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Thread: How random can you be?

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It was widely believed that your heart stopped beating and you momentarily died when you sneezed, not that long ago. Some cultures believe that your soul leaves your body at the time of a sneeze. People said "bless you" so that if you truly did die, your soul would go to the right place. Correct me if I'm wrong, somebody, but I think there's some truth to the heart-stopping thing, but since a sneeze is so short, you do not die or even become in any danger, but your heart just skips a beat. I hear that happens anyway sometimes, like when you first fall in love... In Love Smilie

Do you think that inside of a black hole is either another dimension or even another time?
Would be kinda cool with another dimension, but everybody knows it's the 1980's!

What kind of superpowers would you have?(fly,heatvision etc,etc)
I'd be able to clone myself at will so I could get more stuff done Smile Smilie

Do you have as much trouble as I do with thinking up questions to games in the Ivy Bush?

I sure enjoy these games, tho!
Yup I definitely do. But so far all of my questions have come out of my own warped little imagination, except the one about "the four-leaf clover but it's under a ladder, do the good luck & bad luck cancel each other out".

Speaking of luck... Are black cats GOOD LUCK (like sailors used to think), or BAD LUCK (like everyone else used to think)?

Personally I think ALL cats are simply waiting around for people to worship them again like back in ancient Egypt, LOL!
That depends if you have rats on your ship or witches in your belfry.

Can you bake a cherry pie, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Ab-so-toot-ly! (Except I'm "Rob", not "Billy" LOL) And yes I can even do the crust from scratch but it is SOOOOOOOOO not worth it, making a crust is way too messy and the pre-made ones are better than mine anyway.

Why is "letter-sized" paper 8.5x11? Why not 8x10, or 9x12, or some other normal "even" ratio?
Back when I worked for Uncle Sam, we always used paper that was 8 by 10.5 inches as that was what President Hoover decreed should be the size for Gummint Forms. Teacher Smilie

Where would you go to learn the capacity of the Marmot's log tossing ability?
Ummm probably to a marmot log-tossing contest. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Do you think there will be a colony on the Moon by 2100?
There was one, but it proved completely uneconomical as it was too far from Earth when things broke down and required repairs. Once the Arthur C. Clark Space Station was placed in geocentric orbit and the Otis Space Elevator was connected to it, it proved much more practical as an interplanetary way-station. Since that time, the Carl Sagan Memorial Lunar Base has been converted into an unmanned long-term storage facility for nuclear waste under the auspices of the United Nations.

Where do all the spare batteries migrate to, once they have been placed in the kitchen drawer and everyone has gone to bed?

I had fun wordsmithing the above answer.
LOL, I was actually being (somewhat) serious in my question. ;-)

Okay. The batteries. You know how the refrigerator has a wee itty-bitty little penguin that comes out and turns the light on and off? Well he's the one who takes the batteries from your drawer! He uses them in his clock radio, his cellphone, and in his little blender to make frozen margaritas. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because glue is partial to the outside of the bottle and one's fingers; it is always endevoring to reach those. Were it to stick to the inside it would be stuck there and couldn't play it's malicious tricks. Teacher Smilie

Will pigs be able to fly when Hell freezes over?
No, but they'll be able to ice skate. Oh and also the Cubs will win the World Series that year. Wink Smilie

Does a diet soda "cancel out" the calories from a cheeseburger & fries?
No, but I hear if you eat them upside down that gravity will keep them from going to your stomach and being digested, so the calories don't count. The only problem with this is that you have to get right-side-up again sometime!

If there was a magical slipper fairy that brought you your comfy slippers whenever you needed them, would you tip him/her for their services?
They already have something like that. And no I wouldn't give a tip, but I would pat it on the head and maybe give it a doggie treat. Dog Smilie

Why do cartoon penguins always wear a hat and a scarf? Aren't they used to the cold weather?? makes thme cute

why is waldo so hard to find...and why do u have to find his peeps as well, and his dog! and his items as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????
To keep you out of trouble in the real world, if your're looking for Waldo and his peeps, you can't get into gangs, drugs, politics, or other crimes against self and humanity, that is out there waiting to corrupt today's youth of all ages.

Where is it written that unwritten laws must be obeyed?
Hee hee hee, silly Dwarf! That's the NUMBER ONE unwritten law. Elf Winking Smilie

Is "42" really the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything???
Well my husband and son say it is so I'm not arguing!

If you're rolling down the street in a canoe and a wheel falls off then how many pancakes does it take to cover up a dog house?

This question was written by someone I went to college with and was submitted to a radio station's contest for riddles and won. I can't remember the guy's name but have remembered the joke all these 30 years. It has a real answer if anyone wants to know but of course its as silly as the question itself Smile Smilie
None, because ice cream doesn't have bones. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie (Sorry, I've heard that one before, although worded a little differently...)

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

- Bob Dylan

If nine times ten's a hundred, what's the price of butter in Baltimore? I got this one from my great-uncle Albert who was an electrical engineer in the twenties and used to love spinning yarns about the good old days when my maternal grandfather was knee-high to a grasshopper.
The same as the price of Polish sausage on Mitchell street.

If I'm from Milwaukee what had I ought to know?
You ought to know Laverne & Shirley, since that's where they lived. Smile Smilie

Why is it, that even when you give them cool, fresh, filtered water in a cute Garfield bowl on a cute Garfield mat, cats STILL insist on jumping up to the sink so they can drink out of the faucet?! Cat Smiling Smilie
Because cats are none too fond of Garfield...he didn't have a very nice personality...they know this...they shun him....

Why does my cat insist on taking a nap on the lip of the toilet lid?
Hey Icey, nice to see you again... Liking the avatar, a do be do be do.... Orc Smiling Smilie

Maybe it has figured out that rats/mice can live in sewers and crawl up the bowl... Though it's not worth thinking about... Or it loves you sooooo much that it wants to keep the seat warm Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Can anyone give me a logical explanation for the days upon days of constant rain we are having here (England) when it is Midsummers Day tomorrow??? Btw, I'm not complaining, I love rain!
Well duh, it's because it's England, LOL!!! I mean, isn't that all you guys ever have? Rain and fog, fog and rain. Orc Grinning Smilie

Hey Icey, I'm glad to hear my cat isn't the only one with a bathroom fetish. Mine likes to perch on toilet lid too -- he uses it like a platform and sits up there all 'prim and proper' and regal, like the King of the Jungle surveying his domain. Whenever we see that, we burst out laughing "HA HA HA, the King is on 'The Throne'!!!"

Why does grass grow so easily where you DON'T want it (like in the garden), but it's like pulling teeth to get it to grow where you NEED it (like in that bare spot in the lawn) ???
Not really, because for the past few years... a lot of years actually, it's been hot-ish weather in England for summer, in fact, some of the hottest for a good many years... No rain, just hot... and it's midsummers day tomorrow, that means it should be hot (for England) not thunderstorms and lightening and buckets full of rain... it just don't add up I tells ya

As to your grass problem, it depends on where you live... my garden is full of grass everywhere... because of the mass amount of rain we've been having... or simply becuase you've let your cat spray it's nasty spray over the grass... and the grass doesn't like it... Would you like it if you were pee'd on while swaying gently?

Why must there always be a mountain of ironing to do? I mean, I did aload of it and then more seem to have grown the next day... *sigh* Why can't people just not change their clothes Orc Grinning Smilie Make my life a hell of a lot easier Orc Smiling Smilie
Because then we'd all smell as bad as you! Big Laugh Smilie

Does it mean that your wits' end is made of rope, if you're at the end of your rope and at your wits' end?
I think so: when you're at your wits' end, you're fit to be tied because you cant think of anything more to say or do. They have given you sufficient (ample, enough) rope to hang yourself and now you are dangling from the end of it. KIDS: PLEASE DON"T TRY THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSE, WE WOULD MISS YOU.

Can you calculate how long it took for the cow to jump over the Moon and what her impact velocity was upon her return to Earth?
Actually she burned up on re-entry, and came crashing through the roof of a local tavern, thereby creating the first Outback Steakhouse. "Uhhhh this one is REALLY well-done, but I wanted mine medium-rare!" Cow Sleeping Smilie

Can you really balance an egg on its end, on the Vernal Equinox?
I can't, but some has been known to do it with a fresh egg, but not a hard-boiled one.

Is it easier to conform to the wishes of society or is it easier to do it your own way?

The easier one is when my own way coincides with the wishes of society..otherwise, I still like it my way...

Losse!!!! Nice to be back friend!!!! and Meneldur...HA HA...king on the throne...that's great...

Why is it when people call you and ask for a phone number, they then say, "Let me find a pen/pencil...quill...?"
(If I were going to call...knowing I was going to want a phone number, I'd have paper and writing instrument ready, heh heh)

Icey, I think the people who do that are the same ones who insist on driving in the left lane, going EXACTLY the speed limit, refusing to go even 1 mph over. Angry Elf Smilie

Speaking of cars... We are WELL past the year 2000. Back in the 50's, didn't they say we'd have flying cars by now? Well, where are they???
They are in the sky sillly, above the clouds where you can't see them... With their own little air stations where they park Orc Smiling Smilie

Why do doormats put up with all the muck that they have scraped on them? Poor guys...
Because they have developed a liking to all that is, after all, their only source of sustinance.

Am I the only person who ever thought, when seeing a "Slow Children At Play" sign, that it meant, "Slow Children [are] At Play"?

I honestly mean no harm when I ask that, I've just wondered...
No you aren't. Our State Department of Highways used to place signs reading, on four separate lines, "Slow Men Working Ahead" That was very funny; my late uncle was one of their slow workers. Now their signs read, "Caution Workers Ahead" which while politically correct takes all the fun out of it.

Where do you go to buy the other half of half-priced books?
Oh that's easy, you go to!!!

Hey that thing with the road signs, there's another one I've seen -- first they'll say "ROAD WORK AHEAD" and then you start passing all the construction, blah blah blah, then when it's over the sign says "END ROAD WORK".

Now, I've always wondered about that second sign. I mean, if they ended road work, wouldn't the roads fall apart in a few years? Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Probably not, because you would be so bloated that you couldn't eat anymore.

matter + antimatter = excessive energy

pasta + antipasta = excessive gas

Has anyone seen my glasses; I know I put them on this morning?
Check on your forehead.

I LOVE the first answer about the pasta/antipasta, "so bloated" LOLOLOLOL

Why does the Easter Bunny deliver eggs? Bunnies don't lay eggs! Elf Confused Smilie
If you were the Easter Bunny, would you want all those irrate momma bunnies chewing on your tail because you gave away their baby bunnies? Lighening Smilie I think not!

How many little pigs does it take to cook a big bad wolf?
None, that is, if the Wolf will be clever enough to climb down the chimney... only to realise that there's a big boiling pot at the bottom, then it takes only the Wolf to cook himself alive Orc Smiling Smilie

How many pigs would it take to actually consume the entire carcass of the not-so-bright Wolf?
Only one...if he breaks it down into little meal-sized portions and puts them in the big freezer in his basement like I would. Then he can spread it out over several weeks/months. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

If the pigs had the technology (and the know-how) to build a brick house, why didn't they just build a large wall enclosing their compound? (With spikes on top, a guarded gate, and a motion-sensing alarm system, of course) Dumb little piggies, LOL!
Because the little pigs couldn't climb high enough to install the spikes on top of the wall.

Where's Bilbo?
Wallerbilbo? He's right over there, next to the Burrahobbit. Elf Winking Smilie

Is it true that "As long as there's still checks in the checkbook, there's still money in the account"?
Not according to my bank manager; my bookie says there better be.

Have you noticed modern soup cans can't be crushed by removing both ends and flattening with your foot; they only have one end and it leaves a lip so you can't even stack them inside one another like those little Russian wooden dolls.
Well it depends on what you mean by "modern". You mean these new-fangled pop-tops? I hate 'em, can't stand 'em. No matter how carefully I try to get the lid off, it always POPS and splatters whatever was clinging to the underside. Anyway I've never tried flattening them so I wouldn't know. When I'm done I just throw it in the recycling bin & that's it.

As for the checkbook thing, don't laugh -- I used to work with a guy whose wife not only made that statement, but she actually BELIEVED it! Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Is it just my imagination, or have Chips Ahoy cookies gotten smaller over the years???
Probably as we've had a period of stagflation where they make things smaller rather than raising the price. You can't buy half-gallons of ice cream any more either: you have to accept 1.75 qt. (1.66L).

Why do new neighbors feel they must use my appartment parking space and crunch my wheel-chair ramp? (At least the manager always builds a new one in a timely manner.)
Because unfortunately some people are self-centered, inconsiderate, good-for-nothing, *&%@'s. Very Sad Smilie

How does an itty-bitty 10-pound Yorkshire Terrier manage to take over an entire bed, leaving no room for the usual (human) occupants? Dog Smilie
Because in its mind, it believes it is much bigger, and its enlarged aura expands its physical sleeping size to that of a Great Dane.

Now that all beverage cans have lift up tabs, where is the Church Keys Graveyard?
Uhhhh, what's a Church Key? Elf Winking Smilie

If you use something other than "legal paper", would you call that "illegal paper"???
Depends whether it was smuggled in-country or entered with duty paid. Elf Sticking Tounge Out Smilie

Why doesn't the sky fall if gravity is so strong?

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