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*So Legolas and company made their way home, but, they stumbled apon a magic Goblet! They knew not to touch it, but Gimli could not resist because of his liking of luxuries. Also Dimands and rubies! Of course! Wink Smilie *
But tht was most certanly the last thing Gimli should have done, for the minute he touched it (with both his hands) his hands were stuck to the goblet.

Gandalf then said: ,,Fool of a dwarf, it would suit you well to be left here, at least that would rid us of your stupidity"

,,I agree totally with Gandalf, however since we are supost to be the good guys we can’t do that" said Elrond
,,Can we?"

A very awkward silence
Elrond looked very surprised when Gandalf shouted and thought that the oldie was becoming senile and talked nonsense. Then he took a bun out of his pocket and started eating. Sam started drooling and vagged his newly outgrown tail like a little dog when he saw the bun. Frodo patted Sam's head and put his leash on to prevent him from running into the forest again. "Good Sam", Frodo said, "Good Sam. Here boy!" Frodo gave Sam a bone and then the company continued walking.
Galadriel, in a moment of weakness, pleaded to the rest of the company that they would stop and help Gimli.
Aragorn, who had remained silent a very long time and hadn't even tried to show off his manlyness in an extremly long time (10 minutes) took a liane and swinged himself over to Gimli, shouting: "OOOOOOIIIIIOOOOOIIIIOOOOOHH!!!".
He landed, very elegantly, in a bush of nettles and sprung up, holding his hands in his behind, screaming like a little girl: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!! IT BURNS, IT BUUUURNS!!" Pippin and Merry laughed so hard at Aragorn's spectacle they fell over and into the yucky little stream.
Aragorn cried and went to Galadriel for comfort and plasters.
Sam, who now had developed long, furry ears and ran on all four, jumped around, got himself loose from the leash and ran over to Gimli. Gimli, afraid of all hobbits similar to dogs, fell over backwards and got rid of the sticky goblet, which later turned out to be nothing but a lollipop, which Sam more than happily ate.

Aah, they were on their way again and everybody had become quite tired and Aragorn kept complaining about his behind. All of a sudden an arrow came trhough the woods and nailed Elrond's expensive-but-not-very-right-in-fashion-jacket stuck to a tree...
Aragorn stepped forward:
"Look, guys, I'm in a really cranky mood today, ok? We've walked for hours and I just sat in a bush of nettles and these guys just won't stop laughing at me..." The company starts to giggle when they remember the sight of Aragorn in the nettles "STOP THAT!!" Aragorn shouted. "Ahem, anyway, I don't have the time or the energy for your silliness, Oliver and Connor. If you don't leave us alone now, I will have to show off my great manlyness."
The rest of the company is rolling on the ground laughing when Aragorn says this and Oliver and Connor looks very confused.
"We still want to know what you're doing here" Connor said.
No answer.

I’ll count to three and if you haven’t answerd when I get to three I will wait a little longer, but just a little, and if you haven’t answerd then, I will blast you to oblivion Ha, ha ,ha ha.

Oliver have you been taking your pills? Sayd Connor

Oliver ignored that remark and started counting: one.........two.........thr! NO wait said Frodo, I’ll tell you what we are doing here.

Like hell you will sayd Legolas and shot Frodo in the shoulder.

You idiot, why did you shoot Frodo but not them?? Sayd Elrond.

Ooh, wright, sorry Frodo Legolas sayd in an sorry voice and started crying. After 5 minutes or soh he noticed everybody was looking at him. He was embaressed and decided to make them think about something else, soh he killed Connor and Oliverwith his bare hands.

You know, said Gimli, sometimes you freak me out

[Edited on 10/5/2003 by pesi]

[Edited on 10/5/2003 by pesi]
"Sorry but I've been dead already "said Ollie as he sat up "and Connor ain't going nowhere" as the two rose up and shot a bevvy of arrows at the group.
"Dag nam it shouted Aragorn he ripped my bloomers.
"Be quiet you big sissy" shoutewd Frodo
Then from the shadows dropped down a caped figure.
"Need some help Oliver"
"The more the merry we have quiet the little band here Bruce."
Legolas grew mad at being called a sissy all the time so he got his bow and severall arrows, fired them and hit the enemies, they flew off after that because they had grew so frightened of Legolas. After they had fled, Legolas` companions all crowded round him and gave him the hero`s cheer...When suddenly...
Old Legolamb tripped over a rock and went flying, looking a total fool. When the others gathered rouynd him and helped him up, he was crying (like a sissy).

--Sorry Sheryl, I just had to do that--
OFF TOPIC: That`s okayPeredhil, you said Legolamb, not Legolas! Wink Smilie so it doesn`t bother, but anyway, it`s only a story, no need to apologise.
Suddenly, Lurtz lept out from behine a nearby shrubery and attempted to eat Legolas. Unfortunatly Legolas has a canaster of pepper spray and promptly aimed for Lurtz's eyes. The big uruk-hai staggered backwards and fell off a nearby cliff behine the nearby shrubery. Even as he plummeted to his certan doom he could still be heard yelling "Aiiieee! My eyes! It burns, it burns like hygene!"
Suddenly, SARUMAN lept out from behind a rock!!
"ALRIGHT Just STOP IT!" yelled Gandalf. "I'm sick and tired of all those people suddenly jumping up in our faces from a shrubbery or a rock or from behind a tree. Now let's just move on." The poor Saruman was stunned as he thought he was going to frighten and surprise the fellowhip. As Gandalf walked past him he nudged Saruman who fell over the same cliff and right on top of Lurtz! What do you know, some people are lucky.

Anyway, The Fellowship had many other adventures there in the forest that they had unknowingly walked straight into, but since I'm sick and tired of not getting anywhere, you won't hear about them.
They finally got out of the forest and into a great field. They saw birds circulating in the sky and then fifteen great eagles with golden chains around their neck landed just infront of Gandalf's feet.
From the shadows...." a shurbbery did he ne ne...we must find this one who speaks of the shurbberys cause ours is all worn down and we need a new we dont, yes we do, no we don...we do and thats thats.
"Oh no!" Gandalf cried. "The Eagles of Many Colours and of None! Remember, the Enemy has many spies: birds, beasts...even Eagles."
And Frodo said, "Who is this Enemy you hath spoken of, Gonedaft?"
Suddenly a low voice murmered:
"The Enemy is an Elven-prince
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
the first whose realm was vain and whiny
and full of hair-products, oh so shiny"
The others stopped in amazement, for the voice was Sam's.
"By Eru, what doest thou here!?" shouted the Wizard.
"Sam!" Frodo cried, and raced to his side.
Everyone shook their heads.
"Well, er...great to have you back, Sam!" said Elrond.
"Sam's riddle, what does it mean by "The Enemy is an Elven-prince?"
"Well, Sam?" asked Galadriel.
"We knows!" said a voice in the shadows. "But we will not tell it to the one who stole our shrubbery. Thief! Baggins! We hates you forever. It's ours! Mine! My, no! Our...precious. Give us the Precious!
It was Gollum/Sm’agol.
"What's he doing here?" asked Pippin.
"Fool of a Took!" said Gandalf.
Aragorn said,"Ah! so u know bout our little footpad, do you? He's been following us since Rivendell."
"Wait a second!" cried Frodo. "That riddle sounds awfully like Legolas here."
The entire company turned and stared at the Elven prince from Mirkwood.
"You, Legolas?" said Saruman, who had climbed up the cliff.
Then the Enemy was aware of them, and his elven-Eye piercing all shadows looked across the clearing to Frodo; and the magnitude of his own folly was revealed to him in a blinding flash.
Legolas quickly drew his white dagger, ran to the cliff, and jumped off. One of the fifteen Eagles hovering there cught him on his back. "Quickly, Gwaihir!" he cried. "Do not let me fall" he gasped, for he felt life in him. "Bear me to Barad-d’r!"
"I've never heard of Barad-d’r before," said Sam again, wagging his doggy tail.
Suddenly Gollum...
...took off his mask and costume and showed that he was acctually one of "The knights who just until recently said Ni! but are now saying Eeka-eeka-eeka-eeka-FDANG!"

PJ steps into the scene yelling: "CUUUUT!! CUT CUT CUT!!! Ok, WHO came up with the idiotic idea to bring in old Monty Python jokes in this? I've TOLD YOU guys: I DID NOT direct Monty Python (but oh dear I whish I had) I made 'Meet The Feebles'. If you are going to put in ANYTHING from another movie, put in MY movies! They need all the promotion they can get. Ok, carry on guys."

"Well, Sam", Gandalf said, "You see, Barad-d’r is the enemies place, that's were we're heading."
"YIKES! We're heading to the enemies place???" Sam put his tail between his legs. "I don't want to go there! I'll die! Again! And again! And probably a third time too!"
"And a fourth time three", said Elrond. "OUCH! Galadriel, why are you stepping on my foot?" he cried and Galadriel whistled and looked suspiciously innocent.
"Yeah Sam, but if you go there, I'll give you a treat!" Frodo tried. "Here boy!" Sam jumped over to Frodo. "Goood boy, Sam, goood boy!"
"Er.. hello? People? We've got an elf and an ex-friendly eagle on the run here", Pippin yelled and waved with his arms to get attention.
Have no fear I will catch them anbd out stepped Elrond with some wings made from sellotape and bubble wrap.
And with that he proceeded to run up a hill and jumped he actually fleew for about 2 seconds then he fell into a shoe which had been left by some dark roguish stranger
Elrond tripped and fell, rolling back down the hill, landing battered and bruised at the Grey Wizard's feet.
Then, Frodo watched in disgust as Sam...

Walked up to Elrond and fauningly said, "Golly Gee Whiz Fish! Mister Elrond, that sure was grand. Could I have your autograph? An I'd like ta ask ya t' do it again, but we's all out a bubble wrap."
A minute later, Gandalf shouted, "I've got it!" and stood up quickly from the moss-encrusted boulder he had been resting upon. His blue hat fell off in all the commotion, and he made a mad grab for it in vain; the hat came to rest on Sam's head, completely dwarfing him and covering him in shadow.
"You've got what?" asked Samwise, struggling to be freed from his ... prison. "A bruise on your noggin?"
"No, Fool of a Gamgee!" replied the wizard. "An answer to why this plotline has become so screwed up. It must me a film by Ralph Bakshi, since he was so hopelessly naive to details that he couldnt even get Celeborn's name right!"
"It doesn't feel like we're in a movie," Frodo said cautiously.
"How would you know?" Gandalf spake. "Have you ever had a dream so real that you were unable to tell the dream-world from the real world? What if you were unable to wake up? How would you know where you were? Consider this movie-world to be a dream-world."
Pippin shut his ears, saying "I'd rather be in a book."
Frodo says, "Hold on! Now this sounds like a Wachowski brothers movie! We've got Gonedaft as Morpheus...And I'm Neo (his smaller version). Look, there's Agent Smi-, oh, sorry, its just you, Elrond."
"Well, it's hard to tell them apart, since they're both played by Hugo Weaving in the movies." Gandalf said.
"Anyway," Gandalf said, "I remembered that those eagles are the fifteen Chieftains of the Eagle-lords, and they're good. So how can they be evil-acting? We must be in a movie." He calls for Legolamb to come back, and not to follow the script. The Elf sheepishly returns.
"But if that is true, Mithrandir" says Leggy, "whose movie are we in? It sounds like a movie by both Bakshi and the Wachowskis."
"I know!" said Merry, who had been following them for a while without saying a word. "It sounds exactly like a Peter Jackson movie! The low-budget, philosophy-enriched style, complete with a lack of attention for details sounds like our Kiwi friend!"
"Ah!" said Gandalf. "You have solved the riddle! Now let us enter the Mines of Moria."
The Fellowship looked at each other in disbelief, each silently saying to himself, what's he talking about??
"Oh! Sorry, wrong movie." amended Gandalf hastily. "Well, now that we know we're in a movie, let us be off! We must go to the TRUE Dark Tower, the place where the scripts and cameras are, stealthily recording our every action. To Wellington!"
The Company agreed, and went on the march to New Zealand (which happens to not exist yet in ME, but PJ doesnt concern himself with such details Smile Smilie ), singing a song, deep and low:
To Wellington! Though Wellington be ringed and barred with doors of stone;
Though Wellington be strong and hard, as cold as stone and bare as bone,
We go, we go, we go to war, to hew the stone and break the door;
For bole and bough are burning now, the furnace roars - we go to war!
To land of gloom with tramp of doom, with roll of drum, we come, we come;
To Wellington with doom we come!
With doom we come, with doom we come!
Disclaimer I have nothing against Peter Jackson, the Wachoski brothers, or Ralph Bakshi, or Wellington and its inhabitants, or the country of New Zealand. I actually tremendously enjoyed PJ's version of the movies, and I used a sense of parody and bias in the opposite sense because I have noticed that members on this site (not all, mind you!) have a tendency to not like PJ's LotR movies. Therefore I biased my P-O-V to include theirs, hoping to spruce up the story a little and hopefully make it easier for others to add to the ever-growing story. Big Smile Smilie

[Edited on 8/7/2003 by Arcormacolind’va]
Sayeth the Pippin, "Hey, there's a body of water, lets dam it up and flood the blighters out of their Dark Tower."

"Don't be stupid, you Fool of a Took," replied Merry, "this is an island and you can't dam up an ocean, especially one as big as the Specific; and even if you could, we'd all drown ever afore the water reached those guys in up the TRUE Dark Tower, what's currently locating in Wellington."
*[plz ppl, continue this thread!]*

Then, they saw a black speck falling from the sky. It was the Withc-King of Angmar, on Ancalagon the Black!

"Ankly! I thought you were dead!" cried Gandalf.
Angmar dismounted the Beast and flew to the ground; he pulled out a massive greatsword of obsidian and steel; proceeding to chop off Galadriel's head, since he had mistaken her for ’owyn. The blade fell with blinding speed and the Jewel of the Noldor stood there, dazed.
Then, when it was a hair's breadth away from her neck, she took her two hands and smashed them on either side of the blade, stoping it; whilst throwing the Captain of Carn D’m out of the air and onto the ground.
"What business does a Black One and a Dragon have in the lands of Men and Elves? Speak quickly!"
The Fell One hastily screeched out an endless defiant note, of which the following words could be discerned: 'Nubin sherkuk, rakhizinash, matizinash’k!'
Gimli rolled his eyes and said "So much for the legendary courtesy of the Wraiths! Speak words we can all understand!"
So the Black One hissed "I smell your blood, I shall devour it; eat it all!"
Sam started to whimper and said "this guys starting to creep me out!"
The company then decided that they were going to -...

... adjourn to Mickey-D's for burgers and fries.

Mean while the forces of evil ...
Were getting a bit p*ssed off cus no one seemed to be taking them seriousley, and there was also the fact that they prefered Burger King...
because they got free toys with the kiddie meals and the burgers were bigger than those served in MacDonalds! Plus Burger King made a great hide out, nobody would think to search for the baddies in Burger King because...
..baddies are supposed to hang out in big black towers and the like. But their plan was now ruined by the rival fast-food outlet. "Grr.." thought the evil baddie guys, and they made a mental note to get boss to destroy it in future..
but first they had to plan an evil plan of world domination. In the end they settled upon the idea of throwing bricks at Legolas. So they sent out some orcs to buy some bricks and pink ribbons, because one of the baddies wanted his bricks to look pretty.
Meanwhile, Gandalf was...
...getting drunk in MacDonalds. Yes, kids, now we know the special ingredient for McFlurry's.... or could it just be the suspicious looking hipflask attached to Gandalf's belt? We'll never know..
Anyway - "So *hiccup* about this *hicc hicc* war on *hicc* Wellington..." Gandalf didn't quite finish his sentence, as he suddenly fainted and slumped on his chair. The rest of them rolled their eyes and continued to ignore him..
in fact they were so busy ignoring him that they didn't notice the squirrels. That right folks. Squirrels. A vast, roaming heard of little grey squrrels sneaked past our heros and absconded with Gandalf. (I just hope absconded is the right word!) Five hours later, Gandalf awoke to find...
... himself a prisoner in a hollowed out cave in a tall oak tree surrounded by thousands of also captive haycorns. When he asked them how long he had been there, they appeared to ignore him; however, this he misinterpreted. Being mute they were using a form of sign language that he couldn't read because they had no hands.

During this interval the orcs returned laden down with bricks and a spool of orange ribbon, the General Store having sold all their pink ribbon to Aragorn for his party frock. The Black One took the ribbon and started tying pretty bows around the bricks.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Legolas was ...
Cornered, the evil baddy guys chucking bricks at his head. "Hey! Ow, that hurts, stop it! You might break a nail!"
Suddenly, for no reason at all, it started to rain Balrogs. One Balrog made a very clumsy landing and squashed Legolas flat. The balrog would later be described to the ploce as wearing a flamingo pink bikeeni and talking in a sweedish accent.
After a fail court case (they were trying to sue Aragorn for buying all the pink ribbon, they deemed the orange ribbon unsuitable for their evil puposes!), the bad guys headed back to their new top-secret-hide-out; the public toilets at Isengard.
Meanwhile, Gandalf was...

peeing!!! when Saurumon walked in on him!!!!

"Saurumon!!! get out!!!! I don't want you to see KNOW!!!!!" Gandalf yelped

Saurumon left right away not wanting to be blinded for life by the sight of him!!!
Saruman ran away embarrassed while gandalf relieved himself.... fortunatly gandlaf had a plan (drunk as he was), he was wee-ing all over the squirrel army's huge store of nuts (acorns i think). When the squirrel army returned with saruman their prisoner (after catching him collapsed drunk after he'd found gandalf's hip-flask). when they saw that thier nuts had been ruined by wee wee they....

Killed or let's say tried to kill everything in there way including people. All the squrrels were defeated and gandalf and the other "warriors" had but a few scratches!!!

Unfortunatly, Aragon had desided that he was mortaly wounded, though the rest of the fellowship suspected he was lying in a vague attempt to escape Arwen. A pair of grazed knuckles and a brused elbow hardly count as faitel wounding. All the same, Aragorn insisted that he be taken to hospital, which ment they had to catch the bus there, 'cause the ambulance drivers were on strike. And, as usual, the bus was late and Gandalf through a hissy fit when the bus driver refused to accept his O.A.P bus pass. After a lot of shouting, screaming and squeeling, Gandalf desided that he was bored and turned the unfortunate bus driver into a cane toad. Gimlie wanted to keep the toad as a pet, but all agreed it would be kinder to set it free. So they kicked it out of the window, into a nearby forrest, where it began to systematicly wipe out the local wildlife, while building an army so that it might seek revenge.
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