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Thread: Middle-Earth Put Downs

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Does anyone else agree that Tolkien has a really good way with insults? A few examples:

"Here shall you fail of all your hopes, and here may you yet die the same death as I." - Eol to Maeglin. Wow, such bitterness! Bye bye to you too, dad!

"Nonetheless I will grant thy prayer, and thy shalt go to Eilinel, and be set free of my service." - Sauron to Gorlim. Oooooh, sarcasm!

"Die now and the darkness have thee!" - Turin to Glaurung. Gotcha!

"Fool of a Took!" - Gandalf to Pippin. Short and to the point.
Thats, "You fool of a Took! Next time throw yourself down, and rid us of your stupidity!" but you get the general point. I love any renasauncish insults, and have a few of my own, but a lot cannot be posted because ther're inapropriate for a family friendly website.
awww, come on? what about the classic ' "And if that plea does not excuse you from war, most noble Wormtongue," he said, "what office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains -- if any man would trust you with it?"' (133).
Naneth d’n tira be Orch Wink Smilie
Yeah, I noticed Tolkien was pretty good with insults in the books Smile Smilie I often say them to my brother.
The cool thing about it is that they almost don’t sound as insults at all. Also its very hard to figure a witty come back for one of those. I specially enjoy when Randalf is talking to Maruman in Isengard. The Chapter is called "The Voice of Saruman", and it’s my favourite in the whole storyline. If you guys want to re-read it, I recommend it.
And if you don’t, well, Providence will hunt you down and cast your weak excuse for a living into the cloudsome ashes whence you came. Good Day, Sir!
Angry Elf Smilie
I specially enjoy where Randulf is talking to Maruman in Isengard.

Randulf? Maruman? Don't you mean Gandalf and Saruman?
You think? Of course I meant Gandalf and Saruman! But Randalf sounds cool. Almost retro. Back in the days were insults were more a way of leaving rather than a way of living. Imagine Gandalf’s parents screaming to him, "Randaaalf! You bring your magical heinie hither this instant! Ere the doom of all the houses of men Slaps you deaf in the soul for having brought those birds into your chambers!"
I guess I suck at insults. Curses I can manage pretty dandy. Do you think they took the time to think of an insult before the situation arrived? Like, if I catch someone stealing my horse, I shall yell to him in an abrupt and threatening fashon. Hey, you! No that’s not quite what I want to say... You! You low life bag of... Of what? What could be really insulting? I know! Bag of horse poop. For he is stealing my horse, so he’ll understand what I mean. It starts kinda stong, but "poop" sounds not insulting enough. What then? I know! Get your filthy hands of my steed, you low life bag of Meneur! There! I got it! I’m just glad I had time to think of it in case it happens. Its hard nowadays to find the right words to insult somebody. At least I got that one covered!
Eol to Curufin after Curufin says "the sooner you depart from my land the better will it please me"

It is good, Lord Curufin to find a kinsman thus kindly at need. I will remember it when I return.

like wab
Who is Wab? Did she say something worth recalling?
Heehee, maybe I should explain my wab system.

The meaning of wab chnages every 64th of a nanosecond, so I can basically choose whatever it means at any given time (And you of course, Azadhel) But now I must explain this:

Wab goes wabwab,
Wab-ti-wab goes wab,
and Wabwab goes wab-ti-wab.

But of course, I hear you cry, that for example, wab-ti-wab could mean wabwab at a given time, so wab could go wab-ti-wab. When this happens, a wabbitywab has occurred.

Well Tolkiens insults are a lot better than the normal everyday life of swearing!
Thy is a fool and deserves the death of a weak deer!(i came up with that myself Tolkien was alot smarter than me ,which is why my book so far aint even halfway as good as LOTR!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!BLAst u Tolkien, u took almost every good idea fer a book within human thought capabilities!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Amarie had to edit this post. Please do not write such long words, it messes up the page. Thank you! Smile Smilie )
Ha Ha Ha Smilie Amarie edited your post! You deserve a weak deer’s death. Could it be taken as an insult (I’m speaking objectively, of course) to die like the Christ? That was a slow, unavoidable, torturous way to die. "You are so useless, that you deserve to die like the Christ!" How about that? You are less useful than a stopped watch. At least the watch is right twice a day. On the other hand, to die like a cockroach is not a bad way to die. You almost always die instantly and on impact. To live like a cockroach is rather insulting. Hedious things. The key of thinking of a good insult (or put down) is to be really angry at something or someone, but being calmed enough to think clearly and hit with words where you know it hurts. Here’s an example: You read too slow. Everytime you read my posts you don’t know exactly how to reply, so you never do. It took you almost, let’s see, 3 minutes to finish reading MY post! Now, at least, reply saying you liked it. Or is that too hard for you too. You think you know me? The "Reply thread" button is right there, on the right. Coherence wouldn’t come out of your finger tips even if you had the secret of life clear in your mind. Secret of life, Ha! Let’s start with what you make of life for your own. Can you do that, Mister "I like to read, but never write my own opinion"?
How’s that for a tick off?
I know the secret of life. I don't know about you, but I do. And I will share this piece of knowledge, so that it will no longer be a secret. The secret of life is *drumroll* 42. Yes, and this is where all of my knowledge stems from. Explains a lot, eh?

"May the sun always be in your face and rabid chihuahuas at your heels."
"May ringwraiths come and stab you with knives! Pointy knives!" Ah, flashplayer dot com. Everyone must chekc out legendary frog's movies, especially "The One Ring to Rule Them All" series.
"May the seas in motion cause you to toss your cookies."
Pah, those're pitiful. Here's a real insult.

"My lord"The great knight said distantly. "I find thy face ape like and thy form mishappen. Thy beard moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog then a proper adornment for a human face. Is it posible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?.

The baron went livid, and he spluttered, unable to speak.
"Thou seemeth wroth, my lord."Mandorallen said to him in that same deceptively mild tone,"or mayhap thine unseemly breeding hath robbed thy tongue of human speech," He looked critically at the baron,"I do perceive, my lord, that thou art afflicted with cowardice as well as lack breeding, for ,in truth no man of honor would endure such deadly insult as those which I have delivered unto thee without some response. Therefore, I fear I must goad thee further."He removed his gauntlet.

As all the world knew, it was customary to hurl one's gauntlet to the floor when issuing a challange . Mandorallen somewho missed the floor. The young baron staggered backward, spitting teeth and blood."Thou art no longer a youth, Sir Mandorallen"he raged" thou hast long used thy questionable reputation to avoid combat. Me thinks it is time to be truely tried"
"It speaks," Mandorallon said with freigned astonishment "behold this wonder, a talking dog!
Let us proceed to the lower court , My Lord of fleas, maybe a pass at arms with so elderly and feeble a knight wilt give thee entertainment"

*the seeress of Kell* David Eddings, Chapter 27,pg 404-405.
how about this, me and my freiends use this one

Amillelya mate salque, ar cole nyelle

which means "your mother eats grass and wears a bell"