Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.
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"Grondy is taking a bit of a break. As a bit of incentive to bring him back, I'll be running the inn for the next few days or so."
Ar-edain's face cracks into a slightly-not-quite-right type of Ford Prefect smile as he adds, with an equally disturbing chuckle, "And..." (More chuckling)," I will be doing a terrible job, so that everyone will fully appreciate the service that Grondmaster provides. I know that all of you value his friendship and enjoy the inn, but when was the last time that any of you paid your tabs? I haven't paid mine since 2000 and... well, NEVER! But everyone else should! IMMEDIATELY!"
No longer smiling, Ar-edain takes a deep breath, and, speaking far too loudly, announces that "To insure (ensure?) that everyone begins paying their bills promptly; I.E. Immediately after placing an order; I have hired the Guard-Troll whose services were unjustly provided and terminated before most of you received verification of the creation of your PT accounts. IF that isn't incentive enough, I invited members of the twilight fansite to stop by the inn for an Edward Cullen-drawing competition. Winner will be maimed by the Guard-Troll!"
I remind everyone that this is all in good fun, that I will probably forget to follow through with the claims made in this post, that most Stephanie Meyer fans probably aren't that bad, and that, above all, I wish Grondmaster a quick recovery.
" my brother and many friends have given there lives to protect this inn ans well as master grond i will not let you tarnish this inn's reputation or defile master gronds honor i think you should go before my fingers let this arrow go into your head."
" your right let us prepair the feast so that all may enjoy it i think ill make some blackberry pies to start with hows that sound? oh and you can get your troll out of here before it starts to sink up the inn edian "
' walks into the cook room and starts to prepaer is berrys '
"We have our Gimli's Finest(Tm) and Hot Chocolate as well as Snacks!"
"Oh and that's some nice work you have been doing there Sian."
Sian dons her apron and proceeds to check the roasting meat.
After all, the inn's "combo-platters" suggest that Grondy is very inventive and not overly peckish in regard to food."
Ar-edain takes a moment to examine the floor, and, speaking barely above a whisper adds," Hopefully, Grondy will be among those who reappear for the celebration."
Turning to Ar-Edain:
"If your troll comes near me or spoil my new coat then by Mahal, I Swear i will use my axe on him."
Now, if anyone requires my services, I'll be in the kitchen brewing up some Stone Soup and a nice haunch of smoked venison. Besides, several of us have magical powers. Someone should be able to zap the troll away. By the by, if we have a wizard, some fireworks might be a nice addition to our feast. Just make sure that they don't set the inn on fire!"
Ar-edain disappears into the kitchen, from whence the clanging sound of pots and pans begins to emanate immediately.
I would like to make it known that smoked venison is delicious."
I'm afraid Ar-Edain has been offended; I know if master Grond were here he'd make us all something nice and hot to drink and there'd soon be peace again. Have you found any of his recipes, by chance? Can you brew some mulled wine or something? We can offer some to both Ar-Edain and Yuki and have a good feast.
"Can you hold the inn for me Sian? I will go look for some people to remove this troll's carcass. This isn't the place for it to be."
Bowing to Sian Thorin left the inn and reappeared 15 minutes later with 5 hobbits
"This is the carcass which needs to be removed. And don't cut it inside, it will make a dreadfull mess," Thorin added seeing one of the hobbits going for his ax.
Thorin gave the hobbit a small bag containing silver pieces and watched them haul the carcass away.
"I'm glad it is gone Sian. I will mop the place where it laid and when I'm done could you give me a pint of Gimli's Finest(TM) please?"
Is a Song/Dance/Poem obligatory?!
[Whacks Karaoke machine with Uruk-Hai sword]
Because I can't be bothered.
Sian turns and wipes her hands on her apron and starts pulling the pint for Thorin. Then turns to the Inn's newcomer:
Welcome good sir to our homely hearth! The real innkeeper is laid up at the moment so a few of us are doing our best to run things. I'm afraid the rule is not negotiable, you must entertain us if you wish to stay. The machine there can accompany you but you must either sing, recite a poem or something to us. If you need some time to recollect a piece, please sit for a moment and the venison and Who-beast that's roastin will certainly make it all worth your while. My name is Sian, lately a wandering seamstress, our good Dwarf here is Thorin. She hands Thorin his ale.
[Points Sword at Bartender]
Heres a terrible poem.
There Once Was an Elf from Bree
Funny Ears had He
He went to Barn
He sat down and said 'Darn'
Because he had sat on a whoopee cushion (Planted by Me!)
Turning to Sian Thorin took the ale she was offering.
"Thank you Sian. Now let's listen to his song," Thorin said drinking his beer.
Thorin listens to the song
"It was a nice song and you deserve your free first time apple juice and snack. I'm not sure what is cooking but Sian will help you in your choice."
[Sneaks Behind counter, steals barrel of apple juice, runs back, and raises sword]
I Request a Duel with anyone in this Tavern.
I will redo my obligatory entrance song for you.
[2 legolas lookalikes jump through the window and replace the mike with a 80's one, before dancing on the tables]
We're No Strangers to...
[Saruman throws a brick at Cheesey, because a Nazg’l singing Rick Astley is odd, Saruman quickly runs out, giggling with a high pitched laugh]
(Idea for whoever started this thread, have a imaginary Gold system to buy beer, new karaoke machines and stuff.)
Anyone accepting my duel yet?
[Slams Fist on Table]
And I request a free Cheese sandwich.
[Throws Sword at the Inns Mascot, killing him in a fiery explosion]
Here now, Nazgul! That was an evil thing to do, killing our pet and provoking one of us to duel with you for no reason! But we shouldn't expect honor from one of your kind.. Here is a duel for you!
Sian has a damp dish towel in hand and quickly winds it into a twist and snaps it at the Nazgul's face like a whip then winds it again for another blow.
I am Undead, wet towels can't hurt me! I am a warrior of SAURON!
[ Swings sword at Sian, misses, and breaks the desk in half, she pulls back Cheesey's hood, revealing a black crown on a invisible head. ]
[ Nazg’l scream ]
I am invincible! To Slay me, you shall also fall!
[ Cheesey does another Nazg’l scream, and sends a bolt of energy from his hand into the wall, causing it to vibrate and cause a section of ceiling to fall down, surrounding and trapping Sian. ]
FEEL MY WRATH!
[ Pull's hood back up, and stabs the ground, causing more vibrations, and chairs and tables begin to collapse. Nazg’l scream ]
YOU SHALL DIE
I AM VICTORIOUS!
Cheesey chops down some of the support beams, and the Inn begins to collapse, he then sets fire to the fire exit, and uses magic to blow up the entrance
"Are you ok Sian?" he said helping the hobbit to a seat at a nerby table. " Do you want me to get you something to drink?"
Turning to the Nagul, he spoke wrathfully[/i[
"No one has ever fought in the Khazad Dummish Inn nor has anyone ever destroyed it's property. I request you to leave before I use my axe on you or to help clean the mess you made. Grondmaster will not be happy to learn about this when he comes back."
I will help extinguish this fire.
Cheesey leaps into the air, summoning a ball of water to surround him, but it gets caught in the lighting, and Cheesey is electrocuted, and collapses,
if I can have my cheese sandwich I will be your allies...
Cheesey falls into unconsciousness
Ar-edain, having heard the commotion, came out of the kitchen, wreathed majestically in tendrils of smoke from the roasting venison. Spying the Nazgul passed out on the floor, his brow furrowed.
Inhaling deeply, Ar-edain digs a cheese sandwich out of one of the pouches on his belt. Stuffing the entire cheese sandwich into the Nazgul's mouth, free of charge, he bellows in a solemn, resonant voice, "Foul creature of Sauron's corruption, as Melkor is sealed away beyond the Walls of Night, so do I banish thee, not to the oblivion of celestial deep, nor to chasms of stone beneath the world. To a unique abyss you shall be cast, with all of the might and powers entrusted to me by Orome of the Valar. Your power shall be bled from you, and it shall be used to cleanse this place of your evil. Weakened, you shall spend all of eternity in the forums of 4chan.org, forever corrupted and preyed upon by the juvenile stupidity that festers in that lair!"
With this curse, Ar-edain took his hands off of the Nazgul's head. Then, lifting his left hand into the air above, he stretched his right hand back almost to his left ear. He stayed like this for the time that it would take to blink, and then, with a step forward and a twist of his entire body, he smacked the Nazgul's face with a terrifying, but curiously satisfying, force.
As the blow struck the dark servant in the face, he seemed to dissolve outward from where the hand struck him into clouds of dull, brownish smoke. As the smoke dissipated, everything that it touched was restored to its original state, cleansed of the Nazgul's evil. Ar-edain, who was shaking with the exhaustion that was overcoming him, rose from where he had knelt after he had smote the Nazgul into his imprisonment.
"Always...,"He began, in voice that was soft and hoarse,"Always read the back pages of a thread or forum in order to understand its atmosphere, so that you may participate or irritate most effectively."
He then walked slowly into the kitchen, planning on taking a nap while his venison smoked.
I am Eruheran of the House of Chas’r, and was the heir to Angmar; Before the destruction of my ring by Ar-Edain. I have been trapped in a curse for the last few millenniums, has the land of Chas’r been defeated yet? and I'll help tidy the mess.
Where is the Nazgul? Are you here to help us against him?
Eruheran pulls out a Map and points to the bottom
We lived on the Borders, near Mordor, and Orcs raided our home, the House of Chas’r was ruined, and I got given this ring. Does anyone know about the fate of my land? If no, I must reclaim it. Anyone going to volunteer to assist my quest?
The Tavern Bard begins to play the Lord of the Rings theme music on his lute, Eruheran pulls on his Dark Purple Cape and pulled out his Scimitar, holding it in the air for dramatic effect
Eruheran looks around hoping no-one notices that he always talks like someone out of a Shakespeare play, before lowering his scimitar and putting it in his Scabbard
I would like to stay overnight in the inn, Then head for Rivendell - if Master Elrond is still alive; I could get reinforcements from him. And I want the Inn's Bard to accompany me. Here's the Money for the Room tonight.
Eruheran flips a coin behind him, and it lands on the bar, the Bartender checks it and notices it is 2 Millenniums out of date. They then throw it back.
Me and Joe the Bard shall return with tons of Gold.
Sticks Scimitar in the air for Dramatic effect, the Bard then begins to play the LOTR theme music again, before heading to his room
Because no one posted here over night, I will add more to the Adventures of Eruheran
Eruheran returns from the upper floor, walking over to the door to where Joe the Bard Sleeps
Joe, We shall leave the Inn today.
Joe leaves his room
We Shall hope to reach Rivendell within 2 days. I will write my adventures in my journal thingy, and shall return within a few months.
Points to the thing in the sidebar with the journals of people in them.
We shall return. The Kingdom of Chas’r shall return with us, and I shall talk with the Manager of this Inn to move us there.
Joe Begins to Play the LOTR theme again, Eruheran pulls on his Cloak and Hood, and walks out. Joe follows him
"Ah! I remember the glory days of old and the adventures I had with the warriors who used to come here. There was Arath the Fearless, Fionwe the Archer, Cargon Swiftblade and many others by whose side I fought with and had adventures."
Turning to Eruthar Thorin spoke
"Unfortunately though our ways have parted since. Yet I look forward to the day when they will come back and we shall have adventures, yes adventures again."
"If you want to know about these adventures I recommend you go to the archives where they are recorded."
With that Thorin drained his ale
PS: You can find the games we played back then in the Role playing section. They're pretty much fun to read again
My Pen has run out of ink!
Meaning the button to post Journal Entries didn't work
I have started a RPG Thread instead, now I will return to Rivendell, and continue my adventure from there!
Raises sword, Joe begins to play the LOTR theme, before a drunk hobbit whacks Joe on the head and tells them to get lost. They quickly run.
'Welcome, stranger,' said Thorin, 'to the Khazad-Dumish Inn! I must warn you, if you wish to sit and have a drink, you must sing us a song or poem.'
The Ranger regarded Thorin steadily, then began a song.
'Snow-white! Snow-white! O Lady clear!
O Queen beyond the Western Seas!
O Light to us that wander here
Amid the world of woven trees!
Gilthoniel! O Elbereth!
Clear are thy eyes and bright thy breath!
Snow-white! Snow-white! We sing to thee
In a far land beyond the Sea.
O stars that in the Sunless Year
With shining hand by her were sown,
In windy fields now bright and clear
We see your silver blossom blown!
O Elbereth! Gilthoniel!
We still remember, we who dwell
In this far land beneath the trees,
Thy starlight on the Western Seas.'
Thorin widened his eyes in astonishment.
'That is an Elven song, if my senses are not completely muddled by this fine ale,' he said, eying the Ranger. 'Who are you?'
'I am Fornad, one of the Dunedain,' the man replied. 'That was indeed an Elven song, one to Varda, Goddess of the Stars. Will it be sufficient to feed and quench a lonely traveller?'
'Of course,' said Thorin, and Fornad sat down near the bar.
'A pint of your finest ale would be much appreciated,' the Ranger said.
I am Artiuril, son of Aituril. I am here from Umbar, which has been invaded by some Surviving Orcs. I fled from my home town when my sword; Artiul, was destroyed, fighting their leader. There is no hope left.
Sits Down, ignoring the fact he has to do a song, before the annoyed Dwarf that Eruheran sat on a few posts ago points to a sign. Artiuril pulls out his Ipod, and sets it to full blast
[Sarcastic] Happy?! [/Sarcastic]
Gimme Your Strongest beer!!
'Sing, curse you!' he said. 'The lady hobbit is tired, and to be quite honest your other character caused quite enough trouble.'
The Ranger pulled a pipe from his side, took some pipeweed from one of the pouches on his belt and put it in the pipe, took two flints from his pocket and with one strike lit it. He took a deep puff.
'Ah, Longbottom Leaf,' he said, breathing out the smoke. Then he looked up again. 'Are you going to sing us a proper song, or am I going to have to get up and evict you with a sword?'
Elrond is awesome!
He jumps up, throws the Lute on the ground and smashes it. His improvisation unfortunately counted as a song, even though only 5 words were audible and it broke the lute.
I strongly recommend you guys go to one or two threads back to get an idea of the atmosphere here.
5 Years Later
Happy? Soz if that sounded sarcastic BTW.
Eruheran returned from all the stuff that just happened, sat at the bar and asked for a drink.
Bowing to Sian Thorin left the Inn and soon muffled sounds of a hammer could be heard. Thorin was busily forging great metal hinges for the doors. Once he had made 6, a pair for each door he went to fetch the wood he had earlier collected and set out to assemble the planks into doors.
An hour and a half later Thorin stood back and looked at the doors. They looked nice though rather plain. It then came into his mind to carve some designs on the doors. Fetching his tools he set out to work on them. On the first door he carved the beautiful nimpredil flower, on the second Elanor, and on the third a picture on the misty mountains. Being well pleased with his work he went back to the Inn.
Pushing the doors of he Inn he came to Sian.
"I have finished the doors. Do you want to come and see them? Oh and there's rain outside so it will be impossible to move them indoors today unless the weather improves"
Weather forecast according to PT's prediction
Brilliant, Master Dwarf.
However, Eruheran noticed a small section of the Inn was still collapsed, and it had been for 5 years and a few weeks, because of his Nazg’l forms Rampage.
But Master Dwarf, in your Shortness you forgot that My Nazg’l form knocked down a small bit of the building.
Eruheran mutters under his breath about Dwarves.
I'll help myself to some Apple-juice.
Eruheran grabs a mug and slips behind the bar, pouring in some apple juice, and putting some money in the till from the 5 years no-one remembers, Before grabbing Artiuril and lobbing him outside, because 5 years just happened at random and Cheesey doesn't need a space filler any more. Thorin begins work on the Inns walls
Thorin, just let me check on the venison then I'll get my shawl and go out to look at your doors, I don't mind the rain for myself. I'm sure you'll get them put up before Grondy gets back.
Sian peeks into the kitchen and sees that the roasting haunch of venison and the whobeast are still slowly roasting over low fires. She ladles drippings over each to keep them from drying then tosses a green shawl over her shoulders and heads outside. She pats Cheesey's horse and then ducks inside the forge.
The doors are works of art and Sian catches her breath as she traces over the designs with her fingers. Grond really loves this old Inn and he'll be so pleased to see it with these doors! It's time to go back to the kitchen, though so she heads to the door. "What am I going to do with that Cheesy fellow," she thinks. Grond would know just what to do but I don't. I'm not really a bartender. I've worked in many a kitchen but the lords and ladies I've served never bothered the help!
Sian goes out and sees the horse still standing in the rain. She unties it and lead it behind the Inn to the barn. She puts it into a big stall and then gets a stool to stand on. She unsaddles it and takes off the bridle carefully hanging the tack on a saddle stand. Grooming tools are close by and she carefully currys and brushes the horse and picks out it's hooves. It's legs are caked with mud and it needs to be walked until it's dry and then fed. She does these things and then sits by while the horse has a hot mash and hay. It looks at her and seems to have a grateful expression in it's brown eyes I'm even more tired now, horse, but I couldn't just sit by and see you standing in the rain. I'm sure Cheesey means well but he needs to hire a groom to take care of you. Lots of fine gentlemen have squires and such to look after their horses and armour. I know I need to tell him where you are but maybe I'll wait a little so you get some rest. Maybe he'll stay the night and you can both get a good night's rest.
Sian heads back to the Inn with her shawl over her head to keep off the rain.