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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Everyone turns around as Halo breaks out of the celler and slams the trap-door behind her. "Ahh! When I catch the dirty son-of-a-bagel who locked me in there I'll kill him!" Halo glances at her friends and looks around "A bit quiet isn't it? WHERE IS EVERYONE?"
The trap-door (which Halo is now sitting on) starts to rattle as something trys to get out and a voice can be heard from down the celler "Theres someone on the celler door, someone with a fresh soul...."
Halo blinks "Smeg. Gimli, I think you've got a zombie infestation down there...either that or I've been watching Evil Dead 2 too much..."
After suddenly dissapearing into thin air, Halo returns a couple of hours later. Charging though the entrance and nearly knocking the doors of their hinges in the prosess.
Gimli scratches head.. hmmm.. OH RIGHT...

Yay!!! free drinks - i'll have one of those.
Congrats Halo_Black! Pary Smilie In Love Smilie Wiggle Smilie Happy Elf Smilie
wakes up with a huge hangover.

Wow that dwarven ale has a kick, it feels like I've been asleep for months.
[Half asleep in a corner]

Tell me about it... I have. Alcoholic Smilie Fast Asleep Smilie

*aside* No really. Tongue Smilie Waking up with a huge hangover is not one of my habits. But for the roleplay let's say it is. *end aside*

Tommie shouts: "Congrats Halo", thereby infusing her own headache, and heartily accepts the free pint. "I say Gimli, has your beer improved, or is it just me being drunk? I don't suppose old Gandie has anything to do with it has he?" Animated Wink Smilie
Grondy lifts his free pint to Halo and asks. "Hey Miss Halo, this new soul mate of yours, did the cellar zombie finally catch you or did you manage to snare a live one with all your feminine charms and orkish guile?" Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

"Well it sure ain't the cellar zombie...he over there." Halo points to the cellar zombie who's currently in a corner trying to eat somebody. "Acctualy it waas more ablong the lines of my orkish guile and that pit he walked into...okay, so he asked me out *blushes* and on valentines day too! Nifty!"
"I'm Back!!" Faramir said after a long absence "I was away in Ilithian but I thought I would come back for a visit (anyone feel free to visit anytime back at the house)"
*A little red-headed lady hobbit walks through the door and quietly walks over to a table by herself in the far corner, hoping no one noticed her*
A young elven girl walks through the door. She is wearing a greenish gown of Mithril, given to her by her husband's parents. The gift of her mother rests upon her finger, a ring with a jewel of clear tint. Her Lothlorien bow, quiver, and two smaller elven blades are strapped to her back. A sword called Norcissan is strapped to her waist. She smiles at the sight of the merry making and sits at the only available table...
Oh, am i supposed to sing now? I am a first time visitor and i heard i am supposed to sing. But what should i sing?

Loriene stands from her seat and begins to sing a song she heard as a child...

There is an inn, a merry old inn
beneath an old grey hill,
And there they brew a beer so brown
That the Man in the Moon himsel came down
one night to drink his.

The ostler had a tipsy cat
that plays a five-stringed fiddle;
And up and down he runs his bow
Now squeaking high, now purring low
now sawing in the middle.

The landlord keeps a little dog
that is mighty fond of jokes;
When there's good cheer among the guests,
He cocks an ear at all the jests
and laughs until he chokes.

And O! the rows of silver dishes
and the store of silver spoons!
For Sunday there's a special pair,
And these they polish up with care
on Saturday afternoons.

The Man in the Moon was drinking deep,
and the cat began to waik;
A dish and a spoon on the table danced,
The cow in the garden madly pranced
and the little dog chased his tail.

The Man in the Moon took another mug,
then rolled beneath his chair;
and there he dozed and dreamed of ale,
Till in the sky the stars were pale,
and dawn was in the air.

Then the ostler said to his tipsy cat
"The white horses of the Moon,
They neigh and champ their silver bits;
But their master's been and drowned his wits,
and the Sun'll be rising soon!"

So the cat on his fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,
a jig that would wake the dead:
He squeaked and sawedand quickened the tune,
While the landlord shook the Man in th Moon:
"It's after three," he said

They rolled the Man slowly up the hill
and bundled him into the Moon,
While his horses galloped up in rear,
And the cow came capering like a deer,
and a dish ran up with the spoon.

Now quicker the fiddle went deedle-dum-diddle;
and the dog began to roar,
The cow and horses stood on their heads;
The guests all bounded from their beds
and danced upon the floor.

With a ping and a pong the fiddle-strings broke!
the cow jumped over the Moon,
and the little dog laughed to see such fun,
And the dish went off at a run
with the silver Sunday spoon.

The Moon rolled behind a hill
as the sun raised up her head.
She hardly believed her fiery eyes;
For though it was day, to her surprise
they all went back to bed!

Loriene breathed heavily and sat back down....

That's it!! No more songs for me!!!
Well done well done indeed!

and welcome to the other new customers.. yes.. it is customary for first time visitors to sing a song.. sorta clears the uneasyness out of the way.. we have all made fools of our selves in here..... especially that grondie. Wink Smilie
The young elven girl sat and thought to herself. She was well over the nervousness of singing to the crowd. She orderes herself a drink and began to watch the other visitors, amused.
Soon she stood and anounced that she had started her very first RPG game and invited everyone to play. It's in Planet-Tolkien RPG games or something like that. We are playing around the 4th chapter of ROTK. Just before the battle of the Pellennor Fields. We have the 5 required good people, all we need is 5 bad people. For those of you who wish to play, just check it out. Uh, hmm...oh yeah! If you would rather just start play, send a postBody to me here. Thanx
er... send a postBody to her privately, not in the middle of my role play..
suddenly there is a thud outside and a smallish thing comes flying through the window hits the celler zombie, rebounds and ends up in Halo's ale. later it is discovered, after a few more sipps, it is infact a dwarf under the name(well he wouldnt be over it) of UM-GER KNEENIBBLER! "you are all doomed! Glub Glub gurgle" Very Evil Smilie

Halo does a double take when the celler zombie discovers Um-Ger while he's pinching her pint Orc Going Huh Smilie "Gimli, can I have another ale? My boyfriends doing the backstroke in this one...and his beard apears to have absorbed most of it!" She looks back at Um-Ger "As for you, outta that ale beardy! Or I'll flush you down the privy!!!" Very Big Grin Smilie
Of course darling, another ale, on the house....

er.. boyfriend hmmmm.. then I assume you have explained to him my policy at this establishment about all first time visitors.... Wink Smilie

hmmm It will be nice to have another dwarf around the place for a change...

anyone up for axe throwing? we can use that wall above Tom...

Psttt.. Tom... you might want to duck... not sure how this lot will do after a few pints in them.. Wink Smilie
*ducks* Orc Going Huh Smilie

A little red-headed lady hobbit walks through the door and quietly walks over to a table by herself in the far corner, hoping no one noticed her*

Helloooo! Someone did. Animated Wink Smilie Are you lot blind?

Tommie goes to welcome the "new" little visitor and offers her a drink. "Gimli! Two large ales over here, without little dwarves in 'em if you could be so kind!" Big Smile Smilie
two drinks coming up! on the house! Wink Smilie enjoy and welcome! Smile Smilie see.. thats why Tom is here.. resident welcomer.. Big Smile Smilie:
You'll be going out of business soon Gimli, what with all these free drinks you're giving away. Alcoholic Smilie
na.. This inn will never go out of business.. not with all you loyal customers.....
"Not the shoes Mad Smilie Mad Smilie Mad Smilie Mad Smilie its my only pair." He then notices Tom is standing and removes the stool.
"We'll see whoes laughing now" smirked Dar
Tom went to sit down but no chair so down to the ground went Tom.
"Gimli more toes"
Aul’ enters the inn, takes a good look around and fetches the innkeeper Gimli....."Gimli why have you been giving out free drinks in MY inn? Do not anger a Vala or you will be sorry....Now go and fetch old dwarf-god Aul’ a pint of malt beer......and some red meat! NOW GIMLI!!!!!"
T'was three days later that the old dwarf-god Aul’ came to himself. Looking down through his bleary eyes, he noticed the sign hanging around his neck. It read:
* Welcome to The Khazad-dumish Inn. *

- Please, come right in, sing a song, tell a joke. -
- Do what ever you wish. -

* There is just one requirement here: *
* All first time visitors MUST sing a song! *

- Occupational opportunities are available. -

- Gimli_axe_wielder, owner and head karaoke singer -

* The Khazad-dumish Inn *
Aul’ decided the better policy would be, never to bait a Dwarven inn-keeper in his own establishment. He came to that conclusion because he couldn't remember actually drinking any of that malt beer or if that axe shaped lump on the back of his skull occurred when he fell off a stool, or maybe sometime nearer to his initial 'loud-mouthed' order. (Won't these minor deities ever learn that they are only suffered at the convenience of their believers.) Shocked Elf Smilie

Maybe he should just comply with the requirements before politely asking for another drink. After all "Honey draws more flies than vinegar!" Cool Elf Smilie


Tommie's laughing herself silly with the sight of Aule in a corner. Wondering where Andrea's got to meanwhile, she wonders off to the bar again. "You know what, I think I'm gonna have sth to eat. Gimli, you have some of those delicious Balrog Wings left?"
Gimli tells Aule to put a sock in it!

and.. SING!

ah Tommy! indeed i do.. and orc toes too if they meet your fancy!

how bout some for you to grondy? how do you two want them.. hot? ...

Please be careful not to drip any on the floor.. I have to fix more holes that way....
Thanks Gimli, but I'll have to pass on the Balrog wings. Half-an-hour after I've eaten them I find I'm still hungry, because they are so hot that burned their way right out of my system.

Some pickled Orc Eyes might go down smoothly though. Still some people have a hard time keeping them down and I might be one of those as well.

Draw me another pint please, and how about a nice peaner bucker-'n-strombelly jamb samwich and some of them English/Belgium/French/Freedom Chips/Fries on the side. Some silly people just can't settle on a good name and stick with it for anytime; always messing things up in the name of progress, marketing, or something. I just don't know why they can't make their mind up ...
since we're on an english board we'll go with chips.. besides, I'm anti french at the moment Big Laugh Smilie

*slides a brew down the bar to Grondy*

hmm orc eyes.. I think I have some of those..
*digs around in the back room*

ah here we are.. pickled orc eyes... I feel like I'm being watched....
Everyone is getting creative all of a sudden! That was wonderful, both of you. I'm not that creative, so I'll go on with my stammering. Big Smile Smilie

*makes a hole in the bottom of Dar's tankard*
*the ale is now in his shoes* Very Big Grin Smilie

Axe throwing??? I'm in!! *gets her axes out* Where's that nut Aule? Tongue Smilie

Gimli, some ale and wings for the newbies please. Must set them at ease before they figure out how crazy we really are. Tongue Smilie

"Hey Grondy, shall we start a song? Cos it's getting a bit quiet again. How 'bout you start, and I follow suite?" Orc Grinning Smilie
Darous staggers in
Do I smell Balrog wings!!!!!!!
At your service! would you like some ranch dipping sauce for them?
Tommie guards her precious Balrog wings from Darous. "They're mine, I tell you, MINE!"

Hhhhot! Gimli, dear, pull us another pint! And yes I'd like some of those Orc eyes too.

[Edited on 14/4/2003 by TomBombadillo]
Well Gimli could you get us a pint instead and do you know of this stuff called moonshine. And Have you any urak hai toes they are truly crunchy.
*gimli slides another pint down towards Tommie, along with a bowl of orc eyes*

moonshine... what do you think this place is.. I only serve the best Dwarven Ale in this establishment sir!

*gets out a plate of extra crunchy urak hai toes..*
Thank you my friend. after a hard days slaying all you need is some crispy toes.
I say these Orc eyes are really good!
*steals a crunchy toe from Darous*
And the toes are even better! Orc Grinning Smilie

*runs off to the loo*
God those Balrog wings were really spicy. Animated Wink Smilie

[Edited on 20/4/2003 by TomBombadillo]
The door opens and in comes a she-elf with long blonde hair and blue eyes. The first thing she does is banging her head in the ceiling. The second thing she does is banging her head in the lamp. The third thing she does is banging her toe in a chair. After all that banging and all the people in the Inn staring she decides to sing a song to lighten up the air a bit. So she steps on the little stage and stumbles over all the cords, falling over and smashing her nose in the floor. Then she stands up and takes the mic but accidently drops it on the same toe she banged in the chair. She bends over to grab the mic and as she stands up she bangs her head in the ceiling again.
She then introduces herself as Airecristiel and starts to sing:

Bravely bold sir Robin rode forth from Camelot
He was not at all afraid, oh brave sir Robin
he was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
brave, brave, brave, brave sir Robin

He was not the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken
to have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave sir Robin

His head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his nostrils raped and his body burnt off and his p*n*s..

Airecristiel is really surprised when the owner interrupts her song by saying:

"That's... that's enough music for now lass..."
"Hey Tom" shouted Dar
"Well one good turn deserves another...uhmmmmmmmmmmm Balrog wings."
The drool slowly runs down his chin..."Yum Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum."
Dar tucks into the bowl of wings.
"More Ale my good friend...and a whole round for the bar. I am in good spirits on this night.
Tommie hisses at Darous: "My wingssss... They stole them from usss... They did, my precious..." I told you to stay away from my Balrog wings. *empties her glass of ale down Darous' neck* Slide another down, please Gimli. Orc Grinning Smilie

*turns around*
*says "hi" to Aire*
*turns back and starts a philosophical discussion with Grondy:"Muttermuttermuttermuttermuttermuttermutter

And no, I'm not German and calling for me mom.
Hello , I'm Undale as you can see. well.... I would like to sing an folk song i made up of the shire! well here goes nothing.... Smoke Smilie

have you seen my pipe today, I think its on the run,
My cousins are coming on the way to share a spot of rum,
aunts and Uncles, and sister too are walking up the hill so HA! Ha! what a wonderful day for God is Guarding the Shiiiire!
"Gimli, a mug o your best for young Undale here; his rhyme isn't up to snuff, but I rather enjoyed the catchy little tune he put it to." Orc With Thumbs Up Smilie

"Where you been keeping yourself lad; we haven't seen hide-nor-hair of you since mid-Solmath (February)?" Happy Elf Smilie
As Tom poured the ale down Darous held a tankard behind his back and the ale ran into his tankard.
"He hehe" laughed Dar as he drank the ale.
Gimli comes back from a nice long nap under the bar...

er.. sorry bout that all.. Big Smile Smilie Wonderful song Undale! Aire...uh.. that song was um.. er... lovely too...

*slides a few pints of his best ale down the bar..*
Here ya go Lads and Lasses. Give me a minute and Ill be right back with a new plate of orc toes and eyes... oh. and can't forget the Balrog Wings. They seem to be quite popular.

Does anyone need a refill on my famous ranch dipping sauce?

*gimli makes his way over to the axe throwing wall..*

Any one up for a game of axe tossing?
I'm game Gimli, except this time someone else has to be the target! Some of you people are coming too close for comfort. I nominate A’le for the job. Do I hear a second? Orc Grinning Smilie
Riding slowly into town and all worn out
A wanderer came, a battle scared warrior scout
So hungry in much pain, so thirsty all dry
When suddenly she smelt ale and shepherds pie
The Inn ahead looks all modern and friendly
The folk entering are tall and dressed quite trendy
Colourful tunics and stockings, hats with flare
Well 2 are, most are dull and covered with hair
The sign, its name posted alongside the door
Etched in wood and only 2 feet up from the floor
Khazad-dumish welcomes, this is a licensed house
Beware as you enter though, duck or grouse
The brewery, the infamous Newton and Ridley
Also welcomes you to drink until you get postThreadIDdley
She ties up her steed and strolls right on in
Passes the elf who is drinking tonic and Gin
Over yonder stands a master called Grond
Cuddling a buxom barmaid, of him she is fond
Darous the crafty, with a glass he is so quick
Catches the ale Tom spills down his back with a trick
All applause Undale's song, his words do inspire
Something about Rum and his cousins from the Shire
Airecristiel follows with a brave ode to Sir Robin
But the Inn folk don't like it and all start sobbing
Aul’ demands malt beer and plenty of red meat
And cowers poor Gimli, right down to his feet
Peredhil gives warning, free drink loses money
To close the Inn permantly just wouldn't be funny
Zombie Halo has a dwarf Um-Ger in her beer
Orders another but beardless this time I hear
Upto the bar, Mithrilblade then takes a seat
Taking the pressure off her swollen sore feet
The buffet of orcs eyes and balrog wings isn't enough
To saucey and burn't well, the chewing is tough
Taking deep breath, she summons the dwarf man
I'll have a portion of chips with pie and a beer in a can
Some icecream, a coffee, a pipe of weed and a liqueur
Oh and a room for the night, one that is secure
A soft bed and a thick cover to ensure a goodnight
And I'll pay you tomorrow in cash, if that is all right Smile Smilie

*gimli bows before the lady..*

Hello ma'am. Haven't seen you here. Welcome to the Khazad-dumish Inn. I am Gimli, owner of this establishment. I see you have figured out the rest of this rifraf... Just keep and eye on that old fellow Grondy over there.. Tongue Smilie He's a real charmer with the ladies! Now then, let me go see what I can come up with for you.

*gimli goes into his kitchen to see what he can find for the ladies appetite.*

hmmm.... chips.. chips.... ah. yes. I knew I had some some where.. here they are. Smile Smilie hmm pie.. what kind of pie? I have blue berry and apple. Tongue Smilie unless of course she meant a meat pie. in that case. I have orc, balrog, and something called chicken.. though I'm not quite sure what that was. no one has ever ordered it before.

The pipe and weed will be no problem. I have some of the best from the shire brought in regularly.

now then.. this beer.. in a can. now that might be a problem... especially since I have no idea what a can is.... Hopefuly an tankard would be ok. Smile Smilie We Dwarves never concerned ourselves with the container as our brew never speds much time in it anyways.

*gimli made his was back out from the kitchen.*

Here you are m'lady. Your food. I hope it is to your liking. Just let me know when you are finished and I will show you to your room. I have set aside the softest bed and the warmest coverings for you. I believe we are going to have a new game of axe tossing as soon as our target.. er.. i mean.. our obstical shows up.... if you are interested.

I do have one rule here... all new patrons must sing. But as you have a knack for speaking in rhymes. I believe we can look past that rule this one time. Smile Smilie

Hail and well met.

as for payment. I will put it on a tab if that is ok with you. Smile Smilie I could use a little help with this place actually... think it over if you are interested let me know.

[Edited on 26/4/2003 by gimli_axe_wielder]
A somewhat windblown ranger-sort who needs another foot or so to look anyone in the eye stumbles in, picking the birch bark out of her hair, and makes a beeline for the hearth to warm up. Then she stops, noting the requirement of new patrons.

Blushing, she looks around frantically for a familiar face or two. "Vae! U-linnon! I can't sing. But, well, maybe I can recite something I wrote a while ago?"

Rather self-consciously, she begins to declaim:

[url=]A is for Arwen, who missed the last boat
[url=]B is for Boromir, who punctured his coat
[url=]C is for Celeborn, outclassed by his dame
[url=]D is for Denethor, slightly insane
E is for ’owyn, whose pop kicked the bucket
F is for Frodo, who can't seem to chuck it
G is for Gimli, whose beard needs a comb
H is for Haldir, who should've stayed home
I is for Isildur, for whom arrows itch
J is for jewelry it's better to ditch
K is for Khazad-dum, in need of remodelling
L is for Legolas, whom fangirls keep ogling
M is for Mithrandir, who had a big fall
N is for Nazg’l, who's not fond of dolls
O is for Oliphaunts, who pack a big trunk
P is for Pippin, who's got lots of spunk
Q is for Quenya that's no longer spoken
R is for Redhorn: the ski slope ain't open!
S is for Saruman, who likes to raise Wargs
T is for Thingol, who got gypped by Dwarves
U is for Uruk-hai in need of a shower
V is for Varda, celeb with star power
W is for Wormtongue, whose diet is icky
X is for bad fic or hat tricks and hickeys
Y is Yavanna, a tree-huggin' darlin'
Z is for Zirik-zigil. What's that in Sindarin?

[Edited on 4/26/03 by sepdet]
"Hey there everyone"... the elven lass enters the room, glancing round she sees some familiar faces..."it's been a long time since I last visited my favourite inn. I've been very busy in Lothlorien (elvish business of the greatest importance), anyway hows about a free ale for old friends Gimli ol' buddy of mine?"

Hey sepdet, that was really good... very creative!
Darous looks up from his drink..."Pick me for what???"
"If its to wear a a tutu and yellow wellies, no I only do that when I'm really drunk."
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