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Ha! That's a good one, was Lao Tzu the ancient Chinese guy who started Daoism or something like that?
Well, I have got some more...Into the Woods is a very good musical, you should see it sometime...OK, this one is more funny than wise, but it shows that you can't trust people's appearances :

"I was raised to be charming, not sincere." ----Cinderella's Prince
and this one which is not from the musical,
"The bird thinks it is an act of kindness to give the fish a lift in the air." ----Tagore
I don't quite know who lao tzu was or maybe even is... Paranoid Smilie but sounds like some very clever guy...
yea, I like musicals very much, so if there's a performance somewhere near, I'll certainly try to be there. it really sounds very nice... and I really love the quote from cinderella's prince. Ha Ha Ha Smilie

the next one also shows a bit of my soul...Wink Smilie
I can resist everything except temptation.
Well, I'll tell you, in this musical, Cinderella's Prince turns out to be an utter playboy!
Your posts are all so funny, Ithil. I half-think you made them up yourself... Big Laugh Smilie
Anyways, here's another one:

"Man is worse than an animal when he is an animal."
OK, I've just heard some really funny ones : Very Big Grin Smilie

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

that's great!!! I love all your quotes, they're wonderful...
I found a nice one in a book I finished reading yesterday, but I can't find the book now - ooops *blushing* - so I'll have to put that in here a bit later.......
Sometimes I creep myself out.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Ha Ha, I dont get it.
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"Most lies about blondes are false." - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
I'm glad you like my quote, Ithil! They are really funny. And I have a habit of sticking onto the walls of my room. But here's more I have:

"Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made."
-Otto von Bismarck

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Redd Foxx

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

I love the Albert Einstein one. Though sometimes I wonder if he really said that...

"I am a jelly doughnut."

"I am not a crook!"

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

"Brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job."

The originators of the four above utterances will be withheld to protect their constituents.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I found the quote:::
everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. Angel Smilie

There's only one thing in the world worse than being witty and that is not being witty.
Oh and speaking of wit, there's this one:
"Wit is the lowest form of humour."
"Sometimes fun is evil" ~The Lurvely Laura

"Follow the butterflies." ~Roonil Wazlib

"War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left." (He he, after reading the thread, just realized that someone already posted this, but oh well!)

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."

"Writers seldom write the things they think. They simply write the things they think other folks think they think."

"We're being led by an idiot with a crayon." ~Eoin Colfer

"There are three types of people 1. People who can count and 2. People who can't."

"there are three ways to do things 1. the right way 2. the wrong way and 3. my way... which is really the wrong way... only faster!"

"When you feel like insulting someone, first you have to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you insult them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..."

"...otherwise ring wraiths will come and stab you with knives! Pointy knives!" ~The Legendary Frog from

"Hair has never been noted for it's logic." ~Anne Walsh

"If we went by Laura, all Germans would be schizos!" ~Jackie

"Sometimes, you're the windshield...sometimes, you're the bug."

"Of the 36 ways of avoiding disaster, running away is the best."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I!"

-I don't know who said most of these... but I like them. ^_^
Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.
Cincinnati Enquirer

Is it progress if a cannibal uses knife and fork?
Stanislaw Lec

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

And I really love your quotes, Dineniel! They're hilarious!!! Ha Ha Ha Smilie
they are really good... oh I LOVE this thread!!!!!!

it's not your fault if the world is the way it is - it's only your fault if it remains like that!
"Stress is the confusion caused when the mind must override the body’s desire to strangle the living crap out of some idiot who desperately deserves it!"

"We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction."

"History is the total sum of things that might have been avoided."

"Men just don’t do good air quotes..."

"If practice makes perfect & nobody's perfect, why practice?"

"When someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, can that be considered a hostage situation?"

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"

"If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons?"

"Why do they call it "common sense" when it's so rare?"

’When our story is told, and it will be told in song and fable and interpretive dance and puppet show, people will weep with joy and, through sobs, say "Today we have witnessed love. How can our lives not be better by this?"...Okay, the puppet show response may not be so strong. People may not be ready for puppets.’

"I reject your reality and subsitute my own" - Adam Savage Mythbuster
I love this thread too. It's actually a time when I feel my quotes have uses more than just keeping me going through school every day.

"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat."
-Oscar Wilde
"If I ever meet myself, I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what hit me!" ~Beeblebrox from the Ultimate Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"I don't have time for this nonsense... just tell me what you think is wrong with you and I will confirm it"

"Anyway, remember that if science has proven anything it's that all corporeal beings are subject to one of four forces. Those forces are a metal softball bat, a pitchfork, a bucket of boiling water, and a Frisbee with razorblades taped to the edges." ~Dave Johnston,
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures' ?
Yes, it tis Clove
I wasn't the one who asked that question, but still, it's funny....

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three"
Elayne Boosler
Did you know that scientists did a study to see if cancer was caused by nightlights? (my friend Jenna today at lunch)

isnt it sad what we are spending our money on?
Yeah, we could be spending it on education for the youth and programs like the People to People Student Ambassador Program.
nightlights???ooooooo, I'm interested in that. I've been sleeping with one for three years...

Oh for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix, someone needs the wood!
-The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
how about this one, I found it in a postcard book:

Before shaking your head make sure you've got one.
something like that (it's just my translation...) was said by Truman Capote.
Caution, Blind Man Driving.

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

These are funny!

they are sooo great!!! Big Laugh Smilie Ha Ha Ha Smilie Orc Grinning Smilie Elk Grinning Smilie
where do you get them all from?? I search anything to find one or two of them and you seem to have thousands of them in your sleeve...
go here, some are funny some silly, some wierd, ect.
Good Quotes
hey, nice, thanks. I guess most of those are quite silly, but really fun!

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost

those who think they know everything annoy those of us that do Elk Grinning Smilie
of all the things i lost, i miss my mind the most

sometimes i creep myself out

i was going to take over the world, but i was distracted by someting shiny

i used to be schitzophrenic, but i think were ok now
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?


"Life is like a bunch of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." -Forrest Gump
Gordon Bombay: You think losing is funny?
Les Averman: Well not at first but once you get the hang of it.
-Might Ducks

from an old movie I just saw...and I really like all your quotes....
There were like 160, so I'm only posting a few.

Murphy's law of combat:

Friendly fire-isn't

Recoilless rifles-aren't

Supressive fires-won't

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

Never share a foxhole with someone braver than yourself

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

Five second fuses burn in three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to fire at

Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you're in the combat zone

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat

If the enemy is within range, so are you

Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

One enemy is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything

There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won!

Life in a vacuum sucks

You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.

"Suicide Hotline...please hold."

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing..

Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up.

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?


ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Conserve energy... fart in a jar

Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!

ooohhhh, wonderful!!! really, I'm almost falling off my seat... Wink Smilie

Your children need you presence more than they need your presents - Jesse Jackson

If friends were like flowers I'd pick a bunch of you - ??

Live long and prosper - Vulcan greeting

Children don't come with a manual - by me

Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad - ??

I'm smiling because I'm your sister and I'm laughing
because there's nothing you can do about it - ?? Wink Smilie
nasssty. Smile Smilie

just say something that nobody understands and they'll do almost anything for you.

a man mustn't give up. he can be destroyed, but he mustn't give up.

desperation is the raw material for fundamental changes.
when I was researching facts about Eva Peron (Evita) for school, I came across a quite interesting quote:
Answer violence with violence. If one of us falls today, five of them must fall tomorrow. Eva Peron
To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction.

-Minna Antrim
These are my own words... Don't know if they are wise...

Respect life, love it! Trust me, you don't want it to be your enemy!
you could call it wise... honestly, I like that quote very much. Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it.
don't know who said this...
Sounds like something I heard in a movie, Ithil...forgot which one...
possible... I don't recall things like that, I think I read it somewhere... just think it's good.

and this one is funny... Orc Smiling Smilie
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
Herez a funny one itz supposed to be a sweet nice one but i twinched a few things;

If you were a flower id pick you would dry out, whither and die
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." - Gandalf, in FotR, Tolkien

"Live long and prosper." - Spock, in the original Star Trek

"He who laughs last is God."
ooo...ummmm....i no a few good quotes

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" ~Einstien

"all that is gold does not glitter" ~think you know...

I don't know, so maybe I'm not.

Those who fight and run away live to fight another day.

There is always one more idiot than you counted on.

a personal favourite of mine:
Those who don't make decisions never make mistakes.
Those who never make mistakes aren't working hard enough.
a hug is a great gift one size fits all - cant remember who said this
not all those who wander are lost - tolkien
'A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.'
Oooo, I like it, Grondy, and very bi-partisan on the ones above. I had a whole paragraph after this, but "if you think it's over the line, it prob'ly is."

And I believe Lao Tzu WAS the founder of Taoism. Not to be confused with Sun Tzu, who was the author of something completely different. Wait, no, that was Monty Python....
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