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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Grondy went to the broom closet, then returned wth a blanket and pillow with which he tried to make the wee sleeping elf a bit more comfortable by replacing her plate of stew with the pillow. He jumped back with a lurch as she snorted once when he started covering her with the blanket, but In the end he got it over her for her protection from the breezes that watfed through the doorway when the tavern's other patrons came in and out.
Thankee kindly, Grondy. Not manny people would do anything like that for me, but probably only because I talk in my sleep.
Ah well that was a blinden sleep...Grondy gives us 10 ales some crispy fried orc toes and some balrog giblests....I'm a bit peckish dont ye know.
Now where did I leave my helmet??????
What do you think Grondy used as a pillow?
"Oh! I thought that was a spitoon.Exploding Head Smilie Here it is; though you might consider taking it out back for an empty and rinse job." Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
Meanwhile Darous, I've rustled up your orc toes and balrog giblests, and here is the first of those pints. Enjoy!

I'll be baaaak.
Giblets and toes hoorah
"...and here's another couple," he said, whisking away the dead one, taking a swipe at the table with is towel, and clunking down the two mugs in one fluid motion. "Have you been staying out of trouble or have they been letting you out at night?"
"well Grondy" muffled darous through a handful of toes....."me and Mr Moppy get a 3 day pass each week so I'll be paintin the mountains red rose tonight. Ain't that right Moppy" as Dar looks glazey eye at the spot beside him.
I wouldn't happen to be moppy would I? Don't ask me questions... Ive a bad hangover from that blasted Balrog Blaze. (not really, but that's ok! Smoke Smilie )
Dar looks to whoever spoke....."sorry but you aint Mr Moppy this is Mr Moppy" and beside Dar was slighty mental cat which like to smoke pipeweed..
"Grondy give this thing some pipeweed but dont let it near yer has a weak bladder"
Your cat looks a little... nervous.
She aint nervous she's just mental aint that right lass.
A dwarf in black and glowing green burst in through the door. Immediately he yelled,
"Hahahahahahaha! I found it! There is plutonium in the mountains! You all laughed at me, but I proved you wrong! HahahahahahahahaCOUGHHACKHACKHACKCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH!"
Later, being a great deal less sober, he sang:

We are the champions!
We are the champions!
I don't know the woooords,
but we are the champions!
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala!" Alcoholic Smilie

The plutonium dwarf then fell asleep drunk,
and since he had been standing up on his stool,
he took quite a tumble, and got a concussion.
Mr Moppy starts to sniff round the dwarf...
Ah grondy best get a mop handy......and with that Moppys weak baldder came into play.
Suddenly the front door is kicked down and a dark and mysterious figure strides into the room.
Orc Smiling Smilie
Wew baby! About time we got a sence of creativity in this drunken abyss. Let's get this party started! Drinks for everyone, my treat.
The vampire was thoughtful in his dark corner.
*Whom should i suck?*
Halo pulls out a chair and whip, lion tamer style.
"Yo, Vampy-Fang-Face! Come anywhere near me with those fangs and I'll bite ya on yer nose!!"
Halo waves the chair, whips the whip (she got it from a shop down the road, run by some orcish fella) and Gnashes her teeth. How she manages to do all of this without spilling her drink we may never know.
"Cheers Ya'll!"
a weary hobbit walks in and the innkeeper asks his name

"Underhill...Mr. Underhill- Oh sorry just used to old habits. My name is Baggins Frodo Baggins."

The innkeeper pointed to the sign

"right the song..." frodo hesitated,"I had a bad experiance at the Prancing Pony a while back when I was singing a song... I.....don't really feel..."

The Innkeeper cut him off "Every once in a while we get a shy one hahaha!! Go ahead it will be fine!!"

Frodo went to the stage and with a beautiful voice he started singing a song he made up with his friends in a bathtub!!! *The innkeeper had his suspicions about the friends bathing together but he let him continue!!

Sing hey! for the bath at close of day
that washes the weary mud away!
A loon is he that will not sing:
O! Water Hot is a noble thing!

He started singing the second verse when he was joined by that Elvis like hobbit! Frodo didn't think he knew him!! How rude to just steal Frodo's addience away!!! But then when he looked at him again he saw that it was Samwise Gamgee!!
"Wait...Elvis hobbit? Sam?" Halo bursts into tears, dropping her chair and drink "I thought Grondy was the Elvis Hobbit! ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE!"
Halo flees the room, crying hystericly, she hides in the celler, but soon floods it with tears.
"Oops...sorry Gimlie..."
I'll buy Vampyre a bloody Mary if he promises not to bite me. How do you like it, O positive?
Maybe AB negative? I'm sure there's something lying around we can squeze dry!( throws a sideways glance ot the radioactive dwarf)
"Now, Crystle Caves. Giving anyone radioactive blood would just be cruel!" Halo's voice drifts up from the celler "I'm sure Gimlies got something out back you can give to Vampy, just ask him."
Oh, it's nice to know that someone really cares. But i have a better idea. Since you two are trying to figure out how i'm gonna feed, why don't you just give me a bite? Just one little juicy bite?
Go on, take it. (Pulls long hair out of way to show neck) Just one, mind you. I need some of it for later. By the by, would this make me a vampire-elf? Is there such a thing?
Star staggers back in after a LONG abscence, and grabbing centre stage sings :

"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"

she blushed and exited quickly....

A drunk walked in and started clapping (Well, trying to, she didn't quite coordinate her hands to hit each other) and slumped ona chair. "Yo, I'm joining this inn, and I want a beer," she said before she fell off her chair.
"Star! Long time no see!" squeels Halo, passing Star a pint before turning to face Loni. "Sorry Loni, Tavern rules layed down by the surprisingly absent Gimli; You wanna drink? You've gotta sing for it."
Halo drags the drunken Loni onto the stage and props her up by the microphone, then she walks off to stand behind the door.
"I'm gonna have to mind the bar for Gimli, since he seems to have dissapeared without a trace. C'mon Loni, sing us some drunken melody and I'll mix you up a bloody mary."
Darous stumbles in the door. Freakin place keeps on throwin me out....Grondy what is the crack here laddie, it's baltic out there and Im only in me underwear it must be a dream...
"Hi Dar."
"Hi Halo is this a dream cause if it is why do you look like the Master Chief and Im very cold...any pants about?"
"mmmmm..a pint... Smile Smilie"

Star drinks it quickly and says : " Barman another and one for yourself" throws some mithril coins on the bar.."IN fact, drinks on me..."

"I heard our short friend has gotten busy at another site "
Yay! I get a drink before the Vampyre! Maybe he can get drunk off my blood if I get enough alcohol in my system? Daqueri, please, that Balrog Blaze shmit is too strong for me.
Darous looks behind the bar for some clothes and all he finds is a pink tutu and yellow wellies.
"This looks too oddly familiar; but Im freezin' here so what the heck." and so Darous dons the tutu once again.
"Grongy give us a stiff drink will ye. It's gonna be a long night
Halo passes out the drinks and manages to find some hospital scrubs under the bar for Dar.
"Here your are Dar, I dare say these are warmer than that tutu." she frowns at the scrubs "I'll advise you not to ask why they've got PROPERTY OF DR ROBERT ROMANO written inside 'em though..."
The strange, mildly orcish girl then jumps up onto the bar, slamming her sword deep into the wood to get everyones attention. She also accidently spears someones hand to the bar, but doesn't notice.
"RIGHT YOU ORRIBLE LOT! YA WANT BOOZE THEN YA SING FOR IT! AND IF YA CAN'T SING THEN YA'VE GOTTA TAKE A TURN ON THAT OUIJI BOARD OVER THERE!!" grinning to herself she points at the old, creepy looking ouiji board before leaping off the bar to refill the little bowls of peanuts and orcs fingers. Halo then sticks a sign to the frount door reading WAITRESS/BARMAID WANTED. APPLY WITHIN.
"I think the last one got eatten." she mutters to a nearby hobbit.
Very Evil Smilie
ouiji boards scare me. I had a bad experience with one once, and I don't intend on making friends with another gost any time soon. I'm willing to sing for a drink, any requests?
"Porperty of who" remarked darous as he looked at the label..."Crikey he was a strange beggar when you come to mention it.." Darous rubs his leg.
"The doc wanted to take off me leg with a haddock or was it a cod. I can't remember but there was something fishy about him.." and on that note Darous fell to the floor laughing
"With a haddock and I thought there was something fishy going on HAHAHAHAHAHHA"
Which continued for several hours
Is that laughing gass I smell? No wonder Dar's laughing himself crazy.
"Definitely laughing gas." said Loni, and the whole room roared with laughter, except of course Loni, because she was a very special dwarf.
Darous rubs the tears from his eye. "I cant believe how funny I am" Grondy give us a brew."
"One pint, coming up. Oh! I suppose he wants one that hasn't been drank yet." Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

And as the mug from the newly tapped keg slides slowly down the bar, Grondy finishes with, "Here ya go Dar." Happy Elf Smilie
"Thank you my friend" smiled Dar as he gulpped it down...."and another if you may god sir and of course have a ween for yer goodself." as he threw down some gold pieces and a rubber band.
Without waiting for to ask Grondy, Loni snatched up the rubber band.

"For my pet quail, chook, duck, turquesan, zebrafinch, and rabbit to play with." said Loni. "And gizza pint, Grondy. Or do i have to call you Grondmaster? And t6he rubber band's mine, so don't bother asking for it. Have you ever tried to verbally fight with a female dwarf? Doesn't work."
Darous turned to Loni and yanked the rubber band from Loni hands...."and have you ever tried takin my rubber band aint worth the hassle"smiled Darous as he drank
Oh, the farmer girl has a crooked smile
and patches and stains on her blouse
and a brade that hangs all the way to her arse
and she live in a tumble-down house

But the farmer girl has a smile in her eye
and she waits for me by the cart
and of all the women I've known and loved
she's the one who stole my heart.
Fea giggled at CC's enchanting song..And gently yelled "Encore!"
An encore! They love me, they really love me!
"Down in front" shouted Dar as he supped his pint "and who brought that cat in"
Halo finaly notices Grondy. "Bwa! Thank the gods your back, there are scary things behind this bar!" She hugs Grondy, then pours a pint for Crystle Caves and takes it over to her. As she passes Dar, Halo picks his pocket for the rubber band and passes it back to Loni. "So Crystle, tell me about this bad experience you had with the ouiji board. You've got me curiouse!"Elf Confused Smilie
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