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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Encore ! Encore !! zat was bgilliant (brilliant) Monsiuer Piotre. quick Grondy give this rare talent a drink , he deserves.

BTW welcome to PT Piotr. i am Ayan but many know me by the name of Mormegil.Enjoy :-D
welcome to pt piotr im the "strange one" my self appointed title i just gave myself because halo black is the resident lunatic crystle caves is the crazy one and i am not sure of my insanity or sanity some say im crazy some say im not so lets just call me very strange confused and random?(all that except the welcome to pt part goes to everyone not just piotr who has a wonderful singing voice)
I thank you and a repeat was asked..forgive english not so well. Biut I will give.
Piotr returns to stage. Here is complete song. It is called Harvesting.

Bright as gold the corn was glow-ing,
From the South a warm wind blow-ing,
In the sun all day, went I mow-ing

All day long since dawn was breaking,
Till the evening starts were waking,
Bent my back, weary limbs were aching

From the sun my hood did shade me,
Weary yet the long day made me,
In the dusk, worn out, down I laid me

By my side a reaper set him,
'Mid the corn I oft had met him.
Begged a kiss, stole one, and I let him.

why so long is she delaying?
I can hear my mother saying,
Work is over, where then is she straying?

If she ask, when work was ended,
Why so lat my way I wended,
Home at last, least said, soonest mended.
Yo Piotr! Well done me lad; here's a tankard of Gimli's finest for your effort. Cool Elf Smilie
Well i have a story.

One day a man was walking and he kept walking and walking and was never seen by the squirrel standing in the middle of the road ever again!

says ar-37 as he pays grondy and walks out the door giving the troll an offending gesture.
'Now how the heck did Ar-37's hat get bashed down aroung his neck,' Grondy wonders.

WARNING: Do not middle finger in the aface of Trolls! Unlike Wizards, they won't turn you into a newt or toad; they will merely pound you into a bloody pulp. Orc Grinning Smilie
I wasnt wearing a hat grondy hardly ever do i dont like the way they lock all the heat trying to escape my head inside,ar-37 yells in a window trying to mount a horse before the troll catches up to him.(seriously though,i dont wear hats often,even though you probably dont care)
My mistake then and sorry to have been a bother. Still, let this be a lesson to all: Don't mess with Trolls, as the have a habit of taking umbrage no matter what we do. They are slow-wittedand are quick to pound one into a pulp and only later ask questions about our intent.
"Well, if Ar's "the strange one" can I be "The random one"?" She asks, then bursts out laughing as Ar-37 is pounded by the troll, and cannot, for whatever reason escape. "Hey Grondy, does troll know when its gone too far? Ya know, I mean, will it kill someone?" Ice sips her ale, after applauding Piotr's song.

"Ya shoulda heard mine," she says to him.

Yeah, after he pounds you to a pulp, he'll scoops up the remains, and runs them through our Recontitute Machine (patent pending). We can't guarantee your feet will point in the right direction nor that you'll be able to play the violin, guitar, or flute, and it may take a while for your voice to drop back into the tenor-baritone range. Still, all in all you should be as good as new within a fortnight or two. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

Ayan runs to save his dear friend Ar from gettin killed by a troll. he grabs the troll's arm and tries to yank him off. in the process he is pulled off about 2 feet above the ground. he shouts expletives in hindi but the troll is unaware of his shouts : Kutte, Kamine mughe niche uttar varna tera khoon pi jaaoonga woh bhi bina straw ke (translated frm hindi : u dog, u a*s get me down or else i will drink ur blood that too without a straw) but he gets beaten up like hell and he is thankful for the Reconstitute Machine
however i managed to escape and am now enjoying a pint of gimlis best and laughing at the new ayan body that cant open its eyes,of course i tried to save him but it was just as well i used a stick and not my hand.and i am way more random than you icefangs(not that your not very random because you are)but my randomness is much more strange than anyones so go ahead (BE THE RANDOM ONE)
Grondy gathers up Ayan's body parts that have been flung here and there, and after ascertaining that nothing is missing, except the considerable amount of bodily fluids that are now gracing the house's bouncer-troll, he cleans the Reconstitute Machine (to ensure nothing extra is added) and runs Ayan's remains through it. Out pops Ayan as good as new, though a little dehydrated.

"Here's three pints of our regular House Brew," says Grondy. "After you get that down, I'll pull you a tankard of Gimli's best, if you've still a thirst."

Grondy makes a sign reading:
And after first asking permission, tacks it to the Troll's chest using pitons and a short length of climbing rope.
We cannot rile the bouncer, but can we harass the bartender? Wink Smilie
hey cc,welcome back(you were gone right?)

i can destroy the bartender if he dont quit puttin up signs and not pourin more beer,weres my tankard of gimlis best?bring me my beer!
Harassing the bartender isn't hazardous to your health, so go ahead, if you don't mind funny substances in your beer. Elk Grinning Smilie

"Another round on Ar-edain37, Coming Up!"
Icefangs sits at the bar, with her head down, resting it on her crossed arms. Upon closer inspection, it is discovered that she is asleep.

The door opens quietly and a elf maiden enters with two thick chains over her shoulder. She grunts something to the troll who burps in reply, obviously they have met before. She walks over to the bar. Grondy tries to hid when he sees her, but too late. "I am Amarie the owner of 'Rent-A-Monster', it seems we haven't recieved any payment for neither the little red dragon OR for the ugly old troll..."

The little red dragon has been napping in the fireplace, but hurries over at the sound of her voice. She puts on a thick glove and rubs his neck and throws him a dried hand-of-orc ’ snack. She leaves one for the napping wolf-maiden to find when she wakes up. "Nice puppy."

"I am waiting mr Dwarf. I can sit her for ever you know.. This place looks different from when last I was here, when did you get a wooden floor? I seem to recall it was mud and earth."
"Errr well the maid quit ages ago and... well... then the flood..."

The elf frowns then notices the "all visitors must sing" sign. She wiggles her eyebrows. "I know a song mister Dwarf." She steps on to the bar and starts singing.

"I've come to collect my money
and I'll tell you something funny
an elf can wait and wait for eternityyyy

And as the debt just keeps on growin'
the years on me are barly showin'
The more you wait the richer I will beeee"

The tune is catchy and she sings it again but this time she adds a little dance too. The few guests that are awake seems to enjoy it and joins in when she sings the last part for the third time.

"And as the debt just keeps on growin'
the years on me are barly showin'
The more you wait the richer I will beeee"

She bows for her audience and sits down on her seat again, grinning. "I love that song." Then she sees the jar of 'Orc Knuckles ’' and her eyes widens "I didn't know they still made those! Can I have one?"
A crack is heard, and out of the closet comes the elf mage again. "Ahh, nice to see everything is back to normal." He sits next to Ice and seeing the cookie there, eats it. "Mmmm. Nice." he then pokes Ice gently."Morning my dear." he snigers."Are you alive? Rough night, eh.I think the Troll is sick or something." he points at the now horizontal troll. "Have you been feeding it properly?"
"Aw Shucks Ms. Amarie, been meanin ta ask if Gimli was keeping up on his payments," says Grondy looking at his shoes. "Well if he hain't, then I guess I'll have to pay it out of petty cash, unless you'd like to take it out in trade? No, didn't figure you would. By the way, just how much is you owed? May have to nip down to the vault, as I see there's only a couple galleons and about a hundred sickles left in the till. That there HP Con, that past through here this morning, took all our Gondorian coins; and the paper money ain't worth the paper it was printed on. Make me out a bill and I'll see what I can do.

Oh, and nice song and dance, and here's a tankard of Gimli's Finest for your effort," he concluded with a grin.

"Oh that HP Con... Nothing but trouble." says Amari’.. "Oh well, the dragon looks happy and Ugg the troll is having a nap it seems. And ahh Gimlies finest is fine indeed. And the guests are pretty interesting." She raises her glass as a greeting to Etharion and Icey. She then scribbles down a bill with nice curvy culy letters and slides over to Grondy. "I think I'll just stick around. You can pay me back by giving me a room if you have one and keep the Orc Knuckles comming."
Ice lifts her head, and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand. She shakes her head slightly to clear the fuzz that was clouding her brain, and waves to Amarie, "Hi," she says. "Grondy, you woudln't have something nice and strong behind the bar would ya? I need something to wake me up," Icefangs asks the bartender. She then turns toward Etharion, and jokingly punches his arm for his sarcasm earlier. She laughs at him when he looks surprised.

(how are you managing to catch up to me in posts icey?)

The tall man at the back table occupies himself by running a three card monty game against a pack of Uruks who dont know when to give up.finally the Uruks get very angry and draw their scimitars and some have ar-37 puts up the cards and draws his hand and-a-half sword and shield staring them down menacingly he walks them outside by stepping forward slowly towards the door and waits for the charge.he takes the head off one and runs the blade through anothers gut while his good friends icey and ethy join in with their staff and sword and they quickly dispatch the fell creatures.

ar-37 glares at the rent-a-monster debt collector.
"I used to have a job like that until some bum named Rocky Balboa took my catchphrase/threat."
"Pay up or im gonna break your thumbs!"

so ar-37 throws a pouch three card monty winnings to grondy who counts it smiling and hands it to amarie,who also counts it and finds its enough.

then ar-37 throws another slighly smaller pouch to grondy and says "that should cover me and my two friend's,nods toward icey and ethy,account so far and for the next couple of months,drinks included,"handing another smaller pouch to grondy ar-37 says "thats for a room for the next three months"grondy excepts gladly and points to a door leading up a staircase to an un railed walkway and the farthest room from were grondy was.
Halo grins at the money bag Grondy is holding. "Hmmm, if I was you I'd hide that before he finds out that he has to sing for is drink and board. Not that many people seem to be doing that these days." Draining her glass (to the chant of "down in one" from many of the other customers), she wanders over to the stage. How she is still standing is a mystery, because she has already drained a whole keg of best Orcish rum and half a keg of super strong dwavish ale. It is believed by many of the more frequent customers that she is IMMUNE TO THE AFFECTS OF ALCOHOL! The others just think she's kinda nuts.
Suddenly s shrouded in a puff of flamingo pink sparkly smoke and when it clears her clothes have changed from her usual grubby part-time-bar-wench gear to a rather slinky red dress, then she starts to sing:
"Here we are again
The jangle of my ankle chain is the only sound I can hear
When I'm here with you
Words collide into a single breath,
You're on my mind, every day and every night,
Irresistable you are,
Oh you are
Hey Mister, you got the lines for an interactive future,
Right on!
Your strong feet were sent to carry me,
How about you marry me?
Words collide into a single breath,
You're on my mind, every day and every night,
Irresistable U are,
Oh you are. "

After taking a bow she looks around only to see that everyones staring with their mouths hanging open. "What? What is it?" Got The Blues Smilie silence. nobody says a thing. "Oh for the love of Beowulf's gym socks!" So Angry Smilie Halo curses and stomps of the stage for another drink, as she reaches the bar all of the bar stools turn into sheep.
"Whups, sorry Grondy!"
"Shucks, we used to be able to stack the barstools at the end of the night so we could sluice out the place, but now to do that we'll have to hire a wrangler or a shephard, plus a sanitation engineer to cleanup after them. Perhaps, Ms Halo, you could please just change them back again. And here's your mug of dry-iced toxic waste what should curl your toes, if not your upper lip." And with that he slid a steaming beaker of foul smilling sludge down the bar towards the fair haired beauty’well afterall, it is in the eyes of the beholder. Elk Grinning Smilie
"Debt collector!" Amari’ snorts. "I am a self-employed business woman and uuuuaaaahhh!" The previous barstool, now big woolly sheep, suddenly decided that it wanted to get away from the hungry eyes of the little red dragon. Amari’ gets of a little less elegantly than she had hoped, but she didn't spill any of her Gimlis Finest. Leaning on the bar she looks around. There were sheep all over the place and all the drunks who had fallen asleep on the table had fallen to the floor with the other drunks when the sheep started moving.

The troll had picked on up a handfull of sheeps and was gently (well as gently as a troll can be that is..) rubbing them against his face. "Sooooft!" he grunted while he wacked Ar-edain with his club again, mostly for the fun of it.

"I must say I liked them better as bar stools." Amari’ laughs. "But I haven't seen anything like this since the day Lady Arwen was cooking dinner and used the wrong kind of mushrooms in the stew!"
ar-37 is only nicked by the club and slowly gets up off the ground and calls to his horse Hangover. mounts the horse grabbing his spear he had left outside in the keeping of the dwarf weaponsmaster he charges the troll sticking the spear through the trolls neck he speeds off toward the south on Hangover.
The troll screams. "Me got boo-boo! BOO-BOOOOOOO!" Amari’ sighes and goes out to her waggon and fetches a troll bandaid, huuuge with drawings of clubs and rocks on. "You big baby" she says as he bends down so she can put it on. "It was only a little spear, didn't even hit you in the eye!" The troll is now happy again and looks around for the sheeps he dropped.

Amari’ wonders where Ar-edain went, and sees him far away riding straight into a tree. "Oooh, let that be a lesson, don't drink and ride!" Ugg the troll goes over and picks up the dizzy Ar-edain and brings him back to the Inn. Grondy has found some more bar stools from the storage room. Amari’ pulls out one for Ar-edain. "I don't know where your Hangover went, but come and drink with me and I am sure it will come back soon."
I don't get one. Oh Grondy!! Are there still snow cones? Or has all the snow melted by now? Who has my fried flying pink oliphant?
"I think your fried flying pink oliphant up and flew out the door. And yup, there is still a small pile of snow in the freezer, what flavor you want?" Then Grondy throws a barstool at C.C. who deftly catches it and sits her shapely posterior upon it, while deciding whether to have 'Triple Berry' (rassle, goose, and lingon), 'Double Chocolate' (also known as 'Black and White' and 'Harlequin'), or 'Very Merry Vanilla' which is very rich with just a hint of cinnamon.
luckily for ar-37 he is very hardheaded nad was not seriously injured by the he whistles and Hangover rides back so ar-37 remounts the horse,flushes the taverns entire supply of pipeweed,including all the back-up stashes,grabs his spear,runs it through the trolls other foot and rides away unscathed(despite having to dodge a club swing from the troll and that tree he suspects to be a blackhearted Ent)out of the taverns site.and amarie finds later that he had placed a chemical in her beer which caused her face to turn cyan and swell up.AND NO ONE EVER MANAGES TO THINK OF A WAY TO GET EVEN WITH HIM,AND HIS ONLY INJURIES ARE CAUSED BY BATTLE WOUNDS AND SENSIBLE MISTAKES!
Amari’ sighs as Grondy hands her the antidote list, she orders the Bloat and Blue special with a twist of lime and a small umbrella and is soon back to her old self again. "Now there was a man who's been hit in the head one to many times... Are you sure that Recontitute Machine (patent pending) isn't to blame for this odd behaviour of his, Grondy? Hmm?" she said suspiciously.
"i never went through the reconstitute machine!"ar-37 yells from a very great distance."that was ayan that went through it,im just naturally an odd person!But,i have managed to avoid death or serious injury other pt members have been typing to happen!" (which is a subconscious sign that yall want to kill me)
"The mere thought," growled Grondy, "hadn't even begun to speculate," he continued, settling himself back, "about the merest possibility of crossing my mind." *

* Thanks to Douglas Adams for that wonderfull wording from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I have alsways wanted to use it, and this occasision was just ripe for it. Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
The elf-wolf sits on the bar watches the whole display, barrely able to contain her laughter. She's sitting on the bar because her sheep refused to let a wolf sit on it, and because she growled at it, didn't help much. When Etharion starts chasing his sheep around the room, it was also afraid of Ice, she busts out laughing, pitches headfirst off the bar, and rolls on the floor with tears in her eyes. Suddenly, the slight pain from clanging her head on the floor reaches her brain. She stops laughing, jumps up, a little too fast, and sways back and forth. She stumbles back to the bar, sits down, and says, "Eh, Grondy, you wouldn't happen to 'ave to aspirin back there, would ya?"

"No, it hasn't been discovered yet," Grondy stated, "though we do have this concoction of Gimli's that he takes for morning after blues. However, I should warn you," he quickly added, "that one of its ingredients is wolfsbane, so you probably want to steer clear of it. How about a raw egg in vinigar with a pinch of sulphur and molasses?"
Halo sits daintily at the bar to drink her suspiciously bubbleing drink. Well, she sits as daintily as possible, its hard to look dainty when your sitting on a sheep. She looks arounds at the little bit of chaos caused by the sheep and the trol with its bandaid, then takes a swig outta her pint.
"Mmmm, yummy! Uranium flavoured, my favourite." she takes another look at the sheep. "Do I have to turn them all back? The troll likes 'em and look! Their soaking up all the beer slops spilt on the floor! Anyways, I could always curse up some new bar stools!" Halo leans across the bar and tries a trick that always works with her mother "Pleeease can we keep 'em?! I'LL FEED 'EM AND WALK 'EM AND BATH 'EM AND EVERYTHING! And I promise I won't let happen to them what happened to that gerbil I had!"
This kinda scares a few customers as, although Halo is definatly Uruk-Haish in origin, they didn't realise she could be CUTE! They also didn't know she had a gerbil and most definatly did not want to know what happened to it. This terrifing revelation sends a few drunks running screaming from the pub.
Stonehelm comes into the inn for the first time in many a moon.

"Goblin rum," he says at the bar as he eyes Halo's weird drink. "What were those mad drunks screaming about? Something about gerbils was it?" Stonehelm smacks his lips. "Ate one of those critters once, quite nice roasted over an open fire."
Grondy recounted, "Back when she was a wee bairn, my daughter put a gerbil in her purse and then later, forgetting it was there, sat upon it. Didn't hurt the purse any, but the poor gerbil was a total loss, and my daughter was heartbroken.

Here's your Goblin rum Stonehelm, anyone need a refill?"
"Sat on a gerbil, eh?" Stonehelm says as he downs his drink. "'Shouldn't put small animals in your purse."

"I say, Halo, your drink has eaten right through your cup and down into the bar."
Yup, Halo's the one who asks for that particular drink in the pewter tankard 'cause she likes the taste it creates, also she don't like those namby-pamby drinks that don't have a little bite to 'em. Also I keep forgetting to give her a glass coaster to protect the bar.
"Yeah, I suppose I should stay away from wolfsbane, huh?" Ice says. "Well, my headaches going away anyway," she rests her hands on the bar and yelps, in a slightly wolfish way, as her bare left hand comes into contact with Halo's acidic stuff. She shakes her hand a little and scoots a ways away from the dissolving bar counter. "Hi Stonehelm. My name is Icefangs, but everyone usually calls me Ice," she says.

"Ah, yes, hail and well met, Icy. You look a bit tipsy, but allow me to buy you a drink. Ever tried Goblin Rum?? It's quite nice."

"Another round, my good bartender."
( I don't know much about this particular RPG so bear with me if I say or do somethig stupid. And if I do end up doing something completely stupid please please help me out! Thank you! Ha Ha Ha Smilie )
"Hullo hullo!" when no one hears or see's him he starts jumping up and down. "Down here you dolts! I'm a hobbit!" He starts tapping his foot. "Where are the big stools to sit on? I do hate bein' looked down upon!" Upon fiding some of the higher stools the little hobbit climbs clusimly up on it. After several tries he finally makes it up. " Well bartender....I understand there's some sort of rule 'bout singin before you can get yer drink? My name's Owen by the way. Owen Mallow."
Seeing the acidic stuff that Icefangs just put her hand on he says in his light Scottish accent " I'll take just about anything other than that stuff that'll burn a hole right trough my intestines. I prefer things that keep yer intestines intact y'know?"
"One round for Stoney and the Ice Lady? comin' up." In an aside he whiispers, "Gimli says I can't call any customers by the b-word even if it fits, on account that it lessens the cultural ambiance he is trying to instill in this dump, er ... establishment." Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

"Here you go folks," and he slides a brace of 'Goblin Rum' mugs down the bar to where Stonehelm and Icefang are now sitting,

Grondy noticing the antics of the new face climbing up to the bar says as he's wiping out a tankard, "Yep young feller, just as the sign says, you got to sing a song and if you happen to have a humorous one today, all the better. Oh, and pardon my manners, Master Owen, my names Grondmaster, but everone ariound here calls me Grondy. I be a fillin' in for Gimli_axe_wielder, while he's away shooting Orcs, photographs, or maybe it was just the Bull, Cow Sleeping Smilie I can't remember anymore. This here is his place and he made that rule.

Are you by any chance one of the Marish Mallows, whose great-grand-pappy lived on the edge of the Marish Marsh? The one who invented those fluffy white ball of sweetnes that we hobbits like to roast over the open fire?" Elf Winking Smilie
all conversations were immediately interupted as ar-37 rides through the inn on his horse Hangover and watches amarie mailing her creatures to their new location,even though the troll had been replaced with an even larger one wearing a monicle and speaking with a greatly exaggerated British accent "i say old chap,your horse is going to have to go to the stables for your stay or i will be hitting you with my club, maybe it would nock some sense into you!"
Ar-37 takes an immediate liking to the new troll and sends Hangover to the stables.he eyes the hobbit quizically and suuggests he sing "home is behind"

(Edited by Vee - one naughty word removed)
"Well thank you Master Grondy for the information! It's so hard to find honest chaps like yerself nowadays!" Smiling the hobbit adds "And yes I happen to be part of the Marish-Mallow family. The same one that invented the little sugary puff balls you speak of. Mighty tasty if I do say so myself!" He thinks for a moment on what song he ought to sing when Ar-37 mentions "Home is Behind."
"Hmmm.....I think I know what yer talkin about Ar-37. Seems like an awfully depressing song to sing in a tavern like this though! Do any of you know this song?" He suddenly burts into a loud and animated version of " Maxwell's Silver Hammer"

Joan was quizzical,
studied pataphysical,
science in the home.
Late night's all alone with a test tube
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine,
calls her on the phone.
"can I take you out to the pictures?
But as she's getting ready to go,
a knock comes on the door.
Bang bang!
Maxwell's Silver Hammer came down on her head!
Clang clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead!

Back in school again,
Maxwell plays the fool again,
teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid and unplesant sce-e-e-ne
She tells Max to stay when the class is gone away
so he waits behind.
Writing 50 times
I must not be so-oh-oh-oh.
But when she turns her back on the boy
he creeps up from behind.......
Bang bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down on her head!
Clang clang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

PC-31 says we caught a dirty one.
Maxwell stands alone,
painting testamonial pictures.
Rose and Valerie screaming frome the gallery,
say he must go free.
The judge does not agree,
and he tells them so-oh-oh-oh?
But as the words are leaving his lips
a noise comes from behind.....
Bang bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down on his head!
Clang clang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that he was dead!
(The Beatles)

With every bang bang! the hobbit slammed his little fist on the table. "So how about that Master Grondy? Good enough to deserve a drink?"

(Edited by Vee - attribution added)
"Though 'twas a tad bit violent Acheron, it passes muster," said Grondy still shaking from the hammer blows. "Here's a tankard of 'Gimli's Finest' for your effort."
ar-37 claps and shouts loudly!wonderful song master Holbytla,ar-37 bangs his much larger fist on the table and yells BANG!BANG!
"Why thank you Ar-37 for the enthusiasm. And sorry for that tad bit of violence Master Grondy. It was that or you could have heard my rendition of Octupuses' Garden(also by the Beatles). Which doesn't have any violence but it's a bit odd if you understand what I mean. Thanks for the drink though!" He takes a big glug. "Ah! Sure is a fine thing to be back in a tavern! I was beginning to miss all the racket!" He chuckles and then takes another swing from his tankard. "So now what are you going to sing Ar-37? What kinda songs do you know? I would suggest a song from Broadway but I'm afraid that I'm the only one who knows the lyrics! Anyone know Oklahoma!?"
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