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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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'Ar-37 did his gig back on 04 June, but if you want to do Oklahoma that's fine, as long as you give the composer/lyricist their due. We also haven't had a soft-shoe or clog dance for quite awhile; nor even a recitation of Homer's Iliad in either its original Greek or in one of the more modern English translations,' says Grondy as he's thumbing through Allen's The First Year of Greek looking for something to say in Greek. Then someone reminded him this is an English language only website. 'Oh bother!' And so he gave it up as a bad cause, because even if he found something worthwhile, it was all Greek to him, and he'd have to find a Greek character set in order to share it.

Anyone need a refill?
"Did someone mention a refill?" says Halo as she finishes patching up the hole her last drink made in the bar. "I don't suppose you've any of that elvish vodka left have you? Or did I drink all that?" She pauses for a moment to take a closer look at the newcomer and to make a fuss of the horse, Hangover, which has escaped from the stables and come to be scraps from Grondy's customers. "Hullo there you, nice song you just sung. Never mind the vodka Grondy, could I possibly have the same as I had before and a cheese & pickle sandwich? Hmmm," Halo pauses to pull a glass coaster from her handbag "I'd better not forget this again, don't wanna burn another hole in the bar!"
Vee there was no profane language in that post,i would know i went to a public school!
Ice takes a sip of the rum and immediately feels a tingle throughout her entire body. Swiveling her wolf ears back and forth, Ice shakes a little bit and gasps, "Some strong stuff, there, eh' Stoney?"She shivers a little as the flaming sensation subsides as soon as it arose. Laughing from the hobbit's song, she chokes on some more of the rum, hacks up, amazingly, a hairball the flies over the bar and smacks into the wall, Hangover, who escaped a few posts ago, licks at it.

(Yuck! LOL!)

a short elf (who appears to be part hobbit) glides into the inn, glancing lazily around at everyone else in the tavern. the elf has long curly brown hair and big grayish-blue eyes. she's about the height of a dwarf. walking up to the bar, she sits down and calls for something to make the pounding in her head stop. "anything with caffeine or peanut butter would be great!"
Grondy, taking pity on the wee thing, takes down a fancy flute footed glass, cracks a raw egg into it, adds four drops of tobasco sauce, a pinch of salt, and a shot of some sickly green fluid from a dirty brown jug. He stirs it up into a horrible looking slimy concoction and sets the glass before her. "This doesn't count as a drink ," he whispers, "though when you be feeling better, best you just read the sign over the bar," and he pointed back to the first post where the rules are displayed.
A particularly invisible young hobbit strolls into the bar, singing a familar song

Lay Down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end

Sleep now
Dream-of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across a distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away.

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see?
On the horizon.
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises.
The ships have come
To carry you home.

And all will turn to silver glass.
A light on the water
All souls pass.

Hope fades
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don't say
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again.

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping.

What can you see?
On the horizon.
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises.
The ships have come
To carry you home.

And all will turn to silver glass.
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west.

(Howard Shore)(Sung by Annie Lennox)

Hey Grondy, how about a little Ent-Draught Grog for that strained voice of mine?
Stoney peers over the bar, "Sorry, no ent draughts left. Looks like we have plenty of fresh spring water though, don't suppose you would be wanting that."

"Bravo!" Owen says to the newcomer. "I do like that song but its a tad depressing my little friend. I prefer the livley ones! The ones that you can dance and sing to!" With that he burst into a loud a and off-key versoin of Oklahoma! from Oklahoma!.

where the wind comes sweepin down the plain!
And the wavin wheat can sure smell sweet
when the wind comes right behind the rain!
O-O-O-O-klahoma ev'ry night-

Sudennly he stops seeing how his song is tomenting the little elf because it is so loud and obnoxious. "Sorry 'bout that!" he apoligizes. "Oklahoma always does that to me!" He laughs loudly. "And no more spittin hairballs, Icy! You're gonna scare the customers away!"
Grondy slides a pot o 'Gimli's Finest' down the bar to Acheron in hopes that he would stop his caterwauling, "That's good enough for me, your geas has been lifted!" Elk Grinning Smilie

"And here's a tumbler of 'Ivy Brook Sweetwater' for Frodo_baggins. If ya wants that with a stick in it, I'll have to get one out of the freezer."
"O wow. Thanks Master Grondy! This soup will go great with me drink!" He takes a long and contented whiff of it. "Ahhh. I think I do enjoy this tavern more than the others. After all, it has great service and amusing entertainment!" He chuckles to himself. "Here's to the Master Grondy!" He raises his tiny arm as high as he can. "May his drinks be never-endin' and may his customers be merry!"
"Here here!!!" said Etharion who was unable to remember how he gott here all of a sudden." And may he always find a lucky meatball in his pasta."
Thanks guys, we here at Gimli's Joint aim to please. Happy Elf Smilie

Anyone need a refill? And I've just finished a batch of 'Barbecued Orc-Knuckles' ’ if anyone is interested. They're Hot 'N Spicy, 'N Fingar Lickin' Good!
"Ill have some !!" said Etharion licking his fingers already...
'Hey Etharion, we have a washroom in back, if you want to wash up before your meal. It's much more hygienic than using your tongue. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
ar-37 strides in from the stables were he has been visiting Hangover and grabs a beer mug, expertly barslid by Grondy the Great."theres a big storm brewin outside,it'd make a fine night for a few made-up tales ridiculous or serious!" (sorry yall but i cant come up with anything outside the size of a small novel)

"Well, we'd all love to hear a story!" said the weirdo dwarf in the corner. "How about this? Once upon a time they all lived happily ever after till the end of their days. How about that? Pretty good, huh? I'd like to see anyone else do better!"
Amari’ had been sitting quietly but now she wipes a tear from her eyes. "Oh that was a beautiful story, my good dwarf. It had everything a story needs, even a beginning and an end!"
"Hmm," Ice, who had not spoken up recently, said, "how 'bout this, 'The boy and girl were born, they grew up, fell in love, and they each died horribly!' Ha!" Ice smiled at her own joke. She raised her mug of, of, well, it had been so long she had forgotten what was in there, and jumped up on the bar.
"Three cheers for the Greatish Grondy!" On cheer number three, she tripped over the edge of her cloak, in the middle of a rather off-balance twirl, and fell backwards off the bar. She landed on the other side at Grondy's feet, totally, and utterly incoherant.

Andrea bursts open the door and yells, "Didja miss me?! Grondy can you get me a..." she stops when she sees Grondy half lifting, half dragging the poor Ice who was now slurring out "Ho! Ho! Ho! Ter da bottle I goes, ta heal me 'art an' drown me wh-wh-whoa...." and promptly passes out.
"Heres a story for ya! There was a muffin..n den i ate it!" and he fell of his stool unconsius.
"Well, looks like that's it, Last call for drinks! Last Call! Because we're closing for the night, so these fine folks can sleep in peace."
The next morning Grondy threw out the drunks, stacked the chairs on the tables, hosed out the place and spread a new layer of rushes on the floor. After washing the crockery and polishing the bar, he put on a pot of stew to simmer and got the place ready for the nights clientele. When all was spiffy, he drew a pint, lit his pipe, and settled back in his chair waiting for the first customers of the evening.
As Etharion spent the whole morning pressed on the front glass, he could be more happy than when Grondy fliped the Open sign. It was a bit chilly outside so he rushed in quickley. "G'day master dwarf. If youll be so kind and give me one of favourite drinks, please."
Amari’ comes down from her room, nice and rested. She greets Etharion, orders a glass of dragon milk and wonders when the stew will ready.
Grondy brings a steaming mug of mulled wine over to Etharion saying, "This should warm you up. I hope you like cinnamin." "

"Here's your dragon milk Amari’, I hope it hasn't gone off; it has been a while since Danielle Dragon's Milk Wagon passed through the village. And the stew should be ready in about an hour; meanwhile, would you like a game of darts, quoits, or 'Pin the Tale on the Storyteller'?
My bonny lies over the ocean
my bonny lies over the sea
my bonny lies over the ocean
please bring back my bonny to me!

everyone stares up at ar-37's room door and wonders who was making that bagpipe accompying his singing.they are shocked when he comes out of the room playing a bagpipe and singing Freebird

some eccentric hobbit shouts "Oi!How can he sing and play the pipes at the same time!and hes playin Skynrd too!
"Thanks Grondy. Uuu bagpipes!!! I love them!" he snatches one and says comon Ar-edain, lets play one together! Got a favourite one?" he says happily.
"Oi!How can he sing and play the pipes at the same time!and hes playin Skynrd too!
"Anyone can see 'tis as clear as that wart on your chin you great grey turtle. 'E's got that thar blowin' up thingy jammed up 'is left nostril, he has. Give us a rouser, mate!"
"Ugg.. yes this milk is a bit old, it is getting smooth and healthy and the toxic lumps are almost gone. It is hard to get good dragon milk nowadays. Give me one of Gimlis finest instead, mr Grondy. Come now ar-37 and Etharion! Play us a tune, I feel like dancing! Clog dancing! Not many people know this, but clog dancing goes with any kind of music."
Aye, if the music be too fast fer yer feet ya can just skip e'ery third, or fifth beat, as long as yer consistant, noone'll ken the diference. Elk Grinning Smilie

And here's a wee draught of Gimli's finest fer the lady a wearin' the wooden brogues.
Suddenly Halo drops down from the ceiling, where she has spent the night asleep, curled around one of the light fittings. "GNNNNYYYAAAAHHHHAAAAHHAAAAAAAA!" She cackles, wildly, "TEH WEASELS! TEH WEASELS WILL DESTROY YOU ALLLLLL! GNYA! INCLUDING YOU!" She points and accusing finger at a nearby bar stool, before jumping the bar and hiding up on one of the shelves. Despite trying for hours, nobody can get her to come down. Threats don't work, nor does bribery or brute force.
Grondy spends some time with pots of paint and a board on which he makes a sign. When he's finished with it, he attaches it below Halo's current residence. Then he rigs a spotlight directed at the shelf which iluminates both Halo and the sign.

The sign reads in large green letters: 'GIMLI'S ZOO’Please DO NOT Feed the Animals.' Below this is written in smaller black letters, 'Rare specimen of the Fallen Angel Wing from the area surrounding the Sea of Nurnen.'

Grondy sets a mug of high-grade toxic waste on the bar below the shelf; and smiling, waits for the fumes to reach the zoo's only inhabitant.
Icefangs knocks on the door of the tavern, and cautiously walks back inside, from her bed outside under a windowsill. "Oy, Grondy, would ya 'appen to 'ave anythin' for a skull-splittin' migraine?" She looks startled as she sits at the bar, as she didn't think she used to sound like that... perhaps she hit her head too hard on the hitching post outside when Grondy literally tossed all the drunkards out, that he could reach, from the night before.

But sadly, the drunk Loni did not notice the difference. "Yeah, we got somethin'!" she said, and picked up a chair. She crashed it over Ice's head. "Got one now? Can't see why you would want one, but you asked for one. How's that animal goin', Grond?

And what happend to my Guinness?
"I drank it. Let's have another round, Grondy. I'm buying."
Ice falls to the floor, unconscious yet again, but this time because of the massive blow to her head from a large chair.

"OYY!" Etharion picks the unconsius Ice up and lies her down in one corner so she can rest."Watch out with those chairs. You could have made her angry. Good thing you only knocked her out!"
ITs a rare sighting of THE dwarf..Wary Smilie ..GIMLI!!!! :O...oh my!!!! Wink Smilie

howdy how... Angel Smilie Big Laugh Smilie Tigger Smilie
"Hiya Boss and friend. Long time no see!

As you can see I have tried to keep the place going and the newcomers abiding by your rules posted on the sign there," says Grondy pointing to the sign over the bar in the first thread. "Here's your Guinness, Gimli. What's your pleasure Ms. S.O'Hope?"

And he proceeds to pour another round for all the clientele, except for Ms. Halo, who has yet to touch her toxic waste. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
Except that the drunk dwarf, weaving around the room, (who had managed to dodge Grondy's efforts to throw all the drunks out) picked up the toxic waste and downed it. She immediately sprouted three extra arms and another head. "mmmmm....... tasty..." she said. The other head disagreed, saying: "No! It was yuk," seeing as it was th head that drank the waste in the first place. But the second head said "Look! I'm younger than you and have my wits about me. It was yum." And so her arms started punching her heads until one of them disappeared as well as the three arms (Hey, you never know what toxic waste could do to you in strange khazad-dumish inn, do you?). the dwarf smiled, and said: "Whatever that was, it was fun! I'll have another, please, Grondy!"
seems to be a bit scitzophrenic? (dwarves are very poor spellers)

Now then Grondy my friend. You are doing a fine job!!!! Please keep up the good work/. I know i dont show up here very often.. and the pay is down right horrid, but you do pour a mean Guinness if i do say so myself!

*downs his third pint*

now then.. I thought I head a tigger bouncing around here.....
*is still unconscious in the corner where Etharion laid her down her*

Naw, that was no Tigger Smilie; that was Ms. Halo bouncing off the walls and ceiling. Jumping Flame Smilie
seems to be a bit scitzophrenic? (dwarves are very poor spellers)

"Speak for yourself!" said the drunken dwarf, her fingernails exploding from the toxic waste. "It's s-c-h-i-z-o-p-h-r-e-n-i-c. And I'm not." BOOM!!! went another fingernail, and promptly grew back. "It's that yummy waste. You ought to try some. 'Tis proper dwarvish stuff."
Unforunatly, the drunken dwarf had staggered over the bar and was now standing directly under Grondy's new zoo. A few horrified spectators watched in horror as Halo skittered down the wall, spiderman style, and dropped a weasel down the dwarfs chainmail.
She then glomped Gimli, stole a few gulps of his drink and teleported back to her hidey hole above the bar, leaving behind a small cloud of pink and sparkley, poppy scented smoke.
Then a large pile of pumpkins appeared over in the corner, blocking the exit and smothering a few drunks, who were buried. Regulars to the inn recognised this as one of Halo's yearly hints; that it was time to decorate the inn for Halloween. They also noticed that she was, as usual, very early.
Ice slowly opened her eyes. She blinked a few times, and sat up. Shaking her head, she stood up and stumbled back toward the bar. "I would very much like to not be knocked out again, Loni," she says, sitting down. "How bout some, ooh, ooh, I know! How about some Elvish wine for me, Grondy?"

"Here have mine." he says to Ice. "You were out pretty long! I was almost worried. A bit less booze for you tonight, ok?" he smiles.
"But you asked to have a splitting headache!!!!" protested Loni, getting a little more sober. "Hey, I'm getting sober! Gizza beer, Grondy? Being sober's no fun."
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