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[i:2xbefh00]Oh GB, GB, shining bright,
Hairy in the sky tonight,
How I wonder what you are,
Like a furball and yet a Star.

Oh GB,GB, Flower in Spring,
"Oh sweet follicles!" the Angels sing.
We below in great awe stare,
Our faces caressed by falling hair.

Oh GB, GB, shining bright,
You've used Conditioner, is that right?[/i:2xbefh00]

Thomas Eddison (before he took up more useful duties).

Wise Odo
:lol: :mrgreen:

um... thank u for finding that lovely poem Mr. Wise Odo sir... :roll: :lol: :oops: :mrgreen:
Channeling is an interesting method, Tin, and I have discovered yet another side effect of the process!! for it seems I have turned you into several girls and women.... You have possibly even become one of GB's [i:xb9dbu57]archetypes[/i:xb9dbu57]! He would no doubt compile a list for the occasion! I'll try too...

(1) You are now Luthien Tinuviel (Immortal Elvish Princess);

and (2) Tinuviel (a [i:xb9dbu57]Real[/i:xb9dbu57] fourteen year old girl who remains - substantially - a Mystery to all);

and (3) Tinuviel who is not [i:xb9dbu57]Real[/i:xb9dbu57] girl at all, but would like to be perhaps - like Pinocchio, but with a nose carved more beatifully - of alabaster not wood! - and who is no more than just a lovely Avatar glimmering greenly in the imaginations of other Forumers;

and, of course, (4) Tinuviel, a Jumbly Girl Edward Lear would be clearly enamoured of!

Perhaps it's easier (and safer) to say you invoke everything feminine, from baby to girl to woman! [ [i:xb9dbu57](5) The archetypal Perfect Lady[/i:xb9dbu57]? ]

Errr.... The poem I channeled about you actually conflicts me as much as it did Mr Tyrant - but poetry is a risky business!

Wise Odo
"Oh How the Angels Praise Noom."
Homer. (Lost section of The Illiad - after chapter three).

[i:2ysbuzn1]Oh Noom Chevaline! Oh name so fine!
Like fine wine sailing on the Rhine!
Oh One who sounds so wise! And I'm apprised -
Noom Chevaline is VERY wise!

His voice is heard! He sings like birds!
(If he's a bird I aint heard the word!)
His words are jewells to confound fools,
His taste for poets both deep and cool;

Oh his wisdom is naught but great,
He knows a Genius from an Ingrate!
He's a bigger hero than H.R. Puff'n'Stuff!
(This my heartfelt view - not sucking up!)

His eye is bright (though oddly coloured!)
His discerning gaze like Mother Hubbard's,
He seems to see in clearest light,
His crystal gaze glimmers in the night!

He knows his stuff! He knows a poet!
He sees a Genius - and don't I know it!
His waking dreams are Pure Dreams unbroken,
His Lovely Eye wedged firmly open!
(Yes, His LOVELY Eye, I tell no lie!)

Oh Noom Chevaline! Oh Eye that shines,
Hear not those who would whinge and whine,
Read the Greats! For the Greats are Great!
And ignor every crabbity rabbity reprobate! [/i:2ysbuzn1]

Wise Odo

There are some Odd ones who live on Banks,
(On smelly Banks - But me? No thanks!)
They feed on snails! They feed on mozzies!
They feed on spleens these hobbit Ozzies*!

Of vulgar sort, they sniff and snort,
On stolen stuff they've never bought.
In the sun they recline salubrious,
In their slouch-hats akubrious!

Oh how they're hated! Oh how reviled!
(No wonder Mona so queerly smiled!)
Oh Odd creatures! So Odd so rank,
Living on their river Banks!

Call themselves Stoors? Oh what bores!
They're vulgar now - who cares what before!?
They're hardly hobbits! They're probably Bobbits!
(Bobbits are hob-hobbits, Ruled by King Robbit).

Now I'm not a violent kind of person,
Yet I have an urge to chop and hurt them.
But no! -
It's only for chopping wood - this axe I hone today!
It's not for chopping certain hobbits! No way![/i:1tcvfrlu]

J.R.R Tolkien: "Poems from Rushock Bog when it was still Downunder." (Edited by Christopher Tolkien. Volume Eighteen).

Wise Odo

*Should be [i:1tcvfrlu]"Aussie"[/i:1tcvfrlu] though. Clearly even JRRT was not always right!
Fawn, suck up, abuse all you like, Wise-guy, but everyone on this Forum know what you're up to. You must think we're all pretty damn stupid!

Vitriolically yours,
You need to control yourself, Mr Banks. People will think you are paranoid if you keep going on so! <img src='/images/smileys/bigsmile.gif' border='0' alt='Big Smile Smilie' />
Well, if that's how it's going to be, I'm going to the Shirriffs Office in mIchel Delving and getting your charged. You threatened to chop me up with an axe!!! :x
Now, now, you're getting all het up over nothing, Mr Banks. The poem presumably had nothing at all to do with you. It was written when JRRT was still alive. How can you suggest it has anything to do with you? I'd say if there is any connection, it is one of coincidence, and coincidence only. (Also, your Ego seems a bit big for your boots. Surely this Forum is not all about [i:8a8bqj3w]you[/i:8a8bqj3w], Mr Banks! <img src='/images/smileys/bigsmile.gif' border='0' alt='Big Smile Smilie' /> )

Btw "michel Delving" should be "Michel Delving." You're clearly a bit rattled. Calm down!!! <img src='/images/smileys/bigsmile.gif' border='0' alt='Big Smile Smilie' />

Wise Odo
Right then! Enough's enough! The next sound you'll hear will be the thud of Shirriff's boots thudding up your path! er... leathery feet thudding up your path!!!! :x :x :x
When did this thread get moved? :? Still, it's probably better it goes in the [i:2tro6kc7]de facto[/i:2tro6kc7] off-topic forum.
Oh dear Wise Odo, I do hope that Mr Banks hasn't lost all sense of respectability and had you dragged off to the Lockholes. If he has I at least hope you managed to grab an umbrella on the way out of your hole to beat them off with (I am given to believe this is the correct way to act when being improperly arrested by Sherriffs).
If you do find yourself stuck in the Lockholes take heart in remembering Oscar Wilde who suffered similarly (although I believe for different reasons!) and that he penned 'the ballad of reading gaol', a fine moving work, whilst incarcerated. Let your discomfiture be your muse whilst you plot your revenge.
I guess GB has moved it here. I might have preferred the OTHER FANTASY threads - but agree it probably doesn't fit comfortably anywhere! I am, of course, a Being of Inefffable Wisdom and fit nowhere, really. <img src='/images/smileys/bigsmile.gif' border='0' alt='Big Smile Smilie' />

(Mind, it would not surprise me if that Banks chap hasn't gone and formed an unGodly alliance with GB, with a view to putting me [i:16j64v0j]out of the way[/i:16j64v0j]! :ugeek: )
Congratulations Wise Odo on your Collections thread- I am saying this here so as not to sully your collections with anything as base as mere praise.
However a part of me cannot but help feel sorry for that poor Mr Banks who I fear will be in a state of bewildered horror that it should have come to this. And by popular demand too (must be art you know). I fear for what this may do his (already uncertain) state of mind. And him such a respectable hobbit too.
Yes, I'm trying to be gentle with him (which is not easy to do when someone is accusing you of planning his Murder!) But I think we need be patient. As you know, since our very public separation (we were once quite close) Mr Banks has gone all funny. But I bear him no ill will. As you'll notice, I have been finding some of his own Early Works. Well, I was the guiding force even then, but let's let him have some credit! I've even included some of his non-Wise poems - yes, rubbish, but we must be kind - well, you'll know which is which, and my patience knows no bounds! We need go gently, as I said, with the [i:3rsxyfey]Unstable[/i:3rsxyfey]...

Hey! Is that someone knocking....? No, [i:3rsxyfey]banging[/i:3rsxyfey] on my door! Excuse me! Oh it's the Shirriffs shouting now! This is becoming ridiculous...! And I'm only halfway through my collecting... I'll call you back, Mr Tyrant!
Now 'revenge' is an inelegant word, Mr Tyrant, and one I've never thought or brought to bear. :x

Now, the good news is, after some erudite conversation with the Sherrifs, I persuaded them that it was Mr Banks who needed incarceration - for his own good. They have taken him and lodged him in a sandy hole with soft sandy sides and no roots to butt his head against or to attach items of clothing to as anchor points. He has a stick of celery for a knife and a hollow turnip for a spoon - I'm sure that is wise, don't you? Who knows what he'll do if he turns his anger on himself (due to our former close assocation, it is feared there is every chance he will do so!)

The upside is, he won't be bothering you folk on the Vulgar Threads for awhile, and that can only be good. <img src='/images/smileys/bigsmile.gif' border='0' alt='Big Smile Smilie' />

I'm minded now for some reason of the Great Australian Poet, Banjo Patterson:

"I sailed around my head,
Inside and out,
I flew beneath the ground tonight!

I ate my toes,
And as one knows
Toes only go so far as toes do go!

And then exhausted in my zeal,
I built a ship from apple peel,
On the mountains tall and tight,
I sailed in snow,
Both black and white!

I now sit here,
Puffing hard
Both my lungs,
Are in a jar."

I'm not sure what this has to say about Mr Banks current plight, but I think it does suggest his state of mind. :ugeek:
Mr Tyrant - a word in your ear.

I seem to remember some channelling about The Noble Haggis that eitther I or Mr Banks put on a Thread. A fine poem (if it was [i:2ce9rglo]me[/i:2ce9rglo] who channelled it, it would have been excellent). Do I remember correctly? If so, do you know where I might find it, as I'd like to put it in The Wise Collection. Also any other channellings you might know of??? The Vulgar Threads are an absolute mess - I blame GB for that - and I'm sure there will be other bits of Classic Wise Odo, and even some sub-standard Banks (I promised him I'd be supportive!)

Yours hopefully,
Wise Odo
My name Chevaline, your right, its fine.
But, your fine rhyme, it was on time.
Tonight I was so melancholic,
Until I read your ditty.
It turned my frown into a smile
Because you are so witty.

Both Witty and so very wise,
In one audacious package.
Your work it should not be despised,
by some with brains of cabage.

Should you wish to visit, sweet Harad,
Its better if you are, still single,
The dunes are dry and the girls aint bad.
as their eyes are bright and their bellies jingle.

Instead of the horse, we have the camel,
A mouth thats full of spit.
One hump and lots of tooth enamel.
And a face that speaks of wit.

Cast not your pearls before these swine,
Regret not a word, delete not a line,
Your pen it is a scepter.
I now proclaim to one and all,
Wise Odo is my mentor.

So visit please my sweet harad.
Fine wine for you i'll furnish
My rhymes need work, but they aint too bad.
Your fan, a whirling dervish.

[i:erzav1pl]They say that in the East
there is a priest
a thief a niece a man at peace
he sends out his cry
to bird and sky
he knows just why
the great do sigh
while ruling all that creep

his eye is clear
he knows no fear
he drinks sweet beer
(non-alcoholic, I hear)
his heart reaches out'
he knows no doubt
he knows a Great Poet
(don't I know it!)
and luckilly
this Fan aint fraid to show it!

and luckilly
and humbly
my thoughts are
not full of jumbly
vain, not me,
though bumbly-tumbly
i stand above the world
but as I said,
so humbly!

Oh so good to be
my beauty seen
my talent realized
as i
fly in the sky
yes high above
the Mortal Guys!

Shall I go on
Is it not true
How good it is
That which I do?

Oh Chevaline
you may clean my boots
poetic boots -
and brush my suits -
but for all that
your pome's a hoot!!!![/i:erzav1pl] :lol:

Wise Odo
I do recall some haggis orientated tom foolery, but so far I've failed to find it. I can tell you there is none of your poetic wisdom in the Origins of Hobbits thread or in the Rings Destruction thread (at least as far back as when I started posting), so if nothing else it eliminates 2 threads from the search. I'll check through some others when I get a chance and report back any finds.
Can you search threads for a word on here? Don't imagine 'haggis' comes up that often in a LoTR forum.
Methinks they should, Mr Tyrant, methinks they should. Maybe I just imagined it. I remember some fine to-ings and fro-ings on the Gentle Haggis - but did I channel something? I don't know. If not, I fear I should have! I do recall them having legs short on one side, long on t'other! I can't believe I didn't channel something! I also seem to recall something on The Battle of Five Armies? Or have I just gone mad (like someone else we know <img src='/images/smileys/wink.gif' border='0' alt='Wink Smilie' /> )?

Wise Odo
I feel very sorry for poor Mr Banks. I was planning to send him a cake (lemon drizzle) with a file inside but I fear in his current state of mind he may eat the file and try to hatch an audacious get away plan based around the lemon drizzle cake.
Fear! Fire! Foe!

Mr Tyrant (and to anyone else who might CARE in the least!) :x Mr Banks has [size=150:1xumg7xy][b:1xumg7xy]escaped[/b:1xumg7xy][/size:1xumg7xy]!!!!

[i:1xumg7xy]"Mr Odo Banks, esquire, Gentlehobbit, sadly deserted by most of his friends during his sad Malaise (save Wise Odo of Bywater and Mr Tyrant of Scotsdale) has [b:1xumg7xy]ESCAPED[/b:1xumg7xy] from the Lockholes.

Old Mayor Samwise reports the sadly bewildered Gentlehobbit was seen burrowing up out of the Lockhole he was in - badger-like. The Sherrif on duty crawled quickly after him and laid hands on the cuffs of his trousers, but Mr Banks wriggled free (of both the Lockhole and his trousers!) and was last seen scuttling into trees north of the East Road possibly making for Hobbiton (or perhaps Rushock Bog) armed with an umbrella.

Two Sherrifs have been sent to Bywater where lies the residence of Mr Banks' esteemed namesake, Odo Banks, who is better known (and accurately so) as WISE Odo. The fear is that Mr Banks in his [b:1xumg7xy]RAVING[/b:1xumg7xy] state is bent on harming Wise Odo.

Good folk of the Shire should be aware: Mr Banks is dressed in an excellent tweed waitcoast with gold buttons and nothing else." [/i:1xumg7xy]

Oh Mr Tyrant. This is disastrous news! How can we help? (Seeing as I don't believe ANYONE ELSE will care! :x )
Oh Mr Tyrant, it seems we were composing our letters at the same time! You're right of course. The last thing we need (on top of everything else) is Mr Banks armed with a Lemon Drizzle Cake and a gut full of metal!!! What ever are we to do? I am WISE (very[b:1t39o825] WISE[/b:1t39o825], indeed) but I'm not in the least [b:1t39o825]PRACTICAL[/b:1t39o825]. Help!

[size=200:1t39o825][b:1t39o825]Fear! Fire! Foes! [/b:1t39o825][/size:1t39o825]
Uh-oh. Things seem to be going from bad to worse for poor Mr Banks. Its a shame I didn't send the cake after all if he had eaten the file they could have got him back out the woods (for his own good) using a comically large magnet.
Sadly I now fear for your well being Wise Odo, there is no knowing what he might take into his befuddled head to do now and I'm sure he will blame you for his brief incarceration. Lock the door to your hole up tight Wise Odo and bar the windows. I fear he may come a'knocking.
Perhaps you could lure Mr Banks with a nice new pair of trousers, with particularly shiny gold buttons.
Sadly, it would seem Mr Banks he is not bothered about trousers at all! And that's a true sign of how affected he is. He seems to have lost all touch with what's respectable. As to my welfare, I have with me Primadonna Brandybuck and Mirabella Banks (my niece) both very fine Sherrifs. Mirabella has a fine mind and holds a wonderful conversation, and Primadonna has a very fine physique - Mr Banks won't want to wrestle her, surely! - though in his current state of mind - who knows what he might try? It could be.. er... untidy...

Oh Mr Tyrant, horns are blowing all over the shire but Mr Banks is proving ellusive. Pandemonium, Mr Tyrant. It's utter pandemonium! :o

I've tried to channel Mr Banks' location but all I keep getting is a big white moon with a dark crevice betwixt... What can it mean? I'm at my wits end (though Mirabella is valiantly trying to distract me with an erudite discussion of Elvish Poetry).

Yours fretfully,
Wise Odo

NB I have learned something stunning from Mirabella (who has deep knowledge of family History) - apparently Mr Banks and I were born Siamese Twins. A marvel (for a start, where in darnation is Siam?) A marvel, I say! We were born with one head, two legs, one heart, one spleen, two arms, two eyes... need I go on? We were perfectly connected in all parts, except MIND! It seems we were metaphorically separated some time ago... I'm so upset, nothing makes sense anymore... My life memories just now are anything but coherent or consistent.... What am I to do, Mr Tyrant? Oh Sweet Illuvatar! What am I to do?? What??? :cry:
Dear Uncle Wise,

I have, as you know, been a Sheriff for several years now, but I confess I have never even heard of a Hobbit [i:3nbx92xs]Forum[/i:3nbx92xs]! But if you think it might help my investigation into Uncle Odo's alarming disappearance by coming onto this[i:3nbx92xs] Forum [/i:3nbx92xs](?) I will trust your word, as always.

As discussed with you, I've popped down to discuss matters with Chief Sheriff Gorbadoc in the Hobbiton Office. He thinks I should stay here and direct the Search, which means I'm not sure when I can get back to Bywater. But fear not, for Primadonna is sleek and strong and while curvaceous, quite tough and perfectly equipped to look after you. I trust she is keeping a proper eye on you even now. Be alert though! If she spends too much time in front of the mirror - or doing situps in her undergarments - you must inform me immediately! She's young, she's new, a passionate young ladyhobbit who is not always as fully respectable as one might like. Anyway, I guess you're Wise enough to know what to do if she gets fresh.

I will keep you posted.

Your affectionate niece,
Hobbiton Sheriffs Office
Dear Mirabella,

Primadonna seems a friendly lass - too friendly, I'm afraid. But I slapped her hands a couple of times, and the message seems to have got through. She is taking it well, though she pouted for awhile.

You'll be relieved to know I have barred my bedroom window, as per Mr Tyrant's sage advice, and have also affixed a bar across my bedroom door. If Mr Banks tries to come at me, he will have to fight past Primadonna [i:2r0m852y]and[/i:2r0m852y] break down my door. I can't see him doing either (he must have missed at least three meals by now - poor soul - unless he's found some roots or nuts to eat!)

You must not worry too much about me. We must put Mr Banks first. He is not well in the head and if he remains in the wild too long, who knows what might come of him!

Your affectionate Uncle,

NB Perhaps, I should start calling him [i:2r0m852y]'Odo' [/i:2r0m852y]as he [i:2r0m852y]is[/i:2r0m852y] my brother, however sad that knowledge is just now.... But I should not be selfish. Family before Reputation, I guess....
[i:tozwsqos]Another[/i:tozwsqos] one? :shock: :lol: Should we just make a Soap Opera forum for Odo and his sockpuppets?
The whole clan is coming out of the wood work Eldo!
Nice job on the avatar by the way, you grabbed the perfect moment- excellent stuff.
Dear Mr Eldorion,

Pleased to make your acquaintance. Your references are puzzling, but Uncle Wise has told me you are a Loremaster of some standing and I trust you are just making intelligent allusions of some kind. If you can supply information on the current whereabouts of Uncle Odo, please forward them to me by all means. I am new here, so if your allusions are of a nature to further my investigations, please be as kind as to explain them.

Mirabella Banks
Sheriffs Office
The Shire

Dear Mr Tyrant,
You are quite right. This has become something of a family affair, but I assure you, as far as Sheriffdom goes, I will conduct an unbiased and professional investigation. I might also add, Uncle Wise has intimated to me that you are the first friend of my Uncle's to come foreward, showing some genuine concern for his welfare, and I thank you for that.

I hope all is going well for you in Scotsdale. I trust that Scotsdale is a small hamlet in the North Farthing? I have not heard of it? Or perhaps the name of a small estate somewhere else in the Shire? Whatever the case, thank you for caring (when many others, apparently, don't!)

Yours faithfully,
Mirabella Banks
Thanks petty. :mrgreen: I love that video; the cat is just amazing (and amazed, it would seem).
Dear Ms Banks,

I had forgotten that you are unfamiliar with the more technical aspects of forums such as this. However, I would refer you to [url=]this webpage[/url:1tsv4swb] (not that you know what that means, I would imagine) for more information about Mr Odo Banks.

I am innocent of all charges so leave me alone!
Dear Mr Eldorion,

I do appreciate your suggestion. Sadly, on following up your lead, I learned nothing to assist me further. But please don't think you have wasted too much of my valuable time. even with useless information, for it is almost always the case in life that it is the thought that counts.

Please don't hesitate to offer any other ideas you have. Who knows, you might might actually come up with something that helps. After all, a Sheriffs mind is like a parachute: if it's not open, it doesn't work.

Kind Regards,
Mirabella Banks
Hobbiton Office
Why exactly is this manhunt (or perhaps hobbithunt?) for Mr Banks going on?
who knows! he's one mad Hobbit!
Far as I can gather Eldo, and I'm sure Sherriff Mirabella will correct me at need (and I suspect there will be need), Wise Odo, and Mr Odo banks are Siamese twins, troubling for them because apparently neither of them knows where Siam is. This discovery of their kinship and unease about not knowing their land of origin seems to have caused a rift between them, which has for some time blown hot and cold on the forum on various threads. But a recent poem channelled by Wise Odo was interpreted by Mr Banks as a threat against his life.

Fearing death by axe Mr Banks had Wise Odo arrested by the Sherriffs who tried to take him to the Lockholes without an umbrella. Fortunately (and possibly suspiciously) Wise Odo has relatives who are sherriffs and the matter was quickly resolved. Resulting in Mr Banks being placed under arrest for being slightly unhinged and armed with an umbrella and very nearly a lemon drizzle cake. However Mr Banks escaped imprisonment by knowing how to burrow like a badger at the expense of his trousers and has fled, whereabouts unknown and can presumably be heard in the woods of Hobbiton shouting "We hates it Wise Odo, we hates it, we hates it forever!"

Wise Odo's sherriff relative is therefore conducting her investigation on various threads Mr banks is known to visit, although I don't know if she trying to help Mr Banks, get evidence against his state of mind, or prove if he has been framed. I suppose we shall have to wait and see where the investigation takes her. Unless of course she's here to sherriff all of us!
That has removed all doubt from my mind that the Odos need to make a soap opera out of this, petty.
Dear Mr Tyrant,

You have availed yourselves of, and logically connected most of, the facts. There appears to be at least one major discrepancy though; for the said Lemon Drizzle Cake had a certain[i:mgpoxdbq] 'file' [/i:mgpoxdbq]in it, a salient detail methinks that you [i:mgpoxdbq]failed[/i:mgpoxdbq] to mention to Mr Eldorion. You are right though, that it failed to reach Uncle Odo before he escaped. (If it had, you yourself might be facing charges!)

I might say, your views of Uncle Wise seem a little soured since last you corresponded (Uncle keeps me informed) for rumour has it that you are even now one who might aid and abet Uncle Odo. You cannot support both personages, Mr Tyrant! Not fully!

Now, you must know I am family - not just some cool and cynical official looking for Promotion by capturing a clever Mental Health escapee! My only desire - even if I were Promoted - would be to get him help.

Mr Tyrant, I feel you are a learned person who has some natural knowledge of Mental Health issues! I implore you to tell me what you know. I feel (using my feminine intuition to full capacity) that you know where he is - or have at least had some kind of contact with him.

Please. Think of Uncle Odo's wellbeing. Yes, it might seem exciting to befriend an escaped convict, but it is a perilous road that, trust me. No, I'm not saying Uncle Odo is a handsome and dangerous felon (handsome, yes, felon, no), but I fear that is how you see him just now. Please get those stars out of your eyes. Don't think of him so much as your dashing hero, but as a potentially dangerous psychopath!

As to anyone overhearing Uncle Odo's inane babblings... where and when was that? They do sound suspciously genuine. Let me know how you know, by return post, or Officials may have to visit Scotsadale, good sir! (Also, could you talk to your young Loremaster friend, Mr Eldorion, for he seems to have his own set of [i:mgpoxdbq]inane babblings[/i:mgpoxdbq], I see!)

Yours imploringly,
Mirabella Banks
Acting Assistant-Chief Sheriff
Hobbiton Office
The Shire
To Sherriff Mirabella Banks,
my problem is simple. I do, as you say, have some expertise in the fields of mental health and Mr Banks seems outwardly to be suffering from a persecution complex. However there can be two causes for this.
1. He has indeed "gone off" as they say in the Shire and his persecution is delusional.
2. He has been stitched up and really is being persecuted.

I am sure you are a thorough investigator and would never let family relations cloud an investigation. Therefore I would advise you to view previous correspondence between Mr Banks and Wise Odo, and in particular the poem which sparked this escalation and draw your judgements.
Until such time as Mr Banks state of mind can be determined, and Wise Odo is absolved of any hand in the affair, I feel it is prudent to keep any knowledge I may, or may not have, about the whereabouts of Mr Banks a secret. Rest assured however that if I were to make contact with him I would gainsay any thoughts of causing harm to Wise Odo or others.
Until you draw your conclusions I must consider both parties innocent hobbits.
There are bells in hell and they are ringing, HELLS BELLS I SAY! I am on my way as fast as my camel will carry me. I am already at the southern borders of gondor and am steadily heading north. If I had known of your need, I would have come by ship. However i was on my way to visit you from sweet Harad with a present which I have had to sell to a zoo in Gondor. I got quite a lot for a Bull Mumakil; not to extravagant a gift for my mentor.

I have skills that might be useful when i get there as I am a Desert Screamer, one of the elite Rangers with their sharpey sharp sharp sharp scimitars. If he touches one hair on your luxureous head, I will track him down and shave his feet. Get a pair of his trousers for me as it is easier to track a Hobbit by his bottom print when he takes his copious rest stops.
Oh my goodness, this unfortunate affair is becoming more outrageous by the second!

Mr Tyrant,
I assure you I meant nothing by my poem. As you know I tolerate Odo (my own dear [i:vfbjikb6]deluded[/i:vfbjikb6] brother!) with the deepest sense of toleration, and still do. If he was anything but deluded, why didn't he stay put and PROVE himself sane, possibly with a skein of witty aphorisms, a group of intelligent catch phrases, and a selection of [i:vfbjikb6]quality [/i:vfbjikb6]poetry? I am minded of an old poem of Sir Richard Burton, Explorer and Poet (though his Missus burnt his folios, though even that callously stupid act is not proof against skilled channnellers!)

[i:vfbjikb6]When a brother is reputed to feel persecuted,
The other brother, his brother lover, [Platonic love - not the other!]
Must always seek on swiftly running feet,
To drag the poor soul into a lock hole.
It's the only answer to this hideous cancer,
That eats a brother's mind, you'll find![/i:vfbjikb6]

Please take note of this Mr Tyrant. It obviously tells us something about the current situation!

Wise Odo
Dearest Noom, bosom friend, and Hardy Assistant!

Please come if you can, but please be less hasty. The roads you tread are hard and long, and I fear your camels will wear out their knees. Please conduct your business in Gondor and don't hurry or shirk tis task - for one must think of his family, and I trust you need gold and silver for the feeding and clothing of same (and the digging of a new well is never a poor investment in Harad, I believe). I would hope though that my (possibly) viciously vindictive brother will be caught well before you can ever get here, and yet - and call me [i:95z55nge]selfish[/i:95z55nge] - I would very much love to meet you in person and, perhaps, if you are willing, provide you a couple of talks for your [i:95z55nge]Improvement[/i:95z55nge]. One I call, "How to Channel Effectively" and the other, "The Why's and Wherefore's of Polite Behavior - Western Style."

Yours with the greatest goodwill,
Wise Odo

NB Please keep your scimitar sharp - just in case. Odo is still armed with an umbrella. The weather being fine just now, I cannot believe he keeps it for any but a martial purpose! (He also, between you and me, appears to be attracting support from certain... ahh...dare I say... [i:95z55nge]un[/i:95z55nge]trustworthy sorts.... Between you and me, mind!)
Dear Mr Tyrant,

I appreciate your sound and perfectly reasoned defense of Uncle Odo. Indeed, I applaud you for it. You are clearly a Gentleman (if, indeed, it's polite to call [i:2wa7hvgj]yo[/i:2wa7hvgj]u a Man, for no one here seems to know what a [i:2wa7hvgj]Scot[/i:2wa7hvgj] is, whether Man or Hobbit??) So if perchance you make contact with my Uncle, please ask him to attend The Sherif'f's Office in Hobbiton. Gorbadoc and I will have a friendly chat with him and hopefully sort out the business in a charming and informal atmosphere. Ensure, however, that he leaves his umbrella behind. Tell him not to worry about his lack of trousers for I have a pair for him - with gold buttons. A large lunch will be provided him if he is not later than 1pm. (There will be several seedcakes, freshly baked this morning, and I am happy to send out for Lemon Drizle Cake, if need be).

Yours Genuinely,
Mirabella Banks
Sheriff's Office

NB There will be several other Sheriff's on hand, no more than twelve, but they have been tasked... for something else.... Tell Uncle Odo not to be troubled by their fully armed presence.
I'm brand new here on the discussion board, discovered it by searching google.
I count on chatting with regards to various topics with every body.
Welcome, Thornton! :mrgreen: We're having a bit of trouble with all the Bankses running around here, but the main discussion forums are relatively untouched. I hope you enjoy your time here. <img src='/images/smileys/smile.gif' border='0' alt='Smile Smilie' />
My dearest Wise Odo, I fear these tall Rohirrim are causing a delay; I am struggling to get a permit for my train of camels to travel through their lands and am making quite a name for myself. I have been challenged to several races, all of which I have won. Most people underestimate the abilities of a camel, compared to a horse they are genius in comparison. Most of mine can count to at least 42 and therefore understand the meaning of the universe. One horse was close to overtaking us in a race and my camel looked back, spat in its eyes and the poor dumb horse ran off the race course and straight out of sight while everything for it was out of sight. As soon as I get the permit, I will start travelling west. If i am too late to help you there is always my plan b. This plan b begs a new question, to whom do I offer a dowry of supreme camels to for the hand of miss Primadonna in marriage. My father scowls at me as I have not yet found a wife for myself and she sounds quite excellent. I hope she is tall for a hobbit as I am short for a man at 4' 6".

However back to plan a, if you could channel to me your location I would be that much quicker in arriving. Between you and me I could head of in front of these dumb, slow witted and overconfidant armies and whisk Odo Banks out of their grasp. I will consult with my camels for to arrive at a plan, "a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." (a local quote from one Southern Dervish named Slack Bladder)

I will however have to curtale the reading of my camels to keep their minds fresh. At the moment they are making their way through the works of Tun Tsu and his art of espionage.

Your faithful fan

Noom Chevaline

ps. I got word that the permits will be through very soon.
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