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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Mmmm...i look around to see what the others are doing.Quiet crowd you got here master dwarf!!!
"Hey look! A new customer!!!" Gildor shouted. "Now you need to sing a song, and Grondmaster, have you forgotten about my plain snowcone?"
Here's your snowball on a cone, Gildor inglorion.

As I remember, Etharion paid his initial dues with a foreshortened story about three porcine entrepreneurs and their merge into big business. The middle of the story was left out, but that is the part of sausage making we don't much want to know about anyway. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

(Grondy edited this to correctly indicate the gender of Etharion.)
Im a guy elf. And yes you dont want to know the middle of the story...
I want a shnozberry snowcone. ( Willy wonka is awesome!) And zebra crossing is nowhere as dangerous as a small hoard of smurfs in your sock drawr. Bewair!
Well im kind of sleepy so i think ill just rest over here for a while. And hurry up with the snow cause its starting to melt.
One shnozberry snowcone coming up! However, as shnozberries aren't in season right now C.C., would shnozjuice be an acceptable substitute. According to the bottle in was removed from the left nostril of a mumified Egyptian what went by the name of Princess Polywatamyna. Or we have some nice gooseberry flavoring that being chartreuse would go with your complection after you heard the origin of shnozjuice. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
Good and green, eh? How about raspberry? Got any of that for me Grondy?
Yes we have some rasp-berry, but I think you will find it doesn't go down quite as smooth as our special rassleberry; though it is smoother than our wireberry.

Anyway here is your raspbeery snowcone C.C. Would you like sone Balrog Wings with that?
OOh! Yess please! Thanks a ton Grondy! Dunce Smilie .... By the way, do your pink oliphants fly? My buddy Pepsi-Cola has been repeatedly attacked by flying pink blobs of some sort....
Why, now that you ask: Yes, pink elephants have been known to fly; however, those pink blobs don't come from them. The reason they are pink, the elephants, not the blobs, is because they filter out the red, orange, and white pigments from their food and thus their droppings or plops are not pink. What you are seeing probably comes from the giant midges that filter out blue, green and brown. I assume the pink blobs don't taste like chicken either. Elk Grinning Smilie
I'll relay your message to Pepsi, Grondy, but he swore they were flying pink oliphaunts. He will not be pleased with this. By the by, this snowkone is very interesting. Is this one of your hairs?
"I think ill have another one." Etharion "slays" another icecone in recordly short time. "These are relly good! We should sell them."
"No C.C., we retain the right to refuse service to anyone, thus we don't allow rabbits, connies, hairs (sp?), or other members of the lupine family to frequent this joint.

And Etharion , you bag and tag'em and we'll sell them as long as there is a market and there remains room in our freezer for them."
"No C.C., we retain the right to refuse service to anyone, thus we don't allow rabbits, connies, hairs (sp?), or other members of the lupine family to frequent this joint.

"Rabbits, Coneys, hares, AND YOU FORGOT PIKAS!!!!!!!! WHAT ABOUT PIKAS??? They are the only member you LEFT OUT !!!!!! AND THEY'RE NOT PART OF THE LAPINE FAMILY, THEY'RE PART OF THE LAGOMORPH FAMILY!!!! For that I deserve a free beer." said the Dwarf in the corner who had been so quiet for such a long time.
One beer (root) coming up for Loni. Yes she was right , my name for the rabbit family was a load of hraka.
"La la la..." an elf girl sat at the bar, laughing at the discussion between them all. "I want a snowcone, too," she said, raising her voice so as to be heard over the other patrons of the bar.

the door of the inn flies open and in comes a man all ragged and bearded. he goes towards the innkeeper and says in a dry sleepy brawl "hey Grondy, wassup. a mighty inn u have here and full of cool people. i wud like to have an anytypeofberry snowcone and a tall tankard of top quality Grondy ale. here my bottle of beer went dry and i havent had a drink for half an hour. *starts sloberring on the counter* Btw me name's Ayan and i am from the dry and dull land o' Kuwait (way east of Harad).* he squints at the crowd and shouts* hey Ethy! u here too. good to seeya mate. * looks at an elven maiden sitting nearby* and u must be the great roleplayer Icefangs, Howdy! i heard u go findin some treasure in them misty mountains. ya guess what, your adventure book sells for 5 Dinars in me country. though thats a tad expensive still i bought it. hats off to your....*thinks hard* ... erm .... grammer !! "
"Of course. Ayan!!! How are you tonight? Ah ill get it for you Icey."the elf took a strawberry icecone and gave it to Ice. "Hers some ice for you Ice. Strawberry flavour. And what flavour are you?"
Icey takes the snowcone and grins. "Strawberry! My favorite!" She eats her snowcone, while turning its color at hearing Ayan compliment her. "Thanks Ethy,"she says.
so newcomers have to sing a song huh?well heres one

to the bottle i go
to heal my heart and drown my woe
rain may fall and wind may blow
and there still be
many miles to go
but under a tall tree i will lie and let the clouds go sailing by.

(so this were my fellow treasure hunters are; hey ethy,icey,ayan)
now more ale!a tall man yelled from the back.
Grondy what di ye have on offer tanight im quite peckish and need sumthing to quell the beast within....and gives us a quite a few pints while yer at it.
'Good show Ar-edain37, heres some of Gimli's Best for you', says Grondy as he slides a tankard down the bar. 'And Darous, here's a tankard for you.'

He continues, 'On the menu this evening we have some dragon cuttlets braised in a red wine sauce, served on a bed of wild rice, with a tossed green salad on the side. I think there is still a dish or three of that Warg and Dumplin Stew, if you've still a taste for it. After all these weeks of simmering in the pot, it has become quite tender, though it is rather gamy for those with a delicate palate.'

'And Ayan, ya gots to play the tune afore ya gets the first drink', he says pointing to The Sign over the bar' Deal Smilie

'Hey Icefangs, "La la la..." doen't count as your initiation song here at Gimli's Khazad-dumish Inn, unless you do a dance along with it. So soon as you finish that snowcone, please get with the program.
"Oh, okay, I had no idea. Well, hear it is:

A song to sing
something I must do
If ever I want to
share a drink with you!
Wine and beer, and lots of ale toooooooo!
I have to go
before I am as drunk as you!!!!"

As she finished she grabbed the nearest person's frothy mug, whispering, "Can I borrow this?" She downed the half mug in one gulp and said, "How's that for a song? I'm not real sure of the tune, it's just really whatever you want it to be. Oh, and give this-" she pointed to the person whose ale she had just stolen, "wonderfully giving person some ale, on me!" She smiled, thoroughly enjoying herself.

hey Grondy, here is me song. i hope ya like it.

Beer, beer lovely beer;
Drink all u want;
But can't do away with her;
Drink when it's frothy;
It makes u all groggy;
It makes a man crazy;
And they think he is lazy;
He cries like a whale;
For tankards of ale;
And that's the magic;
Of Grondy's ale.

heheh now u had better give me that fabled tankard of Grondy's ale
(btw that was the first poem i ever wrote. did ya guys like it ??)
pure brilliance ayan.Now how about some of dat warg stew?and instead of ale might i have a drop of whiskey?or how about a nice tankard of that beer in the barrel labeled "untouchable ale"and the other dish you mentioned that i cant remember what it was.
Three tankards of Gimli's Best coming up for Ayan, Icefangs, and she who helped wet Icefang's whistle.

And Ar-edain, here's one of Untouchable Ale’remember man, it comes with the following caveat: WARNING: Do not let this fine Untouchable Ale ’ touch your lips, toss it to the back of your throat and swallow quickly; do not exhale while it is in your mouth. Failure to comply with this warning could result in blistered lips.

Also here's a plate of the Warg and dumpling stew Ar-edain, if you're still hollow after you wrap yourself around it, let me know and I'll fix you a plater o them cutlets.

thanks for the compliment Ar-Edain ! and thanks for the beer Grondy ! * Ayan says smacking his lips * hey , i have heard that this inn is the only inn in the west which is well stocked with Mumak meat. so i would like to have some delicious Mumak chops, if u have them Grondy.and the payment ....* searches his pocket * ... here is a tiny bit of Mithril ,my friend. A friend of mine called Mormegil gave me a little of the precious metal. * Ayan winks at Icey ,sitting closeby *
Icey grins in returns, while drinking her beer. "Thanks Grondy! This drink is wonderful! Could ya tell me what's in it?"
Yes Ayan, there's still a few o them Mumak chops in the freezer, and if you'll help me move about ten, forty pound blocks of ice to get to them, that will be pay enough. Happy Elf Smilie

I can't tell you the secret ingredients in that beer Ice-fangs, as it's a secret kept even from me; I can say however, that I do know it contains rice, but that's all I know about it. After all, its Gimli's inherited secret recipe, handed down through the generations of his illustrious family.
Halo grins rather manicly, causeing one reather drunk elf to flee the building, screaming something about Orcs. "In otherwords, your don't want to know what he puts in the booze!"

Ya sure Grondy , i am more than ready to give u a helping hand. and who cares what Grondy puts in his beer as long as it tastes good and keeps us tight, right Grondy ? Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie
(oh great its halo,i thought youd left us,now ill never get your resident lunatic title!)

this warg stews a little salty grondy,not bad though.untouchable ale,not bad!so do you only serve beer or can a respectable dunedain get a shot (or ten)of whiskey?heres what i owe you so far,i got it from my friend stratkare(glances at ayan ethy,i think he posts here, and icey)(and grondy is this inn placed in the barrow downs?)
Why helloooo Ar-edain!!! How are you tonight? Isnt the food great? I was just going to have some Nazgul hamburgers. Care to join?
and grondy is this inn placed in the barrow downs?
No, I don't think so, *Grondy looks around* Nope, don't see any barrow so Gimli must have started it some place else. I only fill in for Gimli when he's away, once in a while I'll put on my white sequined jump suit and do Elvis impressions’that's almost as scary as Ms. Halo doing her juggling act with daggers. Juggling Smilie Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

No offense meant to either of you, " Ice begins, "but both of those things seem rather frightening. But I should say that I would like to see your Elvis impression Grondy!" She drinks some more of the delicious beer, then grins at her friends (questmates) around the bar. Standing up, she yells, "Does anyone here care for a good, well-rounded game a darts?" To emphasize her statement she twirls a little, letting her cloak flow back, showing her belt of throwing daggers. "So, who here cares to challenge the great Icefangs?" she yells, playfully.
"Well i for one would challenge you" Etharion looked at Icey as she moved her cloak aside. But he wasnt looking at the daggers Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
ill beat both yall while eating this burger,i had a throwin knife a few weeks back,until it bent flattened and then dissapeared,but i was VERY good,ar-37 turns aside his targe on his back and draws a well balanced unadorned Scottish dirk,my throwing weapon of close weapon being an Irish hand-and-a-half sword.(a targe is a shield and a dirk is a dagger)and grondy wheres that whiskey i ordered 10 posts ago?icey begins the competition and hands a dagger to etharion whos still not looking at the daggers.of course icey wins the competition because etharion lacks throwing experience and never bothered to find the specific balance point on the dagger and only nicked the trinket being used as a target and i waste my turn by sending the dirk flying near grondys hand because he ignored my request for whiskey again so we restart the competition(and yes i really am good at knife throwing,ask orcplumber)now some whiskey?
"Ahh, i dont have the nerves for this." with a wave of his hand the target was blasted into smitherines. " Ups, didnt mean to do that. Ill put another one up for you. Great shooting Icey!!" and soon another target was up and waiting.
"Hokay, here's some fire water, for those of you who want something with a little more kick than our 3 percent beer," says Grondy, as he sets out a bottle with a well aged label, a pitcher of water, a bottle of seltzer, a bucket of ice chips, and a few chipped, twelve ounce highball glasses on a tray. Pour your own, but mind the glasses 'cause that's all we got left after that big brough-ha-ha we had in here last week."

"Hopefully Gimli will bring some new glassware when he returns from the big city of the menfolks down to the south, the one with the dry riverbed and lots of smog," he adds. "He's working down there making visual representations of places and people on paper, using optics and chemicals. I even hear they got some new fangled process doing the same thing with zeros and ones; though, why anyone would want to do that, I've no idea."
not bad this firewater grondy(throws dirk into center of target)but of course i prefer to not use glasses(chugs entire bottle after tying icey in the contest, both with perfect throws,and becomes fairly drunk)look the sign is poka-dot now!
Ayan smiles at Ar-edain and Ice. " come on, throw some more of them knives i will just watch. i suck at knife throwing and i am hopeless with a sword (looks at Ar-ed and Ice). me hands are aching after all that ice moving. now for some well deserved mumak chops. hey Grond, i did see the southern city of men where Gimli works. it is called Silicon Valley and it is close to Osgilliath. there i see people sitting before these boxes made of some strange metal and something they call 'Plaastick' its weird, to tell u the truth.u must see them boxes !! i have seen a man kill 10 tiny people roaming around inside one of them boxes. that man said it was a game though how can kiiling men count as a 'game' , it beats me. ya and the game was called ... let me think.... something like 'Kawunter Strraeek' . some name dont u think ?
(of course i lose the next 11 knife throwing contests do too drunkness)

i see barrow wights lots and lots of barrow wights,there being attacked by starfish!(that was hysterical ayan)
Grondy looks at all his customers, takes a look out the window where the storm has turned rank. He goes out to the kennel and locks it tight so no one can get it. Then after locking all the bottles in the liquor cabinet, says, "You folks have had enough to drink and as I'm resposible for your well being until you are sober, you must not get acess to the Great Dane, for I can't send a knight out on a dog like this."

forget the storm, i really like this inn , its mighty cool !!

( and Ar-ed thats what is called imagination gone wild !! btw thanx for the compl )
Ice grins at Grondy and flicks another dagger into the center of the target. "I am not yet drunk, though, getting rather close!" To emphasize her point, she trips back onto her stool at the bar.
ar-37 stares at the tables wich are forming out of barrow-wight form and in to laughing goblins with exagerated British accents yells Death to the orcs! and slashes the long sodeburn of an elf with a handandahalf sword and his hit with a dagger pommel by icey and falls flat on the ground uncouncies and wakes with a bad headache,which being hit had added to greatly,in five hours to a rendition of "over the misty mountains cold"by some dwarves standing on the bar.

Now , now Icey and Ar-ed u must cool it ! this is an inn , not a battleground and friends dont fight like that.and what is up with everyone else ?? no on seems to speak. * Ayan finds everyone in the inn sitting quietly. even Grondy was busy cleaning a mug in silence. * come on fellas speak up , with everyone shut up like mummies , this place feels like a tomb. * then Ayan looks around to see a response *
Ice smiles and said, "I was stopping him from hurting, or trying to hurt, one of our friends, or any of the bars patrons. But, yeah, you're right about the silence." Ice jumps up onto the bar, and unsurprisingly, for now, she is drunk, she hits her head on the ceiling and is knocked out cold. She wakes up in a daze, with a sore head and stumbles back to her barstool.

hey Ice i think we r the only people hanging around in this inn. c'mon ppl where are u !!
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