Chameleon, this is exactly the right place for this.
The only thing that I didn't like about the first poem is that at the beginning, Frodo (?) talks about 'eternal rest' (is he dead?) and at the end, he says that he cannot sleep. Just seems a little inconsistent. Otherwise, I think it is a very good description of Frodo's relationship with the ring. I am no expert in the forms of poetry, but would it be easier to read if the lines were broken up (ie: insert blank line)?
Quote:
They're long and green, rough and lean,
Never hasty, always thinking,
They're short and grey, smooth and hairy,
Always caring, always trusting
They're long and green, rough and lean,
Never hasty, always thinking,
They're short and grey, smooth and hairy,
Always caring, always trusting
Caring and trusting? are they? I am not sure of those choice of words, but I like the 'never hasty..', that is certainly true!
Quote:
Branches and leaves, bark and twigs,
Slow and careful, deepest friends,
Moss and lichen, roots and splinters,
When helps is needed, help they lend.
Branches and leaves, bark and twigs,
Slow and careful, deepest friends,
Moss and lichen, roots and splinters,
When helps is needed, help they lend.
When help is needed,.. (small gramatical error). If I may make another suggestion, 'lend' would rhyme better with 'friend', maybe you could change the second line to: 'Slow and careful, the deepest friend'. Just a thought.
Quote:
Ents are trusted, Ents are loved,
Ents of Fangorn, Ents of dreams,
Ents protectors of the trees,
Ents that are not what they seem.
Ents are trusted, Ents are loved,
Ents of Fangorn, Ents of dreams,
Ents protectors of the trees,
Ents that are not what they seem.
This last para confuses me a little. Who loves the ents besides the elves? You make it sould like everyone does, and most of the world is unaware of their existance. I like the 'protectors of the trees' part - very true, and it would be a terrible injustice to write a poem about ents without mentioning this - good.
I hope some of these criticisms help chameleon. Please feel free to ignore any of them if you wish, they are only meant to be suggestions.
Keep up the work!
[Edited on 18/1/2003 by Allyssa]
