Grondmaster says: When this thread was transfered from old P-T, some of the first posts were missing and others were out of order. Today I have rectified the situation so that they are all there and now in order.

Undale posted 27/1/2003 22:36
elemuel posted on 29/1/2003 at 23:06
Airecristiel posted on 13/2/2003 at 11:43
Chathol-linn posted on 25/4/2003 at 20:22
Allyssa posted on 26/4/2003 at 10:41
Chathol-linn posted on 26/4/2003 at 14:38
And lastly:

Allyssa posted on 27/4/2003 at 11:33
[Edited on 17/8/2004 by Grondmaster]

sepdet: I like everything except the final stanza; is it just me or has the postBody of those four lines outgrown the form? Please feel free to ignore this as I am quite ignorant about such things, but I do enjoy your way with words.

Could your poem be called 'With Only Your Eyes' ?

It is sad that a few are so desperate that they wish to end it all. My roommate at Uni had a female friend that used razor blades in our bathroom and almost succeeded except we broke down the door, he squeezed her wrists, and I drove to the hospital.

Joan of Arc

It is quiet
the tension in the air,
the pain I have to bare.
Someone help me please,
the time is running out,
I can't put up with this!

But I know,
no hand will reach towards me
no light to make me see
no word to cheer me up
just someone to burn the flag
and wake me up.

I see the banners high
when we talked I know he lied
but I am unable to walk out
and I cannot scream
and before I open my eyes
I'm dead shure it was just a dream.

I belived him
but no more!
When he oppenes the doorm
I hold my breath
and I see the truth,
there comes death.

I look upon his eyes,
but they're ice cold.
He walkes towards me
I try to be bold
but I wanna run
I wanna hide behind the sun.

To live or to die
is a choice I have to make.
I won't beg!
That's the choice I take.
The only choice my pride gives me
is to lose or to keep my sanity.

I won't subject
and he's to headstrong
but he walkes with me
through that mile.
It was my choice
to burn on the pile.

And when the flames
take me in their embrace
I can feel thy presence
I can see thy face,
I am not sorry
and I don't feel the pain
I'm just one more soul
of the ones you've slain.

here is one of mine:

I stair at the blackness,
nothing ever stairs back,
only small white lights i see,
intenseness it does lack.

here is another:

The world runs ahead,
leaving me behind,
forgeting the girl it once did know,
and now will never find.

here is the last:

away the wind blows,
with my heart,away,
going past the rainbows,
were i cannot stay.

though i long and try to stay,
alas it never comes,
so here i am my lonely self,
singing melencoly hums

by laura soto

#1ElijahLover
posted on 5/7/2003 at 06:22 PM

Amazingly strong,
They mean so little,
Yet way much more,
Than this simple riddle.

I am stunned at first,
But then I find,
How much it matters,
And how much I mind.

It's easy to see,
Just look really close,
My care is very strong,
I do suppose.

by laura soto

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Allyssa
Council Member
posted on 7/7/2003 at 11:50 AM
Hi ElijahLover.

I love the sound and feel of this poem, but I am hopeless at riddles. What is it about?
____________________


#1ElijahLover
posted on 7/7/2003 at 10:54 PM

glad you asked, Allyssa, some of my pals were gossiping about me and my LOTR obsession [can anyone else relate to this?] and so i wrote the poem while blowning off steam. i only posted it cause i wanted others opinions on the quality and sense of it.

[Edited on 7/7/2003 by #1ElijahLover]

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Allyssa
Council Member
posted on 9/7/2003 at 10:21 AM
The need to express yourself is the best reason I can think of to write anything, ElijahLover. I also think that strong feelings bring out our best writing.

I can certainly sympathise with having friends in real life that do not understand a love for the works of Tolkien. I think every member of this site has been there at some stage.


____________________


Aki_Hana

posted on 22/7/2003 at 10:32 PM
I liked your poem, it has a nice feel to it. Isn't it funny were your inspiration can come from?


____________________

Great poems, #1ElijahLover/EvithianEhtmire/laura.

If I might make a suggestion:
Stairs --> stares (to look fixedly)
intenseness --> intensity

I especially like your second poem, The world runs ahead. I think it shows a maturing perspective very beautifully. I like the Bliss poem too.

1ElijahLover
Posted:


i watched his eyes,
then they closed,
into sleep,
forever though.

by,
laura soto for my kitten whom passed on on july 1st,
Master Theoden Proud-foot.
(he had six toes on his front paws)

those blue eyes of yours,
and skin so fair,
your boyish smile,
and deep brown hair.

is it fair to us,
to be such a dream,
to have such a charm,
and imortal gleam?
by,
laura soto
[please add your opinion!]

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Allyssa

Council Member
posted on 7/7/2003 at 11:57 AM
For your kitten, ElijahLover. That is a lovely poem, short but sad. Very like the short life of your beloved pet.

That second poem wouldn't be for Elijah Wood, would it?
____________________


#1ElijahLover
posted on 7/7/2003 at 04:08 PM
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That second poem wouldn't be for Elijah Wood, would it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



well there you have me,Allyssa.

Ther was a young woman from Westhoughton,
Who had one long....

Maybe one for Plastics site!

Here is one I wrote last night.

"Empty"

Empty and cold is this life so I'm told.
Is everything so evil and sold?
Will happiness to my heart you bring?
When I know you will my soul sing?
All I've felt has betrayed me.
When I know you will I be free?

Crawling on the ground alone.
My feet sink into the stone.
I am trapped inside my past.
I need you to free me at last.
The need is all I can feel.
Will my heart you heal?

Let me free of my hell.
And all the times I've fell.
I need to let it go.
It is dragging me so low.
Touch me just one time.
Make your love mine.

Here's a few of mine, hope you like them. Irima-arwen

Shall
Shalll the sun shine when there's rain
will it wash away hearteack and pain
and clear the the land of cold sorrow
so there'll be a blue sky tommorow

Life
Life is a special gift, given to all
never to take, or every to stall
Your life is special, and will come to end
happiness your heart can have, and send
In your life you will care for one
before your life is over or done

Okay, I will send Alyssa an E-mail. Regards - Chathol-linn

I sent Allyssa's email address to Chathol-linn yesterday.

I like that one, Cel. I think it touches us all.

The Window is a nice poem Celebrian, but I am confused. If you wrote it, why does it say "Unknown" at the bottom? Am I missing something?

I know how you feel about that too, Cel. I think all writers feel a little 'shy' about their writing when they are first starting out. It helps to remember that we were all starting out once.

I found that once I got used to having other people read my work, that it was immensely beneficial. I learned a lot and I was given some great ideas. I also got one or two negative comments, but I learned to make use of the ones that were valid and ignore the rest.

In the words of a famous PT member:



Keep at it Cel! Poetry is a demanding discipline (so I am told), but very rewarding.

the tears are running down my face...........if you dont like it why you not telling me ..............nobody reaspond in any way.......... thats hard for my heart dont do it now ........I dont bother you again.........I think Grondy was right in the way to keep shut my mouse.


EDIT:

Thanks Eyran...............I was reading my poem again after your words and really some sentences are confusing and I work now on it..............

[Editiert am 9/11/2003 von Nessa]

Nessa, I didn't write anything because I also was confused about the topic and the sentence structure felt strange: could this be a translation of something you wrote in your native language?

But remember I'm a reader, not an postAuthorID, poet, or critic, so I don't know enough about poetry to provide you with constructive critisim and therfore I haven't said anything in the past. Some of the individual lines did bring visions to my mind, but as a whole I couldn't find the theme.

Please don't be sad, and keep writing as long as you enjoy it. Share some of your other work, maybe that will find a more positve reception, and if it doesn't, you can consider us to be clueless dunderheads, or just nice people who have wished to spare your feelings, because we like you for who you are, not for what you do.

Okay the poem again, and I can tell you, without a word of you I woud not had change a word............do you understand what I mean.......say it open whe you dont understand Grondy, then I wrote it really bull**** ......! Thats the thing! so now you dit what I need to re-write it:

My heart * the green island * Iverna

Let us go into the dark shadows of the night.
Let us wander in the moon pale light,
Let us walk to the Misty Mountain, following (or ensue) his call
Let us to pull far up to the watercourse and its stone.

See there he stands, still and quietly, none like to see him that way.
see in a peculiar way he lives there, not alone he is in his home.
see there he preserves and maintains our kind with his large paws,
see there a meadow fully with beautiful white poppy.

He may accompany now our way faithful, to the white city there.
He may stay with our soul, if we run free in the green Wold.
He may look down on us, when we swim in the Great River.
He may be constant now, in our soul deep shrine.

If you want to hear more tales over the Mirkwood,
If you want to smell the fog on the beautiful Long Lake,
If you want to live in such a way like I did, many years ago,
If you want to see him, move far from here to the north,

and then listen deeply in your heart,
for then you can find all this things,
who are my heart, my Iverna.
__________

I hope now you telling me if some or everything is not understandebyl.....



LadyFeawen..........I think yes it is.............all poems here I think. ;-)

I understand it now,very pretty Nessa!

Yeah I mean Beorn, if you look in the Hobbit you find many strange things about him and in this way I mean some of the lines.







>My heart * the green island * Iverna



It is a name from the Irish and means *Green Island>Ireland*. But I was writing a story about Iverna and in this story she is telling this poem about here homeland in Wilderland. She is one of the kind, Beorning, and lifes now in the south. So here heart is in here homeland the *green island >>the mirkwood>>Wilderland*......
It is out of a story, a journey from Dale in Wilderland, the heart of the Beornings down to the Mouth of the Anduin in the Bay of Belfalas.


>Let us go into the dark shadows of the night.

>Let us wander in the pale moon light,

>Let us walk to the Misty Mountain, following his call

>Let us pull us far up to the great rock of Carrock..

I was meaning the Ford of Carrock, the crossing who was kept open by the Beornings in the time of the Ring War. So watercourse stands for the river Anduin?? who is there.

>See there he stands, still and quietl, none likes to see him that way.


I was looking at The Hobbit and there Bilbo thinks Beorn is maybe a bear’.so I mean nobody wants to see Beorn walks around as a bear and not as a man.


>see in what a peculiar way he lives there, not alone he is in his home.


I mean, aswell looking at The Hobbit, that Beorn has many animals around his house’’..he is not alone but there are no humens.


>ee there he preserves and maintains our kind with his large paws,


Yeah and as well the animals speak there, then Beorn is both ’animal and human in the thinking of the Beornings.

>see there a meadow full of beautiful white poppies

>He may accompany now our way faithfully, to the white city there.

>He may stay with our souls, if we run free in the green Wold.

>He may look down on us, when we swim in the Great River.

>He may be constant now, in our soul deep shrine.


Okay I try to make it clear. Do you understand >deep shrine
But maybe it woud be better to say:
He may be for ever in our soul deep shrine. ???

>If you want to hear more tales about the Mirkwood

>If you want to smell the mist of the beautiful Long Lake,

>If you want to live in such a way like I did, many years ago,

>If you want to see him, move far from here to the north.

>and then listen deeply in your heart,

>for then you can find all these things

>who are my heart, my Iverna.


*******************************


Did it help did it help ’’’’.you try even to ask me this question ’’’’’’I am so happy, thanks to the three of you!!!!!!! Yeah it helped me very very much!!

As well, that I was thinking again about the meaning of the poem and if you still not understand something tell me then I will try to explain’’’.then I was making this poem with the thoughts of Beorn!

>>>>>>>>>>Grondy never ever will this happened!! ;-))
Do you know of which person I speak in my Post above???


Thanks LadyFeawen...............really thank you.