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Thread: Some creative writing, comments please.

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Well, you have got me hooked. When I turned the page it was blank. Serching Smilie More please. Happy Elf Smilie
Yes, that was certainly a gripping scene, Courtman. The first person perspective makes the reader feel much closer to the hero, and much closer to the action.

There are just one or two places that I would like a bit more detail, to heighten the suspense even more.
I was confused. Screams and sudden movements surrounded me. I was thrown to the marble floor just as the deathly chill began to set in.
I think some more detail or expansion here would be good: like smells, sounds of panic, children crying, someone babbling incoherently, objects falling over, horses screaming....that sort of thing.

Be careful with phrases like:"tendrils of fear" and "paralyzed by terror", they can sound cliche.

I am very interested to read some more. I hope there is some? Big Smile Smilie

Great to have you back, by the way!
Thanks, i hope to have more time to contribute to the site and do some more writing but right now Im a bit pressed for time and my writing obligations dont officially include Tolkien