Thought I might attempt to start a new RPG and if you don't like it, feel free to stab me with sporks. You can be who ever, whatever you want. If you want you can be something out of Middle Earth, something from a Michael Moorcock novel, an R.A.Salvatore novel, you can even be something from a discworld novel. So just run riot, if you've always wanted to be Drizzt Do'Urden, Granny Weatherwax or Gandalf, then feel free. The only rule is that your not allowed to kill another players charicter.
So lets start this off.
The forest was a dark and eeri place, seemingly devoid of all life. The full moon and stars shone through the leafless canopy and turned the land to silver, all was still, not a sound was heard but the sound of skellital branches waving in a nonexistant breeze. Occasionaly, shadows seemed to shift amongst the dead trees. If you watched from the corner of your eyes, then 9 times out of 10 you'd see eyes watching at you, glowing in the darkness. Halo shivered and pulled her cloak tighter around her sholders, her hand never once leaving her sword. Maybe, she thought to herself, it wasn't such a good day to go blackberry picking after all. She had found no blackberrys. She had found no way out of the forrest either, even though she had followed the path back the way she had came. It was as if the forrest had swallowed the path whole, for it had ended abruptly at the foot of an oaktree. She froze suddenly, at the sound of heavy footsteps comeing down the path ahead of her, then she slipped back off the path and into the shadows to watch...
With him was....
"Please kind sirs, I am lost. The path which led me here has vanished and I cannot find my way out. Can you help me?"
Aragorn smiled, but said nothing, for he was eatting a cornish pasty. And thought it rude to talk with his mouth full. But Gandalf smiled. "Sorry, my friend and I are lost also." said the great wizard "But why don't you stay with us, perhaps together we might find our way out of this cursed land."
"It has been too long since I encountered the vile worm, but its stench is here.."
Adanedhel gripped his sword and moved onward along the dark path. He had walked a few miles when he heard voices from behind....he wrapped his cloak around him and stepped into the shadows...."it has been many a season since Ulmo gave me this cloak but never has it failed me"
He watched as three figures rode past him on horseback...."never before have I seen such travellers...they have the smell of Morgoth upon them."
Adanedhel unsheathed Gurthang and stepped forward.
"What is your business in these parts strangers?" Adanedhel said boldy
Gandalf turned to the figure...."and what is it of your business?"
"It is my business to find any spies of Morgoth who cross my path" said a angered Adanedhel.
"What business does an elf, a man, a wizard, and various other people have in lands that I wander into?" asks Eomer.
"And whose business is the business of other businesses who carry out their business as they are supposed to?" asks a now confused Elfwine, unsheathing his "sword" (an empty wrapping paper roll painted silver).
"Indeed," said Gandalf, gravely "And it is with that in mind that we should poke her with sticks."
But everyone ignored him, for they were all far too busy listening to Aragorn, who was explaning that they were lost and had been for months, because Haldir had been reading the map upside-down. It was a tradgic and heroic tale; after the first week their food had run out and they had been forced to eat their map, after that they had been forced to eat Haldir. After that they had stumbled across a hobbit, by the name of Peter Jackson, that kept yelling "cut" at them though a bullhorn. After a long and bloody battle, in which Gandalf sprained an ankle and Aragorn got a boo-boo on his knee, they were forced to eat the hobbit aswell.
Infact it seemed that they had been forced to eat everything they had come across and Halo didn't like the way Gandalf was looking at her, whilst weilding a knife, fork and bottle of ketchup.
"Now before I kill you all...what the sneck is going on" roared Adanedhel.
"What the-?!" exclaimed the bearded one in white.
She hopped to her feet and bowed grandly. "Hello! My name is...is....hmmmm...." It was a fact of the nymphs that they were quite forgetful, as well as having the occasional clumsiness. "Ah, well...who are you?"
"I am Gandalf," said the bearded one and he commenced naming each of the creatures, which Kai suddenly remembered were called humans.
"You can't be real!" Eomer said, jabbing at her shoulder - only at the height of his chest - with a finger. "Nymphs are supposed to be legends!"
"Hands off!" she screamed, hopping back then suddenly coming right back into range as she noticed Loni rolling on the ground. She poked the laughing one with one small finger. "What's she doing? Did one of you tell a...a joke?" They all just stared at her and she giggled with amusement, as if they had told her a joke. Suddenly, she went back to her first thought. "My name...."
Flumpy kicked him off, and Elfwine began to hit the nearby tree...
All of a sudden, eyes appeared high up on the trunk and it said "...
Everyone stopped and Aragorn said, "That sounds disturbingly like something from Aladdin."
"It is I - Kai!" Kai suddenly said then began hopping up and down. "I got it I got it!!!! I remembered!!!" She stopped. "And I rhymed," she said in wonder at this feat.
"Nope no worms hear but I saw a cockroach on a tree back there if yer interested."
Adanedhel was about to replay when he smelt the foul stench of the worm. "The worm is near and vengenace shall be mine....." he unsheathed Gurthang and ready readyed him self and the smell came closer and closer...."where is the beast it is nearly upon us."
And suddenley Aragorn walked from behind and offered Adanedhel some pastie...
"would you care for some it is quite nice?" asked Aragorn.
Adanedhel turned and the smell hit him head first...."The worm is hear"
and he swung his sword and cut the pastie in half.
"You walk a fine path lass and should be weary of where you step."
and any who taste it shall become the accursed worm and so i must vanquish this fool before me."
Kai suddenly burst into a fit of laughter and fell to the ground. The others standing around - some of whom were watching this particular conflict and some who had no clue it was even happening - glanced at her. Gandalf brandished his knife. "Should we just eat her and get it over with?"
"What" was the only thing that came from Aragorns mouth as it slid of his neck and fell to the ground.
"And by the way I was the first dark and moody character written by the man."
"Now you come to mention it, he does look the type to be a bit doomed..." muttered a nearby elm tree.
The sound of laughter floats on the breeze and the young elf maiden searches for it's source with her silver-green eyes. Unable to find it through the trees she stands and wipes her wet hands on her brown doeskin pants. "I wonder who is laughing here..." She ponders to herself. Shrugging she hoists her pack to her shoulder and starts off into the desolate woods, her rapier hanging at her hip. She easily finds the seemingly mad people and watches from behind a great poplar. Her white-blonde hair flutters in the wind as she calls from behind the tree. "What is so amusing to all of ye?"
"Why...do I have a bad feeling about this?" asks Aragorn. Everyone stares at him, hopeing that he's not a zombie or something. He scowls back at them, shakeing a finger at them "Hey, if Gandalf can do it, so can I. I'm Aragorn the Flamingo Pink now..."The crashing and growling had grown closer and louder now.
"I just hope its not another Balrog," muttered Gandalf "I'm not going through that again!"
"Tis not the worm. Me thinks we should get off this acursed road." Adanedhel suggested, before fleeing into the undergrowth, wimpering. Everyone followed him, making as little noise as possible. As they ran, mist formed, curling around their legs and generaly looking creepy. Soon the group stopped running and stood around, gasping for breath. Halo was the first to take in her surroundings. Its was a large clearing in the forrest. Gravestones and tombs jutted up out of the long grass, mist curled between the ancient resting places and tried to act scarier than it had earlier on. A slight breeze blew though the trees, making a whispering sound. In the middle of this arcane place stood what appeared to be an old abandoned temple. A large red demon, with sawn of horns and a dirty old trench coat appeared breifly, accompanied by a dark hair woman and a man who appeared to be half fish. But he left soon afterwoods, muttering about "takeing a wrong turn", "nazis" and "need a beer."
"Ahh!" growled Adanedhel "Tis a bad omen!"
"Funny, I thought it was because I'd been reading too much Hellboy." muttered Halo, slipping the seed of destruction back into her bag. Everyone looked at her funny.
And she waited for them to tell the poor little dwarf, who had come so far from the Glittering Caves to find Gimli, who she had a crush on.
"My friends," the great wizard announced "We should leave this path. Perhaps by taking a possibly hazardus trek off the path and into that really dark and creepy bit of forrest over there we may find our way out of this cursed place.""What really dark and creepy bit of forrest?" asked Halo
"That bit over there!" awnsered Gandalf "Just past that strange man with the leather mask and chainsaw."So they headed off into the really dark and creepy bit of forrest and ....
It was a though the darkness itself had opened and belched her forth. Heh heh, belched. She stepped forward and said, "Umm, could you guys help me. You all look a bit like people who know where they are going. I'm lost. Oh, yeah, my name's Alustriel, for now..." she finished cryptically, and, with a slight shake of her head, disappeared in a swirl of purple glitter.
She reappeared an instant later on the back of horse. Well, it looked like a horse, 'cept, it had draconic wings. The horse reared its head at the group, she patted it neck and whispered, "Its alright, Sheikyn."
"Well, what are you guys waiting for, let's get unlost!" Alustriel smiled. She was a scantilly clad maiden.
She looked back at the group, "So, can I join you guys? Pleeeeease???" She smiled at the group expectantly, and the horse whinnied, for it had not thought its rider's dress undecent...
Edited by Amari’.
And so the merry (and now fully clothed) band traveled on. They traveled miles and miles through the thick, dead woods, only stopping once because they needed a toilet break. The journy was long and hard, it got slightly harder after the winged horse stopped to devour a party of nymphs and was so full that it couldn't walk and needed to be carried.
At long last they came to the end of the forrest, only to be faced with a sudden drop. Before them stood a dark, forbiding castle and the only way forth was the bridge leading to it. The group of heros search along the cliff for a way down, they even dangled Gandalf over the edge to see if he could see the bottom, but alas, at the mention of the word bottom everyone started laughing and nearly dropped him.
Tired, cold and wet (a storm had sprung up from no-where) the gang trouped across the bridge towards the castle, in search of hot food, warm beds, a bath and possibly a map of the local area.
"I hate to tell you this," Aragorn muttered ast they reached the castle doors "But I don't think this place has running water."
Suddenly, the door began to creak open...
"AHHH!!!!!! What in heavens name has disfigured you poor children!? Except you, little Uruk-Hai, but the rest of you? Did you all fall into a lake of acid, or lava? My goodness, come inside immediately! I'll call the doctor, and he'll you fix all up right! Dear lord! I think, with the way you look, young man (Etharion), that perhaps you were the acid, and the rest of them fell into you! Oh dear! Hurry, hurry! Inside now dears, inside!" The troll said in a very high-pitched voice.
"Oh, what a cute little doggie!" It said, talking about Alustriel's winged horse. The green troll ushered them inside and slammed the door, right in Alustriel's face. "Hey!" she yelled at the door. She kicked the evil wooden door until it started to kick back and finally poofed herself inside and ran off, searching for the others, shouldn't be too hard to find a neon green troll in this place, or any place for that matter. Off she went after her companions and odd troll.
The elf Etharion was a normal elf except that he wore heavy clothes and had the strongest irish/scottish accent that youv ever heard!!!!
He didnt understand a thing the odd troll said, so he just put his great two handed highland sword away and lett himself be usherd in by the troll. In his own way.
"Oyy!! Wha the bug.. is going on here????
The troll was just amused by his shouting and kicking. " Dont you worry. Ill give you a big plate of my cookies. The rest of you will have some too." There was a collective groan from the others. Trolls were infamous for their bad cooking.
It was Gandalf who spoke first. "This doctor...I wonder what he's like?" mused the great wizard, rather stupidly. While he stood there, musing, Halo was busy pushing everyone out of the window. She hadn't been to the doctor for ages because she didn't like them. Especialy troll doctors, who's idea was that the only way to cure something was to either chop off a limb or trepan it. Unpleasent, not to mention messy. Plus it often spilt the clothes you were wearing and the dry cleaners bills made it feel so much worse.
Abandoning Gandalf to his fate ("He'll get over it!" Halo told the others "The daft old codger is immortal, after all."), they wiggled over the garden fence into a rather large graveyard at the back of the house.
"Funny how we keep running into these places." Adanedhel muttered, glaring at Halo. She stuck her tongue out at him and made several rude gestures. No. I'm not gonna describe 'em, so don't ask.
"Get stuffed worm sniffer!" Halo snarled at him, before surveying the graveyard. On closer inspection it was more like a desert. Ancient and crumbling, the gravestones, crypts and tombs could be seen as far as the eye could see. Mist slipped between the stones and long grass and brambles grew everywhere. Some of the graves and been dug up and some tombs broken open, either by the weather or by some living thing, Halo couldn't tell.
"You know, I saw this movie once before." Aragorn whispered "I didn't much like the ending."
Halo nodded "Yeah, point taken. I wonder if she called the doctor for any of these guys?" she nodded at the graves and gestured back at the house.
Swords drawn, our hero's traveled warily onward...