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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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"that stranger is very queer lookin...dont ya think Grondy?" stated Dar as he grabbed a handful of peanuts...kinda da reminds me of my last wife..she was always suckin me dry of my money."
"I'd rather sit here unserved than singin', thank you." said the stranger.
"Besides i don't like cold blood. I like drinking from the vein" and threw a look at Grondy's neck.
"Nice!" he thought himself.
'Ennyn Durin Atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino. Jm Narvi hain echnant: Celebrimbor o Eregion teithant i thiw him. Translation please.'
'Well, then, we're leaving. Ramada Inn is just near by.'
It had begun to rain.
Then the door opened yet again, and in the doorway stood a woman with her hood covering her brow.
"It's raining outside." she announced, to nobody really, but she was a shy girl.
..."It's raining outside"
The vampire have heard a thin voice.
"Yeah like we don't know" he said to himself.Then his looks turned to the voice's owner. "That'd make a great dinner" he thought. "But not yet.It's still crowded here"
Over by the bar, Halo pulled a wooden stake from her pocket. For reasons only known to her, it had been painted pastle blue and had a bright flamingo pink bow tied around it.
Then she began to sharpen the stake. She began to hum the theme tune to Buffy the Vampire Slayer to herself and thanked her lucky stars than she'd recently consumed a large quantity of extra strong garlic bread.
If the stranger tryed to harm anyone, not only would he find himself resembling a cocktail umbrella, but she'd breath on him too. Very Big Grin Smilie
Dar noticed the tension rising in the Bar.It reminded him of the sun rising on a small hillock...."such a beautiful sight he thought to himself" and then he faded back to reality.
"My friends" he roared as he stood..." we must not bicker and leave let us all sit and talk about the tiny mushrooms and infalteable pineapples and there significance to the world around us.."
Grondy reached under the bar and placed the fingers of his right hand into the openings of the box hidden there in just the order that Gimli had shown him. There was a loud 'Click!' and the box opened revealing a flask of clear water. Pasted on the flask was a label that read:
Use only when our undead patrons get upity
and can not restrain their unnatural urges.
One drop will get their attention,
One ounce will remove an offending limb,
One-half flask will remove the problem.
He thought to himself, ' I hope it doesn't become necessary to use this, because the after-mess is hard to scrub up and Gimli likes his floors unblemished. Besides Vampyr looks like a nice guy; I sure hope he sings before Gimli gets back or there will be real trouble'.
Dar shot a look at Grondy...."His that what I think it is Grondy"
Dar slowly moved closer to the jar
"Is that moonshine? my good friend...go on give us a sip.
'Naw Dar, Gimli's bless-ed moonshine's in that thar quart Mason jar under the sink; this stuff while's almost as blessed, don't have no alky-hol inner an taint fer drinkin,' answered Grondy. 'Yer welcome ta try some from the jar if yud like,' he continued, ' but ya caint haf none o' this.'
Halo looks up from sharpening her stake "Best keep that stuff outta Dar's reach Grondy, I hear it makes people explode!"
"Hmmm...seems like those people don't like vampires" thought the vampire
"I better try to 'socialize' with those people" He stood up and sat next to a drunk
"Hi there Darous!"
Dar turns round..." I prefer to be regarded as a season ticket holders on life's bountious bus of booze..or those for whom a public house is a public home. Now about ye join me for a couple of cold ones bub and maybe a few whiskeys to wet yer whistle.."
"Thank you my friend, but i prefer instead of whiskey." said the vampire "...and what were you saying about your wife?"
Andrea hands Vampyr a nice cold pint of ale , "As my grandpa once said, 'sit down, shut up and drink!' No wine here!"
Grondy walked over to their table, Happy Elf Smilie smiled, put one hand on top of the mug of ale that Andrea offered to Vampyr and with the other he again pointed to the sign over the bar. "Mr. Vampyr sir, how about you please recite a couple stanzus from your fine poem Facade ? Doing that will meet Gimli's requirement and settle this misunderstanding so we can get on with some serious drinking." Alcoholic Smilie
"i remember the day I did some serious drinkin and ye know I've never stopped Hahahahahahaha." laughed Dar
"Oh yeah the missus well what can I say that was the rerason for the drinkin' fine lass that she was but we could never see eye to eye on me enjoyin' time with her sisters....i was only strenghtin' the bonds within the family hahahaha"
The vampire showed his teeth to the old bartender for a second but then he calmed down.
"Fa’ade is not a poem written by me Mr. Grondmaster." he said "It's a song taken from the musical Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, you know that guy who turns into a monster" He showed his teeth again but the he thought himself "I'm new around here and already caused some trouble. I better sing a song and maybe those babblers will leave me alone"
He walked to the stage
"Hey get that spot lights away from me!" He shouted. Then started his sad song ;

I'm over it
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last I see

I hear it fading, I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You feel them finding, always whining
Take my hand now be alive

You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone?

I'm over it
Why can't we be together embrace it?
Sleeping so long taking off the mask
At last I see

My fear is fading, I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You feel them finding, always whining
Take my hand now be alive

After finishing his song, the vampire sat back to his seat, exhausted. "Now i seriously need blood"
"Okay everybody," said Grondy clapping, "give Mr. Vampyr here a hand."

In an aside to the singer he continued, "We have some synthetic blood that we can bring up to body temp for you, or if you can't stomach the stuff, there is a live calf in the barn that probably wouldn't mind sharing a pint with you. But please don't ease your craving on our customers or the people of this fair township."

Then in an ever softer voice he added looking quite grim, "Still, if you must, then at least take precautions. We don't want your infection to spread now, do we?" And as he finished this last bit, which was more of an order than a request, he slid a tankard of ale before the singer and smiling he concluded, "No hard feelings."
"ya know waht grondy i need a shoe and not any shoe oh no the shoe of cheese..." said a slighty intoxicated darous
"ya know i was once a mighty tree and swung all day in the wind and the got cut down and turned into a pencil...." smoke started to rise
"a pencil do you know how many dear john letters I had to write well I'll tell you none....none but thats not the point....."
"Here's a pillow Dar, I'll just lift your head from the table and slip it under, shall I. There, now you can have a little nap and be back in action in an hour or two. Poor young feller out-drank himself again."
"Seems like i'm not gonna get fresh drink here" said the vampire as he walked out of the inn ."I'll just eat out today"
*grondy opened up a cubbard next to the bar and out rolled gimli landing smack in the middle of the inn floor*

ITS ABOUT TIME!!! I've been stuck in here for months!!!! I will definatly have to get that fixed...

now wheres my tankard.. im starved :P
"Here you go boss," Grondy replied as he passed Gimli a tankard of ale, "and I'll rustle you up a plate of stew soon as I can. Oh, by the way, that stair-tread to the back hall is squeaking again, third one from the top of the landing. And the roof in #309 has started leaking in a heavy rain.

Were also down to three kegs of last year's Rushlight's Light Lager. You might want to be laying in some more. Oh, cook said something about taking off next week to visit her aunt in Oatbarton, so you better stick around and do the cooking or find a replacement afore you go off on another bender or get yourself locked up in that there trick cupboard of yours, " he added with a wink.
Quite right grondy! thanx for keeping and eye on things for me. Right.. so we have leaky roof, squeeky step, skimpy ale, and flaky cook.. is that all?

we can handle this.. OK.. a free weeks stay to who ever can handle those jobs for me as im much to busy consuming ale to bother with the work. Big Laugh Smilie
A quick song before heading off to bed....

In the middle of the earth in the land of the Shire
lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire.
With his long wooden pipe,
fuzzy, woolly toes,
he lives in a hobbit-hole and everybody knows him

Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He's only three feet tall
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all

Now hobbits are a peace-lovin' folks you know
They don't like to hurry and they take things slow
They don't like to travel away from home
They just want to eat and be left alone
But one day Bilbo was asked to go
on a big adventure to the caves below,
to help some dwarves get back their gold
that was stolen by a dragon in the days of old.

Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He's only three feet tall
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all

Well he fought with the goblins!
He battled a troll!!
He riddled with Gollum!!!
A magic ring he stole!!!!
He was chased by wolves!!!!!
Lost in the forest!!!!!!
Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!!

Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all

Now he's back in his hole in the land of the Shire,
that brave little hobbit whom we all admire,
just a-sittin' on a treasure of silver and gold
a-puffin' on his pipe in his hobbit-hole.

Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He's only three feet tall
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all
"...a free weeks stay to who ever can handle those jobs for me as im much to busy consuming ale to bother with the work." said the dwarf as the vampire, blood all over his face, entered the inn.
"Hey bartender, where can i wash my hands and face?" he said. Then he turned to the dwarf "Also, i wanna talk to you about that cook position.After i clean up..."
uh.... as long as its edible and you leave my partons alone. Big Smile Smilie
There's a tub, basins, towels and lots of hot water in the washroom down the hall there third door on the left. Mind you clean up after yourself! And don't leave any blood on those towels!

There's a mirror in there too, but I suppose you won't be needing that.

In case you want to sweat a tad bit, there's a sauna across the hall from the washroom.
"where am I" shouted Dar as he fell to the floor and landed in some ol' manky mud.
"right then where was I.....wait first I need more ale Grondy my good man ales all round and more fresh. This other stuff in my pocket is kinda soggy.
SUDDENLY **insert dramatic pause here** Halo drops from the ceiling, where she was hanging spiderlike (spiderman, spiderman, friendly neihborhood spiderman Tra la la la la!) and beats the unfortunate vampire unconsius with a sack of **insert dramatic music here** HANDS! Shocked Smilie
"Haha! Take that you undead fiend! Thats what you get for dripping blood all over the floor!!" yells the tutu wearing, mildly hyper Halo. She turns slowly to face Gimli and Grondy, with a ghastly grin plastered across her face "Well, you said it yourself Grondy. You said to give him a hand once he'd finished didn't say anything about commiting GBH with a sack full of 'em"
Halo hands the sack of...welll...hands to Gimli.
"Don't suppose you can use these in the kitchen can you Gimli?"
As Halo wanders over to the bar, the unconciouse vampire is, for no reason at all, buried alive (or undead if you prefer) under a small mountain of christmas puddings. Halo turns around to gaze on the wonderous site.
"Wow. Guess its that time of year where did I put that christmas tree?"
Halo rumages through her pockets, pulling out all sorts of strange objects (including a hoover, the one ring, a set of paint brushes, the book of the dead and a small yet confused orc!) and, after much searching, she pulls out a large christmas tree, swamped in baulbauls and tinsel.
"Ah! There it is!" Halo grins.
Grondy laughed so hard at Ms. Halo's antics, that he fell off his chair and started rolling on the floor. "Yuck! We better get sombody to shovel out the place Gimli. Either that or rent it out as a pig sty."
Halo watches with a mixture of fasination and horror as Grondy begins to sink into the "floor."
As half of Grondy's body sank into the floor, the Vampyr came back to life from his ashes and jumped over Grondy's head in front of Halo.
"Oh by the way, i forgot to say my mom was a phoenix" Smile Smilie
Quick! Halo, pull me out! I've got your ultimate weapon in my pocket. It's a toothpick; not one of those ivory, silver, plastic, bone, or gold ones, but one that grew on a tree.
I see why I was suposed to watch my head on the way in. Ouch!

Grondy just retrieved and reinstated the first post of this thread which contains the One Rule of this fair establishment.

"So, without further ado, Crystal caves gets to sing for us. Give her an asprin for her head and a hand as the spotlight approaches her."

'HaHaha finally got in' roared darous as he kicked in the door.
' that should cover the door and then some.' as he flung a bag of gold at Gimli.
'now i need ale and plenty of it it be cold out there tonight and them orcs stole all my pipeweed so I'll need a drop of that as well and there a few dead bodies out there if anyone fancys em."
Amari’ enters the inn and emediatly gets a strange sense of Deja Vu, except for Crystal Caves and the gold carrying Darous, the drowning Grondy, the vampire and the call for Baywatch seemed so familiar.
-Oh well, must be a elven pshycic thing. Or a time-loop maybe.

She looks at the flooded floor.
-Oh this is good beer, dark and thick. Didn't notice that the last time err.. nevermind. I'll save you Grondy! Vampires and friendly neighbourhood spider-halforcs with are no good here. It is a very unknown fact that some elves can walk on beer! Especially if you also wear clogs like I do! Oh the other elves laughed at me but I'll show them!

Amari’ chops a branch of Halos large christmas tree, and strolls out on the flooded floor, hands the branch to Grondy and pulls him to shore/the counter. Tadaaaa!!!! Saved!! Who needs that David Hazelnut anyway? Not we!
'so there I was bangin at the door ta get in for a near week and I didn' get in and it was cold I tell ye' darous stopped for a moment to relight his pipe and grab the nearest pint he could find.....
"and then they came from the alleys and the the rooftops, these giants of men and what else was I ta do well.....I tell ye in a minute. Nature calls and all." as darous wanders to the nearest outhouse and leaves grondy quite miffed.
Anatea was sitting already, alone in a corner... she seemed shy and frightened. Her journey had been long and wet.
Grondy goes to the broom closet, opens the door, says a magic word and out march two mops and a brace o' buckets that proceeded to swab out the place and soon they returned to the closet leaving the floor looking spic an span.

"Gimli bought those fellows off a sorcerer whose irresponsible apprentice brought them to life. Took Gimli a fine bit of doing, but once they were trained they sure save us a lot of scutwork," he said to Anatea, giving her a wink. "I haven't seen you around for a spell. There's some towels in that there cupboard," he pointed to the great one built under the stairs, "and there's some blankets in there too, if you want to wrap up and sit by the fire. 'Cause you look kinda like a kitten what's just crawled out of puddle. You want some soup or a hot buttered rum?"
darous entered the outhouse and found something interesting........"now what is this????"as he appraoched a swirling purple mist....."ummm not yer usual loo features I wonder if Gimli had it fitted recently...well ya know what they say whenever in Rohan...." and so he stepped forward and in a flash he was in the broom cupboard just as Grondy was gettin the mop out.
"How did i get here??????"
"Oh, Shucky-darn! Again Gimli forgot to turn off the other portal on the Professor Peabody's way-back machine," said Grondy. "Darous just found management's secret shortcut (the key as it were) to the executive washroom which enables Gimli to visit the loo (john, crapper, outhouse, toilet, ect) without having to go out into the weather on all those cold and stormy nights. If I work here long and hard enough, I also may someday qualify for this privilege." Elk Grinning Smilie
I hear that you can buy a rite nice pint of whiskey here. Lay some on me!
"You want a doggy jar with that pint? Gimli's hard stuff's kinda potent fer drinking a whole pint in one sittin'. 'Round here, folks usually drinks their ale and stout by the pint and their hard stuff by the glass. Or were you planning on drinking your pint off premises?"
Doesn't matter. I plan on getting dogg drunk here anyway. I usually only take shots, but it seems I may need to catch up with yall, and that's gonna take a lot of alcoholl.
Right you are, an here ya go, a pint of Gimil's finest. "Old Balrog's Blaze" It'll put hair on yer chest as it were, so go slow and remember to come up for air until you've got the hang of it. Also better not light your pipe for an hour after your last swollow, lessen you want to singe yer eyebrows.
It's really that strong, hugh? (gulp, gulp,)(ah!) hick! I'm see'n fairies already! hick! How many peopl drink this stuff anywhay. Crazed little buggers, the lot of them.(gulp, whince.) I think I'll come up for air now...
We get dwarves, elves, and vampyrs in here. Quite a coectshun.Hick! I think I need to just sit here a minout. For got sace, it that bloomin vampyr tries to (hick)bite me, just whack 'im one.
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