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Thread: The Khazad-dumish Inn.. Please watch your head coming through the door.

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Okay folks, here's a fresh batch of crispy Red-Hot Balrog Wings ’; anyone need a drink or refill?

And all you first-timers, please remember to read and heed Gimli's sign in the first post of this thread. Happy Elf Smilie
Ice raises her hand. "I would like some of those Balrog Wings, Grondy, and also a mug of Gimli's finest!"


T’rin stumbles into the scene with a pint in each hand. "Dammit get outta my way scene!" He then swaggers around the bar looking for an empty stool... Instead he find more beer and passes out in the corner, his black sword Gurthang resting across his lap; to detour any mischievous hands in his vulnerable state.

after an hour or 4, time flys when intoxicated, Turambar is poked and prodded until he regains consciousness. "Hey you there, didn't you read the sign?"
"ughhh... i don't feel so good...."
"well that's what you get for poisoning yourself, next time cut back on the wobbly pops." lectures the unknown man. "Anyhow the sign said all the new faces must sing a song, I ain't seen you before, and there sure the hell no mistaking you..."
"Sorry guy, didn't see the sign, everything is so blurry.... i'll come back when i get some decent material."

And so T’rin Turambar, stumbles on out the dooryway to fall face first into a mud puddle...
Grondy pops out the door and with the help of the troll, picks T’rin Turambar out of the mud and carries him back into the Inn, where place they tied and hung him on a coatrack which had been placed on the stage. Around T’rin Turambar's neck they hung a placard which stated.
Quote:
WARNING: This could happen to you if you ignore our sign, so DON"T BE A SCAFLAW!!!
A bucket was placed at the feet of our favorite anti-hero that he might not mess up the stage when his tummy tells his mind that it's time to see the light of day. Exploding Head Smilie 'Urp slop, get the mop!'

'Is he's going to stay up there 'til he sings', asked a local bar-fly? 'Yep!' replied Grondy, 'but we'll rig a portable screen when he needs to relieve himself'.
Quote:
Okay folks, here's a fresh batch of crispy Red-Hot Balrog Wings ’; anyone need a drink or refill?


"RED HOT BALROG WINGS!!!!" yelled the dwarf, who was quiet since her last caper till now. "MY ALLTIME FAVOURITE!!!!! GIZ ONE!!!!!" and she galloped to the bar and downed her glass. The troulbe is, REd Hot Balrog Wings have a very strong effect on dwarves. It makes them REALLY drunk. After just half a glass, in fact. so the dwarf was real drunk, and promptly began to jump on the tables and go "LALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAA!!!!" to no apparent tune, and do belly flops onto the floor.
Stoney wonders how Loni managed to drink a crispy Balrog Wing. Big Laugh Smilie

"Oi, watch out for Turin sword, Grondy. That blade keeps inching out of its sheath! We don't need it waving about, cutting up patrons."
"I think that Grondy smushed the Balrog Wings for Loni, as she might be so drunk that she'll forget to chew..." she sipped her ale. "I would like some Balrog Wings, too, O' great Master of Gronds!" she said, grinning.


Most dwarves want their liquor to slide smoothly down their throats. Not Loni though, she wants her's to be stinging sharp, to bite all the way down to her toes. Trouble is, she can't hold her liquor and soon becomes 'Chief Crazy Dwarf' after but a single glass of Your Old Man's Rot-Gut. Next thing you'll know, she'll learn to inhale those Red-Hot Balrog Wings’ and we'll end up having to scrape her off the ceiling. Elk Grinning Smilie
______________________________________________________________________

NOTE: Drinking just to get drunk ain't smart kids! One or two to be sociable is fine with moderation. And for heaven's sake leave your car keys at home and have a sober tea-totaler designated driver or else call your parents for a ride home. Never ride with someone whose drunk, take their keys so they can't drive. The life you save may be yours or mine.
- Here endeth the sermon.
______________________________________________________________________
Pastor Grondy has it right. As for me I can't stand not being in full control of myself. I have no intention of ever drinking such an amount that I would get drunk. I'd rather be myself.

Aside form that I think I've found a dragon wing in your batch of Balrog Wings Grondy,......is that a good thing? Do I get a prize?
Shat-up and eat it Stony, or they'll all want one. (Egads, what does he expect, 'Quality Control' in a dump like this.) Elf With a Big Grin Smilie
A young woman enters the inn. She surveys the inn, sees that the company looks friendly and thinks that it will be alright to stay the eve. She approaches the inn keeper, a nice-looking chap.
"Excuse me, kind sir. Do you have any need for a wench? I have read Sir Gimli's sign. I can barkeep or serve or clean or I can read palms or sing, sir. I'll be no trouble, sir. I'm very handy. I have been travelling long, sir, and I am in need of shelter for a few days or so. That's all I would ask in exchange for my services. My name is Laurel." She bows to him.
Ice waves to the human woman, and says, "Oi! Grondy, I was wondering what else ya had back there to eat, seeing as I might not get any Balrog Wings; it looks like Loni's eaten them all!" She smiles and, turning towards Stoney, pours some hot sauce in his drink. She turns back and sips her drinks the last of her ale.


The dwarf jumped onto the bar, quite intoxicated after drinking some more stolen beer fromt he customers. She lept over to Grondy, and said "MORE BALROG WIGNS!!!!! MORE BALROG WINGS!!!!!!" and ran into the kitchen. She found no balrog wings, having already exhausted the stocks. But she found some really hot looking chillis, and ate them all whole. Then she came back out, chased by the chef, and promptly began breathing fire.
Laurel sees Loni's escapades and thinks this place feels like home. She says to the inn keeper,"See, you need someone to keep the balrog wings coming. And to help pour the ale! May I?"
Grondy locked Loni in the freezer for a couple hour to cool her off and sober her up. Then he whipped up a couple batches of Deep Fried Orc Knuckles and passed them around.

We also have some Young Asparagus Tips with Hollandaise Sauce Served on a Bed of Lettuce.

Okay Laurel, you can stow your stuff in the backroom off the kitchen where you can make your kip. Then after you can sing your song, you can get your drink and a bite to eat. If you're not too tired you can help the cook tonight or start helping him tomorrow afternoon. You can have your mornings off. If things work out, we can talk about a few coppers per week in addition to room and board.
As Grondy finally let Loni out, she was sobered, but was angry that she was so. "I don't want to be sober!!!!" she said. "i want to be DRUNK!!!!" and rushed over to where the Deep-fried Orc Knuckles were, thinking perhaps she could mash them up and then add water, and get drunk. (Some dwarves are very stupid when it comes to knowing whether things can make you drunk or not). She began to cry, seeing that there were none left. However, her eyes brightened when she saw the Balrog Wings and ale. "BALROG WINGS!!! ALE!!!!" she yelled, and grabbed one of each. She promptly began mashing her balrog wings into her ale, and then put some more ale into her glass so that it overflowed. "YO, LAUREL!!!" she yelled. "THE WINGS ARE GREAT!!! HAVE SOME!!!" and downed her glass. Then she fainted, and everyone was relieved.
Look, I leave for a few measily weeks, and you go and have a party without me. (kicks discarded dwarf on the floor) You even brought in Party Harty Marty, and I wasn't here. (pouts)
"Ow!" said the dwarf, who alas! is one of those dwarves who recover quite quickly from fainting. "CRYSTLE!!!!! CAVES!!!!! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NAME!!!!!" she screamed. "Have some mashed balrog wings and ale!!!!" and handed her another glass out her pocket (She had obviously made two and kept some for later) "DANCE ON THE TABLES WITH ME, CC!!!" she yelled, nd jumped up on the tables, pulling CC with her.
Outside the sound of a wagon could be heard. The door opened and Amari’ made her way towards the bar, stepping over pumpkins and circling around a dwarf here and drunk there and a couple of the sheep that were still around. "Ahhh, it's good to be home!" she declared. She stopped in a respectful distance from Grondys zoo and watched Halo Black with a fascinated look and threw her a Uruk Snack. I need to get me one of those, she's kinda cute!

The people nearby gave her an odd look and mumbled something, but Amari’ wasn't listening. She had spotted some new faces and went over to say hello. Grondy went by with a tray of ale, and Amari’ stopped him. "I think I scared your stable boy. He screamed like a little hobbit and ran away. I should have told him that I had replaced my horses, but warges really aren't that bad. They are strong and they eat the same as the Hounds of Helsinki anyway..."
The housecat (or warg, if you happen to be inebriated) makes its way to the bar. Narrowly avoiding being stamped on by a nearby dwarf, she leaps up on the bar and wanders down it, weaving between the glasses and occasionaly stopping to take a sip of somebodys drink, or a bite of their meal.
"BUNNY!" Halo squeals at the top of her voice, shattering a few glasses and exploding a few heads. "There you are! And they mistook you for a warg!? How very rude!" Halo picks up the small, black and white house-cat (or Warg, to the very drunk) and ruffles the fur in the top of its head with her chin. Noticeing that the bar has gone silent and everyone is staring in disbelief, she frowns.
"What? I bought her here with me ages ago and everyone knows I don't go home at shutting time! Plus she protects me from teh weasels!"From somewhere in a dark corner a little voice yells "Thats understandable. But why's it called Bunny!"
Laurel waved to the drunk dwarf called Loni. Then she turned to Grondmaster."Thank ye, sir." She bowed again. "Much too kind, sir. Sir, is it always this loud and crazy in here? I like it very much!" Then she went to the back room by the kitchen to unpack her small sack of belongings, then went to the kitchen to help the cook. She might even get to try out her new Roasted Hide of Warg recipe, she thought...
Stoney slyly switches glasses with Icefangs....

"I say, orc knuckels went out of of fashion ten years ago. Could be the fact that no one could eat one with out throwing up. But a good warg steak would be excellent just now."

Stoney turns and bellows towads the kitchen door. "Oi, Laurel! got and good warg steak recipies? I'd give a hundred mithril for a slab of the meat."
hey i just wanted to appologize if i made some posts within the last 12 hours that were completely uneccessary. I was informed i made 3, non-family orientated posts that were truly uncalled, and i was not under "complete control" at that moment.

i hope you people can forgive me for my rudeness, i'll make sure it doesn't happen again, even though like i said.... last night I had no influence on what i was doing.... it was that damn beer!

p.s. don't worry i'm paying the price for it now, my has this tedious throb in my head, that just won't go away... Sad Smilie
Loni the dwarf pricked up her ears at the phrase "Warg steak." She had never tried it before, and was thinking, perhaps if she mixed THAT with ale, perhaps it could get her even more drunk. (Some dwarves have the luckiness to not have hangovers, and Loni is one of them.) "WARG STEAK!" she cried. "WARGSTEAKWARGSTEAKWARGSTEAK!!!! NOW!!!!!" and downed another glass of ale. Now they would HAVE to have Warg Steak.
"No Laurel, it's pretty tame in here tonight. There have been nights in the past when I've had to turn on the firehose and wash them out into the street just so I could hear myself think."

"Okay, "Bunny" steaks coming up! I hope this wasn't one of your's Amari’," he says after he's whacked it one with his axe, splitting its head wide open. "If it was, it should a stayed in the stable instead of flaunting itself afore my customers. Anyone want a batch of Warg Sweetbreds?"
"WARGSTEAKWARGSTEAKWARGSTEAK!!!!" yelled Loni, and quickly began mashing it with her axe and mixing it with ale. however, it did not make her any more drunk. "NOOOOO!!!!!" she screamed. Then it clicked. Orc knuckles and ale didn't work. warg steak and ale didn't work. Balrog wings and ale didn't work. But perhaps Orc knuckles, warg steak, balrog wings AND ale would!!!! "ORCKNUCKLESWARGSTEAKBALROGWINGSALE!!!!" she screamed.
"Roasted Hide of Warg here, I'll bring it around." Laurel went first to the Drunk Dwarf Loni, then to Sir Stonehelm, then to everyone else who wanted any. She then filled up everyone's mug with their drink of choice, turned to Amarie and said,"Don't worry, it's not one of yours, miss." Then, turning to Grondy asked "Now should I sing my song, sir? For you told me sir, that each one here should sing a song, right now?"
Ice drank down the rest of her glass and screamed. "Ahh!!! Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-HOT!" She ran around the tavern, screaming -HOT!!!!-. She jumped over the bar and put her head under a keg of ale. She tossed some coins to Grondy and turned the nozzle on the keg on, and drank as much as she could without choking on it. After a few minutes, she turned off the keg, threw some more coins to Grondy and staggered around the bar. She went to sit in a chair, and missed, landing flat on her back on the floor. "Mary had a little lamb! It's hooves went -clippy-clop-! Icey saw the little lamb! AND MADE HIM INTO LAMBCHOPS!!!" she screamed into the ceiling at the top of her lungs.

Amar’ looked at the dwarf with raised eyebrows. "I have an empty cage in my wagon, Grondy. Let's put her in there for a little while, 200 years or so, til she calms down a bit?" Then she turns to the new girl.

"Anyway! Hi, I am Amari’. I am a trainer of beast and monsters, got a few of them in my wagon outside and the troll by the door is one of mine. Isn't he charming? And I just closed a major deal with some guy named Peter Jackson, he wanted orcs and trolls and a balrog and wargs... I am over the moon! Sorry, just had to tell someone. Please, sing us your song. I would love to hear it!"
"Umm, Amarie? That troll of yours is trying to chase down the patrons' horses. And I think it is already to late for one. There seems to be a horse shoe hanging out of your troll's mouth."

Turns to Laurel.

"Fine warg you prepared! Reminds me of the old days when I led a raiding party into the Misty Mountains. We gathered enough meat to feed our clan for the whole winter!"
Amari’ shrugs. "Gimli is the one who hired him, he is responsible for keeping him safe, fed and out of trouble, not me. And I've got the papers to prove it. I'm sure he just wants to play."
"Mmmmmmm. Waaaaarg steeeaaaaaaaks." Halo drooled over the bar, placing her order before the cook ran out of fresh warg.
"Mew!" meowed Bunny in agreement, compleatly unawair that if she wanted a warg steak she was gonna have to pay for it herself, as Halo only had enough cash for one steak. And she wasn't very keen on visiting the bank for more as her bank was run by a balrog and staffed entirly by goblins. Ugh!
"Thank ye, sir." Laurel bowed to Stonehelm.

"Pleasure to meet ya, Miss Amarie." She bowed. "I like your troll, he looks like he could raise a row if needed, to be sure."

Then she mounted the bar, stood atop it and sang out,

"Me mother she's a gypsie,
me father he's a preist
they met in an old tavern,
the rest comes down to me.
Hello, good friends and neighbors,
wherever your feet have been,
we'll drink 'till drunk and then we'll stay
in the Khazad-Dumish Inn!
"

As she belts out the last line, she slips off the bar and falls down, face-first.
Ice still lays on the floor, very drunk and enjoying it very much. She claps and whistles for Laurel's song, saying, "Great job, new friend of mine! I'm, I'm uh," she paused and looked at the door, "Oh yeah! I'm Icefangs! You could call my Ice or Icey if you like!" After this she stumbled to her feet and back to her stool at the bar. She sat down, glared in the general direction she thought Stoney was in, which just happened to be the wrong way and she ended up glaring at a fencepost out the window Ha Ha Ha Smilie, and promptly pounded her head into the bar in a dead faint.


Etharion laughed at his drunk friends. He wasnt drinking anything alcoholic. He didnt like being drunk. "Come one Ice go freshen yourself up in the water barrel. You look like a zombie!!"
And the dwarf noticed Eth wasn't drunk. "YOU'RE NOT DRUNK!!!" she shouted. "COME AND BE DRUNK!!!!" and she soaked his face with some balrog wings and ale. (She hadn't added the Warg Steak and orc knuckles yet). "NOW I HAVE TO START OVER AGAIN!!!" she shouted. "BALROG WINGS ORC KNUCKLES WARG STEAK ALE!!!!" and promptly jumped over the bar and ran into the kitchen, a little impatient that the warg steak wasn't quite done yet.
Stoney slips dwarven anti-alcohol pills into Loni's drink. And for good measure he drops a few into Icy's steaming mug.

"A toast everyone! Drink up!"

"Don't mind if I do!" Amarie emptied her ale. "Ahhh... good stuff." Then she looks at Icey. "Aww... Poor little woolf pup... Look she is sleeping of the alchohol. Isn't that cute?" She looks at Laurel. "She is half elf, but don't hold that against her. Not her fault. Nice puppy."
Ice blinked. Her ears perked as the word 'puppy' passed through them. She slowly lifted her head, and, shaking it, drank some of the hot water that had been sat in front of her. She felt much better all of the sudden and looked at Eth, grinning. Her hair was acting very wildly, and it's red ends were stuck out in every which direction, like she had been shocked. She jumped up, ran to the water barrel, and plunged her head deep inside it. She walked back to the bar, and shook her hard, to make sure everyone near her got wet, and looked at Amarie, "Very nice to see you again, Amarie. So, what brings you this way once more?"


And a very nice song it was Ms Laurel. Here's your tankard of Gimli's Finest, I suggest you nurse it as it is much more enjoyable if you relish the long lasting bouquet and flavour. Happy Elf Smilie
"Oh, thank ye, Sir! I have heard many a fine tale about this very good ale, not to be a poet, Sir! Don't worry about me pacin' myself, though, sir, because I hold my liquor very well, you see I am from a town that raises their babes on the stuff! So cheers to you, Grondmaster, sir. And CHEERS TO THE COMPANY!" Laurel shouted out to the busy crowd. "Who needs more ale or warg steaks or orc knuckles?"
"I'm sure that Loni wants some!" Ice yelled, after refusing a mug of ale. She waited until Eth had turned around, talking to someone, then she poured some hot sauce in the mug of whatever Etharion was drinking. She turned back around, and ordered some water, which she turned purple with food coloring, to make sure Eth didn't do the same thing that Stoney did.


Etharion accidentaly caught a whiff of the hot sacue in his drink, so he pretended to drink it. When he saw nobody was watching, he poured the mug into his sleave!! This was probably by him before because there was no sign of leaking from his sleave. A wizards robe has many uses Elf With a Big Grin Smilie .He then drank on, showing no effect from the hot sauce.
"Ahh, Etherion? There seems to be something leaking from the toe of your boot."

"Oi, Icy, did that full moon bother you to much the other night? You didn't go out and ravage villagers did you?"



"Heheh. No their isnt." he said, ignoring the puddle at his feet.Dang, he'll have to warn his tailor about this. "What do you mean by >ravage<, Stoney? he said wih a laugh.
Icey grinned. "No, not much ravaging the other night, though I did scare a few little kids, all that 'All Hallows Eve' and stuff. They thought I wanted to eat them! All I wanted to know was if they could point in the direction of the nearest blacksmithes'. I told a friend I'd find him a good sword, and he finally pestered me into looking right then. You should never visit a friend when he wants something from you..." she said sipping the purple water, which had started to smell strangely alcoholic.

"Besides, it wasn't a full moon for long, then, it was covered by clouds in a good ten minutes. Hate it when a beautiful full moon is covered with clouds, stops up a good time of scaring people. They all think I'm a werewolf or something, too bad it don't work on non-full moon nights..." she contiued. "Some-AHH!" she jumped up, yelping and clutching her foot. "I think there's an acid leak in your floor Grondy, something's coming through and it just tried to eat my foot!" she said.


Laurel came out of the kitchen after serving the rest of the faire to the tavern patrons carrying thick glass mugs full of a very dark brown ale.
"This here ale is the brew of me hometown. I made a fresh batch for ye all last eve, but was interrupted by some doggish looking thing. Shook me up a bit, too. But 'ere it is, drink up! And a nice root beer for all ye no drinkers." She scuttled around the busy room, serving the brew.
"What is that smell, I say? Rather strong like peppers." She sneezed on Loni accidentally. "Oops, sorry love."
Grondy doned his white sequined outfit, fake sideburns and wig, picked up his guitar, jumped on the stage. He took the mike and said, "I dedicate this next number to Icefangs, who shouldn't take it personal." Elf With a Big Grin Smilie

And then he gave out with:
Quote:
You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.

Well, you said you were high-class; that was just a lie.
Well, you said you were high-class; that was just a lie.
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.

I say yeah!

Dalmatian, doberman, chihuahua-huahuahua
Boxer, scotty, beagle, collie, poodly-doodly-doodly-doo,
A husky, no, no, you ain't no pekinese!

Good dog, bad dog, up girl, down, boy!
Sit! roll over on the ground, boy!
Doggy style! Heel! On your knees, boy!
Chow-chow, Lorne Greene sees your fleas, boy!
Hey, Mr. Canine, hop that gravy train.

You're like Snoopy, you're like Goofy,
You're like Astro, you're like Pluto,
I said you're like Scooby-Doo, and Marmaduke,
And Rin-Tin-Tin, and Toto too.
You're like Lassie, Checkers, and Huckleberry Hound!

You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.

Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.

Thank you, thank you.
AR-37 JUMPS ONTO THE BAR, WITH LONGER HAIR AND A BANDANA AROUND HIS HEAD, AND STARTS SINGING............
Quote:
Whiskey River, take my mind
Don't let a memory talk to me
Whiskey River, don't run dry
You're all I got, take care of me
I'm drowning in a Whiskey River
Bathing my memory's mind in the wetness of its soul
Feeling the amber current flowing from my mind
To warm an empty heart you left so cold
Ice grins, saying, "Thank you very much, Grondy! That truly touched me!" She dramatically wipes a tear from her eye. "Let me tell how that last part should go..." She repeats the last line of Grondy's song, except at the very end, instead of 'mine' she howls, really long and somehow on key.


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