the good work!! Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
And the diaries are fenomenal!!! Realy funy stuff, love the Saruman-Sauron chat part.
Thank you Etharion, your comments are much appreciated!
Only just found this, and I have to go to work in a minute, but I will try to make time to read all of these later on this weekend hopefully. Then I'll throw you some constructive criticism mate. As a fellow writer of the Tolkien spoof myself I'm always looking for people to rip off (heh, only joking). Will get back to you later.
Haha, rip me off eh? It would be the highest accolade!! Just make sure you read the other 4 parts in succession first so you can see where the story is going, just my take on the first film and if it goes well, may tackle TT and ROTK. My only problem is feedback, I look at my journals and see that Part 2 has been viewed over 500 times yet no matter how many times I ask for feedback I get only a handful so I am very appreciative that you guys have answered my call. I moved part 5 and Diaries here simply cause I took on some advice yet no-one bothers reading them, so Ive gone back to putting the LOTW chapters back to my journal but leaving Diaries here so that anyone can add there own diary entries as the characters, as I wanted this to be an interactive thread to involve everyone if they wanted to.

Thanks for stopping by and checking them out though!!

Jumping Flame Smilie

Bored.....Have despatched Bob and his men after the Hobbit and his friends, I told Bob that he must get the one ring back at all costs even if it means dirtying up his new white outfit he's so fond of, that didnt go down too well with him and the others....I find this homage to me by wearing white nice but a little too much over the top.

Watched Bob on Palantir considering new friend with the oversized eye has been quiet of late, caught Bob preening in front of very large mirror, must have words with that boy when he gets back......


Threw massive party last night, let my hair down and got considerably drunk onthe local hooch, woke up with tiara on skew-wiff and elderly Hobbit sleeping half in and half out of my bed fortunately he was at least wearing a nice Mithril vest that seemed ten sizes too big for him. Mrs Elrond was busy cooking a full english in the kitchen much to my digress, found path to bathroom blocked by sleeping revellers and for some reason dwarves playing pin the tail on the donkey although their version didnt involve a donkey......and no pin

For anyone who's interested and hasnt noticed, Lord of the Whinge part 6 is now ready for reading, check out my journal!


Elf Smilie
Well, I love those diaries...
but have already read them on different pages... they were callesd "The very secret diaries of the fellowship" then and under the name of Cassandra Claire. Is this you?

Question Smilie

goodness gracious! how amusing! i myself enjoy writing spoofs, but haven't gotten around to doing so as of yet. i do enjoy this very much!