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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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The Cloveress was feeling really cheerful herself, and she noticed Icey's distress. "Oh this ought to do the job," she tittered as she produced more glitter and scattered it over the spider. The spider suddenly went into a sort of wierd jig and started spinning the words "Merry Christmas" over Eth and Icey...
’Does anyone want some’ oh, dear.’ Eva said as she noticed the state of affairs in the common room. She absent-mindedly put the cookies on the bar and happened to glance in the direction of Icy and Etharion. ’Why, it’s just like Charlotte’s Web,’ she said, barely audible above the noise of the inn. She laughed. ’It looks like Icy wouldn’t mind if the ending for the spider was the same, either.’
Grondy yelled at Cloveress, "Hey young'un, how about easing off on the tricksy bit for the holidays, please." He grabbed a broom and smashed the spider. "And speaking of spiders," he continued, "that reminds be of what happened to my dear old dad, may he rest in peace.

Dad had been teasing me mum and she got tired of it and told him if he didn't stop she'd put a spider in his soup, and he kept going a couple minutes longer before he finally stopped.

A couple days later was Sunday, and we always had soup for supper on Sundays. This time it was creamy potato soup with bacon bits; and low and behold, my Dad up and spits his third spoonful out into his napkin. And there among the potato and bacon bits afloating in that there napkin was a Daddy Longlegs, deader than a doornail.

Me mum was sitting at the other end of the table and me dad did the dishing up of the soup, so she would a had to put it in the pot, with no guarantee the recipient would have been me dad. If me dad had been a smiling, I'd have figured he had it in his napkin all along, but he weren't. Me mum claimed it tweren't her: she said she would of used a Brown Recluse.

Anyway, from that time on me dad listened closely for when me mum said 'stop,' so as not to get a spider's leg caught in his throat, no matter how it might get there."

"Now here's a pot of strong coffee for when Maydmarion is ready to come down. And I must say those decorated webs look mighty pretty with all those sparklies on it." "Anyone need a refill?"
"Yer nae fun, ye grumpy auld grinch," the Cloveress tried out her wierd British accent. But she cleared away the webs all the same and instead started to devise a special "treat" for Grondy...
"Please put the pretty webs back! It's the spiders the customer don't want in her drink or down his back. We can clear away the webs the second week of January after our 'Tw-elf-ed Day of Crisp-ness'"

"If you want, you could press and paint the spiders silver and hang them on threads just below the webs to represent snowflakes or stars or something."
Its not sad Icey. Most people are scared of spiders, most of the people i know. And their not all girls. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
"Aye Grondy. Ye can fix me with a refill. And i agree, the cobwebs look very nice, but keep the spider population checked."

(Oy, come to think of it, my jacket is a Spider. I dont know if you heard of that...brand? Is that the word im looking for? Ye Nike, Reebok..and stuff. Anyways..its really nice, and its got webs on the whole inside of it.)
The fairy looked pleased at their praise of the spiderwebs, but she pretended to be offended. "Are you saying that my spiders are scaring away your customers? Humph! Fine, they go! I wouldn't have my poor little friends being hung as snowflakes here anyways..." She kissed the spiders goodbye and they scuttled up to the attic. She grinned at the horrified look on Icey's face and slapped some more gold on the counter, asking for a Khazadspecial X-mas cocktail. The spiderwebs were now hanging from the walls with glitter all over them.
The brand name sounds familiar, Eth. Spiderwebs and spider graphics don't bother me, its real spiders, and then its only -usually- big ones...

Icey grins as she realizes the spider is gone and cringes, while trying to hide behind Ethy, as the Cloveress kisses the little beasts. "Oi! What's up with that?" she yells, while ducking back and hiding behind the taller elf again. She looks up at him and smiles, while pulling his arm over her shoulders, and ducking lower down. She is now on her knees beside Eth's stool. Glancing up at Eth once more, Ice asks, "Are the spiders gone?"

The Cloveress appeared beside Icey's ear in a puff of smoke. She winked at Icey and pecked her on the cheek. "There, Icey. Now I've done what my scuttly eight-legged friends asked of me and gave their kisses to you." She showed all her teeth in a wide Chesire-cat grin. "Of course, they wanted to give you a big warm hug too. Now shall I do that?"
Here's your refill Etharion and a bowl of salted peanuts. And Cloveress, spiffy webs they are; here's your Khazadspecial X-mas cocktail with missletoe tied to a tiny candycane for a swizzle-stick. It really takes a special knack to laminate the Cr’me de Menthe and grenadine so the multiple red and green layers don't turn into an ugly brownish mixture.
Etharion roared with laughter as Cloveress hugged Ice. "Maybe, but i dont think she wouldnt like the spiders to show their feelings personally. The idea of hugging a spider might be too much for poor Ice right now." he said squezing her with his left arm. "And thanks for the peanuts Grondy."
The Cloveress laughed and went to enjoy her cocktail. "Mmmm...Grondy, you've outdone yourself. This cocktail is so pretty I don't want to drink it." She giggled. "That's a compliment." And then dived into her glass.
A man dressed all in black enters the tavern and takes a seat in one of the dark corners of the room. He takes a quick look around the place.

A hiss can be heard if listened to very carefully;
"Home sweet home"
Two eyes and a foam covered head appeared at the rim of the X-mas cocktail glass. The Cloveress peeped at the new arrival, slightly frightened by the impressive entrance but assured that her "camouflage" would ensure her safety.
Icey smiled slightly as Eth hugged her and said, "Tell the spiders that I am sorry that I bothered them. I would simply prefer that they not decide to nest in my hair." She slid back up onto a stool beside Etharion and leaned sideways onto him. "How about some eggnog Grondy? You must have eggnog around the holidays.." she said with a smile.
"One eggnog coming up for Icey, anyone else desirous of some eggnog, with or without a stick in it (with or without rum)?"
The little fairy had drunk up her cocktail. "Delicious, Grondy!" She burped and a stream of tiny pink bubbled ran out her mouth. "ooops," she smiled sheepishly. But she quickly got over that and hung the mistletoe (which came with her drink) somewhere over Icey and Eth.
No one notices Maydmarion gently glide to ground and tip-toe out the door to the hallway.

Quietly she re-enters the bar with a very large bag and is brought to a sudden holt at the sight of the stranger sitting in a dark recess of the bar. No it can't of course it can't ....Maydmarion shivers and looks a Grondy, should I tell it....don't be silly. It's just my imagination or that 'special' drink I had earlier.

Maydmarion shakes her head and takes the bag to big pine tree at the other end of the bar and starts unloading presents and putting them under the tree. I hope I haven't forgotten anyone......

but who is the stranger.......
Ooooo!!! This is getting stranger and stranger. What's in those packages? Who's the stranger? Will John marry Marsha? Will the sun come up in the morning?
Whoops! Someone left the fridge open and the Cloveress now has access to ice-cream aka big trouble. Grondy has just recieved a splatter of cream from mid-air, and Cloveress is amusedly thinking how much it resembles bird excretion...
"You know, i have never tried eggnog. Whats it like?" asked Etharion eyeing it suspiciusly. "Does it have alcohol in it? Oh, Grondy? Will you be having any carolers (did i spell that right?) to entertain your guests this christmas? Or will you be handling the stuff, by singing "The wizards staff has a knob on the end?"
Etharion noticed Cloveress putting the miseltoe over them and he asked "Now whats that plant for?"

Grondy, holding his hand above his eyes to shade them from the light, while peering into the overhead, looked for the bird. He went to the backroom, unlocked a big wooden box and removed a blunderbus which he loaded with mothballs and rocksalt over a half charge of powder. He went back to the common room a whistling:

'A hunting I will go,
A hunting I will go,
I'll shoot a fairy,
Her I'll bury,
A hunting I will go.'
The Cloveress landed on Grondy's ear and sang back with great gusto.

"Escaping I will fly
Escaping I will fly
Headlong into your Christmas trees
Banging and bashing 'til you're on your knees
Praying for me to die.
(which I won't of course)"

Then she fluttered off to drop the mistletoe on Eth. "It's obvious what I'm doing! Just take the hint! Merry Christmas!" She zoomed off in the direction of the heavily decorated tree in the corner, leaving Eth in a shock...
Grondy deciding he did not wish to fire off his old blunderbuss indoors, unloaded it and locked it back in its box. Then he started licking the melting ice cream. "Mmmm, pistachio."
The Cloveress pouted as she stopped herself crashing into the Christmas tree at the last instant. "Awww...I really wanted to cause christmas quakes here..."
"Hmmm..i still dont understand what this herb is for." said Etharion winking at Ice. "Oh by the way Merry Christmas to everyone!!!! I know i may be some...10 hours early, but what the heck." he said merrily. So he continued wishing all the best for everyone with a hug each for Grondy, Cloveress, Ice...and the rest of the Khazad-dumish denzins. Smile Smilie
Cloveress was too small for Eth to hug, so she suddenly turned back to her human-sized form in mid-hug, causing Eth to jump and everyone to stare. "Merry Christmas, everyone!"
"Ho! Ho! Ho!," exclaimed Grondy, "Eggnog on the house for everyone; and have a Very Merry Christmas or whatever holiday it is your tradition to celebrate at this time of the year."
"Whoppee! Happy New Year all!" the Cloveress hugged Grondy warmly while secretly trying to smuggle a firework left from Gandalf's stock from somewhere behind Grondy. She then released Grondy and huddled in a corner, trying to figure out how fireworks worked by jabbing it with spells and smothering it with fairy powder...
Ice glanced up, saw the mistletoe, and grinned at Eth. While she waited for him to 'make the first move,' as they say somewhere far off that I'm not aware of, she yelled, "Merry Christmas and HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!" She gladly accepted the eggnog, and wondered if Grondy had spiked it yet....

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I was grounded...

"Ive mixed up another large batch of Gimli's Morning After Tonic for those that need it; and some Bloody Marys for those that don't."
"Ill be...right back." said Etharion distractely. He stood up and went out of the Inn with a hurried pace.
There was a big BOOM as one of Gandalf's fireworks went off. The Cloveress found herself covered with soot, and she half-expected Gandalf himself to come and pick her up by the ear. "Whoops. Wrong way to fire, eh? Still, that was actually good for a clover match." There was fairy powder and coloured sparks everywhere, and no one seemed hurt. But the Cloveress narrowed her peridot eyes as she saw Etharion trying to escape through the door. "And speaking of matches, I hate to see a handsome lad miss out on a pretty maid...oops, better disappear before Grondy comes to berate me for the mess and shock of customers." She grinned to herself. "Oh yes, and there's the safety department too, and the old booklet about the Proper Control of Inflammables and Explosives. It stated quite clearly that only the government of Moria was allowed to use it for mining business." Her grin widened. "What a busy dwarf Grondy's going to be! And to think it was me who shook him out of his idleness!"
Whuummpppp!!! Grondy has caught something in his flutter-by net. "My, my whatever can it be," he wonders? "Why, it is Miss Cloveress." And he hands her a bucket, sponge, and mop and stands there tapping his toe as she proceeds to clean up her mess. After which he laughs, bows, and hands her a thimble full of green Creme de Menthe over crushed ice, saying, "Your pay Mademoiselle."
Ice glanced back as Eth hurried away. "Wonder what he's done now..." she said softly, then jumped as Clover's fireworks decided to blow. She glanced around, from her vantage point on a rafter in the roof, and grinned as she saw Grondy hand her cleaning supplies.
The Cloveress stuck her nose in the air as the bucket was thrust in her arms. "Mint? My, my, Grondy, no wonder you can stay awake for days and days without a wink of sleep. You old fraud, you told me it was natural dwarf resistance to the dreamy world." She was in full human form, but she found it hard to tower over Grondy for some reason. "You old fraud..."she muttered as she started on the mucky floor. "Makin' pore gals do filthsome kitchen work, usin' an innocent fairy as a wretched slave, and smilin' with it too! Aye, lookit the dwarvy grin on his face, the slimebucket..."
where is my turkey?? ive been waiting here sooo patiently for it...and now its not even thanksgiving!!!!!
"Turkey!? I want some turkey!" Ice says, from her perch up on the rafters.
"Eva, will you please make the the trimmings for a turkey feast, I'll take care of the bird."

Grondy went to the freezer and moving the great blocks of ice from their bed of sawdust, picked up a large package and carried it back to the kitchen. He placed it in the oven for one hour, removed it and stuffed it full of a mixture of bread crumbs, mushrooms, cashews, onions, celery, and cooked giblets. Then he smothered it in butter and placed it back in the oven.

Time passed ... two hours later he basted the bird with the drippings and closed the oven door.

Time passed ... another two hours ... more basting, more oven time.

After a grand total of six hours, Grondy removed the bird from the oven, placed it on a large wooden trencher, carried it out to Elrose's table, set it before him, handed him a spoon, a set of carving knives, and a stack of plates. Then he asked Elrose to do the honors.
why, i am honored. hmm...where to about here??

come on

thats a bone?? how am i supposed to cut through That?

wot is this one for?

who wants the wing??
"Me! Mememememe!" Ice screamed, swinging down from the cieling on one of the rafters like a trapeze artist. She landed lightly on her feet near the table and stood near Elrose, her mouth almost visibly watering while she waited for the of the scrumptious-looking turkey.

I haven't eat yet today and that turkey sounds really good right now!
(I was thinking of roasting Miruvor, but now that turkey is a council member, I decided I had better let discretion serve. However, since he wasn't available, it's the real l bird that Elrose is serving up on your plates.) Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
common Mir, dont let him talk to you like that, edit his post!
"Hey, even if I say so myself, this stuffing is pretty good, though the meat is a little dry. I probably should have basted every hour. Still, if I drink enough of this Grey Riesling, I won't notice it so much. Please pass the black olives."
The Cloveress swished her bucket of water. She was cleaning the ceiling, so the water sloshed down on the table. She had meant to hit the turkey, but her aim was bad and instead it soaked Elrose.
"Are there any leftovers for me?" asked a heavily clothed Etharion standing in the open doorway.
Sure 'nough Ethy, grab a plate and join me. What would you care to drink?
hmmm...i think the turkey is moore wet than it am i....
After being away from this lovely tavern for so long Mellie walks in a short leather skirt, a Bon Jovi t-shirt and cap, orders a Huge frozen Margarita with lots of salt on the rim. She has just returned from the Bon Jovi and decides that it is time to start singing some of the songs from the concert.

Once upon a time
Not so long ago

Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his's tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got
'cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

Whooah, we're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - i swear

Livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, it's tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby it's okay, someday

We've got to hold on to what we've got
'cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot


We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got


So, what have I missed while I have been gone?

"humph! You've missed me, haven't you?" the Cloveress dunked her bucket and zoomed to Mellie's face. "Everybody misses the Cloveress. It's natural to miss me. And you had better admit you've missed me." She pulled on two of Mellie's hairs and started to tie them together...
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