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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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K walked over to the bar with gimli. She smiled and sat down.

There all a little odd aren't they? I don't think I've ever been with an odder crowd. SO how are you my dear friend? I do not see you around much anymore.

K twirled a piece of hair with her fingurer as she waich the strange group.

(occ: sorry guys/gals I'm leaving tomorow morning for canada so I wont be on untill september 10th. See you all then. Love and be blessed. Lady K.)

Tom remembers the squirrel ought to be deaf (isn't he?).

Tom remembers that he isn't supposed to be in the inn anymore, so he enters again... Very Big Grin Smilie (oops)

"I was gonna mow the grass, before I got high
I was gonna get up, and go outside, but then I got high
Goldberry kicked my *ss and I know why yeah yeah
Because I got high, Because I got high, Because I got high"

(extract from my spoof LOTR Old Forest chapter, how does it look?)

Hey chaps! I found a new plant in my forest. Don't know what it is, but it smokes itself wonderfully. I think I'll call it pipe-weed. Smoke Smilie
The sideburn and sequend jumpsuit wearing Hobbit says, "Ah don' know much about those Limey songs, but was the tune of that one, borrowed from that old bunch of Liverpool bugs, what displaced me on all the charts?" I kinda liked that one.
Skwerl is only half deaf, one side still works.
Good tune Tommi, *does the Jay and Silent Bob head dancing thing*
ah. I almost forgot about the pipweed stash...errrrr the tabacco i have behind the counter....

ok.. who wants it.. aint no law against it i reckon! Perfectly legal.... but I wouldnt suggest too much... with a combination of ale.. one gets a mighty bad hangover... Smoke Smilie
Melliot Brandybuck Sandybanks tries to slip in quitely so, as not to be noticed. She is very shy and does not sing well, and well she just wants to get out of the cold rain. As she is trying to make her way to a table in the corner as unobtusively as possible, she slips and bumbs into a big (wide) dwarf. He does not look too happy about her not singing. He looks at her and says:
There is just one requirement here. All first time visitors MUST sing a song!
B-bb-but I don't, I -I-I can't sing." Mellie stammers. The dwarf tells her if she doesn't sing she has to leave. Mellie, thinks and manages to say "o-okay, may I have something warm to drink first, please? and maybe dry off a bit too?" Gimli takes pity on the little hobbit dripping on his floor and his... boots? Mellie, notices that the dwarf is not wearing any boots, he just has on red stockings, and one even has a hole in the toe. She looks at him a bit odd, "umm sir, if you don't mind me asking, where are your boots?"

[Edited on 4/9/2002 by MelliotSandybanks]
They are in the kitchen along with everyone elses boots... how do you think i get that wonderful flavor of malt beer?
*gimli claps for the poetic duo, then eagerly receives his bread*

here... a malt beer on the house!
Mellie sits back in the corner enjoying her steaming cup of herbal tea. She is finally getting warm, and beginning to dry off. She makes a mental note to stay away from the malt beer. The music in this place is pretty good, and she is beginning to relax. Finally. And then....?
In waltzed the unlikely duo the Perry-the-Winkle and the No-longer-lonely Troll with baskets of fresh bread, still hot from the oven, and a large crock of chilled butter. Animated Wink Smilie

Perry looks at Gimli to ascertain whether this would be sufficient bribe to get out from singing a song; only to see Gimli shake his head in the negative and points to the sign Deal Smilie

Therefore the duo confers between themselves, pull a couple boaters (straw hats) and canes from the bottom of one of the baskets and proceed the do a little soft-shoe number while antiphonally reciting their poem, which can be found written in The Green Dragon Tavern under Tolkien's Poetry, Serialized and dated 15 JUNE 2002. Cool Smilie

At the completion of of their performance they took a bow and started handing out the still hot loaves of bread and butter. (The loaves retained their heat due to a couple of large heated stones having also been added to the baskets before they left home.) Look Around Smilie
Tom runs off to the toilet to get rid of that malt beer flavour. Big Laugh Smilie

"I'd rather have a piece of bread, if you don't mind."

Tom suddenly remembers he has an Old Forest to keep watch over, so he disappears again. Only to return shortly of course. Big Smile Smilie
*gimli makes his way over to the wall near the bar to post a new sign*

*It reads:*

WANTED: Tom. for the crime of desecration of the Sacred Brew.

*It is well known that once one has recieved a glass of gimli's famous beer, it must not be wasted!*
Tom pops his head around the corner, reads the sign and runs like the clappers. Big Laugh Smilie
*gimli reaches over and takes the smoke out of the "ladies" hand....*

Those are bad for you. If your gonna do it, at least have the courtesy of going over by K when you do it....

and... where is my song?????

Gimli walks over to the wall and hangs a new sign:

*Tom is Forgiven... but K is here by banished from this establishment until she gets on stage and sings a KISS song.... WITH FACE PAINT!*

*Mumbling to himself about how that girl seems to have forgotten what it means to be a guest, gimli went and sat back down behind the bar...*
YOu dont have to sing my dear and if gimil bothers you about it I'll give him a bop over the head for it.

K sat down next to the hobbit as gimlie looked over and was about to ask for a song k glarred and gimli Putt him self behind the bar. At least now there was something between them. K smiled to the small girl and left back over to take the sign down about tom.

We dont be needed any of this now. ANd I dont wont to hear no lip. Our you'll get it and be hearen from me.

Takes the sign and throws it in the fire as she waiches it burn.
Suddenly the door swung open. A fantastically ugly and deformed old crone, wrapped in a luxurious sable cloak, wearing a fake nose and glasses and carrying a huge laundry basket wobbled in.

She made her way towards the bar, and with exagerrated difficulty managed to manoeuver herself onto one of Gimli's wooden bar stool.

"Oh, me poor feet," she croaked, and peered slyly at Gimli from beneath her cowl. "A drink for a poor old washerwoman, now that's a good lad" she wheezed.

Gimli stared at her. Although her face remained hidden, something about her seemed awfully familiar he thought, but he busied himself with pouring out a glass of rum for the old hag. "Here you go, old mother," he said kindly.

She sipped her drink. "Rum? Bleargh! " spluttered the old washerwoman. "It's horrible!"

"But that's what people in terrible washerwomen disguises drink!" said Gimli.

"Disguise? D*mn cheek, this is no disguise young man! I'll have you know that I'm a genuine washerwoman!" she scowled and fumbled arund in her laundry bag. To Gimli's relief, she produced an packet of cigarettes. "Give us a glass of white wine, then!" she said, and proceeded to light a cigarette.
"I thought you'd never ask!" beamed the old washerwoman. She skipped to the piano with surprising ease, flings off her cloak and prodded the half-deaf and asleep Squirrel awake.

Without waiting for him, she launched into her song.

"Oh, I'm just a gigolo,
Everywhere I go,
People know the part I'm playing.

Paid for every dance,
Selling each romance,
Oh, what they're saying.

There will come a day,
Youth will pass away,
Then, what will they say about me?

When the end comes I know
They'll say "Just a gigolo,"
As life goes on without me.

*screams out*
I ain't got nobody
nobody cares for me, nobody cares for me
I'm so sad and lonely
Won't some sweet mama come and rescue me
Cos I ain't so bad ....da da dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE MORE TIME! Big Smile Smilie Smoke Smilie Pary Smilie
Gimli buried his head in his hands.

"Oh no!!!" he wailed.

"Why, what's wrong, Gimli?" asked Allyssa. She walked to the bar and gave Gimli a reassuring pat on the back. "She's not too bad now, is she?"

"It's Ungoliant Gloomweaver, the Karaoke Monster!" sobbed Gimli. "I banned her from this tavern because no one else could get to sing! No wonder she was wearing a disguise! Now we'll never get her away from the megaphone!"

[Edited on 16/9/2002 by Ungoliant]
Pary Smilie Smoke Smilie Big Smile Smilie

........ I ain't got nobody
nobody cares for me, nobody cares for me
I'm so sad and lonely
Won't some sweet mama come and rescue me
Cos I ain't so bad ....da da dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! Come on people, one more time!

Smoke Smilie Smoke Smilie Pary Smilie
WooHoo! Dave Lee Roth covers!
*whips out a familiar looking red and white custom Kramer Barreta and does a little widdly-widdly guitar playing before launching into the intro to Shout it out Loud, so's that K can sing along when she gets her Paul Stanley makeup on*
Tom's glad to be welcome again, orders another pint to be sure to be forgiven.

Then he notices the singing! Woohoo! *shakes along*

I AIN'T GOT NOBODY! Tongue Smilie
Oh dear what have I started this time.......

hmmm.. that squirrel looks mighty strange in those platform/heel/boot/thingies!!! Lets hope no blood comes out of the mouth this time though... a belly full of malt beer and the site of blood do not mix well with most patrons......

*gimli runs on stage and steals the mic....*


Some body take it!
The hobbit wearing the sequined jumpsuit (now looking a little worse for wear--both the suit and its owner) decides he can't take any more of this music(?), and before he loses his cookies Exploding Head Smilie starts heading for the door. He was doing alright too. He got half way across the floor before some clown stepped on his fingers. Very Sad Smilie
K almost chokes as she starts coughing.

What?! KISS. Tongue Smilie I'm sorry I'd rather leave then sing Kiss with the face make up and every thing.

Grabbing a pint of the malt beer K walks over to gimli and throws it in his face turns on her heal and walks to the door.

What do you think I look like.

ANd with that k walked out the door slmming it behind her.
Mellie, in the corner, is very distraught that K left, but is very thankful that Golly is singing Kiss. She gets up and starts shaking to the music. I may not be able to sing, but by golly, I CAN dance. Gimli seems to like the way the shy little hobbit came out of her shell, when she was dancing. He tells her if she keeps it up, no song would be necessary. Mellie lets out a sigh of relief.
Starts singing:

Everybody! tudum Needs somebody!
Everybody! tudum Needs somebody to love
Someone to love
Someone to love
Sweetheart to miss
Sweetheart to miss
Sugar to kiss
Sugar to kiss
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you you you

Sometimes I feel, I feel a little sad inside
When my baby mistreats me
I never never never need a place to hide
I need you you you!


Star wanders into the madhouse of people singing very BAD Karaoke, and looks again to make sure she hasn't wandered into some cheap Japanese bar.

But no, there is her buddy Gimli propping up the bar. Heading over she orders a glass of Chardonnay and enquires as to what sort of Bar snack they have available.

Pulling a pair of heavy duty ear plugs out of her pocket she settles down for a quiet drink.
"Oh goodie, Tommy is here too!" said Ungoliant. "Lets have a singalong then." and produced an oddly shaped megaphone from her laundry basket.

"I dedicate this one to peace and light in the Kingdom or Arda!" she cried, and joined by Tommy, launched into her song.

"Have you ever dreamed of playing for
The biggest team there is on earth
Have you ever played at dreaming large
The time is now and you are the star

The ball is travelling in your direction
Give it all of your attention
Pick it up and pass it on
That's what's gonna make us strong

We will live for love united
We will give for love united
For moments like this
For all those we missed

Have you ever dreamed of flying high
Looking down from heaven with god's eyes
You know we could use some intervention
Children needing your protection
It's not enough to sing this song
Life the cup and it on

We will live for love united
Come together undivided
We will stand up
For all the people of the world

I play for love united
Juego para love united
Jag spelar f’r love united
Ne ngioka love united
Je joue pour love united

Eu jogo para love united
Je joue pour love united
Ich spiele fur love united
Anka joue pou love united
Anch'io, io gioco per love united
Eu jogo para love united
Se hanna a love united

We will live for love united
We will give for love united
For moments like this
For all those we missed

We will live for love united
Come together undivided
We will stand up
For all the people of the world.
The hobbit, now in the completely ruined jump suit, had finally made it to the door and just as he started to crawl through it, Keeper*of*the*stars slammed the door against his head as she departed. As the stars began to subside, he was finally able to get out the door and away from that horrible noise. He proceeded to dunk his head in the nearest horse-trough, and when he finished shaking the water out of his hair he discovered, much to his chagrin, that he had just wet-down a now very angry Keeper*of*the*stars, who had been sitting on the stoop feeling sorry for herself.

"Oh my Lady, I'm most terribly sorry," he said and tried to hand her a soggy handkerchief, which she distained to accept.
Inside, Tom is singing merrily along with Golly, glad to have found a companion. Though this song is completely new to her, nobody notices as long as Golly keeps on singing. One more time!!! Big Laugh Smilie

A purple and red sparkly cloud seeps in through an open window, within moments its turned from sparkly cloud to Orcish-type-thingie. Guess who's back?!
"Mwahahahaha! Ask me to sing and you'll get an ear-full of Enya! Mwahahahaha!"
A couple of drunken customers run from the room. Screaming. Halo grins "So...anybody miss me? And did I miss anything?"
*gimli decides it is wise to take a poll from the other patrons if they wish to hear enya... after many groans, gimli decides he can break the singing rule this once......*

So, tiggy my friend..

*hands her some pretzels*

what song will you be performing tonight?

*with that, gimli walks out of the bar to the front porch to console the two customers wollowing in their own self pity......*

Here, fresh brew's on the house. Now come in side.. AND FOR ERU SAKES LEARN SOME HUMOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

*gimli makes a break for the stage again as he enters the bar... He whispers to tiggy..*

I think its time these people heard my trade mark song.. dont you.... Wink Smilie
*gimli steps up to the microphone, leather jacket, and derby hat in hand......Star is close behind, ready to help gimli with the song...*

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big. She looks like,
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big.
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's wet, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

Baby got back!

I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hon
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the butt ain't go
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waste is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

Star decides if she must sing, she had better sing one of her own choice Tongue Smilie

She made her way back to the old town
And everything looked just the same
The shops and the schools and the factories were there
But somehow the faces had changed

So she went for a walk in the high street
Took her coat off and rolled up her sleeves
She thought of her father and his father before him
And how she was the first one to leave

Well she didn't come here for forgiveness
There isn't a lot they can say
'Cause I remember the reasons she first ran away


She's a rebel
Just a rebel
Got her back to the wall
Gonna fight 'til she falls
She's a rebel

Don't ever look back - don't surrender
The old men say they've seen it before
Oh they drink their beer and they talk about friends
Who didn't come back from the war

Don't say she's too young to remember
Don't tell her what's wrong or what's right
Just give her a chance to go out there and fight


She's a rebel
Just a rebel
All the battles are won
But she's still on the run
She's a rebel

When it comes time for leavin'
Don't stand in my way
There's nothin' left for me here
Gonna run, run away

In the morning she walks past the old house
In the rain under grey northern skies
There's a new coat of paint on the front garden gate
But there's more there than first meets the eye

For a moment she stands undecided
Looking back on the days of her youth
As two worlds collide in a moment of truth
She's a rebel
Sil sneaks into the bar, trying to go unnoticed. He does not have a very good singing voice. He slowly makes his way to a dark corner of the bar.

He hears a voice he recognizes. It can only be the sweet voice of a beautiful Star.

He looks around. No where could that Gimli be??!!

Allyssa, who has been watching all of the above with a smile, over a glass of sweet white wine, suddenly chokes and gaggs.

Silmarill is a guy? Shocked Smilie
However her exclaimation goes un noticed as a small head of wet curly hair peeps through the door. She surveys the scene.
"No, this is definitely the right place."
She walks up to the bar,
"I'll have a lemonade please" she looks up and sees the sign "I have to sing? Well it'll have to be

There is an inn, a merry old inn
beneath an old grey hill
And there they brew a beer so brown
That the man in the moon himself came down
one night to drink his fill

The ostler has a tipsy cat
that plays a five stringed fiddle
And up and down he runs his bow
Now squeaking high now purring low
Now sawing in the middle"

She looks around. Most people aren't listening a few are staring blankly.
"Well I'm not going to sing if no one is going to join in or at least listen!! Come on Mellie you must know it. It's a classic!!!"
there there allyssa

*gimli says as he wipes away the wine she just spit all over his face...*

Sil is definalty male.. though I have no idea why any woman would ever want him... I mean, look at him.. not a hair on that face! Big Laugh Smilie

*noticing a lovely song being sung, gimli turns his attention to the ladie Rosie on the stage...*

Bravo Bravo!!! Welcome to the Inn...

ok Sil, mic's all your's

what.. you didnt think i had forgotten did you!



What do I care, Sil is buying.... He told me. Tongue Smilie
Star orders a magnum of champagne...after all Sil is paying Tongue Smilie

oh Sil.!!!!...when do we hear your lovely voice Big Smile Smilie
Star sings her favourite song:

Woke up this morning with a funny feeling,
wasn't really sure what it was all about.
But it felt like I was disappearing,
so I ran to the mirror to check it out.
I said, "Here I am, here I am, here I am
...but why do I feel like the invisible man?"

I stumbled back into the bedroom,
and stared out at the rising sun.
Then I heard myself shout out the window,
not really talking to anyone.
I yelled, "Here I am, here I am, here I am
...but why do I feel like the invisible man?"

Lights went on, people started yelling,
"Will the crazy man go back to bed."
And there I was, laughing out my window,
feeling much better now, somebody heard what I said.

Well it's no big thing, no revelation,
no answer to these lives we lead.
But I think I do know one thing;
Sometimes I think we all need to say;
"Here I am, here I am, here I am,"
when life makes us feel like the invisible man.

Lights went on, people started yelling,
"Will the crazy man go back to bed."
And there I was, laughing out my window,
feeling much better now, somebody heard what I said.

Woke up this morning with a funny feeling,
wasn't really sure what it was all about.
But it felt like I was disappearing,
so I ran to the mirror to check it out.
I said, "Here I am, here I am, here I am
...but sometimes I feel like the invisible,
here I am, here I am, here I am
...but why do I feel like the invisible man

and consumes more champagne...

You have a dartboard anywhere hereabouts my dwarven host????
*Gimli walks up to the bar wall with a target and a nail and hammer....*

You wouldnt believe how long it took me to get a picture of Taz.........
The hobbit, now wearing a fresh suit of clothing, yells out. "Hey, Tazzy is one of the good guys. Why don't you use a picture of a Nazgul, Lobelia, Legolas, or Hugo Weaving even?"

(I know it was a meant as a joke; so is the last part of my question.) Very Big Grin Smilie
ha.. hey... what you sayin bout my friend lego!!! Mad Smilie

Big Laugh Smilie
The Skwerl in the corner points meaningfully at the heavy artillery that adorns his much battered Piano and says "Still want to sing Enya do you?" And proceeds to put a pic of the afore mentioned talentless tart on the dartboard.
ah! there ya go...

*gimli gets in line with his darts..*
*Hearing what was happening Rosie turns around*
Hey wait... can I throw the first one .... please Wink Smilie we get to supply our own pictures Big Smile Smilie

Tigger Smilie shuffles a pack of Sig pics...mmmmm Moderator Smilie

*gimli sets up the life size cut out of Anna Nicole Smith*

Now where did i put my axe???
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