
The only difficulty I have with it is some of the names of the characters. Good character names are important, and very difficult to create; I know. It is just that 'Holdan' sounds a bit like Holden and 'Josie' sounds a little effeminite for a war captain. You may want to rethink those.
Otherwise, I think it would make for a great opening to a story. I hope there will be more?
