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Thread: Urgent personal thingy

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I don't have anything against blonds. I'm blond myself!
My husband didn't want a blond girl, you know, because of the clich’: dumb blonds.

The package didn't arrive yet. It is supposed to arrive within a few weeks. Big Smile Smilie
But you'll find more about it here somewhere.
My comment: If you still have a choice, don't do it. If you instinctively, know that your parents wouldn't approve, follow those instincts; they gave them to you, trusting that you would make the right choice, when it comes to things like this. Also, staying within your own peer group until you are at least a couple years older, will pay dividends in the long run. Smile Smilie

Note: I'm a grandfather who has been around the block, so I'm not just talking through my hat. Animated Wink Smilie
If you have doubts yourself about dating him, I wouldn’t do it. It means you instinctively feel something isn’t like it supposed to be. Why don’t you talk with you parents about this? I think they would appreciate you taking them into your confidence. It should give them a safe feeling knowing you are open to them about things like that and that you value their opinion.
Great answers to both gnampi & Grondmaster
I would say follow your heart, but your heart is questioning you. So don't do it. Talking to your parents is a great idea. Be careful and enjoy life, don't jump into something you are not ready for. I would be more worried about what other things a 17 year old would be pressuring a 14 year old to do besides smoking. I would stay with guys my own age and talk to my mom at least.
I remember having crushes on guys older that smoked and were dark and mysterious. They are not always nice, and will treat you badly. I learned the hard way. I would hate to see you go through some of the things I did, because of some bad decisions. I was lucky I was able to change later, but my sister made worse mistakes than I did, and is still paying for them to this day.
Just be careful.
Oh, thanks for help, everyone! It's really nice from you!

*whipes tears from her eyes*

I didn't do it, just like you advised, and I'm feeling much better now.
Thanks again! Smile Smilie
Hi Tigiel. Welcome to PT - it's great to see new faces around here.

I read your question and the replies (good ones, too, guys!), and I know it's a bit late, but I'd like to share with you what my mother told me when I was 13. Or something like that anyway...

Ungoliant's Mother's Advice for Teenage Girls Big Smile Smilie
1) "I know it's hard to envision the future through raging hormones, but try to evaluate whether the steps that you take now will drastically affect or threaten your ambitions." (I wanted to be a world famous physicist then, so a baby at 14 didn't seem like a smart idea - and we weren't aware of AIDS back then)
2) "A woman who isn't financially and emotionally independant will be extremely vulnerable all throughout her life"
3) "Go read Virginia Woolf's 'A Room of One's Own' "
4) "Date as much as you want as long as you keep romance at an arm's length. Better still, just treat your boyfriends as friends."
5) "Go read Simone de Beauvior's 'A Woman Destroyed'"
6) "Then forget about the Battle of the Sexes - men are your friends, brothers, fathers and lovers, and they are as equally worthy of love, understanding, compassion and respect as any woman. And likewise, they are equally capable of mistakes, cruelty or pain"
7) "But be smart - never get romantically or emotionally attached to one until you've received your Bachelor's Degree from a [good] (my mother's personal requirement there) university."
8) "And don't even think of marriage until you're able to step back and honestly claim to have had a successful career.
9) "The notion of one true love per lifetime is bullsh*t - you can have as many as you want (preferably not all at the same time, of course)"
10) "And if you still feel like experimenting with sex at this age, approach it clinically and cynically. Enjoy it but before you do anything, please use a condom or ask me to put you on the pill."

It may seem outdated now, since I'm an old crone who's out of touch with the pressure that modern girls have nowadays to prove themselves & be accepted by their peers etc. But I can honestly say that I've (sort of) followed my mom's advice, and have had a good life thus far. I'm extremely successful at what I do, and can always fall back on my career should I ever need money. I married a wonderful, sensitive, caring, Faramir-like man at the age of 30 (but have met many equally wonderful ones along the way), and it the union has been blissful thus far - but I also know that I am financially, emotionally and psychologically alble to fend for myself should things go downhill.

So yeah. You'll have many more wonderful experiences as you get older, and meet many, many more men - some good, some bad. But enjoy the journey - and be smart! Wink Smilie

[Edited on 23/8/2002 by Ungoliant]
Very sound advice from everyone so there is nothing I can add except enjoy being 14 and don't grow up to fast. Once you get there you can't turn back.
You have a very wise mother Golly.
Golly Golly! Your mom's quite a mom! That all seems like very wise advice. Financial independence is especially important. I can think of several women for whom this is an issue and a serious one. I can't imagine the feeling of being trapped in a bad realationship with no way out. It's funny, because it reminds me of a bit of advice that my own mother drilled into my head. In a nutshell, be smart and don't take on the responsibility of a family until your absolutely ready emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I know this to be true because I've seen what happens when someone is lacking in any one of these aspects and they jump into family life anyway. It ain't pretty! Some have said I'm too cautious and my relationships have suffered for it. But to me, it's simply being responsible. I just know I'm not ready for a family and all that comes with it.

Trust your instincts Tig, if it doesn't seem just right, it's not.
Nahhh go out with him and enjoy yourself, it's girls who are trouble not boys!
Tigiel, I am glad you did not go out with him. Big Smile Smilie

Ungoliant, I wish I had had your mother a few years later. She sounds great. I really needed her. At 14 was very shy, quiet, and extremely shelterd. I was little Miss prim and proper goody 2 shoes. I had never dated a boy much less kissed one and only had a couple of friends. I was a very sick child and started coming out of it when I was 14. My mom was great while I was sick, she is a Florence Nightingale type that took great care of me. My experiences at that point all came from books. Later, we moved and I changed my entire life (the first time) . I was 17 when boys started noticing me. In Love Smilie Of couuse I went for a guy that was 2 years older, had already graduated, was 6'1", amazing eyes that changed from blue, green, to grey, In Love Smilie broad shoulders and long hair, Well ya'll don't want to know all of that ...... He eventually broke my heart. It was down hill from there for a while. I got in a lot of trouble because I made some really bad decisions. They were my fault no one elses. I wish I could blame someone, but I had a brain that I did not use and had to suffer the consequences. Then I met my wonderful husband. (And he helped me change my life yet again!!!) We have had some rough times but he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is my knight in tarnished armour. I have an education, but no career. My choice to stay home with our son. But if I needed to I could get a decent job.

My sister on the other hand was not so lucky. She got pregnant at 15 had an abortion, again at 16 and another abortion. (Let's not get into a debate about abortions Please. Wary Smilie !!!) Then she got pregnant again at 18. Her daughter was born on her 19th birthday. She had another child at 21 and then at 22. And she blames me for her getting pregnant. NO education not even a high school diploma (She did eventually get her GED, which is an exam that dropouts can take that is almost as good as a diploma.) I was very happy that she actually got that. She has job, in a field that she likes, but makes no money at it or very little and she and her three children live with my mom. My mom does everything for all 4 of them.

One small decision can change your life forever.
And Taz you are right some girls are worse than some boys.

[Edited on 23/8/2002 by MelliotSandybanks]
Its really your choise if you go out with him or not. You've really just gotta sit down and consider how you feel about him as a person, not about the smokeing, or about your parents opinons, after all other peoples opinions arn't everything. For example: if I'd listened to my class mates opinions about my best friend Victoria then we'd never have become friends for life. And I'd have really have regretted that. And as for the smokeing, if you do choose to go out with him then maybe you could help him stop.
But the choise is yours.
We smokers aren't so bad really. But then 17 year old blokes aren't so good either, I used to be one, and very much like all the bad apples described above. I have those blue/green/grey eyes, and the height, and I was truly horrible to many girlies back when I was a 17 year old smoking lad (had a lot worse habits than just smoking back then though). However, age gaps are nothing to worry about, if it feels good, do it. Life's too short to worry about the consequences sometimes. My girlfriend is 8 years older than me, and it makes not one jot of difference. Smile Smilie
What a wealth of wise and sagely advice...

Hi Tigiel... I think you summed it up in the chatroom earlier... All men are PIGS. I know I am. We pretend to be nice (really, really nice sometimes), until we get what we want, and then, BANG!, we kind of stop caring.

My girlfriend's 6 yrs younger than me, but at my age, the years don't matter so much. A 3 year age gap at your age is a big difference and 17yr old lads are only after one thing. I know that you feel grown up now (my 14 yr old step-daughter does), but there is so much of your life ahead of you, and it is so easy to mess it up. What you do in your teens effects the whole of the rest of your life, and it can take years sorting out mistakes you make during them.
Think what you want from life, decide what you need to do and get to achieve your goals, and focus yourself on that purpose. Don't underestimate how important the next few years will be in deciding what happens to you in the future.
If the guy doesn't feel right, your own common sense is warning you that he isn't.

And don't forget... ALL MEN ARE PIGS.... We lie and we cheat and we get what we want and we leave the fairer sex to suffer the consequences.

PS... We can be good fun too, but be careful. We're not always what we seem.
Plastic, you look just like some guys that I dated, before I met my husband. The eyes and the hair, oh my. lol Btw loved you website.

Val, not all men are pigs just most. Some are just toooooo nice, others just seem that way and then break your heart. I used to have a pic on a website somewhere, but it would be at least 5 yrs old, and i have no idea what the site was or if it still even exist.

I'll see if I can find it.

No, none of us are really nice, we just pretend to be until we get bored .
What you do in your teens effects the whole of the rest of your life, and it can take years sorting out mistakes you make during them.

So true! I had this warning drilled into me when I was 14. I was so determined not to stuff up - no boyfriend, no teen discos, no smoking or drinking, no parties, few friends - in short, I had no fun. I ended up heading for a career that was just not for me, so I dropped out of uni in the second year of a Computing/Accounting degree. I got a job and then got married.

Six years later I am a single mother, living off benefits and with no career to return to. My biggest mistake? To let others frighten me about making mistakes! Mistakes are how we really learn - provided they dont affect your long term health or those of your families.

Teenagers need to have some fun, otherwise they could end up in a worse situation than if they had too much fun. We need to LIVE a little to find out who we are and what we want to do with our lives.

I am now 30, and just beginning to sort out my life and have the courage to persue what I really wanted in life.

However, having said all that, dont do anything you dont want to do, just because you feel that you should.

I really wish I had a career to turn to now, so that I could have pride in supporting myself.
Hear hear! As one who made every mistake that you possibly can as a teenager and still turned out all right, I say go make your mistakes and try to learn from them in exactly the same way that I didn't.
Just remember guys will be there to stuff up your life all through it, no rush now....
But good luck to everyone here for finding the perfect girl/guy Cool Smilie
Found her thanks, but ta for the luck anyway. Big Smile Smilie
My Ideal Man:

Age 32 - 36
Height: Taller than me (no great challenge)
Interests must include Tolkien and Writing
Should have dark hair, dark eyes and a barritone voice
Should live somewhere around Melbourne
Should come from a good, respectable family
Should have a slightly heavy build (I like a man with a bit o' flesh on him)
Must be financially solvent.

Allyssa, be careful with these things!
I always said I wasn't going to marry someone younger than me and my husband always said he didn't want a blond girl.
Guess what! My husband is three years younger and I am blond! Big Smile Smilie

Thanks 42, I will keep hoping and looking. Even the nicest men are scared off by the responsibility of children. Makes it a bit harder...

My Ideal Man:

Age 32 - 36
Height: Taller than me (no great challenge)
Interests must include Tolkien and Writing
Should have dark hair, dark eyes and a barritone voice
Should live somewhere around Melbourne
Should come from a good, respectable family
Should have a slightly heavy build (I like a man with a bit o' flesh on him)
Must be financially solvent.

Now, I am not asking too much am I? Wink Smilie Ha Ha Ha Smilie
Even the nicest men are scared off by the responsibility of children. ..

Not true, I'm fairly nice, and my gf has 2 kids, 9 and 10, doesn't scare me in the least.
Well Plastic, I'm glad you've found your ideal partner - you certainly deserve all the good lovin', and goodness & joy that this life has to offer! Wish you all the best, mate!

Allyssa, I used to hang around Usenet (RABT/ many years ago before I discovered PT, and I met plenty of nice, jolly Tolkien-loving blokes from Oz. So I don't think it's such a tall order then! In fact, I ran into a Tolkien fan here in Dubai (he's mixed Aussie/Norwegian/Malaysian) a couple of months back at the golf club. V. cute, but then I'm a happily married woman. Wink Smilie Good luck, hope you find your perfect man one day.

Thanks Prog, Mel & Red - I appreciate your comments about my mom. She's always got my friends (male & female) running to her for advice, even now. Even strangers that she'd just met would open up and tell her their entire life history, because they know that she would listen, yet never judge them. It's always comforting to have someone like that around.

As for mistakes - god knows I've made a few - too many. But I'm still alive, living, and enjoying every minute of it. So yeah, as Plastic said - make your mistakes, but learn from them. But never lose sight of your goal/s (be it your career, relationship or whatever). And never give up - no problem is so large that it can't be fixed.
Awww.. thanks Golly. Very kind. Smile Smilie
What's your hubby got against blondes, Gnampie?

BTW has the special package arrived yet??
as Plastic said - make your mistakes, but learn from them. But never lose sight of your goal/s (be it your career, relationship or whatever). And never give up - no problem is so large that it can't be fixed.

We have all made mistakes. I have made both big and small ones, but the key is in the above quote. Make your mistakes, but learn from them, and never give up. All problems are fixable.

[Edited on 2/9/2002 by MelliotSandybanks]