Thread: The Alliance
On a peaceful day in the town of Balron a human barbarian, elf rouge, and a gnome engineer visited the local town tavern, each took a seat at the farthest ends of the tavern. All three ordered a glass of water and when all of a sudden a group of bandits walked in, looking around the tavern looking for someone. Then one of them shouted, ’There’s the little scoundrel!’ and all the bandits walked over to the table where the gnome was sitting. A big burly guy stood at the side of the gnome and said, ’Your coming with us.’ But the gnome just sat there and drank his water. I said you’re coming with us! Then the guy threw the table aside, then the gnome started to laugh a high pitched screeching laugh witch just made the big brut even madder, but when the brut was about to punch the gnome the barbarian said, ’you wont get him to stop laughing by just punching him cause he’ll bite back and start laughing all over again.’ Then the brut turned and yelled, ’This little punk! He couldn’t beat me with my hands tide behind my back.’ The barbarian just smiled and said, ’I’ll bet you all the money I got that he’ll beat you within moments of the fight even starting.’ The brut laughed and said, ’Your on, I shall meet you outside gnome. And start counting up that money barbarian this will be done and over within no time.’ When they get out there the brut pulls out a huge claymore while the gnome just pulls out a handful of small little red balls with wicks coming out of them, the brut smirked and started running at the gnome. The gnome just smiled and in a blink of an eye lighted the wicks of the little red balls and quickly put them in the brut’s pockets and pants then a second later the little red balls exploded and the brut’s remains were every where. His comrades stared in terror and fled out of Balron. The gnome walked up to the barbarian and said, ’HEHE see you again is good, same with elf.’ Yes it is old friend, Reaper get your but over here and say hello to some old friends. Alright Big ’K’ I’m coming and its good to see you again too Blackmist. So shall we go explore middle earth and see what we find? Lets Reaper, what do you say Blackmist? YAYAYAAA! Adventure awaits it does. So our friends head off to explore middle earth and to see what waits for them at the end of there journey.
Wait for the release of
The Road Ahead
In addition, when online text is strung together in one huge paragraph the reader will often give up trying to read it, for once interrupted by an outside source, it is next to impossible to find where one left off reading and one will say 'forget it,' and pass on to the next thread.
At least the above is my humble opinion; I couldn't get around to actually trying to read the story, so I can't say if it is any good.
Apart from agreeing with Grondy's comments, I would like to suggest a little more description of the characters involved. I would like to know in more detail what they look like, and what the scene looks like, are there other people there, what time is it roughly (evening?), what does it smell like, is it clean or dirty, that sort of thing.
Keep at it! Writing is one of the most challenging art-forms. Even the good professor wrote numerous drafts of his work before he was satisfied.
I would like to know in more detail what they look like, and what the scene looks like, are there other people there, what time is it roughly (evening?), what does it smell like, is it clean or dirty, that sort of thing.
I found myself cursing at air when I was at a loss of words while trying to translate my poor writings into english
It can be quite difficult when english is not you native tongue