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Thread: Legolas and the Olóre Mallë Part One - Early Adventures #3

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Allyssa
has made 1657 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Just finished reading it! Wonderful!

Except for a few little hiccups in the prose, I was able to just lay back in bed and enjoy it. Cant wait for the sequel. Big Smile Smilie Cool Smilie

(If anyone is having trouble finding it, try selecting "stories" at the above link. Cuts down the number of pages quite a lot, and for me at least, it ended up on the first page.)

Thanks Chathol! And glad to see you back!
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Chathol-linn
has made 72 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Hi, Allyssa, and thanks! Please tell me abut the hiccups. To all readers - I welcome your feedback. Regards - Chathol-linn
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Valedhelgwath
has made 4245 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
I've read all three parts that you have sent me, Cathol-linn, and must say it is excellant. Your "feel" for the elves is enlightening. I have passed them on to Allyssa, and hopefully soon they will be on the Fan Writing section for everyone else to enjoy.

One queary, though. Does Tolkienonline have any rights to them that we might be breaching if we posted them?
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Rednell
has made 1808 posts and is a Dunedain from Osgiliath and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Chathol-linn,
I really like your story! You give such insight into the day to day lives of the Elves. Such a gift! I can hardly wait for the succeeding chapters.

The hiccup Allyssa may be referring to is that the last line on page 2 does not connect with the first line on page 3.

Quote:
Read Smilie the Bowmaster grown few and would grow fewer still.

It would seem part of the story is missing at this point.

Other than that 2 little minor things:
When Berendil is asking Legolas to stay out of competition I find the phrase - from now on- too modern for this story. Try something like - henceforth- or - from this time forward- or some such thing.
When Berendil et al announce the punishment.
Quote:
But life is not always fair, and anyway


- Anyway- does not feel right there, I think I would leave it out.

Val,
I think if Chathol-linn submits the story to this site and we do not copy form the Tolkien Online site the copyright is not violated. The postAuthorID owns the copyright unless she sells it.

Anyway, great stuff, Chathol-linn.
Read Smilie
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Chathol-linn
has made 72 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. Hold off a bit on publishing while I take a look at the story in light of the comments.

Also, regarding rights - Tolkienonline.com has no intellectual property rights in postAuthorIDs' works. I have retained the copyright myself for my created characters but the copyright means little if I cannot publish my stories for money. And I cannot, because my stories are based on characters that belong to the Tolkien Estate & Tolkien publishers.
Technically we should not be using the characters of Tolkien, but on the wild and wooly Internet, such a prohibition is impossible to enforce. As long as it's all in fun and no one tries to exploit the Tolkien characters, I believe we haave the blessing or at least the acceptance of the real holders of the intellectual property rights. Regards - Chathol-linn
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Chathol-linn
has made 72 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Hi, Rednell. Thanks for your feedback. Okay, I have checked on the comments.

1. On that discontinuity ’ the paragraph reads as follows:

’One sunny autumn day with the air as crisp as apples, Legolas and the Bowmaster went hunting. Legolas loved these archery sessions the more because they had grown few and would grow fewer still. Today the practice involved a mounted archer, moving small target, bright sunlight, still air, broken cover, joined bow, single arrow. They rode Mortal-fashion.’

This is in the version I sent by e-mail to be published.


2-3. On ’from now on’ and ’anyway’ ’ I scanned LotR very quickly and could not find ’from now on,’ and only Hobbits used ’anyway.’ I have no objection to changing ’from now on’ to ’henceforth.’ Also I have no objection to changing ’anyway’ to ’in any case.’*

*Actually I do object to using 3 words if 1 would suffice. Here it is a minor point, however.

Council ’ do you wish to make the changes? Or I will be happy to resubmit. Best Regards ’ Chathol-linn
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Rednell
has made 1808 posts and is a Dunedain from Osgiliath and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Chathol-linn,
I printed your story and perhaps my printer misses a line between page 2 and 3. I didn't think to go back to TOL to check. Thanks for clearing it up.
I don't blame you for objecting to using 3 words when 1 would do. Those Elves can be so wordy sometimes! As I mentioned, my comments were only minor but it was kind of you to consider them.
You are a talented writer and I enjoy your stories very much. I look forward to more.
Read Smilie
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Allyssa
has made 1657 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Quote:

Council ’ do you wish to make the changes? Or I will be happy to resubmit. Best Regards ’ Chathol-linn


Thats up to you Chathol. We could delete the old version and repost the new one if you feel it is necessary. Big Smile Smilie

(Grondy cleaned up the number junk.)

[Edited on 20/8/2002 by Grondmaster]
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Chathol-linn
has made 72 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
Posted Thursday 1st January 1970 (12:00am)
Thanks. I was relieved to find that the site will continue.

I have made changes to my story in accordance with Alyssa's and Rednll;s comments. I ended up deleting the word and was very pleased with the results. And the overall comments were excellent feedback. Thanks again. I will resubmit to Alyssa, whom I think is the last person to have them, for your consideration again.

It's great that Planet Tolkien found a way to continue. Tolkienonline uses "premiere membershps" at about a pound or so per monthl. Best regards - Chathol-linn
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